by Blair Holden
She smirks and suddenly all’s right in the world. I don’t like seeing her like this, so defeated and just . . . broken. It took a long time for Megan and me to break through her nearly impenetrable walls but after lots and lots of trying she finally opened up. Even though she always hesitates about talking to us about her home life, we more or less force it out of her. This would have to be one of those cases.
“You’re offering me lasagna at seven in the morning? You really aren’t programmed to be up before noon, are you?”
“It’s food, you’re hungry. I don’t get why we as a society need to label foods according to what time it is. If you want to eat lasagna, you should eat lasagna and not care about the dang clock,” I finish passionately and she smiles, shaking her head.
“Go to bed, Tessa. You shouldn’t be up right now, it’s messing with your head. Did I wake you?”
“No, I was already up. I was supposed to meet . . .” I leave the sentence hanging, not sure how to say it. If I said his name, Beth would ask questions. She’d most probably deflect all the attention onto me just because she wouldn’t want to talk about what happened at home.
“. . . my partner for the history project but we can always reschedule.” I hope I sound convincing.
“No, it’s okay, go. I just need to catch up on some sleep and I’ll be out of here.” She yawns in the middle of the sentence and once again I have this overwhelming urge to hit Marie.
“I’ll stay here. My parents left us a bunch of chores to do and I bet Travis hasn’t done any of his so I should get started on those.”
“Chores? Since when do you have chores? Don’t you have a cleaning lady and a cook and a gardener?”
Right.
“Mom gave them the week off; you know, Founders’ Week. We’re big on celebrations.”
Liar I am not.
“Well, that sucks.” Beth doesn’t seem convinced, though. But she’s not in a state to question my Tessa-ness.
Once she believes every lie I’ve fed her, I take her up to the guest room. Giving her one of Travis’s T-shirts and a pair of shorts, I decide to give her some alone time to get some sleep. I’ll hound her with my questions later when she doesn’t look like she’ll pass out any second. Changing out of my pajamas into a striped black-and-white tank and jeans, I decide to try my hand at cooking. Yes, it’s true I almost burned down my kitchen but there are a few dishes I could manage. Beth will need a home-cooked meal when she gets up; I think she’s had her share of pizza nights for a lifetime.
Though there’s something else that needs to be done before I decide to play Betty Crocker. Fishing out my cell from beneath a mountain of clothes, I prepare myself for what’s to come. What sort of a potential relationship could Cole and I possibly have? We haven’t even gone on an official first date and I’m already bailing on him. The thought of hurting him makes my heart sink. I know Cole’s looking forward to this, I know I am more than looking forward to this, but I can’t bail on my best friend. She’s someone who has been there for me, more times than I could remember and the least I could do for her is be there when she needs me.
Me: Hey, I’m sorry but something’s come up. I can’t go with you today.
I press send and place the phone on the kitchen counter, standing as far away from it as possible. I mean I know it’s not like Cole’s going to jump right out of it and break my heart but right now, I’m nearing a full-blown panic attack and that rectangular piece of technological terror is the sole reason.
I’m just collecting the necessary ingredients from our pantry when my phone beeps, signaling the arrival of a text. Wow, that was definitely fast; maybe he knew all along that I would be a horrible person to date. Maybe he’s relieved that I’m canceling so that he can go out and pick a girl who’s more his type. Let’s just pretend the thought isn’t like someone driving a dagger through my heart.
Reluctantly I open the text, closing one eye as if that will soften the blow.
Cole: Are you okay?? Do you want me to come over? Do you want me to get Cassandra?
Oh. He isn’t breaking up with me. I don’t know if we can break up since we’re not even really together but he isn’t abandoning me, he’s not angry. I finally let out the breath I’ve been holding for so long and my chest fills with warmth. Why does he have to be so perfect? Can he just mess up once, just once to show me that he’s still the Cole I used to know?
Me: Everything’s fine. It’s Beth; I should stay with her today. I really am sorry.
