I fought back more tears. There had been too much sadness spilled here already today. I closed my eyes tightly forcing back my hurt and grief.
Why couldn't she just be satisfied with him gone?
Suicide pacts were never in my long term goals and I hated Romeo and Juliet with a passion. Were these star-crossed lovers going to walk in their ignorant footsteps as well? I wondered.
I already knew the answer before I asked the question. I only hoped it would be quick and painless.
“Okay,” I said quietly, just barely above a whisper.
She craned her head toward me, as if she needed to hear it louder. I couldn't say it again, so I nodded and left it at that, her comprehension growing apparent as she nodded slightly back. Joanna squared her shoulders and raised her head high. Her bold fearlessness made my own bravery seem weak.
I tightened my jaw, squeezed the gun hard in my hand, and raised it to her angelic face. I breathed in deeply through my half clogged nostrils, and put my index finger comfortably on the trigger. I began to think back on all the serene moments we had shared the last year, our love growing deeper than any I could have ever imagined. Jo was my heart, my soul, my everything. She was the only person I could ever feel comfortable dying for. And now, here we were, literally dying for each other.
The gun hovered in the air directly in front of Joanna's peaceful face. She had accepted this fate more readily than I could. Had she made these plans before learning of mine?
As much as I tried to disagree, I knew she had.
“I love you, Harvey,” she began to whisper softly in her sweet siren voice.
I swallowed my shame and guilt in one thick lump, letting the flood of tears burst through gates of my courage. I shook my head roughly trying to escape this harsh reality.
“I love you, Jo. I never wanted any of this to happen to you,” I cried uncontrollably, still refusing to accept this fate.
She grabbed my hand, lacing her fingers in mine and squeezing tightly. The love of my ill-fated life continued to whisper her endearing goodbye to me as her honey colored eyes closed for the last time. I sobbed like a beaten child as she squeezed my hand until the blood failed to reach the tips of my fingers.
Now, Harvey. It has to be now. With a heavy heart and a heavy finger, I pulled the trigger.
BANG!!
The sound echoed thunderously around my trembling body. A wave of intense desensitization encompassed my being as I became deaf and blind to the world around me. It took several seconds for my vision to clear and my heart to accept my fate. My tear-soaked eyes faced the utter horror of what I had just done with disgust and excruciating torment. Stabbing anguished pain seared through my body as I tried to stay standing before my beloved. Her hair turned a bright crimson as the life of my Joanna seeped across the blood-tarnished floor. My knees buckled as I fell before her still body. I reached out and caressed her silken cheek. Her face was serene and peaceful. I used to love watching her sleep and saddened at the thought that this would be the last time. At least, it would make killing myself a little easier now. I almost thanked her for that.
As I sat next to my lost Juliet, I took inventory of all the spent bullets of the last few minutes. The blaring of sirens and horns screaming outside deterred me for only the briefest of moments. I had started with six bullets. Six. I had planned to kill only JJ and then shoot myself, so why had I chosen to put in six bullets? Had I known it wouldn't be that simple?
The piercing ache in my heart grew more intense with each passing second. Shouts of surrender and bursting doors invaded my mind, forcing me to act. I gave Jo once last glance, hoping to see her beautiful face soon. I closed my eyes and placed the still hot gun in my mouth, the thick taste of warm metal crawling across my tongue.
“Drop the weapon!” I heard in muffled slow motion as I pressed the gun harder against the roof of my mouth.
They knew just as well as I that I would do no such thing. It didn't matter what decision I made, either way, it was going to be the same ending. I closed my eyes tighter, letting the shiny silver orbs of wet tears encompass my darkened vision. I breathed deeply through my stuffy nose, taking my last great breath of air, and readied my soul.
Then, I do the same thing I have done every day for the last three years since being thrown mercilessly into the pits of Hell. Allowed only torturous bitter memories for companions. Rejected from Heaven. Rejected from Joanna and forced to relive that day forever...
My steady bony finger squeezed slowly back on the firm trigger as tears of sorrow and joy fell unrelenting down my face.
I'm coming, Jo.
I'm sorry, Mother.
BANG!!
Epilogue
John opened his eyes slowly, disbelieving the reality of his continued existence if not for the immense throbbing igniting from the back of his head. He rubbed his head roughly over the developing bump protruding from his skull the size of a marble. He looked forlorn as he realized he truly had been spared. The chaotic cafeteria now ablaze with police and paramedics running from person to person in hopes of finding more survivors than victims. John watched with confused sickness in the pit of his stomach. He knew he should have been lying cold on the floor instead of warm and alive before the lifeless blood-covered bodies of his friends. He stared unrelenting at Harvey's still body, sprawled aimlessly across Joanna's lifeless form. He took Joanna, but he wouldn't take me. Painful rejection washed over John's heart as he realized how alone he was now.
He patted his broken heart and felt a slight unusual bulge in his breast pocket. Reaching inside, he pulled out an over-folded piece of worn paper. The writing had been erased and rewritten so much that it was difficult to make out what was left and what had been rethought. John soon recognized the handwriting and burst into sobs of regret.
Dear John,
I'm leaving you this letter because I will never get a chance to explain myself in person for what happened today. I want you to know, no matter what, you have always been my friend. You are a good person, and I hope one day you will forgive me for what I've done. JJ has committed a horrible act of evil that is both unholy and unspeakable. That is why I have killed him. He took away my soul, and that is why I have killed myself. I never imagined I would be taking a life, but there is no other way I can see fit to assure he is punished for his crimes. Now, all I ask of you is to look after my mother because she is alone, look after Joanna because she is my heart, and make sure JJ's cruelty is kept buried from the world because he is my brother.
Forever your friend til the end,
Harvey
H. A. Carter Page 9
