THERE ARE MANY WALLED CITIES GUARDED BY GATES.
THE PEOPLE WERE RICH. THE WOMEN EVEN WEARING BELTS MADE OF GOLD.
—Friar Marcos
16
Sasha sat down beside the river and looked at the distant shore. Her heart was so heavy as she thought of her brother Anias and all of his treachery. She realized that she had never really known him. He was much older than she, but he had always shown her kindness and what she thought was love. She was deeply ashamed of him, and wished her mother and father would not have to find out about his treachery. It would break their hearts and dishonor their home.
Sasha thought of Mara. She had been very forgiving and did not blame her for her brother's wrongdoing. Sasha had grown to love the Golden One. Not as an immortal, but as a person. Her kindness to Sasha on many occasions had shown her the goodness that Mara possessed.
Then there was Jeffery, Mara's brother. Sasha's heart would swell within her body when he looked at her with his beautiful green eyes. And when he smiled at her, she would feel funny deep inside.
Sasha did not understand her feelings for him. He had not often addressed her personally, and she had not often been alone with him. She had started to daydream about him lately, wishing he would notice her as a woman. She blushed at her own daring thoughts. He was so handsome he must have had many women of his own race who admired him, maybe even someone whom he loved.
Sasha had often wanted to ask Mara about Jeffery, but could never seem to broach the subject. She felt her heart grow heavy. Even if he did not love anyone, he would not look at her as a woman. She scolded herself for daring to think of the Golden One's brother as a man.
As if her thinking about him caused him to appear, she heard footsteps behind her and recognized them as Jeffery's.
"Good afternoon, Sasha. You were very thoughtful just now. Were you perhaps thinking of some man who has won your heart?"
She blushed and lowered her head, trying to hide her confusion from him. He must not know she was thinking of him.
Jeffery sat down beside her. She was so lovely and soft-spoken. He found himself thinking of her so often, and watching her, unable to concentrate on anything else when she was around. He was aware of her reaction to him, and smiled to himself.
Jeffery had known many women. Some he had brought to his home to meet his family, others he had not. But no one he had ever known could equal Sasha in beauty or in kindness of heart. He knew about women, and Sasha was not hard to read. It would never occur to her to cover up her feelings, no more than it would occur to her to be anything but truthful. Was it love she felt for him, or some girlhood fantasy?
“I was right, was I not, Sasha. You were thinking of a man?”
She looked at him shyly with her soft brown eyes. "I was thinking of someone," she said truthfully, for it was not in Sasha to tell anything but the truth.
"Someone you love, perhaps?" His voice was deep with feeling.
Sasha looked across the river, trying to avoid his eyes. "I believe I love this man, but he does not know I exist," she said sadly.
"Then the man is either a fool or blind if he does not notice you, Sasha."
Her eyes widened in surprise as she felt her heart leap with joy. He thought her pretty.
Jeffery took her hand. "Which is he, Sasha, blind or a fool?"
"He is neither, Jeffery. He is the most wonderful man in the world," she said softly, looking into his eyes at last.
"Then surely this man does not know how you feel about him?"
"No, he is not for me."
She felt his fingers tighten about her hand. "Why is that, Sasha?"
"Do not ask me any more," she pleaded. "I cannot tell you of my feelings."
"I know what you are feeling, Sasha. Do you fear this man does not love you?"
"No, he does not, and he must have many women who love him. He is very handsome, and very good."
Jeffery raised her face and smiled. "He is a very fortunate man. Would that I were that man, Sasha, for if I were, I would count myself very fortunate to find my love returned."
She looked at him in total confusion. Her English must be at fault. He could not have said that he loved her. She tried to look away from his green eyes, but could not.
"Who is this man, Sasha?" he said softly. "Dare I hope that it is I?" His arms went around her shoulder, and with gentle pressure he drew her to him. "Say it is I, Sasha," he whispered.
"It is you," she said softly. "I love you."
He laughed triumphantly. "I hoped that you felt the same way I do, but I could not be sure. I was frightened that I might have misread you. Oh, my little darling, your confession has made my fondest dream come true."
Sasha looked up into his face. "How can it be that a man such as yourself can love me, Jeffery? I am not worthy of you."
"Are you not, my little love? It is I who am not worthy of you. Do you have any idea what you do to me?"
Sasha shook her head, unable to believe this man with the golden hair and green eyes loved her.
"May I kiss you, Sasha? It is something I have wanted to do for some time now."
Sasha closed her eyes against the glow in his green eyes. Her heart was beating so fast as she waited for him to kiss her. His lips were soft and gentle as they covered hers.
They both knew that what they felt for each other was indeed love. She was everything a man could search for all of his life and never find. Sasha could not believe that she had won the heart of a man such as Jeffery. He was all of her childhood fantasies rolled into one man, but it was not the love of a child she offered him but the heart of a woman.
Mara walked through the camp. She was aware that the protection surrounding her had been doubled. She wanted to see Jeffery, but he always seemed to be with Tajarez, and Tajarez always seemed to be away from the camp. Tomorrow they would resume their journey, and Mara had decided that she wanted to return to St. Louis. She would talk to Jeffery and tell him of her plans. She would have to inform Tajarez, and she dreaded that.