The comment about Beth is self-explanatory. He’s perceptive enough to know that she has an unstable home life. He asked me about it once and I tried to tell him as much as I could without betraying Beth. She isn’t comfortable with people knowing what her life is like; she says she doesn’t like the pity. I just wish one day she’d realize that it’s not pity we’re offering, its empathy.
Cole: Call me if you need anything and I mean it. Promise or else I won’t be able to leave. Also, stop apologizing before I make you.
He’s so cute but I don’t think he realizes it half the time. It’s like he doesn’t know what his words do to me. Oh and is the last part supposed to be flirting, and am I supposed to flirt back? Uh.
Me: I promise, don’t worry about us. Oh and what exactly do you have in mind to stop me from apologizing?
There, flirty, open-ended question with just the right hint of suggestiveness.
Cole: I’d kiss you, simple.
Cue the hyperventilation and all hail the king of flirtatious text messages.
My hands literally shake as the phone nearly drops to the ground. I blink furiously at the screen, reading the text over and over again. Is it getting hot in here or is it just me?
Cole and I kissing. Of course, that’s supposed to happen. I agreed to go out with him and kissing is a natural part of the whole deal, so why haven’t I thought about it until now? We’d come pretty close to it a couple of times but now it’s out there in the open and suddenly all my fantasies stand a chance to become reality.
But of course I can’t say that when I reply. If he wants to play with me, I can play right back.
Me: What makes you think I’d let you kiss me?
The reply is instantaneous, like he doesn’t need to think twice before coming up with an answer. What if he knows that I take minutes to reply because I’m all over the place with my frazzled nerves?
Cole: I have this feeling you would do it quite willingly Tessie.
I inhale and then exhale loudly, trying to calm myself down, but this conversation is kind of . . . a turn on. He’s not so open about things like these when we’re together. Sure, he makes crude remarks but most of the time he’s just teasing me, trying to embarrass me and rile me up for my virgin ways. However, this isn’t teasing. It’s just outright intense flirting and I’m totally into it.
Me: Beth needs to talk to me. I have to go, talk to you later?
I’m a huge coward and an epic fail when it comes to intimate conversation but I hope he understands. He knows me so well that I just hope he realizes that I’m nervous and not trying to get rid of him.
Cole: Can’t wait to see you, have a good day shortcake.
Me: You too Cole.
“You’re not sexting Stone, are you?”
My head whips up from my phone, only to see Travis making his way toward me in the kitchen. I glare at him, the goofy grin disappearing from my face.
“You did not just say that.” The words sexting and you should never come out together in a sentence from your brother’s mouth, never, I tell you.
“Hey, you’re my baby sister. It’s my job to make you so uncomfortable about boys that you decide to join a convent.”
“You need to get your head checked,” I say, tapping my knuckles against his forehead.
“So since it’s obvious you were texting Cole, it’s safe to say he isn’t the one lounging in our guest room?”
I open the cupboard above the sink and take out a box of Cocoa P
uffs, abandoning my efforts to cook an actual meal till later. Both of us liked our cereal with warm milk so I heat some up and then make us both the only breakfast I could safely make. When we’re both seated at opposite ends of the island, I answer his question.
“That would be Beth.”
His spoon freezes midair. A look of surprise flickers across his face but is gone as fast as it appeared. He chews on his cereal thoughtfully and I follow suit.
“One of your new friends, right? Is she the redhead?”
“They’re not new. I’ve known them for two years and no, not the redhead, that would be Megan. Beth was the DJ at the gala, remember?”
“Oh.”
“Is everything okay, with her, I mean, is she all right?”
I gulp, swallowing loudly. Suddenly I don’t want to keep it all to myself. I want to talk about it with someone who understands what a dysfunctional family is like, and who better than my brother? If I tell him, maybe he can give me some advice on how to help Beth.
