“You have put my mate at great risk–and by doing so my first-born child, too. This attack was unforgivable, for you attacked my seed, too. How dare you? How dare you betray and defy me? How dare you risk the lives of my family? This is a great, great dishonor Misha,” Faron continued to boom at her.
Jillian thought her head had exploded. His child? He thought she was carrying his child? A wail from Misha made her decide to deal with his statement later–the state of her despair was a pressing matter, Jillian couldn’t bear to watch another woman’s emotional pain spill out so raw in front of her.
“Please, Faron.” Jillian touched him lightly on the arm to stop his tirade. He looked to her, sparks in his eyes but she shook her head.
“She knows she did wrong. Look at her. She is remorseful. Enough.”
“I should banish her from the village,” he said, lowering his voice slightly.
“You should, but you are too kind. She has paid for what she’s done simply by your disapproval. It’s the worst punishment she could imagine right now.”
Charin had been stuck to the wall during this exchange, but after Jillian finished speaking, he gave Faron a questioning look, as if asking permission. Faron nodded his head and Charin crouched beside Misha, trying to comfort her with whispers.
“Please, Faron. Don’t banish me. I won’t ever do anything like that again. I don’t know what came over me,” she begged.
“You are fortunate that Jillian is compassionate. You will not be banished–but you will be watched very closely. Charin, can I assign you that task,” Faron asked?
Charin looked pleased with his new job, accepting with enthusiasm.
As he comforted Misha with a hug, she turned to Jillian with an expression on her face that said more than a million words would be able to. She looked remorseful, apologetic and humbled. Jillian tilted her head towards her, to show that she got it, she understood.
Faron left the two of them and escorted Jillian outside. She was glad for the silence they walked in as she thought about what he’d told Misha—that she was carrying his baby. It just couldn’t be possible. Natural pregnancies had died out back on Earth–the government’s unsuccessful way of trying to control the still increasing population problem.
Men on Earth had their sperm frozen in their late twenties and then they were sterilized–all men were required by law to have the operation done. It was easier and cheaper than doing the same process on women, so Jillian knew she had the right…bits and pieces. But she knew nothing of pregnancy, nothing about what to look out for, what to expect.
Couples who were ready to have children did so outside of the body. The egg and the pre-collected sperm were developed outside of the body, in an artificial chamber. It was less intrusive and easier to monitor. She sneakily looked at Faron, his arm still supporting her as she walked. She felt bad, sure that he was wishfully thinking. The idea had set in her mind now, and she began to wonder if she could possibly have his baby? It was obviously something he wanted, and she’d have loved to be able to provide him with a family–but wouldn’t it be biologically impossible?
Cara and Shana rushed to her as she made it to the communal tent. Faron kept her close to his side as they talked.
“Jillian, I’m so sorry we left you, I had no idea Misha was out there. Are you okay?” Cara’s petite features were scrunched with worry.
“I’m fine, honestly. Just hungry and bruised.” Jillian leaned heavily on Faron to sit down at a bench. Sennan brought them both food–a pile of juicy roasted meat that melted like butter in her mouth, and some of the green vegetables they had been picking from the farm that day. She kept her mouth full of food, enjoying the friendly and supportive chat around her, but not feeling much like joining in. She was too preoccupied with her thoughts of children. Of her children.
She was taken aback by how much she wanted it to be so, how much she wanted it to be able to happen. What if she couldn’t give him a family? Would he leave her? Would he be disappointed and regretful that he chose her? Now Misha had told her about unbinding rituals—she presumed it to be their version of divorce–she began to feel insecure for the first time since she had arrived at the village.
Cara, Sennan and Fenn fussed around her. Fenn was adamant that Misha should have been banished, but Faron insisted that Jillian had been against such punishment, and stated that second chances should be allowed.
“I saw Misha’s pain once she had come to terms with the seriousness of her actions. That alone will be enough suffering.”
Jillian nodded her agreement with his statement, but still could not distract herself from the preoccupying thoughts of babies. Faron picked up immediately on her withdrawal from the conversation and demanded that she let him take her to rest. She didn’t argue, tiredness hitting her like a truck. She also let him carry her back to their dwelling, her limbs felt clumsy and heavy, and she needed to feel his arms around her.
He placed her gently atop of the fur bed, its softness instantly soothing Jillian’s aches. He lit the fires and came to lie beside her.
“Faron. What you said earlier, about me carrying your child? It’s just I don’t think…I don’t think it’s possible for me. For us. I’m pretty sure you’ve got it wrong. I’m sorry.”
“Jillian. You are pregnant with my child. Here. Feel.” He laughed at her doubts and lifted her hand, placing it on top of the bare skin of her flat stomach.
