by Ginna Moran
I miss Nadia already.
15. DESTINED FOR DREAMS
NADIA
I’m out of control. Visiting Hunter every opportunity I have makes me a bigger monster than Jacqueline. I promised myself that I would only give nightmares out of necessity, like when I’m starving, but now I barely even think about it—I just do it.
Hunter has changed me. The world doesn’t feel so dull, but colorful and vibrant, full of life and happiness. I’m frightened by how much I enjoy visiting him, seeing him, touching him. No one has ever known me in the dream world. He sees my nightmare inflictor side and he’s not scared. He likes me, and not just because I can help him. He genuinely cares about me. I can feel it. It’s so tangible because it is part of his soul. That kind of connection with someone is rare.
I watch the stars fade in the early morning sky. People should be waking up soon and it should be safe enough for me to go back inside. I want today to be normal, like any other day. I want to get ready and get back to the routine I’ve slacked off on. I need to do something to get my mind off Hunter and it’s better that I at least start to help out around here again before people start whispering behind my back more than usual.
I squeeze my eyes shut to force the image of Hunter away.
I need to focus on me right now and whether or not I can make the decision to help him. I need to think about what would happen after. Can I live my life in more fear than I do now? Can I forget about him and move on like all this was just a dream? Can I live with myself if I decide not to help him? These are some heavy decisions and I wish someone else could make them for me. I need someone besides myself to blame if things go wrong or aren’t the way I want them to be.
All these questions on my mind make my stomach flip. It’s hilarious how I can even consider things turning out well. I’m toxic. I survive off giving people nightmares. I don’t even know if I’m capable of being with Hunter in real life. Look what happened with my mother.
I hear the door to the dorms creak open and I crawl closer to the building and into the shadows. I’m not up for company and I don’t really want to deal with facing anyone.
“I said I was sorry. I’ve had a lot on my mind. Give me a break.” A familiar voice echoes in the quiet morning.
“Are you sure? I haven’t been getting good sleep at all.”
I press my back to the wall. Jacqueline stands in the middle of the walkway, clutching her head. She’s talking out loud, and with the way the conversation sounds, it’s not only to herself.
“Yeah, okay. You’re right.” She takes a few steps. “Of course I feel guilty. I’m not some heartless person.” She spins on her feet, facing me, and moves her hands to her eyes and rubs them.
“Okay, yeah. Dang it, Hunter. Shut up.” She pauses. “Shut up!”
She’s getting careless by talking out loud. Her sanity is the most fragile after a nightmare and it may take her a while to recuperate from the last one since I was in her head for so long. I watch her walk in a circle, crossing and uncrossing her arms. Her dark brown curls are a mess and she’s wearing black yoga pants and a burgundy T-shirt, the most casual I’ve seen her. Her feet are bare and she runs her foot over the edge of the cement and into the grass.
It takes everything in me to open my mouth, and finally after awkwardly watching her for another minute, I ask, “Who’s Hunter?”
Jacqueline spins on the balls of her feet and stares at me with wild eyes. Her lavender eyes shift to hazel and back again and she brushes her untamed hair back with her hands. “What?” she asks, peering into the shadow to see me. “Oh, Nadia, don’t mind me. I was just talking to myself.”
I stand and walk closer. “You told Hunter to shut up. Who is he?”
She looks ready to run. “I don’t know.”
“How’d he die?” I ask. If I thought confronting her about Hunter would help him, I’d press harder since it was her slip up, but she looks like she’s willing to murder someone to keep her secrets safe, so I play along with her lie.
She pauses for a minute, relaxing. “Oh, uh, I haven’t asked.” Her eyes shift to hazel again and she blinks until they revert back to normal. “And I honestly don’t want to know. It’s morbid enough as it is.”
Jacqueline’s sneakier than I thought and if I didn’t know who Hunter really was, I’d have believed that she was a necromancer speaking to the dead. “Is that why you’re not sleeping well?”
She frowns. “I—I guess. I thought maybe you could tell me.”