“She tries really hard to pretend that she is. Beth’s like that, she never wants anyone to see beneath the surface but I wish she did. I wish she’d tell us more about what’s going on in her life before we find out ourselves when something like this happens.”
He’s frowning into his bowl, concentrating really hard as if trying to unravel the greatest mystery on earth, and that’s exactly what Beth is to many—a mystery.
“And what do you mean by something like this?”
“Her mom, basically. Sometimes she forgets who the teenager in the house is. She throws parties that last for days at a time. Beth has to go to the library to get her homework done. She has to sleep with her door locked so drunk strangers won’t try to grope her. She works to pay the bills, to keep her mom’s business afloat. I know our parents aren’t a prize but it seems like she never seems to catch a break and it’s all her mom’s fault.”
I should feel guilty for telling Travis all this but I don’t. He’d know what to do, he’s my big brother and he always has all the answers. That’s how it’s been since I was a kid.
I look at him again and now he just seems angry, like seeing-red, ears-flaming kind of angry. I guess the protective instincts are kicking in. My best friend must be like a little sister to him as well and being the person he is he’ll want to protect her from all the bad things too.
“Why doesn’t she just leave? She’s eighteen, right, so why doesn’t she use all the money she earns to find a decent place to live?”
Megan and I have had or tried to have the same conversation with Beth several times but to no avail. We even offered that she stay with one of us for the remainder of the school year but she won’t budge. She won’t leave her mother, not until she has to go away to college. The reasons are a bit vague but I guess family factors into the equation. Even if her parental abilities are more than questionable, Marie is still her mother and Beth still loves her enough to stay.
“That’s not the kind of person she is, Trav. She doesn’t quit on you, she’ll stay right until the end.”
He mumbles something under his breath and we finish the rest of our breakfast in silence. He asks me what my plans are for the rest of the day and I tell him that most probably we’ll have a girls’ day in and then a sleepover. He nods and hands me thirty dollars for food before going back into his room. He makes a reappearance a couple hours later, all dressed for the day. It’s still early, around ten, so I’m surprised to see him looking chipper. He’s dressed in a white button-down with khakis and Converse. It’s the most effort he’s made into picking out his clothes in a while, besides the gala.
“Got a date with mystery girl?” I stop scrubbing the kitchen tiles and sit up on my knees, smirking at him.
He sighs, “Don’t I wish.”
“Still no luck with her? Wow, she’s the first girl to ever give you such a hard time. I like her already.”
He narrows his eyes at me playfully. “Yeah, the two of you would be best friends, but don’t worry, I’ve got the situation under control.”
His tone is cocky, more self-assured now. Whenever we’ve talked about this “mystery girl” before he’s always seemed a little depressed so it’s good to see he has a plan. Any girl who’s managed to resist him for more than two weeks seems like a keeper to me. Travis has always had it easy and I’m pretty sure no girl’s cared that he’s been holed up in his room, hugging a bottle of Jack Daniel’s to his chest for more time than is acceptable. They swarmed toward him at the gala, he’s still the town’s golden boy, but this girl’s definitely putting him through the wringer.
“Well, best of luck with that. If she does come around, I’d really like to meet her.”
“You’ll be the first to know, baby sis.” He ruffles my hair, making me swat his hand away. Chuckling and seeming in a better mood than ever, he heads out the door. I huff exasperatedly and start cleaning until he pops his head back in.
“Oh and I know about your little chaperone-less trip with your boyfriend and we’ll talk about it when I get back.”
“By talk, you do mean you’ll make everything sound ten times dirtier than it actually was, don’t you?”
“You know me so well, young grasshopper.”
I glare at him and he leaves and I hear him laughing as he gets into his car.
***
Beth’s been asleep for more than six hours now. She must really have been tired to be out of it for so long and every second that passes I get angrier at Marie. How could she do this to her own daughter? If she continues to go at the rate she’s going, she’s going to lose the only person who has ever honestly cared about her. Beth deserves better, so much better than she allows herself to accept, and it’s about time she understands that.
