Redeem

by Janice M. Whiteaker

  His hands reached between their bodies to snag hers, holding them tightly. “I can’t do this.”

  Beth froze, the sting of denial dousing the fire better than cold air ever could. Did she misunderstand what he said? Didn’t he just say she was what he wanted, what he was looking for? She sat up straight, her chest heaving.

  “Why not?”

  “Not here.” His breathing was as ragged as hers, his eyes glassy.

  “Fair enough.” She slid back into her seat. “But you better drive fast.”

  SEVENTEEN

  By the time they pulled into the farmhouse’s driveway Don felt like he was going to throw up. Not the best way to go into a night of passion.

  If that was what he was going into. He still wasn’t one-hundred percent committed. But it looked like he was the only one. And that could be a problem.

  Beth slipped her hand in his as they walked to the house, each step one foot closer to what could be the worst mistake of his life. The house loomed in front of him, the windows dark as they stared down over the equally dark porch.

  “The light must have gone out.” Beth peered at the glass lantern beside the door as she twisted her key in the lock.

  “I’ll put a new bulb in. Are they in the kitchen?” He scooted through the door, shimmying past her and made a beeline for the back of the house.

  “Um, yeah.”

  He didn’t look back but he didn’t have to. He could hear the confusion and disappointment in her voice and it made him feel like an ass. What kind of man had a woman like Beth right there for the taking and rushed to change a light bulb?

  A man who, when it came down to the nitty gritty, had no idea what he was doing.

  Sure he knew how to get her in bed. He also had a pretty good handle on what to do once he got her there. Everything else though, that was where he could royally fuck this whole thing up.

  Don pulled the door shut and twisted the burned out bulb loose. Slowly.

  What in the hell was he going to do? On one hand he could do exactly what he wanted to do and march inside and pull that sweater dress that left so little to his imagination right over her head and run his tongue over every part of her soft, sexy body.

  But that would absolutely result in burying himself as deep inside of those perfectly proportioned curves as he could get, over and over until he was positive Beth was the most satisfied she’d ever been.

  And that is when he would say stupid things like how he couldn’t live without her. How he couldn’t imagine a life without her in it.

  Even worse, there was a very good chance he would make the ultimate confession and end up out on his ass for being ‘way too serious’, ‘too much too fast’, or his personal favorite, ‘intense’.

  The door opened and Beth peeked out at him. “Hey.” She barely smiled. “Are you coming back in?”

  He screwed in the new bulb, the glow from the unbroken filament lighting the porch around him. He nodded and followed her in.

  She sat on one of the large couches, perched on the edge, her hands clasped in her lap. “I’m sorry.” She scooted back a little. “It turns out you aren’t the one who had to worry about doing the wrong thing.”

  Shit. Don set the spent bulb on the coffee table and sat on the couch beside her. “You haven’t done anything wrong. It’s me. I’m jus—”

  “I did. I just…” She sat up straight and looked him in the eye. “I wish you saw yourself the way I see you.” Her eyes moved over his face, almost sad before they snapped away. She jumped up from the couch. “How do you feel about horror?”

  “Excuse me?” The transition was a little abrupt and he didn’t quite follow along.

  “Movies.” She gave him a sheepish grin. “I love horror movies. I wait until the girls go to bed and I watch them while I eat junk on the couch in my pajamas.”

  “Really.” The sweet, gentle woman in front of him was full of surprises. “What kind?”

  “Oh, the gorier the better.” She went to a shelf full of DVDs and pulled one free from the top row. “This one is my favorite.” She held out the zombie covered case. “Would you want to watch it?”

  “I would love to.” He pulled off his coat and hung it by the door next to hers and above a row of little snow boots and sparkly slippers. He stopped and stared at his coat, tucked against Beth’s,then the shoes sitting beneath. That spot could be his. With Beth. With the girls. He took a deep breath.

  Don knew what he had to do. What he wanted to do. What he should have done fifteen minutes ago instead of hiding on the porch screwing in a light bulb.