I raise my eyebrows. “You don’t think that I’d actually...” My voice trails off and I look at the ground. “Of course you would. Who wouldn’t? Always blame the nightmare inflictor when you can’t sleep.” As the words come, anger slithers into my mind even though it shouldn’t. It’s not like I’m innocent. I’m lying. But thinking about Hunter trapped in her head irritates me. “You do know that people are capable of creating their own nightmares? You talk to the dead, that’s enough to give even the most fearless person bad dreams.” I don’t meet her gaze because now is my chance to erase all doubt she’s had about me. I need her to keep trusting me. I can’t risk her mentioning her sleep issues to the council. Who knows what they would do.
“I’m sorry,” she sputters. “I shouldn’t have said anything. I just—my past is haunting me and I feel like I’m going crazy sometimes. If it makes you feel any better, I don’t even care what you are.” She sounds so sincere. I believe her until I see Hunter’s hazel eyes flash through. Her eye color shifts when she’s having an inner debate with him. I bet he’s calling out her lies. It’s what I’d do if I were in his place.
“You’d be one of the few,” I say, tucking my hair behind my ear. I shift on my feet when silence falls between us.
Finally, after a long minute, Jacqueline nods. “I completely understand. Most people are terrified of me as well.”
And they should be, I think. I should be.
HUNTER
“Can you blame them?” I ask. “You’re the scariest super I know.”
Jacqueline growls in her mind. “You haven’t seen scary, Hunter.”
“I’m pretty sure I have.”
“They’re probably scared of the dead people,” Nadia says. She looks so human with her blond hair pulled up into a high ponytail. Her indigo eyes complement her deep blue shift dress, opaque black tights, and knee high black boots. I wish I could cup her face again...kiss her if she’d let me.
Jacqueline straightens her shoulders, bringing her attention back to Nadia. “You think so? People should know that the dead are harmless. It’s the living that people should be afraid of.” Jacqueline touches Nadia’s arm and it reminds me that I’m stuck inside Jacqueline’s head and that I’ll never get to be with Nadia in real life. We are destined for dreams.
“That’s not what I hear. My father is great friends with a necromancer and she says that no one can keep a secret around her because the dead see everything.” Nadia twists her lips to the side and Jacqueline’s eyes shift to the ground. “Sometimes secrets are all a person has.”
Panic rushes through Jacqueline’s mind. “Oh, no. What if the necromancer comes here? I didn’t realize there was another one around.” She isn’t keeping her personal thoughts from me. It’s annoying because I want to respond, but it’ll get me sent to the void again.
Jacqueline blinks a few times before asking Nadia, “You know another necromancer? Where is she?” Her voice cracks.
“She’s not too far from here, but she doesn’t have connections to the council and probably never will. I can get her information if you want.” Nadia stares up at the sky.
It takes a lot of effort not to laugh. Jacqueline is so uncomfortable, her anxiety is palpable, and I’m enjoying how Nadia is purposely pushing her buttons. I like to think she’s doing it for me. Jacqueline really didn’t think her plan through and sooner or later, she’s going to get caught in a lie by someone other than Nadia. And when she is, I hope I’m already back in my body.
“That would be great.” Jacqueline’s enthusiasm is obviously fake. “Maybe I can meet her sometime.”
“Oh, I bet I can have it arranged. I’m guessing it’s not often you get to meet someone like yourself. I’d kill to meet another nightmare inflictor. The only one I know is my father and he doesn’t count.” Nadia beams a bright smile. She’s so beautiful in the morning light.
Jacqueline’s personal thoughts ring through to me again. “What am I getting myself into? I could never meet a real necromancer. They’d know I was lying immediately. Ugh!”
“I can hear you.” I laugh. I can’t stop myself this time. “I hope you get caught, Jackie.”
“Shut up. I swear I’ll kill you if I’m caught.”
“You know you can’t,” I say.
“Then I’ll make you want to die.”