She wondered when it was that he had first decided that he no longer wanted her. Things seemed to have started going wrong between them when she fell from her horse. That was the day Tajarez had said such unkind words to her.
On her progress through the camp she was greeted by many smiling faces. The Indians did not seem to share their leader's dislike of her. They seemed almost eager for her to notice them, and would go out of their way to receive a smile from her.
The afternoon sun was very hot. Mara felt rivulets of perspiration soak through her gown. The sky was clear. They were camped in a beautiful spot with a small river running parallel to the camp. Birds of an unknown variety sang sweetly in the branches of the tall trees that offered the only protection from the scorching heat.
She spotted Jeffery and waved to him. She was on the verge of calling out to him when she saw Sasha step out from behind the big oak tree that stood on the riverbank. Mara blinked in dismay as Jeffery enfolded Sasha in his arms, and the two of them melted together in a kiss that was plainly not meant to be witnessed by anyone.
Mara, fearing Palomas and the other guard who followed her would witness the scene, quickly retraced her steps. What could it mean? Did Jeffery and Sasha love each other? She tried to remember if there had been signs of their love, but could recall nothing.
Mara was so deep in thought that she did not see Tajarez, who stood directly in her path, and almost collided with him. She was stopped only by his restraining hand on her shoulder. She blinked her eyes in astonishment.
"Where were your thoughts, Mara? You seemed a long way away from me."
She tried to sidestep him, but he did not release his hold on her. "I would like to talk to you, Tajarez, if it is convenient for you."
He nodded his head. "Let us walk down by the river. It is cooler there."
"No!" she said quickly, fearing Tajarez would see Jeffery and Sasha together. "Could we not talk in your tent?"
"As you w
ish. Palomas will accompany us."
"Of course," she said scorchingly. "It would not do for me to be caught in a compromising situation, would it?"
Not bothering to answer her angry question, Tajarez held the tent flap open for her to precede him inside. Palomas stationed himself at the entrance, and Tajarez offered her a seat on one of the numerous cushions that dotted the room.
Since Mara had not been able to tell Jeffery of her plans to return to St. Louis, she decided that she would tell Tajarez. Now that she had his attention, she did not know how to proceed. It was important to her that she tell him without crying.
She looked him steadily in the face, but avoided his eyes. "I have been thinking," she said, feeling at a disadvantage since he was still standing and she had to look up to him.
"What have you been thinking, Mara?" His eyes were so dark and mysterious. He seemed far removed from the man she loved, but he still had the power to move her.
"I have decided to return home."
Tajarez drew in his breath. He had not expected her to want to return to her home. He had expected her to question him about his presence in Tanka's tent under suspicious circumstances, or to scold him for the unkind words he had spoken to her.
He sat down slowly. "You have not been happy with us?”
Mara felt hysterical laughter bubble up inside of her. "What a ridiculous understatement," she said.
He waited for the accusations. He expected her to tell him word for word all that had gone wrong on this trip so far, but she did not. He watched, fascinated, as she raised her head proudly and faced him unaccusingly.
"It was a mistake for me to agree to come with you. I am not blaming anyone. We are from two different worlds. What is important to me is not important to you. I suppose it is the difference in our two cultures. You have your ideas of what is acceptable to you, and I have mine. I am sorry to have inconvenienced you in any way. You will be thinking that I am a woman who does not know her mind because I agreed to come with you and now I want to return home. If it will not interfere with your plans, I will speak to my brother, and we will leave in the morning. I would appreciate it if you would allow Palomas to accompany us. I am afraid Jeffery and I would be hopelessly lost after the first day."
How magnificent she was, this Golden One, whom the Great Father had chosen for him to love. How different from all other women he had ever known. She could have accused him of neglect, cruelty, or unfaithfulness, yet she did not. By not doing so, she was allowing him to save face.
"You gave me your word, Mara, that you would honor and obey. I believe those were the words the man spoke when we had the ceremony."
She smiled sadly at him. "We have both broken vows we made that day, Tajarez. Besides, you do not feel bound by our wedding ceremony, why should I?"
"Can your word not be trusted then, Mara?"
"Sometimes it is better to break your word than remain in a bad situation. If a bargain between two people proves bad for both parties concerned, it should be terminated."
Mara was having a hard time holding on to her composure. She was very aware of him as a man, but she would not weaken. She could never erase the memory of Tajarez holding a naked Tanka in his arms only moments after he had held her in the same way. Only he had rejected her, and gone to Tanka. No, she would never forget, nor would she forgive.
She made her way to the entrance, knowing if she did not leave quickly she would break down in front of him. "We will leave first thing in the morning."
Tajarez moved across the tent to intercept her. He spun her around with such force she had to hold on to him to keep her balance.
"Mara, I will not let you leave me." His face was grim.
"I fully intend to return home in the morning, and you cannot stop me." Defiant green eyes stared into stormy brown eyes.
His grip tightened on her shoulder. "You will not leave me, Mara. I will not allow it."
"Am I to be your prisoner then? It is a role I have been forced to play often lately."
