Mary ducked, but it was too late. He struck her across the shoulders with a loud whack. She lifted her arms in order to protect herself, but the strap came down hard against her outstretched hand. She cringed as a large, red welt quickly appeared. I will not cry out, she told herself. I must not let him think I am weak.
A vein on Jim’s neck bulged, and his breathing became heavy and labored as he cursed and threw her to the floor. There was no time to block the blows. His foot connected heavily with Mary’s fragile ribs, and he pelted her several more times with the strap.
She groaned heavily but did not cry out. Her days of abuse among the Blackfeet had toughened her mind as well as her body.
The hair on Thunder’s body stood straight up, and he growled. Jim cursed again and kicked the dog in the rump. “Shut up, cur! This ain’t none of your business!”
The dog yipped and slowly retreated to the fireplace. Jim reached down and grabbed one of Mary’s braids, yanking her roughly to her feet. He buried his face in her neck, and pulled roughly at her doe-skin dress with his large callused hands.
“I kill you!” she screamed. Her fists pounded against his muscular chest. She would not let him take her by force. Not without a fight.
“Oh, ya will, huh? We’ll just see about that!” he roared.
Mary swallowed hard as a wave of nausea curdled her stomach. The mountain man was much stronger than she, and he’d been drinking the crazy firewater. If he really wanted to take her by force, there was little she could do about it.
She breathed a sigh of relief when he released her, but when she realized he’d lost his balance and was about to fall on top of her, she rolled quickly to one side.
Jim fell in a heap on the floor, passed out in a drunken stupor.
Mary stood quickly, staring down at him with disgust. He could lie there the whole night for all she cared. Looking over at Thunder, the dog returned her gaze and whimpered. It made her wonder how many times he’d been abused by his master.
She scampered quickly up the steps that led to her place of solitude. From childhood, she’d been taught to be strong in the face of adversity. Why did she feel so weak now? She had tried to be brave and hadn’t let Jim see her fear, but the beating had been severe, making her wish she had never been born.
As Mary reached the last rung on the ladder leading to her loft, she paused and drew in a deep breath. Nothing mattered anymore. Life was empty and meaningless. She no longer had her Nez Percé pride.
Mary’s thoughts were halted when Jim drew his finger gently across her cheek. “Can ya forgive me for bein’ so hard on you, Mary?”
She swallowed hard, letting her gaze meet his. This was a side of Jim she hadn’t seen before. In the year they’d been married he’d never apologized for anything. “I … I forgive,” she murmured.
He pulled her into his arms and gently patted her back. “I threw out all my liquor last night when you were asleep, so there won’t be none around to tempt me again.”
Mary breathed a sigh of relief. As long as Jim kept true to his word, there would be no more beatings.
“From now on, I’m gonna try and be a better husband to ya,” Jim added, continuing to pat her back.
“I be good wife to you, as well,” she said, leaning her head against his chest.
“You already are, Mary. You’ve been a good wife since the day you became Mrs. Jim Breck. Now, let me help ya gather that wood.”
As Amanda sat in the wooden rocker near the fireplace, holding Little Joe, she found herself wishing she had a child of her own. If she’d married Nathan, as planned, she could be expecting by now.
She stroked the baby’s soft cheek. His hair was dark, but it was too soon to tell if he would take after his father or mother.
Buck stirred from his mat nearby, and Amanda stopped rocking, fearful of waking him. She sat still several seconds, until she was sure he was still asleep, then resumed rocking the baby.
A few minutes later, Buck sat up and yawned.
“I’m sorry if I woke thee,” Amanda said. “Was it the creaking of the rocking chair?”
He shrugged his broad shoulders. “I’m not sure what woke me, but it’s okay. I’ve slept long enough.”
“How art thou feeling?”
“I’m stiff, sore, and hungry,” Buck said, stretching his arms overhead. He winced. “Ow! Guess I wasn’t ready for that.”
“Thou hast every reason to be sore.”
“Yeah. I’m lucky to be alive.”
