by Alex Brown
A little while later, Hettie returned with a battered, musty old book under one arm.
‘Here it is dear. The Ladies’ Manual of Politeness & Good Conduct by Florence Wetherill. Published in 1932. Look, it even has the note still inside from Winnie,’ she said, holding out a faded, folded letter. After carefully opening the letter, Hettie read Winnie’s words aloud.
Dearest Hettie,
Be sure to treasure this book always, for it will stand the test of time.
Your friend,
Winnie
April was in the kitchen stirring an enormous pot of chopped apples on the Aga, making her aunt’s sauce – luckily Edie had remembered the recipe as if she had last made it only yesterday – when there was a knock on the front door. Edie, who was sitting on a chair at the kitchen table, went to see who it was before returning to announce, ‘Winnie dear, you have a gentleman visitor.’
April smiled and wiped her hands on a tea towel before walking over to her aunt and giving her a kindly hug. The last few days had been quite confusing for Edie, with her seemingly in a constant muddle with limited moments of lucidity, apart from recalling the sauce recipe, which was why it felt quite extraordinary that she could remember it after all these years. But April had long given up on correcting her aunt, although she had put in a call to the doctor’s surgery, and after a chat to Dr Ben – as all the villagers called him, according to Molly – he was coming later to see how Edie was getting on.
April went into the tiny hall and saw Matt with his head ducked down to avoid colliding with the low beams. His treacle-black curls were falling into his eyes and the moody, brooding look from that day in his van at the roadside was firmly set in place on his face. Bella was hovering apprehensively behind him.
‘Come in. Please. It’s lovely to see you both. Let’s go into the sitting room … the ceiling is a little higher in there.’ April smiled at Matt, and after swiping his hair away, he lifted his eyebrows in thanks. But didn’t say a word.
‘Shall I put the kettle on, dear?’ Aunt Edie called from the kitchen.
‘Yes please, Aunty,’ April replied, before turning back to her guests. ‘Please make yourselves comfortable,’ she gestured to the Dralon settee, ‘I’ll just give my aunt a hand with making some tea … or would you prefer coffee?’
‘Thanks, but we’ll not hold you up,’ Matt said quickly, and quite monosyllabically. ‘We’re here to apologise.’ He flashed a glance at Bella who was twisting the handles of an old plastic carrier bag around her fingers. She didn’t look up.
‘Oh, um … that really isn’t necessary. And please, there’s no need to rush off. I’ll make us some tea. I shan’t be a second.’ And April scooted next door into the kitchen to see what Edie was doing and to make sure she wasn’t filling the kettle with milk, like she had last night. They had laughed about it afterwards, figuring it was no big deal, and April had quite fancied a mug of warm milk with a pinch of nutmeg on top before she had gone to bed in any case.
‘Are you OK, Aunty?’ April asked, pleased to see Edie had the kettle under the tap and was filling it with water.
‘Yes dear. Come to check on me, have you?’ she chuckled, before popping the lid on and placing the kettle on the Aga to boil.
‘No, no … you seem to be doing just fine without me,’ April fibbed, and the two women exchanged knowing smiles.
‘Well, what are you doing hiding out here in the kitchen then? I might be losing my marbles but I can still keep an eye on a pot of apple sauce while putting the kettle on,’ Aunt Edie said, covertly, in a low voice. And then after stepping closer to April, she added, ‘That devilishly handsome gentleman is waiting in there for you. Send the girl out to me for a biscuit if she’s in the way!’
‘AUNTY!’ April’s cheeks flamed. ‘He’s not waiting for me … well, not like that,’ she swiftly added under her breath before turning away. ‘And the girl is his daughter.’
‘Daughter? Where’s her mother then?’ Edie frowned.
‘She’s gone away, Aunty,’ April whispered now, in case Matt and Bella were listening. It wouldn’t do for them to hear her gossiping, and besides, she only knew the scant details that Harvey had proffered and April had a feeling that his perception of events could very well be skewed. He didn’t strike her as the kind of guy to consider the whole picture when it came to a relationship breakdown.
