Carlo Rossi was the head of one of the deadliest gangs in the city. He hid what he was behind thousand dollar suits and capped tooth smiles. The greasy fuck.
He moved in the proverbial right circles, and money changed hands so those who should know better would look the other way. I had something for their ass too.
He’d risen to the top quickly by being vicious. Taking out his enemies without a thought, and anyone else who got in his way. Nothing ever stuck though, those who weren’t too afraid to speak against him in court, ended up dead. dpgroup
But I guess when you’re untouchable that shit becomes child’s play. He was also smart; having studied the system in the fancy law school his father had sent him to, which gave him an edge on the competition.
His ruthlessness was only surpassed by his cunning, and that’s what had kept him flying under the radar for as long as he had before I caught on.
As Lieutenant of the narcotics vice squad, it had been my job to search out and get rid of drug traffickers in the city. No small tasks these days since everyone and their grandmother was a pusher, literally.
Unlike my predecessors who’d barely put a dent in the mountain of files we had on the criminal element, I decided to dig deeper. To stop focusing on the bottom feeders who stood on street corners slinging their crap, or the ones who were supplying on a local level.
I wanted to strike the beast at the head and not waste my time cutting off middle men who had nothing to do with how the drugs were actually ending up on our streets.
I was making good headway too. My men were getting the job done and the public citizens who only wanted to live a life of peace without the threat of gunfire or their sixteen- year old son or daughter ODing on drugs were starting to come forward with information that proved helpful.
They were no longer afraid to come forward once it became evident that the force was actually trying to help, instead of being part of the problem.
Dirty ass cops always made it hard for the good ones. But once people realized there was a shift, things had started to move in our favor. I was taking drugs off the streets in a higher rate than even I had anticipated.
That’s when I’d come to their attention, when they’d sat up and took notice. When the target had been drawn on my back.
I didn’t let that stop me though; it came with the job. I’d only gone harder, and once the end was in sight, I dug in my heels and forged on full speed ahead.
But then things had gone to shit in a basket and I knew without a doubt that someone had sold me out. Someone who was supposed to have my back had stuck a knife in it. And my family had paid the price, my wife and innocent little boy.
I’d buried my grief in anger and a few pints of whiskey. The hate had only clouded my judgment and held me prisoner for as long as it was all I felt. But once the fog had cleared I’d got to work on a plan.
I knew these fucks like I knew my own skin since I’d been studying them for the last year and a half or so, ever since they came on my radar. Back then I had to play by the rules and the wheels of justice tend to go real slow.
The asshole D.A. refused to make a move unless I handed him the fuckers on a platter. Nobody wanted to do the work anymore. They all wanted everything tied up neatly with a bow on top.
Every time I went to him he had an excuse as to why it was too soon to go after the man that we all knew was responsible for the worse crime wave to hit the city in decades.
Now my family was dead and all I got was ‘I’m so sorry’, fuck that. I tried doing things the right way, that shit was dead. I’d trusted the system and the system fucked me up the ass, now I was gonna do this shit my way.
I calmed myself as I sat at my desk. It wouldn’t pay to lose my shit here and now. I’ve already done that with no results. All my anger got me was frustration and setbacks.
So instead, I’ve let the anger give way to stone cold hate. I’ve found that it’s easier to hide hate than anger. Anger is usually instantaneous, while hate you can easily hide behind a façade.
5
Nick
“Anyone seen Sheridan?” I heard the Chief calling out through the bullpen as he searched for me. I didn’t call out, he’d find me soon enough. I had a pretty good idea what he was after and wasn’t interested in his shit no more than I had been in the captain’s.
A few months ago that would’ve been different. Not that I was a brown nose, but I had respect for command, I cared about such things. These days I could give a fuck.
I guess I half expected the Cap to pass on the message, I just didn’t expect him to do that shit so soon. If he thought this one was gonna have better luck they were both fucked.
“Oh there you are, where are we on the Sullivan case?” I motioned to the dead board I had set up in my office where some poor smuck had had the misfortune of playing in the wrong kiddie pool.
Brian Sullivan had been a billionaire who had more money than sense. He thought his money made him invincible; a bullet to the head had shown otherwise. I give a fuck.
I was working the case same as I had been with all the others since I came back after my leave but my mind was miles away. I was more interested in going after men like the one we’d taken down tonight, the ones directly and indirectly responsible for murdering my son.
“Good work, I’m glad we didn’t lose you after…how are you doing?” He paced in front of my desk like he had something on his mind. I knew what that something was and was only waiting for him to bring it up so I could shoot him down.
I didn’t bother to answer his almost slip-up. There was nothing left to say on the subject, not to him anyway. He’d be lucky if he didn’t end up on the evening news with his dick shoved down his neck too.
