Half to Death

by Robin Alexander

  As I combed the tangles from my hair, thunder rocked the small house. It seemed to vibrate with every crash. I looked up at the light and wondered how long the power would stay on. My answer came a heartbeat later. I wrapped a towel around myself, cursing the fact that I’d picked the bathroom that didn’t adjoin the room with our clothes.

  The door to the bathroom that Jade had chosen was closed, so I felt safe creeping into the room with half of my rear end hanging out from beneath the towel. Jade lay in the bed on her stomach, the sheet at her waist revealing her bare back. She was staring out at the storm as it pounded the house. “I was hoping you would come to me,” she said, her voice barely audible over the storm.

  Heat rushed over me like the lightning flashing outside, burning and calling every nerve ending to life. I swallowed hard as I walked slowly to the bed. She didn’t move as I dropped the towel and crawled in beside her. I lay on my side and reached out to touch her skin. My hand hovered as I mentally prepared myself.

  This wasn’t going to be like all the other times when the other person’s feelings meant nothing to me. My goal had been to please and be pleased, but my heart was never engaged. It felt like such a monumental step for me. This moment, this act was going to change everything. I exhaled softly and let my fingers drift over skin smooth as silk.

  I’d hoped to lose myself in the place where my mind and body were centered on sensation, but that was not the case. My body was responding to the delight beneath my fingers, but my brain was pushing for its own connection. I blinked rapidly as images formed in the peripheral. My want for her confused and frustrated me. Mind, body, and soul clamored for its own connection, each refusing to be deprived. A soft groan crossed my lips as it occurred to me that I might not be strong enough to close the door between my mind and Jade’s private thoughts.

  As I began to withdraw, Jade’s emotions pushed through— fear and desire, need and insecurity. But above all those feelings, there was affection so strong and sweet. I could feel her hesitancy to put a name to it just as I had. I absorbed her feelings and let them intertwine with mine. The images in the corner of my mind’s eye darkened and receded as I caressed her back. Muscles moved beneath warm velvety skin.

  Jade rolled beneath my hand onto her back. She draped an arm over her head and looked deep into my eyes, searching for what I gleaned in a touch.

  “This is just the beginning of something I know in my heart has no end,” I said softly. I took her hand and pressed it against my chest. “You can’t feel what I’m feeling, so I have to tell you, show you, and I’ve never been good at that. If you’ll trust me, I will never let you down, never let you go. Don’t move,” I said when her hand moved and gripped the back of my neck. I ran my hand down her chest between her breasts and across her stomach. “I just want to touch you for a minute.”

  She relaxed, but the muscles in her stomach quivered as my fingers drifted over them. I pressed my palm over her hip bone, then slid it down a silky thigh. My feelings came to the forefront then—arousal and longing.

  Jade’s gaze stayed locked with mine as I moved my hand slowly up the inside of her thigh. The higher I went, the hotter her skin became. She grasped my hand when it reached the bend of her leg. A small smile creased her lips as she rolled over, pinning me to the bed.

  “What do you feel when you touch me?” She looked into my eyes.

  “Smooth skin, taut muscle,” I said with a grin of my own, then said seriously, “adored.”

  “You are,” she said before kissing me.

  So many sensations hit me at once, the softness of her mouth, her tongue moving against mine, the heat of her skin, the slow grind of her hips, and passion that mingled with mine and made my head swim. Breathless, I broke the kiss and moved to her neck where I nibbled and kissed the sweet-smelling skin. The movement of her hips became more insistent before she devoured my mouth again.

  Jade was moving into that place where thought ceases and the mind is only aware of sensation. Her fear slipped away, and the craving for a connection that transcended sex flowed through her. I had thought making love would be difficult with my ability, but it made it so much more intense. I was experiencing all of Jade, mind and body.

  I felt the muscles in her stomach tense against mine. She tried to pull away, but I wrapped my legs tighter around her and whispered in her ear, “Don’t stop.” She groaned and buried her face in my neck. The muscles in her back felt like iron under my touch. My entire body quivered with excitement as her orgasm grew nearer. She stopped moving, and I felt the breath go out of her in a shudder. Her mind engaged with her body again, and I felt her affection for me so strong it made me weak.