‘Oh, he’s a widower!’ Aunt Edie’s eyes lit up, but before April could correct her, she continued, ‘Well then my dear, he’s perfect for you.’ And Aunt Edie actually hummed a jaunty little tune as she picked up the biscuit tin, pushed it into the crook of her elbow and then pulled off the lid with her free hand. ‘I’ll put out the best biscuits on to a plate. The Viennese Whirls. Yes, you won’t want to bother him with the boring Rich Teas … or he’ll never come back.’
And April waited, speechless, as her elderly great aunt artfully fanned a swirl of Viennese Whirls on to one of her best china plates with the sole intention of impressing Matt, who she had obviously concluded was the perfect suitor for her great niece, or was it sister? April wasn’t entirely sure … she could very well be Winnie right now, as far as her aunt Edie was concerned.
*
‘So what do you reckon, Bells?’ Matt gently nudged Bella in the side with his elbow, then quickly added, ‘Sorry, Bella,’ before grinning and flicking his eyes to April who was sitting in an armchair opposite them. She smiled discreetly, admiring the way Matt was with Bella. It couldn’t be easy being a single dad to a teenage girl, but he seemed to be taking it all in his stride; he was being fairly talkative, animated even, which was in stark contrast to earlier today and the time April had first met him at the roadside. And she rather liked this version of him. Gone was the mute, brooding, moodiness and in its place a charismatic, relaxed and caring man sat on Edie’s Dralon settee next to his daughter … and those eyes. April was struggling to keep her own from staring. It was bizarre, the way Matt’s magnificently moss-green eyes bore into her, as if looking right into her soul. It was disconcerting and spine-tingling, all at the same time, and April wasn’t entirely sure how she should feel about it. So for now, she pushed the conundrum away, figuring it might just be easier than analysing all over again as she had when Harvey had asked her out …
They had been chatting for the last ten minutes, mainly with Matt saying sorry and that he would foot the bill for any damage Bella had caused, to which April said she wouldn’t dream of taking his money and, besides, there was no damage – if anything Bella had made improvements to the gypsy wagon, which it turned out, via Aunt Edie, had been at the back of the big orchard since before she was born. April had then reiterated that Bella was welcome to come to the orchard whenever she liked … though not during the school day of course. This was punctuated by a begrudging apology from Bella, followed by a more enthusiastic thank you when prompted by Matt, at which point April had asked if she would like to try out the knitting group.
‘Old habits and all that – you used to love being called Bells.’ Matt shrugged.
‘Yeah, when I was like five,’ Bella huffed and rolled her eyes. April opened her mouth in an attempt to make peace between the pair, but was then surprised when Matt promptly folded his arms and pretended to sulk. He even pushed out a petulant bottom lip after doing an enormous sigh.
‘DAAAAAD. What are you doing? Stop it. You’re sooooo embarrassing.’ Bella rolled her eyes and shoved him sharply in the ribs. And then, after trying very hard not to, she cracked up. And then April, unable to resist, joined in and laughed too. As did Matt. And then Edie, having heard them all from the kitchen, came into the sitting room and started chuckling as well, even though she had no idea what they were laughing about.
Eventually, Matt was the first to compose himself.
‘Anyway, we’ve taken up enough of your time, April, we best get off now. And yes, my daughter,’ he paused momentarily to make sure he got it right this time, ‘Bella … would love to go to the knitting group.
’ He winked, nodded and mouthed ‘thank you’ to April, which made her cheeks flush momentarily. She studied the pattern on her tea cup, unable to make eye contact with him. It was weird, thrilling almost, the way he made her feel.
‘But Dad …’ Bella gave him a sideways glance and then clammed up.
‘What is it, love?’
‘I won’t know anyone there.’ Silence followed. And then she quickly added, ‘Will you come with me?’ Bella turned to April.
‘Oh, um …’ April started, taken aback, looking quickly at Matt and then back to the tea cup. ‘I’m not sure, I—’
‘April’s busy, sweetheart. I’ll drop you off and pick you up. It’ll be fine,’ Matt tried, but Bella was having none of it. She resumed the twisting of the carrier bag round and round her fingers, her face contorting with anxiety.
‘Please April. We could go together … it’ll be much better with you there,’ Bella pleaded. A short silence followed.
