by M. J. Fields
“I am not ungrateful to Logan because he was the key in keeping you alive last night. Everyone is. But I also know...” He pauses and swallows back him emotions. “I know you are stronger than any other human being I have ever encountered in my entire life, and you would have lived.”
“I’m really not,” I admit.
“You are. But in your unmeasurable strength, there is a weakness that scares the fuck out of me.” I look up at him, and he sighs. “Your heart, London. Your heart has a mind of its own. As much as I’d like to strangle that fucking Links kid, he’s right. Some people are just shit.”
“Dad, I love him.”
“No, not yet you don’t.”
“Dad—”
“No, you listen to me and listen to me well. You need to guard that thing because you just aren’t ready to give your heart fully to someone you aren’t sure can handle all it’s attached to. Your strength is immeasurable because you’ve only given that beautiful heart to those who are worthy. Do not let the thought of love,” he pauses then grumbles through clenched teeth, “or sex, or those physical feelings you’ve experienced lead you astray.” He looks down at me sternly, and I suck my lips in so I don’t laugh. “I’m fucking serious, London. It gives an illusion of love. Chemicals are produced when you have an org—”
“Dad,” I cut him off.
“No, you listen to me. I have always dreamed you would one day marry a man worthy, and yes, have a great sex life—”
“Dad...” I groan.
“It’s not wrong to want you to have what your mother and I have.”
“Dad!” I say louder because...ew.
“Brody.” Mom enters the room. “What are you doing?”
“Well, Em, I’m having the talk with her. The one you avoided because you were sure she was smarter and more grounded than—”
“You did not,” she snaps at him.
He sits up and announces proudly, “I most certainly did, love.”
“You better not have.”
“Em, clearly someone needed to. It’s important to know that those feelings—”
“So help me God in Heaven, Brody Hines, you’re sleeping on the couch. I can’t believe you’d tell her that.” Mom walks over and sits next to me. “London, I’m sorry that this ass of a man would even compare the feelings of—”
“Em,” he interrupts her.
“No, no Em. Sex toys are not better than boys, Brody,” she snaps. “They’re not.”
“What?” I almost laugh.
Mom looks back at me. “They aren’t. No matter what this—”
“Em.” Brody’s tone has changes from warning to slightly amused.
She looks back at him, and he quirks his eyebrow up, which has her covering her mouth.
“Oh, Emma,” he says as if she’s a petulant child.
“Oh God,” she sighs.
He shrugs. “I promised you years ago I wouldn’t bring that up, but now”—he walks over and kisses the top of her head—“I’ll leave you to it.” He looks at me and winks. “Don’t hold back, London. Ask her anything your heart desires.” Then he walks out, shutting the door behind him.
When Mom finally looks at me, her face is a deeper shade of red than I have ever seen.
“Can I ask a question?”
She palms her face and nods.
“Did he really want to tell me to use sex toys and avoid boys?”
She nods again. “He wrote a song about it.”
I can’t not giggle at that, which has her looking back at me.
“You do realize he pushes your buttons on purpose, right?” I ask.
Again, she nods.
“Can you sing it to me?” I joke.
She smiles and shakes her head.
I then push, because yes, I, too, like pushing her buttons—she’s my mom. “It would make me feel so much better.”
She sighs and begins wiping the tear stains off my face. “It was a few years ago, London. I don’t remember anything but how offensive it was.”
“You remembered sex toys are better than boys,” I push a little.
“Like I said, it was totally ridiculous, and I just want you to know that, well, plastic is not fantastic.” The seriousness in her voice, coupled with the “forgotten lyrics,” makes me laugh.
She shakes her head and sighs, smiling slightly. “The talk, London, was supposed to be me and you and—”
“We can still have it, Mom. I’m still a virgin.” Right now, she needs a mom win, and I can give her one, so I do.
She studies my face then smiles genuinely. “Do you want to talk about it?”
I do, but I’m not sure.
