by Ginna Moran
I push my worries away. She saved Jacqueline because of me. This isn’t a game. I’m just as real to her as she is to me.
I’m still depressed though.
The Nadia I know in the dream isn’t like the Nadia I’ve been watching through Jacqueline. She’s more powerful, confident...darker. She’s right at home watching the dream world unravel and her satisfaction in being a part of it is obvious. The side I know of her still leaves me fearful. It’s hard to shake. But, it doesn’t change that I still want her to visit me.
I wish there were something I could do to make her see that it’s more than just Jacqueline she has an effect on. If I want to get my body back, I have to take control of the situation. She needs to know where I come from. I’m keeping secrets like Jacqueline, and I see how Nadia feels about that. I’m going to have to take a huge leap of faith and hope for the best. I have nothing more to lose anyway. I wish I could bring her back right now. I want to meet the real Nadia, not her dream version. But I can’t.
I doubt I ever will.
NADIA
I sit on the wet grass as the moon sets. The sky gradually lightens into a light purple and I hug my knees. I’m confused and angry and unsure about everything.
Thoughts of Hunter cross my mind and I push them away. I don’t even know if I want to get involved, but he seems so real. I feel bad for him. But what really has me down is that my father hasn’t returned from the city. So many things could’ve gone wrong.
“Care for some company?”
I turn my head and my mouth dries when I meet Jacqueline’s lavender eyes. It’s been a few hours since I invaded her dream to be with Hunter, but it doesn’t make seeing her again any less awkward. I study her eyes for a second and pat the grass next to me. If she figured out that I was messing with her dreams, I doubt she’d be asking to sit with me.
“Sure, but I have to warn you, it’s highly possible that my father will be arriving any minute and he’s scary as hell when he’s mad.”
Her lips twist to the side. “It takes a lot to scare me.” Her eyes shift to hazel and back to lavender in a split second. Hunter is shining through.
I rest my chin on my knees. “I wanted to apologize for everything that happened today. Facing an HPA agent isn’t my idea of fun. You were so brave.”
“It wasn’t my first run in,” she says, looking at me.
I hold her gaze to watch her eyes. “Is that why you’re here?”
She blinks. “What do you mean?” Her face is expressionless. It’s a strange reaction to a simple question.
I tilt my head to the side. “Are you okay? I just meant that you came here because you’re afraid of the HPA.”
Her eyes flash from lavender to hazel. “Oh, yeah, sorry.” She shakes her head. “I must still be tired. I came here because they took everything from me.”
“How were you so calm facing the agent? I was terrified.” I fiddle with the laces on my boots.
Tears rim her eyes and her fingers tremble when she reaches out to touch my arm. “I was too, but it was nothing compared to being caught. If you think agents are scary, you should see the board.”
“How did you escape? My father said it was a death sentence for creatures caught.” I study Jacqueline’s face and she sucks in her bottom lip. I wish I could hear what she is thinking, see what she’s imagining. Her eyes flicker and I know the memory of her previous run-in is clear and still very much real in her mind.
She straightens her back. “I got lucky, I guess.” Her eyes shift to hazel and stay there until she blinks a few times. She wipes the back of her hand on her forehead and stares up at the sky. “As long as you don’t try to fight back, they don’t kill you immediately.”
I shake my head. “Oh, I’m pretty sure that isn’t always true. That man would’ve killed us no matter what today.” I touch the gauze on my neck where the knife nicked me. “I guess you really did get lucky.”
HUNTER
I’m screwed.
Nadia and Jacqueline are bonding over their fear of the HPA. I should’ve told Nadia about me sooner. She’s going to take Jacqueline’s side and I’ll be stuck here forever. My hope is quickly slipping away and I can’t stop it. I need Nadia to understand the circumstances. She has to know that I’m not like my mom. I’ll convince her that I want nothing to do with the HPA anymore. I’ll beg her to believe me.
“But, really, how did you escape?” Nadia asks, extending her long legs and leaning back on the palms of her hands.
“Right place, right time,” Jacqueline says.
I laugh out of nervousness. Maybe I’m not hopeless. Friendships built on lies are weak. Jacqueline still won’t tell Nadia the truth. “Why don’t you tell her the truth? She’s going to get suspicious.”
“Shut up, Hunter. You’re distracting me,” Jacqueline thinks.
I’m testing Jacqueline. I can use her lies against her when I tell Nadia the truth about who I am. Nadia won’t trust Jacqueline then, and it’ll work out better for me. It’ll give me time to convince Nadia that I’m not the one she should be afraid of and that Jacqueline isn’t some weak and frightened person. She’s strong, intelligent, and cunning. When Nadia knows the truth, Jacqueline’s perfect, safe existence will shatter. Her vulnerability and weakness will come to light and I can use it against her. It’s the only way to get her to take me back to my body. She won’t just return me to my body out of the goodness of her heart. She needs to be manipulated.
Nadia tilts her head back and stares at the sky. “I didn’t mean to pry,” she says. “I can tell you’re uncomfortable sharing things from your past. I get it. I’m the same way.”
Jacqueline laughs in her mind. “She won’t be suspicious of anything because she trusts me, Hunter.”