‘Oh, um … sure, OK then,’ April eventually said, desperately ignoring the swirl in the pit of her stomach as she figured it might be all right. And, having promised the girl, she could hardly back out at the last minute. And then, who knows, perhaps she’d feel inclined to get out her knitting of an evening in front of the telly. Yes, building up to it, baby steps, was absolutely the way to go! And she did have the new needles and three balls of that gorgeous fuchsia pink yarn from Hettie’s House of Haberdashery – she had bought it on the way out, unable to resist.
‘Brilliant!’ Bella’s eyes lit up.
‘Wonderful,’ April said, standing up as she put the cup back on the tray, and sounding far more resolute than she felt inside. Matt and Bella stood up too.
‘Please can I see the horses before we go?’ Bella asked. ‘I’ve brought some grated carrot, it’s the only thing they like.’ And she opened the carrier bag and held it out to show April.
‘Wow! This must have taken you ages to grate,’ April said, impressed. There were at least a couple of kilos’ worth of carrots inside the bag.
‘Dad helped me!’ Bella said boldly. Ahh, well that was very thoughtful of him … but why the constant gear change? The enigmatic behaviour? April didn’t get it – one minute Matt was the kind and caring dad, then the other … mysterious and mute, bordering on indifference.
‘Then my thanks to both of you. This is perfect for them. Soft and easy to eat.’
‘Is that the problem with them, then? Rotten teeth, or most likely not been floated in years,’ Matt asked, concern clouding his chiselled face. ‘Bella has told me all about them.’
‘Floated?’ April frowned. The vet had mentioned that, but she couldn’t remember what it meant. She had been so ashamed that poor Darby and Joan had got into such an appalling state that she hadn’t taken it all in when he was examining them. Of course, her aunt wasn’t to blame, she had enough to deal with just trying to remember what month it was half the time. No, April blamed herself. If she had visited her aunt more frequently then perhaps she would have spotted the horses before now.
‘Yep. Horses’ teeth don’t stop growing so they have to be floated … you know, trimmed, the sharp corners shaved off. Much like humans, horses need regular dental checks.’
‘Yes, the vet explained that some of their teeth were rotten and infected, which is why they weren’t eating properly, so in turn weren’t getting enough nutrition to stay healthy, so they’ve now ended up with all sorts of health problems, affecting their coats and suchlike.’ April glanced away.
‘That’ll be why they have sores then.’ Matt tutted and shook his head. ‘And I bet they’ve not seen a farrier in years. Take it the vet inspected their hooves?’ and the tenderness and humour he displayed from earlier seemed to have vanished now, only to be replaced with a cloud of what April feared could very well be disgust.
‘Um. Yes, he did, and yes, you’re right … But their teeth have been treated now and the vet is going to visit regularly to administer some medicine and keep an eye on them.’ April took a deep breath. ‘And we’ve moved them into the old barn – there’s a section that has been fenced off to make a kind of stable area for them. The vet said Darby and Joan will be much more comfortable in there, out of the sun, until they’re feeling better and then they can go back into the orchard as long as there is a shaded place for them …’ And the pickers had already cleared one of the smaller orchards of fruit, thankfully, so the upfront payment from the organic cider producer had come at just the right time to cover the vet’s bill, which as Harvey had predicted was indeed extortionate. And there was still the cost of having a proper stable built for Darby and Joan to shelter in should they need to, not to mention their ongoing upkeep – horses were expensive. But April figured it was worth it, if only to ease her conscience at having let her aunt down.
‘Mind if I take a look at Darby and Joan?’ Matt asked, rolling up his sleeves to reveal the intricate tattoos again. They really were a work of art, and gave him quite an interesting and exciting edge, thought April, sneaking a look. Like the time Nancy had shown her a picture of a topless Tom Hardy, and April had never really been one for tattoos on men, but had to admit that he did look ‘hot’, as Nancy would say …
‘Sure. Please do, if you have time,’ April said to Matt, trying really hard not to stare at his arms now, and no, she most definitely shouldn’t be wondering if the rest of his body had tattoos on. Certainly not. She coughed to clear her throat and instead busied herself with clearing the tea cups back on to the tray.
‘He has the time,’ Bella grinned, glancing at her dad and then at April. ‘My dad is really good with horses,’ she added proudly.