  My body responded to her kisses and strokes of its own volition, but my mind fought for dominance, once again trying to process each emotion and sensation. Jade’s tongue and teeth on my nipple made me gasp, and for a second, I told my brain to shut the hell up, but as she began her descent, I wove my hands in her hair.

  “What’s wrong?” Jade’s eyes reflected fear and disappointment as I felt it flow through her touch.

  “I need…” I let out a long sigh and rolled her over onto her back. “I need to touch you for a little longer.”

  “We don’t have to do this if you’re not ready.” Jade looked into my eyes. “I mean it.”

  I ran my tongue up the center of her chest and listened with great pleasure to her sharp intake of breath. “I’m ready,” I said before I grazed my teeth across her nipple. “My mind just won’t shut off long enough for me to relax and enjoy. Distract me, talk to me.”

  “How about music? I’ve never been good at talking dirty I—Oh.” Jade’s eyes flew open wide when I put my leg between hers and thrust against her.

  I couldn’t help but grin. “You were saying?”

  “I gi…I giggle when I try to be dirty.”

  I moved both legs between hers and watched as her eyes closed. “I guess phone sex is out of the question.” A slight smile spread across her lips, then disappeared when I began a slow grind. “So tell me what you want to do tomorrow.”

  “This.”

  “Elaborate.” I made a string of kisses and soft bites down her chest to her stomach.

  “Well,” she began breathlessly. “I would like to go shelling and—oh, fuck.” Jade’s body cleared the bed when I ran my tongue over the bend of her leg where it joined her hip.

  “I thought you couldn’t talk dirty.” She didn’t respond as I nibbled my way down one thigh to her knee. Her arousal was so intense, it matched mine, and the mingling of both in my mind made my heart pound. I watched the rapid rise and fall of her chest as I kissed my way up her other thigh.

  “Don’t tease me,” she rasped and grabbed my hair. I heard her whisper my name in the distance as I slid my tongue inside her. The taste and the feel pushed all conscious thought from my mind. For the first time since I’d awoken in the hospital, my mind was blank and my body took over. I couldn’t get enough. I devoured her until she screamed out my name throatily and pushed me away.

  I didn’t know what was happening to me until I felt my back hit the bed. Jade was above me, then I felt her fingers sliding into me and her other hand gripping mine above my head. “Fuck me, Jade, make me feel it.” I wasn’t thinking, only feeling her move inside of me. My whole body was awash in sensation. She had me saying things I didn’t even understand. I felt her shift and put more of her weight on me when she withdrew her fingers and lightly grazed my clit. I could only gasp her name, but she knew what I wanted and what I needed, and she gave it.

  My back would’ve arched off the bed, but Jade had me pinned in the position she wanted. No sooner than the mind-shattering orgasm subsided, she started working me again. “I can’t take it.”

  “Yes, you can. I’ll go slow.”

  I didn’t want to go slow, but I couldn’t stand the intensity, either. I couldn’t move or squirm out of her grasp. For a split second, the helplessness scared me, but fear turned into somethi
ng else when I realized she wouldn’t hurt me and would let me free if I asked…and I wasn’t going to. With each slow stroke, I felt it building. “Trust me,” she whispered and centered her weight on my chest until I could hardly breathe. When I came, it was blinding.

  “Are you back on earth?” Jade was propped up on one elbow, sporting a satisfied grin.

  “Not sure…parts of me are…I think.”

  “We need water,” she said as she climbed from the bed. “Can’t have you dehydrated before we really begin.”

  I watched her go thinking I was way out of my league.

  Chapter 23

  I awoke in an empty bed. The smell of coffee filled my senses, and I stretched out the kinks. I had always prided myself as an energetic lover, but Jade had me beat by miles. I was fairly certain that I’d gotten more of a workout the previous evening than anytime at the gym, though far more pleasurable. I got up and pulled on a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. Jade was on the porch with a book, so I brushed my teeth, filled my cup with coffee, and joined her.