Jillian felt nothing but the warmth of her palm, and looked at him, still concerned, sure he was wrong. But the door of hope was still ajar, and she reminded herself that she wouldn’t have known what to feel for anyway. She had never learned about pregnancy. Of course, natural births did occur back on Earth, but they were extremely rare, and she had never personally seen it.
“I don’t feel anything.” She whispered. He placed his own hand on her, moving hers to the side, and a wide smile formed on his lips. He answered her with a kiss then swept her up in his embrace.
“You will. You will.” He assured her.
“If I’m not though, you will stay with me, won’t you? Would it be too hard for you to, if I can’t give you a family?” She felt upset suddenly.
“None of your concerns are relevant, Jillian. We will be parents soon enough. Now try and get some rest, my forever.” He sounded sleepy.
Jillian lay blinking in the firelight of the room long after Faron had fallen asleep–feeling a confusing mixture of worry and excitement. Once she heard his steady breathing, she dared to place a hand on her stomach again, and as she did so, she wished harder than she had ever done before.
Chapter Twenty
Over the next few weeks, Jillian began to believe Faron’s words more and more. At first, she thought she’d come down with a bug. Her muscles were aching and she felt nauseous at various points in the day. Particularly when faced with that hot milk and honey drink.
“I’m sick, Faron,” she croaked to him one evening.
“You’re pregnant, Jillian. Don’t worry, the sickness will pass.” He dismissed her with an air of amusement at her persistent denial.
It wasn’t until she went back to bathe with the girls at the pool that she finally allowed herself to believe.
Cara, Fenn and Shana had come for her one day when the sun was unbearably hot in the fields. Jillian was quick to accept the offer, feeling no residual fear as to what had happened the last time she had been there. However, the four of them had to endure a ten minute lecture from Faron. She was not to be left alone, at any time. They were all to leave together. The girls giggled about his cute over-protectiveness as they made their way to the cool relief of the shaded lake.
As Jillian stripped and was about to jump on in, she noticed the women staring at her, openmouthed.
“You are beginning to show, Jillian. Oh, you look beautiful.” Fenn exclaimed.
She looked down to her belly and sure enough, a small, protruding bump poked out. It was tiny, really – and could almost be put down to simple wei
ght-gain from the amount of food she’d been consuming lately, but as she placed her hands over it, something felt…different. It was indescribable–she just felt a shift somewhere. She felt protective, proud. She turned to the girls and laughed with tears filling her eyes, as they dashed to her with congratulations and took turns stroking her stomach.
“Faron–look,” she said to him that evening once he’d returned from the farm, and she stood sideways so he could see the small convex of her lower abdomen. He got to his knees and kissed the tiny bump–before moving on to kiss her in places that made her forget all about Motherhood.
She couldn’t stop stroking her swelling belly as the weeks passed into months, and her cheeks began to ache from smiling so much. Occasionally she would get the sensation of small bubbles inside her, and it would fill her with happiness that the baby was growing and moving.
Misha had kept a low profile since the incident, avoiding most of the tribe and living almost as an outcast–but Jillian’s joy was impossible to ignore, and one afternoon, when Jillian was eating with Sennan, Misha approached her.
“I heard your news. I just wanted to say congratulations.” She was visibly shaking, afraid of the response she might get–more from Sennan than Jillian.
“Thank you, Misha. Why don’t you sit and eat with us?” Jillian suggested. She could see that she had been going through a tough time, and she knew Misha had more than paid her dues in misery. She glanced to Sennan to check it was okay with her, and her face was full of pride and respect for her open-hearted daughter-in-law.
Misha gingerly sat next to her and started to gush.
“Jillian, you’ve been so good to me after what I did to you. I don’t know how to thank you. I wish I could tell you how sorry I am. I want to prove it to you. That person, the one in the woods…it wasn’t me. I hadn’t been myself. I just ….” She looked down into her lap.
“I’m so sorry.” She finished meekly.
“Misha, it’s really fine. No harm was done in the end, I’m glad you’re feeling better now.”
The two smiled at each other.
“I hear you’ve got news of your own, Misha?” Sennan interjected, keen to move the subject to happier things and show Misha that she was one of the tribe again.
“Yes. Charin and I…we’re having a binding ceremony. He’s been so amazing to me through all of this. We’re keeping it low key. I didn’t think the village would be willing to help us, well me really, celebrate. You two are more than welcome to attend, though,” she said hopefully.
