And Those Who Trespass Against Us

by Helen M MacPherson

  Walking up the stairs, she caught her reflection in the store's window. The circles under eyes and gaunt face mirrored the struggle she'd experienced since Alexander's return.

  Susan looked up when Catriona entered the store, her smile replaced with concern. Moving silently around the counter she locked the door, and then escorted Catriona to the rear of the store. Susan guided her over to a chair before sitting opposite her.

  She reached out and softly touched Catriona's cheek. "Oh, Catriona, what are you going to do?"

  Susan's touch and the tension of the past three weeks proved too much. Catriona bent over and clutched her stomach while she silently wept.

  Susan wrapped her in her arms and held her until she was ready to speak.

  "Oh God, Susan, it's so hard." She sobbed into Susan's shoulder. "Alex is hell-bound on drinking himself into an early grave, and the farm's suffering as a result. I spend my days working on the land and my nights playing wet nurse to Alex."

  "Katherine's there. She is helping you, isn't she?"

  "I couldn't ask for more. Her work around the house and her efforts to cheer me up has made things easier." She wiped her nose on her handkerchief. "I often wonder if I wouldn't have joined Alex if it weren't for her."

  Catriona spent the next twenty minutes describing the events of the night of Alexander's return. Susan listened in silence, nodding occasionally.

  "How are things between the two of you?" Susan casually queried.

  "She's changed, Susan. It's as if she realises something happened on that night, and the effect it had on me. I can't rightly describe it, but her actions are different. If it were a normal situation, I'd almost say she's naively flirting with me. During trip into town today, when I mentioned I was coming to speak with you, the look on her face. If I didn't know any better I'd say she was jealous. I've been very careful about any physical contact between us. Given how she's acting and the way I feel about her, well, I hardly trust myself."

  Susan scratched her chin, "I don't rightly know what to say. The way she treats you may have changed. I'll wager my life savings she has no idea or isn't fully aware of the effect she has on you. Given the current state of affairs with Alex, I suggest you tread carefully."

  The clock chimed and Catriona looked up. "I better be on my way. I left Katherine with Father Cleary and said I'd pick her up in an hour." Catriona smiled at the image of Katherine standing on the step of the hotel impatiently tapping her foot at Catriona's lateness.

  Susan rose and Catriona pulled her into a hug. "Thank you so much."

  Susan patted her back. "That's what friends are for. Considering the way your emotions are being tossed from pillar to post, I've no doubt it's been good for you to be able to speak so openly."

  "It has. I hope Me Lin realises how lucky she is."

  Susan smiled. "She does, but then, so do I."

  CATRIONA NEGOTIATED HER way around the myriad of potholes in the well-worn road.

  "How was your visit with Susan?" Katherine asked as they pulled clear of the town.

  "Quick, but fine. What about yours?"

  Katherine shrugged. "I think Father Cleary's slightly worried I'm not paying enough attention to my religious duties."

  Catriona made a disgusted sound in the back of her throat. "It's not as if you have time. Particularly given the hard work you've been doing with the children's education."

  "I'm not all that worried. In fact I've had worse lectures from my Mother Superior. I very much believe he's sympathetic to everything going on at the moment." Katherine lightly grasped Catriona's arm. "And, before you ask, we didn't specifically speak about you or Alexander. Although, I expect he's not completely ignorant of what's going on."

  "That's not hard, given I'm riding in to town every evening to pick him up. Speaking of which, I need to get home. There's a fair bit of work I need to finish today, and I still need to head back in to pick up Alex. I don't mean to sound rude. But I'd like to focus on getting us home."

  Katherine reached for the edge of the wagon. "That suits me too. I've a number of lessons waiting for me when we get there."

  The remainder of the return journey was fast and silent, and it wasn't long before Catriona had pulled the horses into the shade afforded by the side of the barn.

  Katherine walked to the house, leaving Catriona to tend to the horses. It's going to be a hot one. Catriona sighed. It would be so nice to do nothing but sit in the shade. Even the distance between the house and the barn was shimmering in the afternoon's heat. Shaking herself out of an introspection she could ill afford, she walked into the barn and to the work awaiting her.