“Would you like me to fix thee something to eat?” she asked.
“Naw, I can wait. Don’t wanna interrupt what you’re doin’ there.” He stared at her curiously, then eyed Little Joe. “Did Mary have her baby?”
Amanda nodded. “She gave birth to her son shortly before Jim found thee by the stream.”
“Guess I’ve been too out of it to know what was goin’ on. How long have I been here?” he questioned.
“Three days.”
Buck whistled. “I don’t remember much about anything.”
“Thou hadst a fever, but it broke last night. It’s the first time thou slept without throwing the blankets off.” She sighed. “I was able to sleep better, too.”
“What do ya mean? Have you been keepin’ an eye on me at night?”
“Jim and I have taken turns,” Amanda answered. “With thy fever raging, we didn’t think it would be good for thee to be alone.”
“I appreciate that.” Buck pulled his legs up to his chest and smiled. “You look kinda natural, holding that baby.”
Amanda’s cheeks warmed.
“So how come you’re not married?”
She looked down at the infant in her arms and said quietly, “I had planned to marry a man once, but things did not work out.”
“Oh, I see.”
Amanda was glad Buck hadn’t asked why. She didn’t want to talk about it. Especially with someone she barely knew. “I’ll put the baby down and fix thee some breakfast.”
“Thanks. I am kinda hungry.”
“If thine appetite is returning, that is a good sign.”
“Yeah, I suppose.”
Amanda went to the bedroom and placed Little Joe in the wooden cradle Jim had made. When she returned to the other room, she found Buck sitting at the table.
“You’re not still thinkin’ about goin’ to the Spalding Mission, are ya?” he asked.
She nodded. “I will be on my way as soon as I find a guide.”
He shook his head vigorously. “Now’s not a good time to be travelin’.”
“Why not?”
“We’ve had a lot of rain this spring, and the rivers are still swollen. If you’re set on goin’, you’ll need to wait till the middle of summer.”
“If I agree to wait until then, wilt thou take me?” she dared to ask.
Buck sat staring at the table. Slowly he raised his head and said, “I’ll give it some thought.”
Amanda smiled. “I appreciate that.” She didn’t know if Buck might reconsider because he really wanted to take her or if it was because he felt grateful for the care she’d given him. Either way, she hoped and prayed that he would eventually agree, because deep in her heart she felt that he was the man God had chosen to be her guide.
CHAPTER 19
Three days later, Buck was up and about, although moving slowly due to the pain he still felt from his wounds. The trauma left him feeling like he’d been stampeded by wild horses. Jim had cautioned Buck not to do too much, saying he was still in danger of ripping open the stitches on some of his larger wounds. But that was easier said than done. Sore as he was, Buck was getting antsy, and he didn’t like feeling useless.
After breakfast, Jim had gone out to feed the livestock and chop some wood. Buck had wanted to help out, but Jim had said no, insisting that Buck take it easy because he looked like he hadn’t slept well.
‘Course I didn’t sleep well, Buck thought as he sat in a chair on the porch, watching Jim do all the work. Buck w
asn’t cut out to sit around. He’d kept busy working since he was a boy. But then, living with Silas Lothard, he’d no choice. It was either work or be beat.
Thunder lay at Buck’s feet, with his head between his paws, watching Jim as he moved around the yard. Buck grimaced and massaged his pulsating forehead. Just thinking about the injustices he’d suffered at the hand of that evil so-called stepfather made his blood boil. He hated Silas and was glad he was dead. A man like that didn’t deserve to live. Buck needed to do something, anything, to keep busy and to prevent himself from remembering those days of living under Silas’s rule.
Still in his bare feet, Buck rubbed his soles over the dog’s back. “Life isn’t fair, is it, ol’ boy?”
Looking up at Buck as though he understood, Thunder wagged his tail, thumping the porch floor as he whimpered.