“We should have the perp in house pretty soon. The task force went after him after he went on the run.” I waited for him to get to the real reason for his visit since his damn pacing was starting to make me twitch.
I can’t stand wasted movement, too distracting. After a few more pointless murmurings he got to it.
“Your captain tells me that you’ve refused the new detail, I hope you know the mayor…”
“You want my badge you can have it.” I looked him square in the eye and waited for his play.
I needed my position here to break down certain doors and keep my ear to the ground, but there were ways around that shit.
I wasn’t too worried about them catching onto me, I covered my steps too well for that. They’d never expect it of me anyway so I wasn’t expecting them to look.
No, as far as they were concerned I was a grief stricken husband and father who was just going through the motions these days.
Immediately after the incident, I’d given a good impression of trying to climb into a bottle. That’s why they were throwing amateur bullshit my way, like the Sullivan case.
They thought I needed time to get myself back in top form. Good, let them keep thinking that shit. It was as good a cover as any.
That begs to reason why they’d want me on the ‘Savage’ case. I’m not even in homicide, but I guess they think since I know about as much about the drug trade in the city as anyone, that I would have some kind of insight into this guy, seeing as he was only going after drug dealing scum.
“Look, I know it’s been hard…”
“Respectfully sir you don’t know shit. Until you stand over the pieces of your pre-teen son and the woman you’ve slept next to for thirteen years you’ll never know.” He swallowed and looked away sheepishly.
“The answer’s no, and you can tell the mayor to save his breath.” I guess I wasn’t doing so well with the anger thing today. Oh well, I hadn’t gone to them they’d come to me.
He wanted to come back at me hard I know but he was caught between a rock and a hard place. I am the best, even when I’m at my worse, which is what everybody thinks I am right now.
They couldn’t afford to lose me, especially now, when the city was in such an uproar. Not to mention the fa
ct that the citizens of our fair city wouldn’t look too kindly on them if they fired the man who’d just lost his family while serving them.
And believe me I’d let that shit be known along with a whole list of shit that could get a lot of people fired or worse. He looked back at me as if taking my measure.
He lost the staring match before he too cleared his throat and with a nod, headed for the exit. He stopped in the doorway without looking back. I guess he hadn’t said all he’d come to say.
“You know son-you’ve changed. You’re a good cop a damn good man. I would hate to see this turn you into something you’re not. You took a hard loss, one of the worse this force has ever seen, but we need you to pull it together…”
I ignored his stupid ass as I was once again confounded by the stupidity of people. It brought home to me just how meaningless those words were.
It reminded me of each time I’d had the unenviable task of notifying someone that their loved one had been taken in some pointless manner. Telling them how sorry I was for their loss, and how empty that fucking sentiment really is.
No words can ever, will ever ease the pain that gets under your skin and into your gut. Nothing can take away the stark pain you feel when you wake up in the morning and the light of your life is gone, snuffed out way too soon.
Nothing they can say or do will ever take the place of having my son here with me. Fuck off.
After he left, I was left alone. Where once the rest of the team would’ve been in my office reliving the takedown, now they all steered clear.
It had been this way since I came back, almost as if I wore a sign that screamed ‘stay the fuck back’. My colleagues had stopped making excuses for my new persona. They thought it was grief, burnout.
I knew there were whispers, knew there were also those who were just waiting for me to climb into that bottle and stay. I give a fuck.
I closed the file on my desk and watched the clock. The job that had once been my life was now just a means to an end. I can only keep the anger contained but for so long each day so I try not to hang around much after my shift was over.
No more putting in that extra hour here and there to kill time on those nights I couldn’t face Dee, and my son was already in bed or with his grandparents.
6
Nick
Knockoff time; time to get to work. I grabbed my jacket from the back of my chair and threw it over my shoulders. Walking through the bullpen I didn’t bother with any goodbyes. Fuck ‘em.
I had no stomach for their pitying looks and empty platitudes. I felt their eyes on me as I made my way to the door. As long as they did their job there was really nothing else that needed to be said.
I didn’t hate my men, not by a long shot, but they had no part in what I was doing, where my life was going. Maybe when I was satisfied, when I’d finally exacted vengeance on the ones on my hit list we can go back to having a drink after shift.
For now though it was best they keep their distance. I hadn’t burned any bridges but there was definitely a bit of a divide these days between me, and them. And because I knew what was coming soon, the shake-up that my actions would cause, it was best to leave things the way they are for now.
Outside, my ride looked out of place in the midst of all the sedans parked in the lot; another new staple. One of those things that made the people who thought they knew me go ‘what the fuck?’
I revved up and headed out. My gut did that grumbling shit again, reminding me once more that I hadn’t eaten anything. There was no time. There was no time these days for anything, nothing but vengeance and retribution.
That, and one more thing, that had become just as important. At least one of them I could put to rest soon. I had decided, tonight was the night.