“You can tell me anything, London, anything. And believe me when I say I won’t tell Brody, because I won’t. I mean, look how he’s acting today. It’s insane.”
This is the door I needed opened so I can venture in.
“Is it insane because it’s Logan?”
“Of course,” she answers as I suspected she would.
“Because you know he and I have a—”
“Connection?” she asks and nods. “Yes.”
“So, you’re okay with Logan and me?”
“I’m okay with you, London. I trust you. I trust your judgement. I like Logan, and I like him even more after last night.” She clears her throat, and I hug her. Not because she needs a mom win, but because I need a mom hug. “Oh, London, I was so afraid.” She hugs me tighter.
“Me, too, Mom,” I admit. “Me, too.”
After several minutes, she leans back and wipes away my tears. I wipe away hers.
“The talk, London. Never feel pressured. If you don’t want to, don’t ever do it because you know he wants to. It should be...” She pauses and sighs. “You’ll know when the time is right. It’s not in the aftermath of tragedy.”
I immediately look down, feeling shameful again because I asked him to have sex with me.
She lifts my chin. “It’s not.”
I nod.
“Did he try...?” She stops and looks down.
“No,” I whisper. “But I offered.”
“And he denied you?”
I nod and look at her. She looks confused.
“Because of Fletcher,” I admit.
“Don’t force it. Wait for the right time.” She pulls me into another hug. “I trust you, London.”
The door opens and Harper peeks in. “London, your friend Keeka—”
“Oh, dammit, how rude of me.” I give Mom a quick hug then stand up.
“She’s not feeling well.” Harper opens the door wider and Keeka walks in. “I think she should rest.”
“I’m sorry,” Keeka groans.
“Hey, Keeka?” I look up as Tessa walks into the room behind them. “How far along are you?”
She shrugs.
“You don’t know?”
“No, not really.”
Mom and Tessa look at one another.
“Okay.” Tessa smiles.
I know she feels awkward right now, and I don’t want that. “Come on and lie down. I should have asked you to nap with me.”
“I’m good, really. I just—”
“I’m exhausted. Chill with me?”
“Yeah, okay.” She sits on the bed and looks up, then past me at Mom, Tessa, and Harper. “I take the vitamins, I go to the doctors when I can, I feel this thing move. I know I’m fine.”
Tessa smiles and nods.
“Look, I know everyone is big on standardized healthcare, but I wasn’t raised like that. Mom and I ate healthy, exercised, and took care of ourselves. I know this is gonna blow your minds, but I never had immunizations, or well, child checkups or any of that crap, until they forced it before I went to school.”
“Well, believe it or not, I agree with your mom.” Tessa comes over and sits on the opposite side of the bed. “Nutrition is key to good health.”
Keeka holds her belly and winces.
“How about we call her and let her know you’
re a little tired?” Tessa asks.
Keeka lies back and sighs. “She’s dead.”
“I’m so sorry,” Tessa says sincerely. “How about your father?”
“Never knew him, and from what I do know, he’s dead, too,” she answers.
Silence...my enemy.
“Mine, too,” I tell her again.
“Mine, three.” Harper comes over and sits next to Tessa.
Keeka looks around. She seems agitated. Then she jerks her hands to her belly.
“Dammit, kid,” she whispers.
“Three minutes,” Harper says softly to Tessa.
“Is there anyone we can call?” Tessa asks. “The father maybe?”
“I called Logan,” she says, closing her eyes.
Tessa looks at me, shocked. When I shake my head, she visibly relaxes.
“Girl party and no one invited me?” Ava asks, walking in and hopping onto the bed.
“Son of a bitch,” Keeka grumbles.
“Daughter, actually.” Ava laughs. “Ashley fits the bill.”
Keeka sighs. “Carmen was known to be one, as well.”
“You look like hell,” Ava says, placing the back of her hand over her forehead.
“I don’t even know you, but you seriously shouldn’t say shit like that to a pregnant woman,” Keeka grumbles then clenches her teeth.