Whether Buck liked it or not, that unsettling time in his life had embedded something in him at a young age. It taught him to keep busy and never to be idle. Buck didn’t have a lazy bone in his body, so now, because of his injuries, he felt lethargic and worthless. It seemed like any minute someone should be yelling at him for sitting around too much. But he knew he was among friends, and they were taking good care of him as he healed.
Buck yawned and breathed in deeply, letting the mountain air fill his lungs, listening to the shrill cry of his winged brother high overhead as if announcing to the world Buck’s reappearance.
“Is the baby asleep?” Amanda asked when Mary came out of the bedroom where she’d fed Little Joe.
Mary nodded. “He good baby. Not cry much.”
Amanda smiled. “You’re right about that.” She motioned to the kitchen table. “Should we sit and relax awhile? I’ll fix a pot of coffee if you like.”
Mary nodded and took a seat.
As the women drank their coffee, Amanda asked Mary to share some more things about her past.
“What you want to know?” Mary asked.
“I’ve been wondering how you were captured by the Blackfeet and how you survived the ordeal.”
“My people make camp one evening on the plains,” Mary began. “That night I could not sleep.”
“Why not?” Amanda asked curiously.
Mary touched her chest. “Have great fear in my heart.”
Amanda leaned forward, anxious to hear more about this. “How come?”
“Had a vision.”
“What kind of vision?”
“See a yellow bird on a log. Then big buffalo come and step on bird.” Mary touched her chest again. “Fear in my heart grew stronger, so I get up and walk to lake.”
Amanda sat in rapt attention as Mary told how she’d left her parents’ tepee and gone to the lake to bathe.
“When I dry and get dressed, I hear rumbling noise,” Mary said. “Look up and see horse with Blackfoot rider coming toward me.” She paused and took a drink of coffee. “I try to run but was not fast enough. He leap off horse and grab my arm.”
Amanda’s mouth went dry, thinking how frightened Mary must have felt. “What happened next?” she questioned, leaning slightly forward.
“I try to scream. He strike my face with rawhide quirt. Hurt much. Leave big welt.” Mary touched her cheek and winced, as though reliving the horrible stinging pain.
Amanda gulped. “Then what?”
“He tie my hands and put piece of rawhide around my head so mouth is covered. Then he put me on horse, and we ride like the wind.” Mary shook her head slowly. “I very foolish woman. Should not have gone to lake alone. It too late for regrets. Never see family or Gray Eagle again.”
“Gray Eagle was the man you were supposed to marry, right?”
Mary nodded. “I never stop loving him, though.”
Amanda placed her hand on Mary’s arm and gave it a gentle squeeze. While her situation was much different from Mary’s, she could relate to it in a way, because she still felt something for Nathan. Whether it was love or simply a deep regret for what she’d lost didn’t matter. Amanda’s heart had been broken by Nathan’s betrayal, and she didn’t think she could ever open it to another man.
“Did the Blackfoot warrior take you to his camp?” Amanda asked.
Mary’s head moved slowly up and down. “I ask myself every day if anyone will come for me. Wonder if I would see my people again.”
“Have you asked Jim to try and find your people?”
“I ask once, but he say my life here now, with him.” Mary’s dark eyes revealed the depth of her pain.
Amanda didn’t know what she would have done if she’d been in Mary’s place. Would she have obediently stayed or tried to run away?
“At Blackfoot camp, I put in tepee with big buffalo painted on outside. Inside, sat two women. One very fat and mean. The other thin and ugly as dirt.”
Amanda suppressed a smile. “Who were the women?” she asked.
“Not know at first. Later, found out they Smoking Buffalo’s women.”
“Was Smoking Buffalo the Indian who captured you?”
“Yes. His wives very mean. Make me their slave. Beat me all the time and make me do all the work.” Mary scrunched up her face. “I hate them! Hate man who took me from my family and Gray Eagle!”
Amanda was shocked that anyone could treat another human being so cruelly. Seeing the look of bitterness on Mary’s face, Amanda said, “Have you forgiven the Blackfeet who treated you so badly?”