I don’t argue with her. It’s not worth it. She could probably push me enough to where I’d want to die, but Nadia gives me the hope of that never happening.
“Nadia?” A melodic voice calls out. “You should come back inside.”
Alyssa flips her fire red braid over her shoulder and places her hands on her hips. When she meets Jacqueline’s gaze, she frowns. Her bright green eyes narrow for a split second and then her lips curl into a smile before she spins on her bare feet and struts back inside.
Jacqueline gazes at Nadia, but doesn’t say anything.
Nadia plays with her ponytail and shrugs. “When Alyssa tells you to do something, you do it.”
It hurts to watch her walk away. I want her to keep me company forever even if she can’t hear me inside Jacqueline’s head. It’s the thought of her knowing I’m here that counts, and that she’s willing to fake an effort with Jacqueline that gives me hope that I’ll get through it—that Nadia will be the one to free me.
NADIA
“The tension between you two was obvious. Are you okay?” Alyssa hugs me with one arm as we walk toward our rooms.
“I am now. I had to convince Jacqueline I wasn’t giving her nightmares. I think someone at the club told her,” I say. “Then, she lied to my face again about the whole necromancer thing. She’s really something. I feel bad for her, but then I don’t.”
“She should’ve been born a demon. She has the mindset of one.” She opens her door and I follow her into her room. I try not to stare at the hundreds of drawings taped to the walls. She sits on a pile of clothes on her bed and folds her hands into her lap. “Not to mention her influence on people. The council loves her.”
I cross my eyes and suck in a breath through my gritted teeth. “That’s why I’m so conflicted. She’s so nice and I can see myself being good friends with her, but then there’s Hunter and her deal with the board. She’s going to mess up soon. I can feel it. I caught her talking out loud to Hunter.”
“Did you call her out on it?”
“I wouldn’t do that to Hunter. He’s different. He’s so—” I press my lips together. “I can’t describe it. Think I can save him?”
She fiddles with her hair. “I can’t tell you that. You’re too ambivalent. You need to be absolutely certain you want to and then you need to be absolutely certain you’re going to try.”
I sigh. It’s not what I wanted to hear. I want to know that it’s possible to save someone’s soul without being put in danger. I don’t even know where I’d begin to help him. I can’t manipulate souls. “I wish you could meet him, then you could tell me if it would be worth putting myself on the line.”
She smiles. “Even if I did meet him, I couldn’t tell you that. You’re the one that has to live with this. Can you? If you think you can live out the rest of your life without any regret toward not helping Hunter, then I say don’t help him.”
I tug on my ponytail. “That’s terrible advice.”
“Why? Because I know you’re a good person?”
I moan. “I’ll decide later. I think I need to see him one more time.”
Alyssa eyes me through her thick eyelashes.
I fidget with the papers on her desk. “If you met him you’d get it.” I blush.
Alyssa smirks. “I like my dream boys, too.”
I narrow my eyes. “He’s not a dream. He’s so real, I can touch him, Lys.”
“I know. You’ve told me a dozen times already. It’s...” Her voice trails off.
“Amazing,” I finish for her. It’s the only way to describe it.
“And what happens if he gets his body back?”
I glance at the carpet. “I want it to work,” I say softly.
Alyssa stands up and pads over to me, hugging me. “You couldn’t just meet a normal boy, could you?”
I laugh and blink away my oncoming tears. “Because they’re all afraid of me. I’m scared Hunter will be, too. It’s why I’m hesitant to think of the possibility.” I wipe my eyes. If Hunter gets his body back, he’ll be normal. And then what? He’ll risk the same fate as my mother. “I could turn him insane and he could die. It isn’t fair for me to put someone in that position, no matter how much I care about them.”
Alyssa pulls away. “You don’t know that, Nadia. Only I can predict that kind of thing.” She smiles and straightens her back. “And I predict that it’ll all work out how it should.”
“Until it doesn’t,” I say.
“And then we figure it out from there.”