  He walked across the room, his heart pounding faster with each step. He could do this. He could do this. He could do this. He could do—

  Beth looked up at him just as he reached her side and leaned down. She jumped a little at his closeness. “What are you doing?”

  “This.” He held her head in his hands and laid his mouth on hers, pressing her down to the couch. He fitted his body over hers, resting his weight on his forearms as her tongue swept into his mouth. She let out a soft sigh and tucked one knee up against his side letting his hips fall into the spot they most wanted to be.

  He kissed across her face, tasting her skin, nipping at the softness, working his way under her jaw line and down the delicate curve of her throat. He breathed in the smell of sweet lilies and jasmine that always surrounded her. Her hands tangled in his hair and she whispered his name and for the first time tonight everything felt right.

  He skimmed his hand up her bare thigh, gently squeezing the perfect curve of her leg, kneading softly as he worked his way up, loving how smooth, how soft, how—

  “You’re not wearing any panties.” His voice was barely a rasp as the gravity of the situation went straight to his throbbing dick, robbing more blood flow from his brain and stealing a healthy part of his already waning self-control.

  “I had to take them off.”

  He tried not to be distracted by her hands skating over the sensitive skin of his stomach as her fingers roamed around under his shirt. “Had to?”

  “Mmm-hmm.” She nuzzled into his neck as her hands slid to his back and down, pulling him against her. Her breath hitched. Then she did it again.

  “Beth.”

  He pushed up on his knees, needing a little space before he did what he swore to himself he wouldn’t do. Collecting every speck of authority he still had over his own body he took a deep breath, trying to gain the courage he desperately needed.

  “I would love to take you upstairs and make love to you, but I have one condition.”

  Her lips quirked to one side. “What condition is that?”

  “We have breakfast together in the morning.”

  Her eyebrows came together in confusion. “Oh.”

  His heard sank. Had he been so blinded by his feelings for her that he misread what she felt for him? He started to get up, feeling like he’d been kicked in the gut.

  “All I have are toaster waffles.” She chewed her lip and squinted her eyes. “I might have some Pop Tarts too.”

  Relief and desire dumped adrenaline into his veins. Don wrapped one arm around Beth’s waist and pulled her body tight against his, lifting her from the couch. She wrapped her legs around his waist, making the skirt of her dress slide up, baring the tiniest bit of her naked behind for him to appreciate with his other hand. He slid his palm over the perfect plumpness of her cheeks as he walked to the steps.

  Beth’s mouth was on his, hungry and demanding. By the time he made it up the two stairs to the landing his hand was no longer on her behind, but easily found her swollen and soaking wet core, hot and ready.

  She moaned into his mouth as he slid one finger inside her, then back out to slip between her satiny folds and gently rub over her clit. He made it up two more steps but decided the bed could wait just a few more minutes. Resting one knee on the riser, he set Beth a few steps up, her eyes popping open in surprise as her naked ass hit the polished wood.

  Befor
e the gasp she let out cleared her lips completely, his mouth was on her, turning the gasp of surprise into a moan of pleasure. Her head fell back and her hands gripped the riser as he lapped slowly, enjoying his first taste of the woman who might be his.

  And if she was going to be his, he wanted this to be right. What it should be. And fucking on the stairs was not it. Maybe next time. And damn it there better be a next time.

  Don drug his lips from her body and pulled her back into his arms, quickly finishing the ascent before he changed his mind again. He bumped the partially closed door with his knee and was a few steps in before he realized what he’d done.

  “This is the bathroom.” Beth giggled a little in his ear.

  “Yeah.” Don stepped back out to the hall and pushed through the next door with his back.

  “Spare room.” Beth’s voice was amused but still clouded and husky.

  Don spun around, scanning the contents. “No bed?”

  “No bed.” She nibbled at his earlobe. “On the plus side there’s only one more door.”