  “Good morning,” she said as I leaned down to kiss her. I hesitated when she picked up her cup and drank from it instead. I took a seat thinking that maybe she hadn’t had a chance to brush her teeth and didn’t want me in her face.

  She set the book on the table without marking her place. Her expression was solemn as she stared out at the water. My heart sank. Surely, she couldn’t be having regrets. I’d sensed every emotion that passed through her the night before. She was content and happy before we drifted off to sleep. “Is something wrong?”

  She didn’t look my way. “You promised to always tell the truth, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “You didn’t…we were in contact a lot last night.” She exhaled loudly and bit her bottom lip. “You didn’t go into my mind, did you?”

  Stunned by the question, I didn’t readily respond, then anger took the place of surprise. “I gave you my word I wouldn’t willingly do that.”

  Jade shook her head. “I’m not saying you would do it on purpose. What I want to know is if you would tell me if it happened by mistake.”

  I sank back in my chair. “No, I didn’t see anything, and yes, I would tell you if I did. I would pull away from you no matter what we were doing.”

  Neither of us said anything. Instead, we sat there staring at the Gulf drinking coffee. The previous night had been magical. I never would’ve imagined that we’d start the day like this. It confused and angered me. “I imagine that being with me is a real challenge to your trust. I’m sure there are memories locked away in the back of my mind that I would be uncomfortable with someone looking in on, so I’m trying to empathize with you. I respect your privacy.” I bit my lip and rubbed my brow. The tone of my voice was edged with an anger I couldn’t rein in.

  “There are a lot of things I want to tell you, but I need to do it on my own time.” She looked at me. “I’ve never killed or harmed anyone, and I’ve never been arrested, it’s nothing along those lines. It’s just something personal to me…and I’ve never told anyone.”

  My anger began to ebb. I smiled when I thought back to what Miranda asked me the first time I peeked into Jade’s mind. She’d be relieved to know that Jade had not committed murder. “I’m content to wait on anything you have to tell me.”

  “Thanks.”

  I watched a pair of fins moving through the water every so often. The dolphins would come near enough to the surface for me to see the tops of their heads. Jade was watching them, too, but said nothing. I couldn’t make sense of her mood. If anything, I expected making love to draw us closer, not build a wall between us. The urge to be alone came on strong, so I could nurse my damaged feelings.

  “You want to go for a run?” Jade asked.

  “Uh, no.” I mustered up a smile and glanced at her. “It’s too early for me, but you go. You wanna borrow my iPod?”

  “No, thanks,” she said as she stood. “I’ll be back soon.”

  I watched her go, feeling empty. She started in the direction that Jacquelyn went the day before, then turned and ran the other way. I sighed, thinking that was a good sign. I’d promised that I’d never pry into her thoughts, but for the moment, I wished I could see what was causing her odd behavior.

  She’d given herself to me willingly and completely the night before, but that morning, she was a stranger. It felt as though she was deliberately trying to sabotage what we’d begun. My feelings were at war with what I thought I knew. She wanted me as much as I wanted her, or at least I’d thought so.

  I went inside and sat on the sofa as I replayed our conversation. I figured it made sense for her to be concerned. We’d been in physical contact more in those few hours than we had since we’d met. Then again, she hadn’t let me kiss her that morning, so she must be feeling…something she didn’t want me to know. I buried my head in my hands and groaned at the irony. This was the very first time I’d ever wanted to wake up with someone, and apparently, she didn’t feel the same.

  I found my cell phone and gave Miranda a call, but it went to voice mail. She was on shift and probably running a call. “Hey, just checking in. I’ll call you later.” I flipped it closed and headed for the shower.

  *******

  An hour later, Jade came walking up the stairs. Her hair was wet, as well as her clothes. “That was one hell of a run,” I said.

