by Marci Fawn
We’ll have to deal with being in a confined space with each other. But that doesn’t mean we have to see each other. And if Becky does her job right, I won’t have to deal with Jason, and he won’t have to get his face fucking broken in again.
My breathing is less shallow. Calmer now.
I take Faith’s hand in mine and pull her to me, but then I drop her hand and just take her in my arms. Her head fits perfectly under my chin like it always has, and I love how small she is in my arms and how it feels like I can protect her…
I would protect her, against anything.
But I can’t convince myself that attacking Jason isn’t just as much for her as it is for me. I sigh into her hair, about to close my eyes when the first fan pipes up, asking me for an autograph.
Another camera clicks, and I imagine how it looks, me holding Faith in my arms and breathing out calmer than I have in ages. She feels right. I’ll have to figure out who that person is and ask for that photo later, but there’s only so much shit I can deal with right now.
Faith presses her body against mine for a moment, but then she pulls herself away from me and we’re only connected by our fingertips as she grabs my hand. A pen is shoved roughly in the other hand as another voice – high-pitched from being nervous? Fans of boxers are often worried they might get by their idol, but I’ve never hit down a fan yet – reminds me of what they desperately want: my name scrawled on their shirt.
River Xavier.
Done.
And then the pen is still in my hand, and I write my name on notepads, clothing, skin, and maybe a camera or two. I don’t keep track. My mind is on Faith. I throw the pen to the ground and go to her, needing her more than I need the attention of some groupies and a few reporters.
“Mr. Xavier! Is this your wife?” One voice screams over the sound of the rumbling people. The cruise was quiet and serene a few minutes ago, but it got loud in the fight and has only gotten progressively louder later. I nod, ignoring the technicalities of the statement. She’s my girl, even if she doesn’t know it yet, but by the way her hand squeezes against mine…
She does.
It’d be nice to have her as my wife, I think. No, I know.
But we’re not there yet.
I nod again to the random man, taking Faith’s hand in mine and moving back in the direction I’m pretty sure I came from. She just giggles, stopping and still moving even as she does so. I’m too strong and her body gets pulled along by my grip, so I stop, too, wondering what’s up.
“My room’s this way,” she says, grabbing the sleeve of my shirt even though it’s way too high up for her to lead me without it looking ridiculous. And then she pulls me and we’re back to our cabin.
The room is still organized and looks the same as it did before, still smells of freshly cut apples and unpacked luggage. I guess she took our clothes out and got them done when I was hunting for Jason…
Sabrina and Dawn are missing from the room. Guess the blonde took my little girl out to explore the ship. Perfect fucking timing.
I kiss Faith on the forehead, hoping she’ll know I noticed. Either way, I’m not going to ask. She leans her head against my chest and that’s all that matters.
“River,” she says.
“Shut up,” I tell her. I have to quit being so fucking soft. I wonder if she’ll still like me as much, as mushy as I’ve been around her. But I’m not in the mood for mush now. I grab her by the waist, pulling her to me.
She’s so much weaker than me and it’s so easy to just take her in my arms, but she doesn’t fight me. She never has.
We’re meant to be together.
I crush my lips against hers. One of her hands rises to the back of my head, pressing against it so that my mouth drags closer to hers. I shower her in rough, wet kisses, tugging at the bottom of her shirt and moving to pull it up over her head –
“Wait,” she says, tugging at the hem of mine back. Hers is urgent, less sexual than we’d been just a second before.
I stop immediately.
“I can’t, River… It’s too much, too soon. We have to talk, you’re being too pushy,” she admits brokenly.
It hurts so fucking much to hear her say that. I try to speak.
I can’t.
“Tonight,” she says, kissing me lightly one more time. “I promise.”
And then she’s out of the room, saying she has to find Sabrina and Dawn, check up on her little girl. And I’m sitting in there, thinking about the kid that might just be mine.
I don’t feel like a father.