  KATHERINE HAD SPENT the past three hours preparing lessons, and had almost been too engrossed to hear the sound of a wagon coming up the driveway. It was late in the day to be receiving visitors, and her curiosity got the better of her. She put down her quill and went to the window. In retrospect, she was glad she did.

  She stepped onto the verandah and could just make out Susan negotiating a wagon down the path from the front gate. The person riding behind her made Katherine frown. "What's Father Cleary doing here--and with Susan?" she muttered.

  Katherine walked around to the front of the house and she raised her hand in greeting. Her salutation wasn't returned, and her stomach lurched in uncertainty. Something wasn't right. Why were they here when she and Catriona had visited them only this morning?

  Katherine caught a slight movement out of the corner of her eye and turned to see Catriona emerge from the barn. Catriona's relaxed form became rigid as she strode down the driveway toward the oncoming wagon. Katherine did the same. Catriona broke into a run and so did she. Hampered by her unwieldy habit, the distance between them increased, and Catriona arrived at the wagon first. Katherine was still too far away to make out the words being said, but nothing could block out Catriona's cry of anguish when she arrived at the rear of the wagon.

  Susan made a valiant effort to restrain Catriona. Finally reaching the two, Katherine instinctively started toward Catriona, but halted at the look on her face. As if in slow motion, Katherine looked in the wagon and her blood turned to ice. In the rear was a pine box, similar to the ones she'd seen on her first day. Susan struggled to keep Catriona from opening the coffin's lid.

  Katherine jumped when Father Cleary spoke to her in hushed tones. "There was an accident in the town this morning not long after you two left. Alexander staggered out of the hotel straight into the path of the weekly coach. Despite the driver's best efforts, he couldn't avoid him. The horses were on Alexander before the driver knew it. I've said prayers for him and will prepare a service for tomorrow at the family graveyard. I'm so sorry to see him come to an end like this. He had so much to live for."

  Susan guided Catriona's robotic figure toward the house, and Katherine's heart wrenched at the sight. How much more was Catriona going to have to bear? She wished she could hold her and tell her the pain would pass. Katherine caught herself, realising those were the same words she'd offered to so many on the day of the dust storm. They sounded hollow now. What spiritual comfort can she offer to someone who was now entirely alone in the world? She was jolted back to the present by Father Cleary's voice. "Pardon me, Father, what were you saying?"

  "I'm sorry, Sister. I know this isn't easy for you either. We must get the coffin inside before the heat affects it. I think it would be appropriate if we place it in Mr. Pelham's room. Can you manage one end? I'm reluctant to ask for Miss Pelham's or Mrs. Crosier's assistance, given the current circumstances."

  "We can only try. It might be best if we move the wagon to the part of the yard adjacent to his room. We can carry the . . . him through the French window entrance. That might be the quickest route. Then we can see if we can help Mrs. Crosier." Not waiting for a response, Katherine climbed onto the wagon and urged the horse forward.

  SUSAN SAT ON the parlour's chaise lounge cradling Catriona in her arms. Despite the tears flowing down Catriona's face, she was silent. Susan gent
ly pulled out of their embrace and looked at Catriona's grief-stricken face. "Is there anything I can get you?"

  "How did it happen," she asked, her voice choked with emotion. "What was he doing? He knew I'd come and get him. God, why didn't he wait?"

  Susan pulled her back into her arms. "No one really knows. I know this doesn't help what you're feeling right now, but I don't believe he would have suffered much. Susan felt Catriona's body shake with grief. "I can't tell you how sorry I am. I wish I could find a way to make things better, but I can't. All I can say is you must allow yourself to grieve. Don't bottle it up or it will tear you apart. Remember there are friends here to help you." She looked up when the door opened. Susan continued to hold Catriona close, uncaring of the image they were presenting.