"No, you will continue to enjoy the freedom you now have." There was no softening in his words or his eyes. "I will never let you go," he repeated.
Mara shook her head. "I do not understand, Tajarez."
He folded her into his arms and rested his face on the top of her golden head. "You belong to me. I cannot let you leave me."
She felt a tremor pass through Tajarez's body.
"Do you not think I am aware of how much I have hurt you? I thought at the time that I was doing what was best for you as well as myself. If it were possible, I would take back every unkind word I ever said to you. When I was unkind to you, did you not know that I was also hurt?"
"Tajarez, I cannot take much more of this. You swing back and forth with the precision of a pendulum on a clock. I cannot live this way."
He cupped her face in his hands. Her eyes were an icy green. "Mara, there is something I must ask you. It has been tearing at my insides. I fear to ask because the answer is so important to me, to us, to our future together."
"You want to know what Anias did to me," she said angrily.
Tajarez nodded. "Did he violate you?"
Mara swallowed hard. "Did Tanka violate you, Tajarez?"
He looked startled for a moment. There would be no lies between them. "No, I did not lie with Tanka, but I might have if it would have gotten me the information I wanted."
Mara felt sick inside. She turned her back on him and walked to the cushion she had been sitting on earlier, and sank down into its softness. She needed time to digest what he had told her. He was saying it was all right for him to be with Tanka, but their whole future hung on whether or not Anias had been intimate with her.
She felt him sit down beside her and take her hand. "Mara, do not keep me waiting. I have not been able to sleep or eat, believing the worst."
"Tajarez, I do not know what you consider the worst. I am very ignorant when it comes to man-woman relationships."
He closed his eyes. "Tell me what he did."
"Do not make me relive that nightmare. Could we not forget that it ever happened? As I said, I want to go home."
"No, Mara, we cannot forget." He hated what he was putting her through, but he had to know. "Tell me what he did," he persisted.
She buried her head in her hands and sobbed out her misery. "He put his hands on me. I hated the way he ... he touched me."
"What else, Mara," Tajarez insisted.
"You saw my gown. Do not make me say it."
He made her look at him. "Mara, did he penetrate your body? Do not be afraid to tell me, Mara. Even if Anias did violate you, and I can no longer ask you to be my bride, I will not abandon you. I will set you up in your own home and give you anything you desire. I will spend every moment I can with you, and if there are children from our union, I shall love them even though they will not be allowed to bear the royal name."
Mara's head jerked up. The tears were now dry on her face. How dare he! She considered for a moment letting him believe Anias had succeeded in violating her body. It would serve him right. But then she knew she could never lie about anything so important.
"In the white man's world what you are offering me is the honor of being your mistress. I know ladies of breeding are not supposed to know about such things, but it is commonly known among the girls in St. Louis."
Tajarez frowned. "I do not know this word 'mistress.' What I offer you is a life with me. Even though you will not be my wife, you will be very honored and be well provided for."
"Did Tanka also live in a fine house you provided for her and enjoy your illustrious company?"
"I told you, Mara, there would be no lies between us. Yes, Tanka was provided with a modest home, and I did visit her often."
Mara rose to her feet. "I will not accept what you offer, Tajarez. You bring dishonor to me."
"Mara, in the white world it may be considered a dishonor, but in the Seven Cities, a woman favored by the prince has every honor and is looke
d up to by the people, and yes, even envied by many."
Mara drew in her breath. "You told me once you were married that you could never be with another woman. What would happen to me once you took a bride?" Mara was seething inside. How could he think that she would ever consent to be a kept woman?
"Mara, I will never marry. If I cannot have you as my wife, I want no other." He could not understand the anger in her voice. Did she not know what a sacrifice he would be making in her behalf?
All of his hopes and dreams had been shattered. He wanted her as his wife, but if it could not be, he would have her the only way he could. She would be the mother of his sons, even though their children could never sit on the throne of the Seven Cities.
He would have no one but her. His worst fears had been realized. He knew by the way she was talking that Anias had done his worst. His heart cried out in protest. Anias had taken what Tajarez had prized above all else.
"Mara, the laws of the Lagonda cannot be changed to suit me. If they could, I would ask that you be my bride in spite of the fact that you would be considered unclean by others. I am willing to overlook what Anias did to you. We will never think about it, just put it out of your mind."
"Your generosity overwhelms me, Tajarez. You would be making a great sacrifice."
Tajarez nodded, not realizing the trap he was walking into. "Mara, I feel it is my fault that Anias took you. Your brother gave you into my keeping, thinking I would keep you safe. I can only tell you how sorry I am, and ask that you forgive me." He reached out for her hand and she pulled away from him.
"I cannot think of the words to say to you Tajarez. You are much too generous. No woman could have had a more eloquent proposal."
"It is not generosity, Mara. I do not want to be without you. As a matter of fact, there is no reason you cannot move into my tent tonight. Palomas already suspects, as I did, that you have been rendered unclean. He will not object now if you stay with me." His voice deepened. "Oh, beloved, it will be so different between us. It will not be like it was with Anias. I will give you joy, and you will want for nothing."
Savage Desire (Savage Lagonda 1) Page 24
