by Blair Holden
“And you obviously still have issues understanding the concept of personal space.”
It takes her about a minute to process what I just said and when it finally hits home she glowers at me.
“He may think he wants you, a little Goody Two-shoes, but trust me I know what he really wants. He likes them bad and wild and honey, you’re never going to be that.”
Well then, the lecherous ho seems to have a point. It’s not like I have something substantial to deny that with. Cole’s past sure as heck favors her but then there’s everything he’s told me and how I can’t convince myself that he’s lying.
“Do you know his middle name?”
“Huh?” She looks like we just launched into a discussion about astrophysics.
“Do you know what his favorite food is?”
“What does that . . . ?”
“Do you know the exact shade of blue that his eyes are?”
By this point she’s stopped trying to make sense of what I’m trying to do and just watches me, cautiously, like I’ve lost my mind.
“My point, Kimmy, is that whatever you two ‘share’ can’t be that great seeing as how you don’t even know the first thing about him.”
She opens her mouth, closes it and repeats. It’s quite entertaining to watch. I’ve never been one to deliver the verbal bitch slap but today I seem to be on a roll. I have to give credit where it’s due though, this girl is such an easy target.
“Whatever!” she huffs, getting up, “I don’t need to hear this.” Then in her signature style, she stomps away.
***
“Sorry I acted like a jealous ape.”
I’m in one of the guest rooms, finishing getting dressed, when Cole walks up behind me and wraps his arms around me. He nuzzles his face into my neck causing my eyes to shut on their own and that’s all it takes for my body to go haywire.
Somehow I find my voice. “You bought me shoes. In girl world, that makes everything okay,” I joke and feel his laugh reverberate through his chest.
“And God, the whole Kimmy disaster. I’m so sorry about that, shortcake.”
I shrug the best I can when he’s holding me like this. “I’m not too worried about her. That girl’s got more bleach in her head than brain cells.”
“You never have to worry about her, ever. She’s a mistake, but you, Tessie? You’re it for me.”
And despite the day we’ve had, despite what I’ve learned about him today, I believe him. Maybe a while ago I’d have brushed aside his statement, laughed it off and made a joke about it but not anymore. It’s a matter of having faith, finally realizing that not everyone you care about will eventually leave you and when that’s firmly ingrained in your mind, you stop being afraid and just accept.
“You’re it for me too,” I tell him and then we kiss.
Chapter Twenty-Six: Cole Is Stone Cold Sober. Get It? Stone Cold?
“Where’s the Justin Bieber song?”
I squint at Cole through the dim lighting, trying to figure out his angle. I mean come on, he’s a guy. No guy would voluntarily bring up Justin Bieber unless there was a really cruel joke somewhere in the middle of it all.
“What?”
He slings his arm across my shoulder and pulls me to him, saving me from being shoved into by yet another drunken college student.
“We’re at a party and you look comfortable. I’m waiting for you to burst into a song that’ll make my ears bleed any moment now.”
I scoff and push away from him, nudging him with my elbow. “I’m sorry; I didn’t know my singing made you so miserable. Or is it just my voice in general? Maybe I should just stop talking to you. Maybe I should just go and find Seth.”
He narrows his eyes at me and then at the red Solo cup hanging loosely in my hand. He grabs it before I can stop him and throws it in the trash. I might possibly have been drinking a bit more than usual but it’s just to calm my nerves, honestly.
“I’m cutting you off, Tessie, no more beer.”
I cross my arms defiantly over my chest and lift my chin. “We’re at a party, Cole, and we’re supposed to be drinking cheap, disgusting, warm beer and having the time of our lives. Why do you want to ruin the mood?”
His eyebrows shoot up and he sighs before pinching the bridge of his nose. He exhales heavily before hooking an arm through my elbow and dragging me behind him.
“I forgot you’re a mean drunk.”
I pout and drag my feet on the hardwood floor, just to be annoying but he doesn’t give. Instead he leads us through the throngs of dancing bodies, up the stairs. The guy Brandon hosting the party is a friend of Cole and the guys and was a couple of years ahead of them. From what little time I’d had to get to know him, he seemed . . . nice. Okay, so he was completely stoned and asked me if I knew his great-grandma Myrtle.