“Not pregnant for long.” Ava smiles. “Anyone timing these contractions?”
Keeka clamps her knees together, looking horrified. “I’m not—”
“Like hell you aren’t, sister.” Ava nods. “Life and death.” She reaches up and rubs her belly. Keeka looks at her like she has two heads. “Your mom’s gonna make it all okay, little one.”
Keeka looks at me.
“This is Ava, Logan’s sister.”
“Two totally different people.” Keeka winces.
“How so?” Ava asks.
“He’s...” She pauses and looks at her. “He’s not as in your face.”
Ava laughs. “I was always the wild one.”
“You don’t say?” Keeka sighs.
“How do you know my baby brother?” Ava asks, helping her sit up. Okay, help isn’t actually what Keeka thinks she’s doing, but I know that’s what Ava is trying to do.
Keeka locks eyes with her and squeezes her hands when what I assume is another contraction hits. “Bar.”
“She works at a bar on Marshall street,” I explain.
“Cool. Always thought that would be fun. First child?” Ava asks. “We’re gonna get you in the shower, cleaned up, and then to the hospital.”
Ava looks back at me. “Grab her some clothes? Big ones.” Then she looks at Tessa. “I overstep. You’re the nurse; I know this.”
Tessa smiles and nods. “You’re doing great.”
“So, your mom’s a bitch, too?” Ava asks, walking Keeka into the bathroom.
“Not to me she wasn’t,” Keeka answers.
“She wasn’t? Meaning?”
“She’s dead,” Keeka says quieter now.
I walk around them and start the shower. “It’s been a couple years, right, Keeka?”
She nods.
“I’m sorry. Can we call your dad? The daddy?” Ava asks.
“No!” Keeka yells, but Ava doesn’t even flinch.
“Her dad’s dead,” I whisper.
“He wasn’t my dad. He fucked my mom, end of,” she snaps.
“Gotcha. So, the baby’s father—”
“I have no fucking clue who he is, okay, Logan’s sister? I’m not like you all, okay?” she yells now.
Ava looks at her sternly. “Stop being a bitch and get your ass in the shower.”
“Ava, I can help her,” I step in.
She leans in and whispers something in Keeka’s ear then steps back. Keeka appears shocked. Then Ava says, “Don’t judge, babe. We good?”
Keeka nods, saying nothing.
Ava must have just dropped the two babies, two daddies bomb.
“Perfect.” Ava is all smiles again. “Now, let’s do this shit.”
Within ten minutes, we’re in Mom and Brody’s vehicle. Lucas is driving, Tessa is in the passenger seat, and Ava is waving as we pull out of the driveway.
I message Mom immediately.
I love you...more.
When it comes back as undelivered, I check the settings and enable messaging.
As soon as I do, my screen lights up with message after message after message. When the song “Into You” by Ariana Grande blasts, I hit the message button immediately to silence it.
I want to jump out of the vehicle when I look up to see Lucas’s eyes are on the rearview mirror, looking at me.
When I hear it again, I hit the button repeatedly, but it just keeps going.
“So, baby, come light me up, and maybe I’ll let you on it. A little bit dangerous, but baby, that’s how I want it. A little less conversation, and a little more touch my body…”
It starts again. I do the same thing.
As soon as I think it’s over, it starts again.
At this point, I try to roll down the window. I am literally going to throw it out.
“Logan?” Keeka asks loudly in the middle of a hand-crushing contraction.
Busted.
I simply nod as I glance up and see Lucas’s eyes now crinkle in amusement.
I see Tessa look back, somewhat shocked.
“He told me to tell you to call him,” Keeka hisses now.
The sound goes off again, and now Lucas actually laughs.
I expect to see Tessa elbow him, smack him—do something—but she doesn’t. She laughs as she turns back around. He takes her hand and kisses it, then winks at her.
I resend Mom’s message
I love you...more.