  KATHERINE FALTERED AT the intimate tableau. She felt she should be comforting Catriona. From behind her she heard Father Cleary's sharp intake of breath. Recovering from her selfish thoughts, Katherine went to Catriona's side and silently placed her hand on her shoulder.

  Father Cleary stopped in front of the three women. "I'm truly sorry, Catriona, for your brother's death. I hope you can take comfort in knowing he has gone to a better place and I'm sure God,"

  Katherine felt Catriona's body stiffen. Tearing herself from Susan's grip and Katherine's hand, Catriona wheeled on Father Cleary and Katherine, her face red, eyes on fire.

  "Look at you both! You're like a pack of religious vultures waiting to swoop in for your prey! And you." She stabbed her finger at Father Cleary. "How can you stand there and honestly tell me this fits somewhere into the scheme of things! Come on, Father, explain to me about this all-loving, forgiving, omnipotent God of yours. How can he take my mother and father, Sister Coreen, and now Alexander? They were good people, not evil. All their loss has created is more pain. Or is that what your religion feeds on--the suffering of others? You do what you have to do, but don't stand here and lecture me on the benefits of Alexander's death, for there are none." Her gaze alternated between Katherine and Father Cleary, her breathing ragged. "You bury him or do what you like, but don't offer me religious platitudes." Catriona raised her clenched fist and shook it at them. "Get out of my house, both of you!"

  Stumbling backwards out of the parlour Katherine was shocked. She'd never seen Catriona so angry and was amazed she could turn on them like she did.

  "It's grief," Father Cleary said. "Some people react to it in different ways. She's never been an overly religious person." He shook his head. "Although I never knew she felt so strongly about the church. Under the circumstances, Sister, I think it would be best if you relocated into town for a few days. At least until the initial shock has passed."

  Katherine vehemently shook her head. "On the contrary I think my place is here, where I can do the most good. You've said it yourself--she's obviously grief stricken. What happens when she comes out of her present state and finds no one here? Do you want to be burying another Pelham by week's end?" Her last words were critical of Father Cleary's proposed course of action, but she didn't care. More than ever, her rightful place was here with Catriona.

  Father Cleary blinked, as if surprised at Katherine's outburst. "I think you're being slightly melodramatic suggesting Miss Pelham would do something so drastic. Stay if you wish. Tread warily though, Sister. At the moment Miss Pelham's emotions are not altogether under control. I'll see you at the funeral tomorrow. If you change your mind, then you can return to town with me. Please excuse me, but I've matters I must attend to prior to tomorrow's service." He took his hat and quietly showed himself out of the house.

  Katherine walked to the barn and un-harnessed Susan's horse. Once finished, she walked silently through the house, frequently pausing outside the door of the parlour, and listening to Catriona's sobs and Susan's muted tones, all the while longing to go inside and help. It hurt her to think of what Catriona was going through. Given her last reception, she reluctantly left the door unopened and returned to her room.

  THE APPROACH OF darkness heralded a light knock on Katherine's door. She opened it and found a fatigued Susan standing there.

  Susan smiled. "I knew you were made of stronger stuff. I knew you wouldn't leave. Catriona's words this afternoon were said in anger. She didn't mean them. Although she's never made any bones about her opinion of the church, with you, Katherine, it's different." Susan grasped Katherine's shoulder. "You must know that by now. Over the next few days, she's going to need your help to get through this. I don't mean to sound rude, but do you mind if we have something to drink?"

  Touched by Susan's words, Katherine managed a surprised yes and led her to the kitchen. "Where's Catriona?" She whispered over her shoulder.

  "I've put her to bed with a slight dose of laudanum to help her sleep. I can't find her bedclothes, so I've left her in her bloomers." Susan took a seat at the table. "Mind you, it doesn't matter. After all, we're all women."

  "Surely it's too late for you to return home tonight," Katherine said. "And besides, I'm not quite sure what sort of reception Catriona would give me at the moment. I can make up her parent's room if you like." At Susan's nod, Katherine busied herself with lighting the stove.