But…
Dawn feels like home.
She feels like my child.
Hours pass. Tonight never comes.
I’m not even mad when Faith presses herself up against my side, leaning her head on my shoulder, and tells me what a sleepy night it is.
“It is,” I say, and I keep myself from kissing her again. It shouldn’t be possible to kiss someone too much. If she’s sleepy, though, it might be better not to. I haven’t spent the night with her before, not in years. I don’t know what it takes to make her tired, even though I’d have been able to answer that question just years ago. I press my fingers in her hair, pulling at it lightly so it rises from her scalp and she moans. “Let’s go outside.”
She nods, her eyes half-lidded and I wonder if she’s actually too tired to…
I shake my head.
Dawn is in here.
And that is exactly why we can’t be close.
I knock on the door to the adjoining door, and Sabrina opens it a moment later. “Can you watch Dawn?” I ask.
I bet she can hear the strain in my voice, as she nods quickly and comes inside the room. Dawn’s sleeping peacefully on her cot, and Sabrina won’t have a lot of work on her hands.
I lead Faith outside, until we’re at the door leading to the deck.
I shove both hands against the door, opening it with two instead of the usual one because it’s the only way I’ll be able to keep my hands off of my Faith. It’s dark out now, darker than expected. The stars are so visible here, unlike any place I’ve ever seen them in the city.
We are completely surrounded by water.
I want to turn to Faith, but I don’t yet. We’re just outside her room, which is on the first floor of the ship. The ship has two floors, with the main captain’s bridge being on the second. No one is allowed up there.
“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” I nudge against her with my shoulder, nodding my head in the direction of the captain’s quarters. There’s a ladder leading up there and everything, and rails to hold onto to make sure we don’t fall in case we hit a particularly bad wave.
But I’m not concerned about me. Just about her.
“You know it,” she says, that grin of hers I haven’t seen in so long spreading across her face. Faith has always been nerdy, the good girl… But there’s a streak of wildness in her, and I long to bring it out in her. I just hope she gives me the chance. “It’s been ages since I did something wicked and bad…”
Without giving her fair warning, I start running across the deck, avoiding the sun chairs other tourists have left lounging about, and I hear her high-pitched “hey!” scream into the distance at the injustice. It makes my sides ache, and I almost lose my advantage.
Almost.
My hand hits the ladder first, and I drag it all the way down so the bottom rung hits the deck and we’ll be able to climb with stability. I long to rush up it, feel the sea breeze on my face as the wind wafts against my skin. I move to the side, ducking my head.
“Ladies first.”
She hits me in the stomach, lightly, mumbling something about not being a lady.
She couldn’t be more wrong.
“So, Faith,” I start.
She finishes. “Shut up.”
She leans her back against the railing, holding her weight up with her arms just enough so she’s shaking from the exertion of it. I laugh, moving towards her, and grab her
arms so that her body is leaning up against the rails. I hold her arms on either sides of her so she won’t fall. I’ll keep her safe.
“It’s been so long,” she says.
“You just told me to shut up,” I nuzzle my mouth against her skin, moving my face down so my lips rest against her throat.
“You’re ruining the moment,” she says, but she arches her neck so her skin is easier for me to reach. I stop kissing her. I want her now, but I want her to ache for it. For me.
I want her to beg. My hand caresses her small curves through the fabric of her clothes, and I exhale into the night air. “I looked for you for so long, Faith.”
“So much has changed.” She pulls herself away from me, ducking under my arms and finding a seat leaned up against the captain’s office. She sticks her legs out in front of her, and I do the same. I sit there, listening, as she tells me everything – my family moving and helping her family, which they’d told me. I was so desperate to see her and tell her she could live with me, but she refused to even come to the door. She tells me that she was broken over her mother’s death, and I know that still hurts her –
I take her in my arms. She keeps talking, her words muffled by her mouth against my shirt. I can still hear her, her voice breaking.