I love when Alyssa is right because it makes the future seem less ominous and foreboding. I wish things weren’t so subjective. I think I would fare better in a world where everything is set in stone. You would hate that, I think. You need a life with options. You live for those options.
And I do.
Right now, I’m choosing to help Hunter. I just hope it’s the right choice.
16. BREAKING POINT
NADIA
I step into the hallway to make my way back to my room when the pull of Jacqueline’s dream hits me hard. She’s sleeping more and more and will never feel fully rested, but I can’t stop myself. I’m addicted to invading her dreams. It’s too easy.
I glide into Jacqueline’s room. Pale sunlight shines on her face and she sleeps with half her body off the bed like she was too tired to get all the way in it. I reach down and touch my pale fingers to her temples and the world shifts.
Hunter leans against a large gray boulder and stares at an empty playground. A baseball field is to his right, but it doesn’t look like it has been used in ages. The grass is dead, the dugouts contain broken benches, and the bleachers have seen better days.
Hunter stands straighter. “Jacqueline’s having a hard time staying awake.”
I twist my lips to the side and nod. “It’s because of me.”
He steps closer and stares down at me. He tucks my hair behind my ear. “Don’t feel bad, Nadia.”
I pucker my lips. It’s easier said than done. Jacqueline hasn’t done anything wrong to me and even if Hunter thinks she deserves the fate we’re forcing on her, I don’t. “This is why I’m a monster.”
His brows furrow. “You’re not though. You’re only coming here because of me. If I weren’t here, you’d never invade Jacqueline’s dreams.”
Tears blur my vision. “I hate this.”
He looks into my eyes for a few moments before leaning closer and kissing my cheek. “I don’t want you to feel this way. It was never my intention for you to feel guilty or hateful. I want you to be happy just like you were when we first met.”
I stand on my tiptoes and kiss him softly on the lips. “I don’t think I can.”
The ground shakes and the sky cracks. Something is happening in the real world that’s causing Jacqueline’s dream to collapse. While she won’t wake up with me in her mind, I need to get out of here.
Hunter grabs my hands. “What’s happening?”
Fear squeezes my chest. “I have to go.”
I pull out of Jacqueline’s mind without saying goodbye to Hunter. I didn’t have a choice. I shake my head and look around Jacqueline’s room. Someon
e taps on the door and my heart falls into my stomach. I can’t leave without being seen.
I rush to the window, open it, and climb out. As I close the window, I hear Jacqueline moan, but I don’t stick around to see her wake up. I make my way back inside and see Jacqueline in the hallway, picking up a package left in front of her door.
I wait for her to go back into her room before heading to mine.
I feel so sick to my stomach thinking about how close I was to getting caught. In a split second, my life could’ve been over and I’d never get to see Hunter again.
I can’t let that happen.
HUNTER
A minute after Nadia left, Jacqueline’s eyes fluttered open. She wouldn’t have woken up if it weren’t for the banging on the door, and I’m angry that the unexpected visitor was just someone delivering a package. I don’t know when I’ll get to see Nadia again.
“What is it?” I ask as Jacqueline fingers the tape of a package wrapped in brown paper.
“You’ll know when I do,” Jacqueline thinks. “It’s from Ryder.”
That incubus is really getting on my nerves. I didn’t think Jacqueline would ever hear from him again. What kind of guy sends gifts to a girl after only meeting her for an hour? I doubt it’s because he’s kind and generous. He’s sneaky and probably a perfect match for Jacqueline.
“I bet it’s a body part or something.”
“Only you’d think something like that was romantic.”
Jacqueline rips the paper from a white gift box. She tugs the lid off and runs her fingers over the black tissue paper. She’s taking her sweet time and needs to hurry up. I want to know what gift was so important that it forced Nadia to run away.
She lifts up the tissue paper covered object and opens it.
“That’s an odd gift,” I say.
Jacqueline holds a large ring wrapped in thread. Turquoise string is tied from one end to the other, over and over again in a series of knots and looks like a carelessly made spider web. A single leather string hangs from it with a few glass beads knotted on it.