“And you’re a sourpuss.”
He chuckles, pulling me along, down a corridor, before coming to rest in front of the last door. He digs out a key from his back pocket and unlocks the door, ushering us in. Then he locks the door again and pockets the key. Whereas I’m a little tipsy, Cole is stone-cold sober. Get it? Stone cold? You know because his last name . . . forget it.
I’m in a typical college boy bedroom. Messy with clothes strewn all over the floor and an unkempt queen-size bed. There’s a study desk shoved in a corner, piled high with books and a laptop. Soft music plays from the iPod dock and the open window lets in a chilly early spring breeze.
We’re shrouded in darkness until Cole switches on the light. He leans against the door and watches me as I take in my surroundings. Admittedly I’m only partially interested in that particular task. It’s just something I’m doing to ignore the crazy flips my stomach’s doing. I’m alone, in a locked room with my boyfriend. There’s no parental supervision, no nosy brother and no restriction whatsoever.
“Sit,” he says simply and I obey, taking a seat at the very edge of the bed.
He walks over to the minifridge and grabs a sealed water bottle and rummages around for food. This must be Brandon’s room if he’s so casually going through his stuff. He grabs an unopened bag of chips and tosses it to me.
“Drink.” He hands over the water bottle and it’s not until I’ve unscrewed the cap and am gulping down large amounts of water that I realize that I’m parched.
“Now eat.”
And as I begin to munch on the salty, greasy goodness I feel the headiness go away. Immediately I feel more like myself. Of course that’s never a good thing. My nerves are shot. I’m at a party, alone in a locked room with Cole. Haven’t I seen this movie enough times? But then the funny thing is I’m not panicking because I don’t want something to happen. I’m panicking because I know I might suck at anything second base and beyond. Maybe I suck at first base too, who knows. Well Cole knows but it’s not like he’s going to tell me.
“Would you relax? You look like you’re ready to run the minute I let you.” He crouches down on the floor in front of me and takes my chin in his hand and rubs my cheek with his calloused thumb. I wonder if he can tell that I just want to grab him by the neck and mash our mouths together, for eternity. I wonder when he’ll realize that I’m not brave enough, confident enough to actually do what I want to, especially with him.
“I only brought you up here because I don’t want you drinking more than you already have. The people here . . . it’s just not a good idea. I don’t know if I’ll be able to take good care of you.”
“I trust you,” I whisper.
“So you weren’t thinking that I locked you into this room to take advantage of you?” He gives me an amused grin but I can see that my answer matters. It’s the seriousness in his eyes that he can’t pretend to hide.
“You can’t take advantage of the willing, Cole.”
My eyes concentrate on my shoes. I cannot believe I just said that. Place me in a ring with that Kimmy and I’ll take her down but put me in confined spaces with my boyfriend and I’m a mess. Does he think I
’m like all those girls downstairs who have literally been throwing themselves at him since the moment he walked through the doors?
Cole notices the second my cheeks turn pink and cups my face between his palms. I’m forced to look him in the eye and what I see puts me at ease. He looks . . . he looks at me like I’m the most important thing in his world, and the look is staggering.
“Hey, don’t ever be embarrassed to say what you want to me. I like it when you’re honest, in fact I love it. It makes me feel like I’m the one person you trust the most.”
“You are,” I say hoarsely and his eyes fill with so much happiness that my heart squeezes with joy.
“I am?”
I nod, smiling at his disbelief. Time and time again, he does things or says things that show me that he cares about me. I don’t put myself out there nearly as much and maybe it’s because of my shyness or maybe it’s because I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop. But then again, how much more does he need to do to make me believe that he’s not going to leave or break my heart?
“Hey, Cole?”
“Yeah?”
“Please kiss me.”