“Jacqueline?” Nadia asks.
“Sorry, I sometimes get lost in my thoughts,” Jacqueline says.
Nadia presses her lips together. She saw me again. Jacqueline’s wrong about Nadia. She is suspicious and the questions running through her head are starting to pile up. By nightfall, she’ll be dying to see me again. It’ll be my chance to gain her trust.
“It’s okay, but you should probably head back inside. My father is coming.”
NADIA
The last time I was this relieved to see my father was the night my mother died. His pale skin looks ashen against his inky black hair. His obsidian eyes crinkle at the corners when he sees me and he opens his long, sinewy arms.
I get to my feet and he wraps his arms around me and kisses the top of my head. He looks down on me, searching my face, before pulling away and inspecting me from head to toe. His thin lips disappear when he frowns and he reaches out and touches the bandage on my neck.
“Oh, Nadi, you were hurt,” he says.
“I’m okay, Dad,” I say. “It’s nothing.”
He stares at me for a long while. “Alyssa? What about the other girl? Are they hurt?”
I stare past him at the purple sky. “They’re fine,” I sputter. “Dad, I’m sorry.”
He hugs me again. “You have a lot of explaining to do. What were you three doing in the city? You could’ve been killed.”
I sigh. “We wanted to have some fun. It’s so boring around here.”
“I don’t understand. You didn’t even want to leave your room the last time I was home.”
I tuck my hair behind my ear and step back. “I’ve come to terms with myself. I don’t want to be some sheltered little girl anymore. I’m wasting away here.”
“But you could’ve gone with the escorts.”
I grimace. “That’s the last thing I want to do.”
He crosses his arms and stares at me for a few minutes. “I only want two things in life for you, Nadi. For you to be safe and happy. I can see that I’m failing you.”
I grab his hand. “You’re not. I promise. I’m just not a little girl anymore. I need more. I need freedom. I need to see things for myself. I need to learn to take care of myself, too.”
> He hugs me. “Things are going to change.”
I smile. “They already are.”
“You’re right. I see you’ve fed enough to hold your color. Someone from the city?”
I blush. I know what my father is thinking and worry swims in his onyx colored eyes. He’s afraid I’m terrorizing strangers in the city since I’m sure he’s aware that I haven’t seen a volunteer in a while. I was always surprised by the thrill seekers who like being tormented in their dreams.
“No,” I say.
“Care to elaborate?”
I shrug. “Why does it matter? I don’t ask you about what you do when you’re on the road.”
He puffs air out his nostrils. “You’re right. It’s not my business. But I’m worried, Nadi, people in the city are dangerous. If you really must go there, please, let me take you.”
“Sure,” I say. “But I don’t need you to chaperone me.”
He rubs his chin. “No, but you need to know where the safe places are if you ever get into trouble again. I can introduce you to people who can protect you and help you outside the council. You have to know a lot of people like I do. It’s how you survive in the real world.”
This is going a lot better than I imagined. My father hasn’t even raised his voice. And from what he’s saying, it sounds like I’m not grounded for eternity. He’s actually going to let me go back.
“So you’re really going to take me to these places and let me meet people outside the compound?”
He clears his throat. “Yes, because I now see that I can’t scare you into staying here forever, and I guess even an HPA agent can’t keep you away.”
I cringe. “Is he dead?”
My father pulls me into a hug again. “I wanted to kill him. I’ve never wanted anything more in my life, but no. We only kill if we’re out of options. We aren’t like the board.”
“So he can come back?”
My father pulls back and shakes his head. “You don’t have to worry about him, I promise. And when I show you what you need to know, you won’t have to worry about other agents either. I would prefer you never go to the city alone, though.”
He’d really keep me in a bubble if he could. “When will you even have time to show me? Next week? In another month?”
“Today.”
“Seriously? The council will let you?”
He laughs. “No one is a prisoner here. As long as you follow the rules, help out, and don’t do anything that could jeopardize the compound, like sneaking out, we can do as we please.” I glance away when he mentions sneaking out. I hope he doesn’t report Alyssa or Jacqueline to the council.
“About the whole sneaking out,” I say.
“I think the agent was punishment enough for you girls.”
I blow a breath out in relief. This is by far the best conversation I’ve ever had with my father. I wonder what changed. I open and close my mouth, trying to think of the right words to say. “Is that why you’re being so cool about everything?”
He looks down at me and smiles. “Is it really that weird for me to be understanding?”
“Yes, actually.”
He laughs again and kisses my forehead. “Well, I’m going to try to change. I don’t want you to feel like you have to hide things. Your mother would scold me for that you know.”
My heart aches hearing him mention my mother. I want to bring up her memorial, but I don’t want to ruin the moment. So instead I hug him. “When do you want to leave?”
“Soon.”
“Then if you don’t mind, I need to get ready. I promised Jacqueline and Alyssa I’d have breakfast with them.”
“Who’s Jacqueline?” he asks as I open the door.
“She’s new here. You didn’t get a chance to formally meet when you caught us in the city.”