“Low key nonsense, Misha. You are a member of this tribe and we shall all be ready for the ceremony and a feast as normal. This is your big day and we want to share it. Jillian can’t work in the fields in this heat, so she and I will help you prepare for it,” Sennan said authoritatively, her mind made up that the coldness towards Misha had gone on long enough. If Jillian was a big enough person to move on from it, then so the rest of them should be.
Misha hugged each of them in turn, tears rolling down her cheeks.
The ceremony date was set for a week’s time. Jillian and Sennan had been busy in the kitchen making what was similar to a fruit cake back on Earth. Herbs, nuts and spices had to be roasted and ground down, before they could even start on the mixture. Sennan knew the recipe by heart, though, and instructed Jillian each step of the way.
Jillian felt crushingly tired all the time, and as she smeared a purple line of ground spice across her sweating forehead, she wondered if it wouldn’t have been easier to stay working in the fields.
“Are you getting enough rest? You need plenty now, you’ll get little when the child arrives,” Sennan said to her with a twinkle.
Jillian bit her lip.
“I’m starting to feel a bit…frightened by the whole thing, Mother. I’ve got no idea what to expect. How will I know when it’s ready to be born? How will I know how to care for it properly? I don’t know what I’m doing.” To Jillian’s surprise, she burst into tears. Sennan fussed around her.
“There, there. It’s expected that you feel a bit unsure, it’s your first child.” She handed her a cloth to dry her eyes.
“The baby will tell you when it’s ready to come out. Trust me, you’ll know about it.” She chuckled.
“What? Why? Does it hurt?” Jillian sniffed, looking alarmed.
“I can’t lie to you. It will hurt. But it’s a pain that you will be prepared to withstand, for at the end of it you get to meet your flesh and blood. And that moment is so magical the pain will seem like a small price to pay. You needn’t worry about caring for it. You already do, and that is all the knowledge you need. We will all help you my child. You are not doing this alone.”
Jillian was heartened to hear those words, and her tears quickly dried as she carried on baking.
As the day of the ceremony arrived, there was much busyness in the communal hut. Jillian was ordered to sit at a bench and tie ribbons. She watched people rushing around her, and several times tried to get up to help, feeling guilty for sitting down.
“No you don’t missy. You stay there with those ribbons. We are all fine.” Fenn pointed at her sternly on one such occasion. Misha had been taken down to the pool to be washed and oiled by her bridesmaids–as Jillian had been months before.
Faron came to see her, after carrying one of the beasts on his back into the village, ready to be roasted at the feast. He kissed her and rubbed her belly, which already seemed stretched to bursting. As he laid his hand on her, the baby gave and almighty kick. They both looked to each other and beamed, putting his other hand there too, in the hope to feel it again. Inside of her, Jillian’s child responded to the touch, poking limbs out as if reaching for its Father.
“Mother, come quick–the baby’s kicking.” He called. Sennan came flying out of the kitchen, closely followed by Fenn and Cara, who all had a go at feeling the energetic child wriggling inside of Jillian. She felt silly for worrying about bringing up a child–with this much love around her it was going to be easy.
As beautiful flashes of color lit the sky in an extraordinary sunset, Misha made her way into the village, through the walkway fluttering with the ribbons Jillian had braided, to a mesmerizing song played on wooden instruments.
Faron had his arm around Jillian as they and the villagers formed a circle around Misha and Charin. He squeezed her slightly as they watched–remembering their own ceremony, remembering how certain he was that he loved her. He had not been wrong. Since she had been a part of his tribe, he had felt complete–whole. As if reading his mind, Jillian looked up to him–love in her eyes.
The fire in front of the newly-weds was lit and everyone circled round, throwing the ash that changed the flames color–which Jillian just discovered was a fertility ritual. She looked at each and every face as they rotated round, a whole village full of people that she now called family.
When she had first been brought here, she had thought them to be aliens. Foreign, other worldly beings close to savages. How wrong she had been. How kind these people were. Generous, loving. They felt the same things as humans–anger, jealousy, sadness. But yet far more besides–they were much more intuitive, much quicker to forgive and accept.
As Misha and Charin started their life together, the tribe cheered and the feast began. Amidst the beat of the drums, the tantalizing smell of roasting meat and the crackle of the fire, Jillian and Faron shared a moment together. Staring into each other’s eyes, they had no need for words. The love inside them was visible to all. With the first of their many children growing inside of her belly–filled with the love from her husband, her family and friends, Jillian’s happiness soared. She had found a place to belong, at last.
The End.
" -webkit-filter: grayscale(100%); -moz-filter: grayscale(100%); -o-filter: grayscale(100%); -ms-filter: grayscale(100%); filter: grayscale(100%); " class="sharethis-inline-share-buttons">share
Starport: Zeta Prime (Alt) Page 12