He doesn’t have to be asked twice. Staying in the same crouching position, he leans in and presses his lips to mine. It’s a gentle caress at first, our lips hardly brushing against each other’s. I make a noise of impatience at the back of my throat, causing him to smile against my cheek. That’s when things really start moving along. He gets up, moving me right along with him until I’m on my back on the bed. Slowly he moves over me, his body hovering over mine. The proximity causes me to lose my breath. I stare at his enigmatic blue-green eyes and he looks at me with such adoration and tenderness that I almost lose my mind.
He cups the back of my neck, bringing me closer to him and kisses me again, harder this time. My arms wrap themselves around his neck as I try to push myself closer and try to erase the distance. I gasp when his tongue darts out to lick the seam of my lips and then we’re a blur of tangled limbs and heated kisses. His tongue enters my mouth and I meet each thrust of his tongue with one of my own. The taste of him overwhelms me. He hasn’t been drinking tonight and whereas I might taste of cheap beer, he is something else. A mixture of spearmint, and something else that’s purely Cole. It’s intoxicating and I’m so very drunk on it.
My hands move on their own accord, traveling down his back and then under his shirt. His muscles tense where I press my fingers against the bare skin and he growls into my mouth. His kisses turn frantic as I trace the hard ridges of his spine. He moves his lips to my jaw, peppering it with kisses until he moves on to my neck and I arch into him, greedy for more.
This feels incredible! Why don’t we do this all the freaking time? Now I know why Megan and Alex have stopped hanging out with us as much as they used too. They must be busy locked up in their rooms doing this! I don’t hold a grudge, seriously.
My heartbeat turns frantic when Cole slips his hand under my top. This is new, yeah this is definitely new and I love it. It’s then that it dawns on me that I’m wearing an extremely easy access skirt, definitely convenient. But then all thought flies right out the window as his hand edges up my torso. Momentarily I forget how to breathe. He pauses, only to look at me, asking if it was okay and I let him know that it was even better than okay. I wanted his touch so fiercely that it scares me. I could feel every part of me coming to attention, every sensation seems to be heightened, and every touch seems to cause an array of emotions. I’m on fire and it’s the most wonderful feeling ever. I want more, more of this skin-searing touch. I tug at the hem of his shirt and he rises, sitting on his knees and reaching over his shoulder. He pulls the shirt over his head in one smooth go and throws it on the floor. I take in his naked chest, all those defined muscles, the abs . . . Oh dear God the abs.
“I forgot you had an eight-pack.” I gulp, not being able to take my eyes off them.
He chuckles, nipping at my lips as he once again covers my body with his.
“They’re all yours.” As if knowing what I’m dying to do, he takes my hand and places it on those lickable abs. I touch them in absolute wonder as Cole sucks in a breath. My fingers move over the muscles which contract beneath my touch. His skin is smooth but taut, rippling muscles and hard edges.
I take my time exploring him as he kisses my cheeks, my forehead, my eyelids, my nose, and eventually my lips. His heated kisses travel down my neck and I can feel my eyes roll back into their sockets as he approaches my chest. He hesitates before trailing his tongue over the swells of my breasts. I gasp as he pushes my shirt down, just a bit and not all the way. He then follows the trails of his tongue, with his lips. I’m a quivering mess of emotions and feelings.
Cole buries his head in my neck and nuzzles his face into it. His breathing is as erratic as mine and I realize that my hands are still roaming over his body. I grip his shoulders, trying to catch a breath but it’s a bit difficult with his warm breath fanning my face. My nerves are in hyperdrive.
“That was even better than anything I’d ever imagined.”
“You . . . you thought about me?” I stutter.
When someone who looks like he does, tells you that they fantasized about you it’s kind of hard to believe. He raises his face and props himself onto his elbow. Looking right at me, he gives me another knee-knocking kiss, the end of which has me in danger of cardiac arrest.
“All the damn time.”
***
After a little, okay, a lot more hands-on making out we straighten our clothes and prepare to head back downstairs. The plan is to crash at Lan’s for the night and then head back tomorrow evening. I check my phone just in case Travis is being his usual paranoid self and am shocked to find dozens of missed calls from Megan. There are a bunch of voicemails from numbers I don’t recognize and some texts, again from Megan asking me to call her ASAP.