  He was through it like a bull charging at a matador, the door slamming against the wall as he kicked it out of his way. “I’ll fix that later.” He fell onto the bed with Beth tucked beneath him. She pushed his shirt up, wrestling it as high as she could manage.

  “Take this freaking thing off already.” She yanked at his sleeves as he raised his arms, the neck catching on his chin.

  “Wait.” He reached under his chin to pop a button on the neckline free. He tossed the shirt to the side and turned back to find Beth sliding her dress over her head. Don watched as her body was revealed inch by unbelievable inch. If he thought that dress left little to his imagination than he must not have been giving himself enough creative freedom.

  From the soft curve of her belly to the full swell of her breasts, Beth was so much more than he would ever have been able to imagine on his own and he wanted to memorize every inch of her beautiful body.

  Some other time.

  Right now, all he wanted was to feel her body wrapped tightly around his.

  Beth lied back on the bed and watched as he worked the buckle of his belt loose and undid the fly of his jeans. He stood up and pulled his ‘just in case’ condom free before pushing the jeans past his hips.

  He tore open the foil and pulled the rubber free then slowly rolled it down his painfully erect dick. Beth’s lips parted as he reached the bottom of his engorged shaft, her pupils dilated, fixed on his every move.

  “Come here.” She reached for him as he obliged, pulling his body to hers, wrapping her legs around him, angling her hips up, reaching between them to guide him in.

  He stopped, barely pressing into her and rested his forehead on hers.

  “What’s wrong?” She cupped her hand along his jaw, her touch gentle and caring.

  He turned his head and kissed the center of her palm. “Nothing is wrong.” He looked back into her eyes. “I just want to remember this.” He pressed into her slowly, knowing once it was over he could never have this moment back again.

  “You are so beautiful.” He kissed her lips as he started to move inside her. Every thrust made it harder to focus, harder to think about the importance of this moment as he lost himself in the feel of her body, the smell of her skin, the sound of her cries in his ear as she pushed against him with each thrust.

  Beth’s body wound tighter and tighter with each move of his body into hers. Her fingers dug into his arms and her ragged breaths in his ear stopped. She tensed beneath him, her legs shaking as they clamped around him. She called out his name as her climax broke free, pushing him off the cliff into his own.

  He sagged against her, drained emotionally and physically. Her fingers trailed slow circles over his back as he tried to regroup from one of the most difficult and most perfect nights of his life.

  “Don?”

  He tensed. A knee jerk reaction based on a history of one night relationships. But that wasn’t what this was. This was different. “Yeah?”

  The soft touches on his back stopped along with his heart as he waited for what Beth needed to tell him.

  “We can still watch the movie, right?”

  ****

  Beth looked again at the screen of her phone, reading the directions for the five-hundredth time. This morning wasn’t a freezer waffle and Pop Tart kind of morning. This morning needed something special. Hopefully something not burnt.

  Beth pulled the large non-stick skillet off the burner and slid it into the pre-heated oven and crossed her fingers. She switched on the light and watched her German apple pancake through the small window. “Please don’t burn.”

  “Hey.”

  Beth jumped up. “Good morning.” She was gearing up for the awkward post coital interaction all morning while making breakfast but the sight of Don wearing only his faded blue jeans, leaning against her kitchen counter was enough to make her forget every thought running through her head.

  Maybe not every one. She still remembered every second of last night.

  And she remembered it well.

  “I thought we were having waffles and Pop Tarts.” He moved around the cabinet, looping his arm around her waist and peeking at the oven.

  “It’s just an apple pancake thing.” She snuck a quick look at the oven. No smoke yet. “I forgot I had the stuff to make this.”

  That was a complete and total lie. She’d been up long after Don fell asleep, his arms wrapped tightly around her, scrolling through recipes on her phone in search of something, anything, she could make the man for breakfast. She’d finally found this recipe but it required baking at an insanely high temperature and her history with ovens was sketchy at best.