Mary shook her head. “Smoking Buffalo never ask my forgiveness. Jim treated me bad when I came here, too, but he say he sorry.”
“It doesn’t matter whether a person apologizes for the things they’ve done to us,” Amanda said. “We still need to forgive them.” She winced, thinking of the hurt she’d felt when Nathan broke their engagement. Though she might never fully recover from his betrayal, she’d asked the Lord to help her forgive Nathan, and Penelope, too. It was the only way she could experience peace.
Mary sat several seconds, staring at the table. When she lifted her head, tears shone in her dark eyes. “There is more.”
“What else would you like to tell me?” Amanda asked.
“Gray Eagle, he come to rescue me.” Mary paused and swiped at the tears rolling down her cheeks. “Smoking Buffalo caught Gray Eagle and shoot him dead with arrow.” She released a shuddering sigh. “Then Blackfeet tribe move on to different camp. Soon after, Smoking Buffalo give me to Jim.”
“Do you have any idea why he did that?”
“He say his wives jealous. Not want me around.” Mary slapped her hand on the table. “They evil people! I hate them all!”
“But you have a new life now, Mary, here with Jim and your son. You need to let go of the past, as well as the hate.”
“That ain’t always so easy,” Buck said, stepping into the room with Thunder at his side.
Amanda looked up, startled. She hadn’t realized he or the dog had come back inside.
He moved over to the table and took a seat across from Mary, while Thunder plopped down and leaned against the rung of her chair. Buck grunted. “Sometimes hate’s what keeps a person going.”
Shocked by his declaration, Amanda shook her head. “It’s never right to harbor hateful thoughts against another person, no matter what has been done. Hate is like a wound that festers and never heals. Forgiveness is what brings healing.”
Buck shrugged his shoulders. “There’s no reason to forgive.”
“Oh, but there is,” Amanda was quick to say. She left her seat and moved across the room to get her Bible. When she returned, she placed it on the table and sat down. Opening the Bible, she read from Matthew 6:14 and 15: “Jesus said, ‘If ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.’ ”
“Tres-passes?” Mary tipped her head. “What that mean?”
“It means we must forgive those who have done us wrong,” Amanda explained. “Smoking Buffalo trespassed when he treated the
e badly.”
Mary nodded slowly.
“Jesus is God’s Son, Mary. When evil men crucified Him on the cross, He cried out to God, ‘Forgive them, for they know not what they do.’ If Jesus could forgive such a horrible crime against Him, then we should forgive those who have trespassed against us.”
Buck glared at Amanda, but Mary sat staring at her hands.
“We are all sinners. None of us but God is perfect, for God cannot sin,” Amanda went on to say.
Mary listened intently as Amanda read more from the Bible and explained the plan of salvation. “God’s Word says in Romans 10:9: ‘If thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.’ Wouldn’t you like to do that, Mary? Wouldn’t you like to ask God to forgive your sins and live in your heart?”
“I … I not sure,” Mary whispered.
“I’ve heard enough of this foolish talk!” Buck pushed back his chair, knocking it to the floor, and stormed out of the cabin, slamming the door.
Fighting for control, Buck hurried across the yard and stopped in front of the woodpile Jim had been cutting. Catching his breath and holding his hand against his chest, he looked Jim square in the eyes. “If ya don’t do somethin’ quick, that Quaker woman’s gonna convert your wife to Christianity.”
Jim stopped chopping wood long enough to wipe the sweat from his brow. “What are ya talkin’ about, Buck?”
“She’s in there right now, fillin’ Mary’s head with all kinds of stuff from the Bible—sayin’ Mary needs to forgive and confess her sins to God.” Buck spat on the ground. “When she got to that part I’d had enough, so I came out here to let ya know what was goin’ on inside.”
“Well, if Mary wants to do that, it’s up to her,” Jim said with a shrug.
Buck frowned. “You’re kidding, right?”
“Nope.”
“You’ve sure changed your tune in a hurry. It wasn’t long ago that you didn’t want that Bible thumper in your home.”
Woman of Courage Page 11