At home, my new home, since the one I shared with my family had been blown to fuck in the explosion that took their lives; I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and headed for the garage.
Once my workout room was a cushy little room with all the latest bells and whistles. Now it was a dank corner in my garage. I needed it this way. It reminded me of where I was now, what my life was, what it had become. There was nothing soft in my life any more; that will come later.
I hit the weights first before going for a run on the treadmill at top speed for one hour running flat out. Barely winded this time, I noticed as I wiped the sweat from my brow. I did some stretches and cooled down before turning out the lights.
“Time to go to work.” I headed down to the bunker, the one I built in the dead of night when nothing but the wind was moving, the one no one but me and He who sees all knew about.
“Lights on.” My home built computer lit up as well as the screen that ran the length of one wall. In the background was the silent hum of machines as they fired up. Screens scrolled by as data downloaded from the day’s search.
I was getting close I could feel it. At least one good thing had stayed with me from the old days, that good old-fashioned sixth sense. I was tempted, so tempted to go end it, get it over with. But I’d come too far to make any sudden moves and have the whole thing come tumbling down.
I used the information I’d got off of the last asshole to look up the location. The blueprints popped up on the screen and I spent the next few minutes figuring shit out. I saw where I could get in and plant the listening devices without anyone being the wiser.
I checked my equipment to make sure it was working and once that was done I went to the other thing I was working on. The last thing I had to do before this was all over.
I tapped my finger against my lips as I contemplated my next move. “Not yet.” I shut everything down and headed for the shower. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that I wasn’t really living, I was just going through the motions. Living is overrated anyway, much better to exist until your time comes. Anything else you get fucked.
My heart warred against my mind as I thought of what I had planned for tonight. I’ll make room for her in my heart; in fact she’d never left. And the question of whether or not it was fair to bring her into my life now had been asked a hundred times and I was still no closer to an answer.
Since that was the case I’ve decided to just go with my gut and my gut tells me now is as good a time as any.
I cleaned up and got dressed in my new uniform of Henley and jeans with shit kickers. The white outline that marked the place where my wedding ring once sat was a bittersweet reminder.
The guilt almost choked me and I felt that burn in my gut. I knew it was only there because of where I was going when I walked out that door. I saw my dead wife’s face flash before my eyes like an accusation and crushed the memories before they could surface.
I’d mourned my son and his mother for the first three months after they’d been taken so viciously from me. I had nothing left. Brandon will always be my son, but there was nothing but pain with the memory.
I’d also put the guilt of not loving my wife enough behind me. She’d known where my heart was the whole time we were together, but she also knew I would never have betrayed her and our vows.
I’d given her the out to go find her soul mate; she thought I was it. At least I had given her all I had when she was alive, even though my heart had been lost long before we ever met.
I’d done all I could never to slight the mother of my son. I’d never held anything against her for what had happened between us, what had brought my son into being.
There were two people in the backseat of that car that night. Two people who had lost their heads and fucked without skins. Dee had always had a crush on me. I knew it; the whole high school knew it, including my girl Michelle.
She’s the last person I should’ve turned to back then because I knew it would’ve meant more to her than it did me, but I was in a bad place that night.
Michelle had ran off in a huff a few weeks earlier and I was pissed. I thought we were done, since that’s the last thing she said to me before she left.
By t
he time we came to our senses and remembered that we couldn’t survive without each other, Dee was giving me the news that she was pregnant with my kid. Worse fucking time of my life. I was in a bind and I knew it, but even then I knew there was only one road open to me.
Dee already had our futures mapped out. She got what she wanted out of my one little slip-up, and it hadn’t mattered to her that she wasn’t what I wanted.
She was selfish in that sense, but I can’t say that I blame her. She saw what she wanted and went after it. And then there was the kid to think about. He had no blame in all of this and me being selfish would only screw up his life before he was even born. So I did the only thing I could.
I’ll never forget the look of betrayal on Shelly’s face when I told her, the hurt. I carried around that guilt for quite some time, but the deed was already done. Nothing I could’ve done to change what was and I’d thought of everything.
If I could’ve taken the kid and kept Shelly fuck yeah I would’ve done it. But I knew there was no way Dee would ever go for that and it wouldn’t have been fair to ask.
But when a man saw his life going down the drain he’d think of anyway to save it. Yes I was angry, spent a lot of time nursing that emotion in the beginning. But I had to put it all aside because that little boy needed me.
I even convinced myself that I could live with Dee and not touch her. It was going to be my penance for what I’d done to Shelly. The only woman I ever wanted to share myself with. But that was a crapshoot.
Dee let her feelings on the matter be known from the beginning. Either I took her and our son as a packaged deal, or she’d run off with him somewhere and I’d never see him again.
Savage: A Second Chance at Love Page 3