  “It sure smells better than a pop tart.” He crouched down to look in, hooking his arm around the back of her leg and letting his hand rest on the inside of her thigh. Her belly fluttered at the intimate touch.

  “Looks good.” He stood up, letting his hand run up her body softly as he moved to rest on her lower back as he stepped close. His eyes sparkled and his lips quirked into a grin. “But I don’t think it’s going to be infused with the same smokiness as everything else you’ve made me.”

  She batted at his chest as she started to walk away. “That can still be arranged.”

  Don grabbed her, holding her tightly against him. “You could burn it with fire and I would still eat anything you made for me.” He brushed his lips across hers in a soft kiss.

  “Be careful. There is a strong possibility that exact scenario will actually happen.” Beth wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back, but maybe not as softly or as sweetly. She could only stare at the man so long before looking wasn’t enough.

  The timer on the oven went off at the exact moment her phone started to ring. She grumbled as Don let her go.

  He nodded to her phone. “You get that, I’ll get this.” He slipped on the oven mitt she’d laid beside the stove and gave her a wink. “I promise not to mess it up.”

  “If it’s bad I’m going to blame it on you now.” She grabbed her phone from the counter and frowned at the screen.

  She answered Jerry’s call with a sinking feeling in her stomach. “Hey.”

  “Hey Beth.” Jerry sounded distracted and loud voices filled the background. “Sorry to bother you but I thought you’d want to know we found Levi’s mom this morning.”

  “Found her how?” Beth already knew the answer. She knew it when she saw Jerry’s name on her phone.

  “We’re pretty sure it is an overdose. She was in her car and it was running. Someone called it in anonymously but by the time we got to her it was too late.”

  She started to shake. This couldn’t happen now. She wasn’t ready. “Where is Levi?”

  “That’s why I called you. He’s at home now but I thought you might want to come talk to him before…” Jerry’s voice trailed off.

  “Before what Jerry?” She could feel tears biting at her eyes.

  Jerry blew out a bre
ath, hesitating on the other side of the line. “Children’s services won’t let him go with you until you are a licensed foster parent.”

  Don’s arms wrapped around her as she nodded into the phone. “Tell Levi I’m coming.”

  She hung up the phone just as a tear started to trickle down her cheek. She buried her face in Don’s shoulder and took in deep breaths through her nose and blew them out her mouth, blinking until the blur of unshed tears cleared and the tightness in her throat subsided. “I have to go.”

  He nodded, his face solemn. “We should hurry.”

  In under five minutes Don was fully dressed and rushing out the door to start the car while she yanked on her shoes. She grabbed her coat and ran out the door to join him.

  Don held her hand but stayed quiet as they drove to the apartments where Levi lived. Beth was numb as she stared out the window, trying to imagine what the little boy must be going through. Not only did his mother just die, but now he had to go to a place he’d never been with people he’d never met. It was everything she never wanted to happen.

  Don pulled to a stop in front of the lower level apartment with sheets hanging in the windows. An unmarked police car sat next to a silver sedan with county parking garage stickers in the windows. She flipped down the visor and wiped at the make-up smudged under her puffy eyes. She had to be strong for him. Had to be able to tell him everything was going to be okay.

  For herself she had to mean it.

  Her door opened and Don held his hand out for her. She held it tightly as they walked to the apartment. She paused outside the banged up steel door and turned to him. “Thank you.” It wasn’t enough to explain how much she appreciated his being here but it was all she could manage.

  He squeezed her hand. “I wouldn’t be anywhere else.”

  EIGHTEEN

  The trailer was quiet when he finally walked through the door. Don set his keys on the dining table and hung his coat by the door, listening for the normal sounds of a Sunday afternoon, Tara chatting quietly in their mother’s room, telling her about her plans for the upcoming week.

  He pulled a bottle of water from the fridge and downed half, the icy liquid burning his empty stomach like a shot of vodka. He needed a good shower and then he’d go back to Beth’s, help her with the girls, help her try to get through the rest of a day that started out so damn perfect.