“My father died two years ago,” she says. “I had just turned nineteen… You weren’t there.”
And I feel horrible. I tell her everything about the contract, and she sits there, nodding. I feel her tears start to subside. I run a hand through her hair, needing to comfort her. She takes it in hers, holding my hand against her chest. Now isn’t the time but I want her, and her breast on my hand isn’t doing much to help… I squeeze.
She gasps, shaking her head. “Wait, I need to tell you,” she whispers, her voice shaky. I move another hand to her chest, feeling both her breasts and squeezing them, pulling the fabric up and moving her bra aside so I can tweak her nipples while she trembles against me.
“Dawn’s yours,” she finally gets it out.
And I know. I knew all along.
I move my body, adjusting myself so I’m on top of her, my knee between her legs as I push them open for me. I drop my hands to her sides, then to her trousers, pushing into her panties as I press two fingers inside her…
“Faith,” I kiss her, needing to comfort her with touch. Not words. “Don’t talk.”
She whimpers when I touch her, whispering my name.
I should be pissed.
I should be angry as hell she neglected to tell me I was a father, but all I can muster up is love for this woman. She was only a girl when she carried my baby, carried and raised my child all by herself. And I’ll never fucking forgive myself for leaving her when she needed me most.
“I signed that goddamned contract,” I tell her. “I never would have left had I know you’d gotten pregnant… I tried so damn hard to get you back Faith.”
“I know,” she says, her words a whisper on the wind. She moans, my fingers still lodged inside her pussy.
“You’re so wet, Faith,” I groan. “So fucking wet for me, still, after all these years…”
A shrill scream interrupts us, and we spring apart, my fingers leaving her pussy even though I’m desperate to push something bigger inside her.
We rush towards the sound of the voice only to find Sabrina sprawled on the floor.
“Fuck,” she grins through her pain. “Caught red handed.”
“Sabrina!” Faith says with horror in her voice, crouching next to her on the floor. “Are you okay? What the hell are you doing?”
“Kind of spying on you. Don’t worry, Dawn’s safe and sound in bed… I only left for a moment,” her friend admits, wincing when Faith touches her ankle. “Fuck, I think I sprained something.”
I’m half tempted to tell her it serves her right for following us around, but I just sigh and pick her up from the floor. “Come on, you big baby,” I tell her. “Let’s go to the nurse.”
Faith follows behind us with an amused look on her face.
Faith
The time on the cruise passed too fast, but we still have time left. I longed to be with River the entire time we were on the ship. We hadn’t seen much of Becky or Jason, and they weren’t even on my mind – some sort of magic at work, I was sure.
Everything was wonderful, but frustrating at the same time…
River’s hands roamed my body plenty of times, but he never did anything else. I moan under my breath, looking at him to the side of me before moving my gaze to the villa we’d rented.
We were in Greece. And if I didn’t have my family, the villa in front of me might be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. It’s huge and white, towering over a Greek landscape. The virgin sands around us have our footprints in them, like the beach is keeping track of this memory so I don’t have to. I want to, though, so I stumble for the phone deep in my bag, almost dropping my daughter’s hand.
River stops me.
“I’ve got it,” he says. He takes my bag from me, searching through the contents and taking my phone out. I don’t know why I even put it in the bottom of the bag in the first place, it was obviously a horrible idea. I worry River thinks I’m silly for it, so I blush like I’m an anxious seventeen-year-old again.
He just smiles at me. I motion for my bag back, but he just shakes his head with that telltale smirk and then throws it over his shoulder with all the other bags he’s carrying. He insists on doing it for me.
I don’t know why I ever refused to see him.
I should have answered his calls. He would have seen me, and he would have been there for Dawn’s birth, and we would have been together longer.
We’re together now, though.
And that’s all that matters.