  SUSAN GAZED AT Katherine. It was easy for her to see why Catriona felt the way she did. Katherine's green eyes and innocent face, shrouded in pixie-like curly hair, belied a beauty which, under other circumstances, well... Susan cleared her throat. "I think you'd be surprised by the sort of reception you'd receive. All the same, it is too late to return. I mentioned to Me Lin before I left that I may not be home tonight. She'll bring me out appropriate clothing for tomorrow's service. Thank you for your offer. I'd be more than happy to spend the night."

  Katherine set about preparing a supper for the two of them.

  DESPITE THE SUDDENNESS of Alexander's death, an incredibly large number of townsfolk gathered the next day for his funeral. The conspicuous absence of the ladies' committee was no surprise to Katherine. But she was touched by the attendance of many of the committee's husbands. Yet, by far, the working families made up the greatest representation, having taken time out of their busy day to pay their last wishes to a man well respected within the district.

  Catriona didn't detract from her normal shirt and trousers, her only dispensation being her attendance in blouse and trousers which were cut for a more formal occasion. No one noticed, or if they did, felt no need to comment on her attire. After the service, the working men, who had arrived with their families, approached a staunch Catriona. They spoke to Catriona with a form of awkward gentleness which, at times, had Katherine swallowing back tears. Hat in hand, they offered her pledges of assistance whenever she should need it. Despite her grief, Catriona had a kind word for each of them.

  FATHER CLEARY PLACED his fob watch into his vest pocket. "I best be going. I don't think there's very much more I can do at this point in time. Are you staying, Sister Flynn, or would you like me to take you in to town?"

  "I think it would be best if I remain here. Catriona has settled down since yesterday. Despite the food the families left with her, I doubt she would feed herself if she was left alone."

  Father Cleary put on his hat. "As you wish. We'll speak further on this matter next week."

  After the father left, Susan came down the stairs. "I'm sorry, Katherine, but I must be going as well. Tomorrow is the monthly purchase day for a number of the outlying families, and I need to be there for it." She patted Katherine's arm. "If you need me then don't hesitate to come and get me."

  "Where's Catriona?" Katherine asked as they walked toward the barn.

  "I know it's only early afternoon, but I've put her to bed again with a watered-down glass of laudanum. I swear I've no idea where that woman keeps her nightclothes. I still couldn't find any."

  Katherine's thoughts strayed to the night she'd attempted to undress Catriona and to Catriona's response. "Is she still clothed?"

  "No," Susan replied as she guided her horse from its stable. "I've undressed her and place
d her clothes on the chair by her bed. She should be right until morning." Susan held up a rein. "Can you give me a hand?"

  After helping harness the horse, and with a final wave to Susan, Katherine mounted the stairs. The house, which had been so full of people during the day, was now quiet. Katherine cleaned the mess from the day's activities, her thoughts drifting to Catriona. She'd looked so proud and yet so lonely standing by the graveside. Why must God cause such pain to such a lovely woman? Katherine suddenly realised her thoughts were focused not on Catriona's spirit but with the woman herself. Again she heard Mary's mocking words. Raising her hands to her cheeks, she realised she was blushing.

  Reconciling she'd also been jaded by the day's events, she moved through the dark house only pausing at Catriona's open door to reassure herself she was still asleep. Walking to her own room, she only hoped Catriona's slumber would last until morning.

  KATHERINE SAT BOLT upright in bed.

  "Mama! Papa! Alexander!" Catriona's cries fell silent. "Adele, where are you?"

  Katherine jumped out of bed and fumbled to raise the wick in her lamp.

  "Katherine, where are you?" Cursing at the lamp's reluctance to fully light, and concerned at Catriona's increasingly frantic state, she grabbed the lamp and softly ran to Catriona's doorway.

  Moving through the entrance, she found Catriona sitting up in bed, her face contorted with fear and falling tears. Catriona turned to Katherine, her arms outstretched in supplication. Disregarding the distraught woman's nakedness, Katherine lowered her lamp to the bedside table and took Catriona in her arms.