I make Beth’s favorite salad for when she wakes up, with plenty of lettuce, tomatoes, jalapeños and olives. There’s some roasted chicken left over in the fridge so I shred it and toss it in there as well before pouring ranch dressing over the entire thing. Then I make a big jug of iced tea and carry it all upstairs on a tray. She’s awake, just lying there staring at the ceiling. It’s the kind of mood I’m most afraid of. It’s when she’s making decisions, big ones, and usually self-destructive ones.
“Lunch is served,” I announce, plopping the food down next to her on the bed. She’s startled like she didn’t even hear me entering and again, I’m worried. This is not good; time for a distraction.
“Did you make this?” She examines everything carefully.
“Well, if you don’t want to eat it . . .” I trail off, popping a jalapeño into my mouth knowing it would annoy her the most. She loves those little spicy suckers.
“Hey!” She swats my hand away and hugs the salad bowl to her chest. “No touching my food.”
I’ve already eaten so I leave her to set up a movie in my room. She’s opposed to anything remotely defined as a “chick flick” and hence I raid Travis’s collection and pick out a Matt Damon one; the girl is obsessed with Matt Damon.
I strip the comforter off the bed and lay it on the floor, throwing plenty of cushions on there too. Then I make a big bowl of popcorn and get out some KitKats from my secret stash.
Beth’s showering so I leave a T-shirt and some shorts for her in the room. It surprises me when she comes out wearing the same shirt I lent her this morning, over my shorts. She shrugs. “This is more comfortable.”
Halfway through the movie, I try asking her about what happened. We’re propped up against the foot of the bed, blankets covering us and cushions forming a cocoon around us, currently experiencing a sugar rush.
“Can I ask what Marie did this time?”
Her eyes never leave the screen and she shrugs. “The usual shit. Party, drugs, strangers getting it on in my bed.”
I scrunch my face up in disgust. The last part was a new one.
“She blew whatever she earned at the charity gala by spending it on booze. I told her we needed the money to pay the electricity bill but there
’s not a dime left. I don’t know how many more shifts I can take, my grades are getting low and Berklee won’t take a slacker.”
I rest my head on her shoulder. “You’re a brilliant music producer, they’ll take you the minute they hear one of your mixes. Don’t worry about that.”
“But I still need to have enough for tuition. I can’t save much if I’m taking care of her messes all the time.”
“So what are you going to do?”
“Right now,” she lets out a humorless laugh, “I have no idea. The plan’s to take it one day at a time and see where it goes. I’m going to start standing up to my mom. She’s gotta end all her crap.”
“Well, if you need help with that, you know where to find me.”
She rests her head on top of mine and we watch the rest of the movie in silence.
***
We’re watching the third Jason Bourne movie when someone knocks on my door. It must be Travis since he’s been gone for the better part of the day, so imagine my surprise when I open my door and find the most brilliant deep blue eyes staring back at me.
Cole.
“Hey.” He smiles his crooked smile and my thudding heart soars right out of my chest. I just realize how much I missed him. There had been something wrong today, the entire situation with Beth aside. I’d felt incomplete, a little depressed, and now I know why. He hadn’t been there with me to make it all okay.
“Hi,” I say, my voice coming out a little breathy.
“Hi,” he says, the blue orbs shining brightly as both corners of his mouth now pull up into a dazzling smile.
“Hi.”
“Are you two planning on going beyond that?”
Beth’s voice brings me out of my Cole-induced coma and I turn scarlet. Opening the door wide enough, I move back to let him in. He’s holding two Walmart shopping bags and is dressed in a fitted gray long-sleeved shirt and jeans. The conversation we had in the morning immediately comes to mind and if it’s possible, I turn redder.
“Hi Beth.” He waves at her sheepishly and she rolls her eyes.
“If either of you says the word hi one more time I swear I’ll pummel you to death.”