Before he can say anything else, I glide inside and let the door close with a thud. It’s still early and most people are sleeping so I head down the hallway that leads straight to my room.
A tingling sensation washes over me and I dig my fingernails into my palms. Jacqueline is asleep again and I can’t believe it. It’s been less than twenty minutes since I’ve talked to her and here she is again, calling to me in her sleep.
Now’s your chance to talk to Hunter again. I can go into a dream regardless of my hunger and it’s much easier to control the dream when I don’t want to destroy it. If I can go in with a clear head, maybe I can start unlocking Jacqueline’s secrets.
The door opens before I even realize it and I hover in front of Jacqueline’s sleeping body. Just a few minutes. In and out. You don’t have to ruin her dream, I think.
And then I fall into it.
HUNTER
She’s back.
Nadia’s back. I’m in shock and disbelief, because it’s much sooner than I expected. I thought I was going to have to wait all day, but Jacqueline fell back asleep, probably because she’s as bored as I am.
“Hunter?”
Her voice resonates through me and I step from the shadow of a large oak tree. Her white hair shimmers in the pale sunlight overhead and her gray eyes meet mine. She’s just a ghost of herself in this dream world, but she’s still as beautiful as when I first laid eyes on her.
“You’re here,” I say.
She crosses her arms. “You seem surprised.”
I grin. “I am. It’s like you know the moment Jacqueline is asleep and then just appear. Can I ask you a question?”
She spins an inch above the ground and looks around at the peaceful meadow. “I can’t guarantee that I’ll answer it.”
I shove my hands in my pockets and look at my bare feet hidden in the overgrown grass. “What exactly are you?”
She frowns. “You haven’t guessed?”
“A succubus?”
She cracks a smile. “I’m a nightmare inflictor.”
It’s my turn to grimace. I’ve never heard that term before. “I always thought nightmares were caused by an overactive imagination.”
“They can be,” she says. “But I can create nightmares so horrific, they can affect people in their waking state and if I visit too often, I can drive a person crazy.”
“You’re the reason Jacqueline’s asleep?”
She shakes her head, her hair swaying back and forth. “I wish I could. It’d make things easier for me. She’s probably exhausted because I keep visiting and she’s not getting enough restful sleep.”
“Why do you do it?” I’m nervous that my questions will push her away, but I have to ask. I know about a lot of creatures, especially ones that are considered a threat against humanity, but I’ve never heard of Nadia’s ability. She’d be at the top of the board’s kill list if they ever found out. I can never let that happen.
“I don’t have a choice. It’s how I survive,” she says. “It’s not like I love what I am. I’d give anything to just be human like my mother was.”
I study her face. Her almond shaped eyes are lined in thick pale lashes and her heart-shaped lips pucker, her bottom lip fuller than her top lip. I imagine what it’s like pulling her into my arms and kissing her, but instead I say, “I understand the feeling. I’d give anything to get out of here.”
Nadia looks me up and down. “What’s it like?”
“Horrible.” I kick the grass with my bare foot. I should’ve imagined shoes. “I have no control over anything. I see what she sees, hear what she hears, and when she sleeps, I’m bored out of my mind. I can’t sleep in this state. I can just sort of shut down, though.”
“Will you tell me the truth?” she asks. The question is abrupt and I know what’s coming. I promised myself I wouldn’t lie.
I swallow. She’s going to ask me the questions that I’ve been dreading. “I have no reason to lie to you. I have nothing to lose since I’m stuck here. I want you to trust me, Nadia.”
“Why you? What have you done to deserve this fate?”
I turn away and stare at the clear, blue sky. She’s going to abandon me
and never come back. She’s just as afraid of the board as Jacqueline, and I think knowing where I come from will cause irreparable damage.
“You have to promise to hear me out. I’m not a bad person, I swear, but you’re going to think I’m bad by association,” I say.
She stiffens. “Go on.”
“Jacqueline got herself into a sticky situation before she came here. To get out of it, she made a deal with a very powerful person to spy on the council and gather information of their whereabouts. The only way Jacqueline would make the deal was if they gave her someone as collateral,” I say.
She scrunches her nose. “You must be important.”
I sigh. “Apparently not because that powerful person Jacqueline made the deal with was my own mom.”
She tucks her hair behind her ear. “That’s terrible. Why would your mother do that? What’s so important about the council that she was willing to destroy your life?”
I swallow. “That’s the thing. My mom isn’t just some random person. She’s on the board of the HPA.”
Her eyes widen and she takes a step back. Fear and disgust mar her face and her eyes narrow. I’ve lost her. Her raw emotions are clouding her judgment and I don’t think I can do or say anything to make things right.
I hold up my hands. “Please, Nadia. I’m only related to a board member. I’d never hurt you. Please, you have to believe me.”
Dark clouds roll over the sun and the world around us darkens.
“I—I have to go,” she says.
“No!” I yell. “Nadia, don’t leave me here. I need you.”
But it’s too late. She disappears and I’m left in a crumbling dream.
12. DANGEROUS BY ASSOCIATION
NADIA
“The situation with Jacqueline is worse than I thought. We can’t trust her at all,” I say, tying my hair back into a ponytail.