  She put her arms above her head and paced back and forth until her breathing slowed. “I’m really sorry about earlier.” She shook her head. “I don’t know what got into me. Sometimes, you’re almost too good to be true.”

  I squinted against the sun as I looked up at her. “I think the same about you.”

  Either Jade was nervous or the adrenaline push was making her hyper. She circled the deck three times. “I’d like to take a shower and start this day over.” She wiped the sweat from her face with both hands. “Can we?”

  “I’d like that.”

  She smiled slightly and moved past me to the door. “I’ll be right back.”

  I looked back out over the water, feeling uneasy. Though Jade had apologized, I was still hurting, and the pain was very close to the surface. The notion that we might not be as perfect as I hoped crept around the fringes of my mind, even though I tried to deny it. I tried to rationalize every feeling, then tuck it away in a mental box for safe keeping.

  She was afraid of giving her heart away. I could relate. Box one filed away. Not only did she have to trust me with her feelings, she had to trust that I would not invade her innermost thoughts. That made perfect sense. I closed the lid on the second box. I’d moved inside to the sofa and was still wrestling with box number three fifteen minutes later when Jade rejoined me.

  She leaned down to kiss me softly, slowly. I felt that same sweet affection but fear that was slowly receding. And the lingering effects of something else that lay beyond my reach.

  “Can I ask you a very personal question?” I said when she took a seat beside me. I watched a tiny muscle in her jaw tighten as she nodded. “I’ve never asked about your past relationships. Have you ever been in love?”

  Jade looked down at her hands folded in her lap. “You’re not going to believe me when I say I don’t know.”

  “Try me.”

  She turned to face me, but her gaze remained fixed on something beyond my shoulder. “The trainer I told you about, the one that got me into fitness…I developed a huge crush on her. I’d always been attracted to girls, but that was the first time I felt physical desire.” Jade blinked and smiled slightly. “I think she knew it and kept me at arm’s length. I was only seventeen, she was twenty-eight. The night before my eighteenth birthday, she took me to dinner, and afterward, she kissed me.”

  “That was your first kiss then?” I asked when she went silent.

  Jade looked at me and nodded. “She said, ‘This is all I can ever offer you, just a birthday kiss.’ My head was swimming when she hugged me and explained that I was too young for her, and she
wouldn’t take advantage of my youth.” Jade looked back down at her hands. “She avoided me after that. It broke my heart, but in time, I realized that she respected me. She could’ve easily taken advantage, but she didn’t. She’ll always hold a special place in my heart because of that.”

  “You never felt that same respect from any of the other women you were involved with?”

  Jade smiled and shrugged. “When you put your body on display, you don’t attract the sort that is looking for love and respect. I took advantage of that for a while, losing myself in mindless sex. Somewhere along the line, I decided I wanted more, but I kept drawing in the same type of women, hoping to find something different. I never did, and one day, I gave up.” She met my gaze. “And then along came you.”

  I smiled, but when she looked away, I felt it slip from my face. Had I met her a couple of months earlier, I would’ve been the same type of woman she’d grown tired of.

  “Timing is everything, Sloan.” Jade looked back at me. “Don’t you think so?”

  I nodded.

  “Do you sometimes feel that this is all just a wonderful dream and the other shoe will fall, and…I mean, neither of us has good track records…but I think we work.”

  “So…you’re just scared, too?”

  She nodded. “I have no control. I tried to go into this using my head, but my heart,” she smiled, “just has a mind of its own.”

  The lid on box three closed and drifted away to the place where I kept everything tucked away. With a smile of my own, I said, “I know exactly what you mean.” I stood. “Wait here, I’ll be right back.” I went into the bedroom and fished around in my suitcase until I found what I was looking for. Of all the necklaces I’d made, this one was my finest work, but even still, I thought Jade deserved so much more. I walked back into the living room with it clutched in my hand and sat down.

  “I made this for you, but please don’t feel like you have to wear it if you don’t like it.” Jade’s eyes widened as she looked down at my clenched fist. “You could always hang it around your rearview mirror, or—”