“Grin, why don’t you,” he says, holding the phone up to take a picture of me. I motion for him to wait with one finger, lifting Dawn up in my arms so she’s in the image, too –
And it’s ruined. Sabrina jumps in the way, giggling, trying to do a photo bomb like she’d always wanted to when it was the trendy thing to do, but always unsure of if it made her seem weird to whatever guy she was into at the time.
River shows us the photo, all blurs of smiling faces. I’m going to keep it anyway. I just wish River was in it, instead of hiding behind the camera.
“Hey,” I start to say.
“Race you in,” River says first, and I take the challenge like I did when we were kids and when we still weren’t lovers. I drop Dawn’s hand so she can try to run in the sand with me, and Sabrina tries to run, too, but she can’t do much more than walk awkwardly. She insisted on no crutches, though. We’re all falling.
Somehow, River makes it first, luggage and all.
Damn that man.
I just want to stare at him, smile at him, and tell him I’m never going to let him go. But it doesn’t seem right now. He’s staring back and the world is silent. The moment is perfect.
“I call first room! And no one gets to complain,” Sabrina calls, gesturing to her leg with a hand. “Crippled and all, you know.”
Dawn pipes up, for maybe the first time on this entire trip. She wants to stay with Aunt Sabrina. I’m about to ask if that’s okay with her when my best friend just gives me this knowing look, staring from River to me and back again, and then takes Dawn in her arms.
“Are you sure you can carry her?” I’m holding onto my baby, worried that even she, a small little thing, will make Sabrina’s leg worse. I could give up time with River for my best friend. Not that I want to…
“I’ve got her,” Sabrina grins. “Just make sure you bring my bags to my room.”
“We plan on it,” River says, wrapping his hand around mine and giving me a wink. He used “we” instead of just “I.” I notice it, and wonder if he did it on purpose. He had to… He squeezes my hand, and I squeeze back, living in the moment before he nudges Sabrina gently with his shoulder. “Now go.”
She starts off, but doesn’t get far.
She’s slow going, and she’s distracted by the most beautiful little girl I’ve ever seen. Dawn tugs on her loose sleeve, the dress easy for even her to reach. Sabrina kneels as best she can on the one leg she can balance on, and I smile as I see them whispering in each other’s ears. Dawn gives me a look and stops talking, telling me it’s a secret. I look away, but I’m still listening.
“We’ll play later, Dawn,” she says. “Just give these two some time.”
They both erupt in a fit of giggles, and Dawn tells us we have an hour. We both agree.
The sun is high in the sky and the world is hot, as beautiful as I’ve ever seen it, and I look forward to swimming with everyone, as Dawn doesn’t want me to know she intends. We can find floaties for her somewhere, or River could teach her how to swim… He’s always been better at it than I have.
I sigh. I’m not sure if it’s where we are that’s beautiful, or if it’s who I’m with, but I have an idea of why I’m so happy. He’s standing right next to me.
I turn to River. He dropped all the bags he was holding earlier on the sand around us. I don’t know when he did that, but I don’t really care. He’s all I’m thinking about right now. I wasted three years with Jason instead of just trying to make things right with the man I belong with. I don’t have time to focus on bags.
He takes my other hand in his, holding both of them. He towers above me, so strong and masculine, more of a man than I think I’ve ever seen him, even in all his arrogance.
He is so damn handsome.
And I tell him that.
“I know,” he smirks down at me, releasing one of my hands as he presses his body close to mine. He grabs my chin, making me look up at him. I didn’t notice I was starting to look away from him. His eyes are just so tense. Searching.
What for, I don’t know what.
I just know I need to kiss him.
I rise up on my tiptoes, searching for his chin when I can’t reach his lips. He drops my other hand, both his hands going to rest on my hips as he picks me up. My legs wrap around his hips and I cling to him, his arms twisting around my body as we kiss. We’re falling again, sand in our hair and on our skin. It’s a mess, and I don’t care, because for the first time in years, everything is right again.