The song “Landslide” begins when her immediate response is received.
Love you more, London. Please stay close to Lucas and Tessa.
I reply by sharing my location with her on my iPhone, something I stopped doing while asserting my independence.
The song plays again when she responds.
Thank you, London, thank you.
Next, I send Logan a message as we pull into the hospital parking lot.
Hey, we’re at University Hospital with Keeka. Logan, she’s having the baby.
It’s Time
Logan
As soon as I get the text, I take off running.
“Where the hell are you going?” Mitch’s voice slows me.
I turn around, but keep running backward, grabbing the keys from my pocket and tossing them to him. “Keep this going. I’m heading to the hospital.”
“He’s gone, man?” Mitch yells at me, making me realize I should have mentioned why first.
“No, I’m sorry.” I stop. “Keeka’s having the baby.”
“What?” he gasps. “Now?”
I nod. “Keep this going. I’ll shoot you a text later.”
When he squats and grabs his head, I realize I’m not the only one fucked up over all this. Mitch… Mitch is a fucking mess.
I jog back to him and pull him up. Then I shake him a bit and tell him, “Suck it up. Get them through this. You get through this. Tonight’s just the beginning. We’re stronger than him. He left a mess. We’re gonna do what we can to help everyone heal.”
He nods, smacking away a tear.
“You good?”
He nods. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Good, now go.”
§
I walk into the emergency room. Having seen Brody and Emma’s SUV pulled up next to the entrance, I assume that’s where they are. I brace myself for Brody’s glare as I pull my hat down while walking in.
“Is this necessary? I said we’ll cover the cost,” Dad, not Brody, spats at the woman at admissions.
“Mr. Links, we have paperwork that needs to be done,” she snaps back at him.
I want to tell her to fucking back off my old man, but Tessa takes over.
“We
understand that. What he’s offering is to pay for anything not covered,” she says calmly.
“And I understand that,” the bitch behind the desk smarts off at her.
Tessa leans in and whispers, “You work in healthcare; try to act like a professional—”
“Excuse me?” the woman gasps.
“I have. I’ve excused your blatant disrespect to a patient in labor. I’ve excused your disrespect to my husband, but what I will not excuse”—she hits her fist on the counter—“is utter disrespect for my profession. Healthcare. You work in healthcare, now act accordingly.”
“Damn, baby.” Dad’s face lights up. “You fucking tell her.”
“Lucas...” Tessa scowls at him.
“Do you work in this hospital?” the woman asks with a little less sass behind her this time.
“I don’t work here,” Tessa begins, and I see the woman’s sass returning, “but I do work as an advocate for patient’s rights. And I will not tolerate your bullshit.”
The woman steps back, visibly collecting herself.
“Now get her to Labor and Delivery, and we’ll work on the paperwork. If there is an issue with insurance, we’ve already said we’ll handle it.”
When the woman walks away, Dad looks Tessa up and down. “That was sexy as fuck.” He grabs her hips. “Now tell me, Mrs. Links, when did you become an advocate for patient’s rights?”
“Tomorrow,” she answers sternly.
He laughs. “That’s right; you do.”
I clear my throat after he kisses her for plenty long enough.
“Hey.” Dad smiles when he looks toward me.
“Hey.” I nod, looking around. “Where are they?”
He smirks. “Why don’t you text London and find out?”
“Lucas, back off.” Tessa nudges him.
“What, baby?”
I send her a text, then hear a song playing and look behind me.
London looks up as she’s fucking with her phone, and Dad laughs.
“You’re an asshole.” She points to Dad.
“You really are,” Tessa agrees.
“Nah,” he says as he laughs then walks toward Keeka who is gripping both sides of the bathroom door that she and London just came out of. “Come on, Keeka. Tessa is gonna make this all better.”
“Drugs,” she snarls. “Drugs will make this all better.”
I look at my phone, and then at London, who looks like hell—exhausted, just how I feel.