“Hey did you—”
My fingers are already dialing Megan’s number as Cole comes to stand in front of me. From the looks of it his phone’s been pretty busy too. We exchange worried looks and I assume he calls Alex. My heart’s racing once again but this time for a completely different reason.
Maybe Megan’s just being Megan. I don’t have to automatically assume the worst. Everything’s going to be okay. She’s a drama queen, I know how she is. Her mom must have discovered her and Alex in a compromising position or worse, come across her Judy Blume collection. But the longer she takes to answer, the more my heart sinks. I’m going to be sick. Pick up the damn phone!
“Tessa, thank God!” My friend sounds breathless, her voice shaky. It sounds like she’s been crying.
I immediately assume the worst and pray that the images flashing through my mind are nothing of consequence.
“W-what’s going on?” My knees feel weak and I have to sit down on the bed before they give way. I’m struggling to breathe at this point. And then I see Cole come into view. His face is somber, serious like something’s really wrong.
“It’s Beth,” she cries and I grip the sheets tightly, swallowing hard.
“What happened? Tell me!”
“Her mom, Tessa, her mom’s dying. There was an accident.” Megan begins to sniff and I realize that I’ll lose her in a few seconds. She struggles to catch her breath before continuing.
My chest feels heavy; it’s like someone reached inside it and is squeezing my heart. “She was driving drunk and . . . and she hit another car. They’re okay . . .” She hiccups, on the verge of tears. “But Marie lost a lot of blood and . . . Oh God, please come back, Tessa.”
That’s when the call ends and the phone drops from my hands. Darkness blurs my vision; I see spots and my arms begin feeling numb. Blood is rushing to my head as I try to understand what I’ve just been told. Beth’s mom is dying, Marie is dying. No matter what their relationship is like Beth loves her for who she is. My best friend is about to lose the only family she has left.
“Come on, Tessie; let’s get you out of he
re.”
I let Cole gather me in his arms and steer me downstairs, not aware of him telling his friends we’re leaving. It’s all a blur and then we’re in the car. All I can think about is Beth; she doesn’t need this. Her life’s been difficult enough. She’s never known her dad and now she’s going to lose Marie too.
“It’s going to be okay.” Cole grabs my hand with his free one and squeezes it. It’s meant to be a reassuring squeeze but all I can think is how I don’t even feel the pressure. That’s the funny thing about tragedy, right? You never expect it to hit you so when it does, you just can’t process it. The longer you take to process it, the more you prolong the inevitable pain. Wouldn’t it be easier to just deal with the pain and get over it? Why push it away? Why make it worse?
“She doesn’t have anyone else,” I say, my voice sounding strange to my own ears.
Cole glances at me from the corner of his eyes. It’s a busy road, he shouldn’t be distracted. I should keep quiet.
“We don’t know what’s happening, Tessa. Her mom might make it.”
“Did Alex say that?”
He looks away and I know that he knows how bad the situation is. Knowing him, he’s probably already talked to Cassandra. She must know the truth. She must’ve told him how bad things are.
“You have to be strong for her, Tessie, please. We have to be there for her. Stay with me baby, just stay.”
I press my head into the back of the seat and squeeze my eyes shut. I’m reminded of the day I first saw Beth. She’d been the new kid, the freak no one wanted to associate themselves with. But the truth was, everyone wanted to get to know her. The girls felt insecure because she was so beautiful, without even trying, and the boys felt intimidated by her strength, despite being attracted to her. She wore her leather pants, her biker boots, and her Beatles shirt, walls up and impenetrable. Then Megan had offered her a place to sit during lunch and I’d seen it. The vulnerability, the fear of rejection and the relief at acceptance. Of course she’d concealed the reaction immediately but I’d seen it and I knew that she was someone real. Nicole’s rejection had scarred me and I had trust issues a mile long. Megan had slowly broken down my walls, not all of them but enough to make her own place. But then Beth had arrived. She saw through my bullshit and forced me to speak up. I became my old self, especially around them, and that’s when I realized how important this complicated, strong girl was to me.