‘Wonderful!’ April said, not even daring to look at Matt. She was perplexed at how flustered she now felt. ‘Shan’t be long. I’ll catch you up,’ she managed, backing out of the room with her face fixed firmly on the tray. It had been a long time since she had felt like this. A spark ignited. Like a switch had been flicked on within her, bringing her body alive. For the last years of Gray’s life, sex hadn’t been possible and so April had inadvertently closed off that part of herself. They had still been intimate, she had made sure of it as she wanted him to feel loved and she had wanted something physical to hold on to after he was gone, but it happened in other ways. Cuddling up to Gray in bed – he had said he loved feeling her body spooned around him, it made him feel safe, normal, a welcome moment of respite. Then holding his hand and stroking his face towards the very end, she had wanted to feel close to him, savour the scent of his skin, the warmth of his chest against her cheek as she lay listening to his heartbeat, sometimes willing it to keep going, other times wanting to scream out loud in anger and frustration. Blame it for taking him from her prematurely. Cutting his life short so he’d never get to do all the things that he loved any more, or see Nancy and Freddie get married perhaps, have families of their own, grandchildren – all of it was snatched away from him. But that was the past, and April felt that she had come a very long way in working through her grief, especially since being here at Orchard Cottage, even starting to feel a new sense of normal, as she had once before after losing her parents. A recalibration. Not getting over Gray as such, that wasn’t it. No, she didn’t think that would ever happen, but more that she was learning to live without him – she must be if her interest in other men was being piqued. She had never so much as considered another man when Gray was alive. But why then did she have a sense of reluctance, a niggle, a feeling of foreboding even? She couldn’t quite put her finger on it – it was as if there was still another peak on the rollercoaster of grief to get over, before she could truly let go and find a new place in her life for Gray … and move on.
April took a moment for herself as she went through to the kitchen and cleared the contents of the tray into the old-veined Belfast sink to wash up later. Then, after settling Edie down for a little snooze, she put the pot of apple sauce on the side to cool and turned off the Aga, before going out to join Matt and Bella in the barn.
>
One foot in front of the other. She said it inside her head, over and over like a mantra. It was an old habit that had seen her through the most difficult of days and for some reason it felt strangely comforting now, even though today was actually a good day.
On reaching the barn, April was shocked to feel her eyes pricking with tears, just as they had in Hettie’s shop. She bit down hard on her bottom lip and pushed her hand into her jeans pocket to draw strength from Gray’s Swiss Army knife, which she had taken to keeping with her at all times now.
And then she got it! That feeling inside. There in the pit of her stomach. Lingering. She felt guilty. Guilty for feeling happy. Without Gray. And potentially being happy with somebody else … a date with Harvey would sure be fun, he’d flirt and flatter her if nothing else. And what about her attraction to Matt? And she was growing fond of Bella. She had enjoyed being with them both in the sitting room. It had felt cosy, laughing and fooling around, and she wanted to have more moments like that.
To be perfectly honest, she felt content at Orchard Cottage. The simplicity of her life here. Collecting the eggs for breakfast. Pottering around the cottage. Doing business with the cider producer. Picking apples for the sauce. Playing rummy of an evening with a large snowball in hand. Chatting to Molly whenever she went up to the village. She felt at home. And Aunt Edie had been right. Because April really felt happy. Happier than she had in a very long time. She was healing. And all she had to try to do now was to work through this feeling of guilt. It was as if a Pandora’s box had been opened and there was no closing it, whether she wanted to or not … April took a big breath and pressed her palms up to her cheeks as if to steady her thoughts before wandering into the barn with a big smile on her face.
And sure enough, Bella was spot on! Matt was indeed ‘really good’ with horses. It was actually quite something to watch him. In the afternoon sun, the barn provided some welcome shade, with only a shard of sunshine beaming through a hole in the roof like a spotlight on to the horse-whisperer show unfolding before April’s eyes. Flecks of dust flickered all around, the smell of hay warm and evocative of the long, lazy, hazy days of summers gone by when she had been a young girl, carefree and content. April’s breath caught in her throat. She pushed up the sleeves of her T-shirt, not remembering it being this hot last time she was here in the barn.
