by Jill Lynn
“If he did this because of what you’re saying, without telling me how he feels, then I want to hunt him down and hurt him.” That immature teenage girl inside of her always popped up at the worst times. Perhaps, just perhaps, God would prefer she choose the less violent route.
“I know he never told you how he felt, but I could see it. We all could. And when you took the job—”
“Without talking to him first,” Rachel continued Val’s thought. She’d done the same thing to him. Pushed him away. “I self-sabotaged. I accepted the job without telling Hunter about it in order to protect myself. Yes, I still wanted it, but I was also scared that he might not love me the way I love him.”
Love him. It had rolled right out, that truth. She should have known. Should have admitted it sooner. “Taking the position was a way to escape without finding out the truth. Because it would have hurt if he didn’t feel the same. It does hurt. I’d assumed I’d learned this lesson watching Cash with Liv—that I was open—but I wasn’t. I was running, protecting myself all along.”
Rachel had also believed that the job would make her happy. Climbing another mountain, accomplishing another something. And for what? To prove she wasn’t a troubled kid anymore? Who did she need to prove that to, besides herself? And she already knew the truth. God didn’t have a list of things she had to check off in order to be forgiven or to start fresh. Her slate had been wiped clean yesterday. It would be wiped clean today. Same tomorrow. He loved her exactly as she was. Even the friends and family surrounding her loved her like that.
She’d thought the town had been waiting for her to mess up. But now? She was afraid it had all been her. Her judgments against herself. Her fears. It was time she learned grace didn’t keep scorecards.
“I’m an idiot.”
“You’re not an idiot.” No matter what mistakes she made, Val always had her back like a protective mama bear. “You were doing your best. And if you think there’s a chance for you and Hunter, then there’s something else I need to tell you.”
Val proceeded to shatter Rachel’s world further by telling her about the guidance counselor position at the high school in Fredericksburg, suggesting Rachel check into it. But even after they’d finished the conversation and Rachel had driven back to Dana’s apartment, her mind was muddled.
It would be one thing if Hunter had wanted her to stay. Or he’d called to tell her about the job. But she and Val were simply guessing his feelings. What he’d told her—how he’d acted—wasn’t anywhere near what they’d just discussed. And Rachel wasn’t sure she could put herself out there again. She had attempted to talk to Hunter before moving—it might not have been the perfect scenario, since she’d already taken the job—but she’d tried discussing how she felt. And he’d shoved her away. The pain of that washed over her all over again. Felt like she was walking around bleeding for all the world to see.
Rachel could finally admit she loved Hunter. Always had. Always would.
The question she didn’t have an answer to, was what she was going to do about it.
* * *
On Friday evening, Hunter stood outside Rachel’s apartment door in Houston—make that her friend’s place—and readied for a fight.
It had taken him a few days to process all his dad had revealed to him and to pray over his next steps, and he’d come to a very simple conclusion: he wanted Rachel in his life, and he’d do anything to make that happen.
His fist went up, then paused before connecting with the wooden door. Wuss. Hunter had thought about bringing Moose along for moral support—he’d known the dog would have pulled on Rachel’s heartstrings and might have edged the score in his direction—but he hadn’t wanted to force the animal to endure such a long drive in his truck.
He knocked, the sound reverberating in the pounding in his chest, and tried to run through everything he wanted to say.
The door flew open, revealing a much shorter woman than Rachel with dark hair and chocolate eyes.
“You must be Dana.” He attempted a smile, but his nerves probably made it look like a wobbly spaghetti noodle. “I’m Hunter. Any chance Rachel’s here?”
Recognition flashed on Dana’s face, and she looked over her shoulder and called out, “Rachel, someone is here for you.” Then she opened the door wider and motioned for him to come in. Bustling over to the kitchen counter, she grabbed a brown leather purse. “I was just...heading out.” She bolted through the open doorway, then paused. “It was great to meet you.” The nicety was followed by the sound of the front door slamming shut.
Huh. Was her departure a good or bad sign?
“Who is it?” Rachel came out from the bathroom, and at the sight of him, froze. She must have recently come home from work, because she still had on business clothes. Slim dress pants that landed just above her ankles and a flowing shirt. The turquoise color highlighted the green of her eyes. Her hair was down, and her feet were bare, the heels she’d likely taken off when she’d walked in the door haphazardly lying to his right. Her toenails were painted fluorescent pink. Hunter had never imagined he could actually miss something like knowing Rachel’s current polish color.
She glanced around the living room and kitchen. “Where’s Dana? You didn’t add breaking and entering or kidnapping to your list of crimes, did you?”
Strangely enough, the sassy question alleviated his tension. Just being near her made him feel like he’d taken his first real breath in almost two weeks.
“She just left. Said she had to be somewhere.”
Rachel’s closed off body language told him her walls were up and functioning. On high alert for anyone who tried to breach them.
“What are you doing here, Hunter?”
She was beautiful, inside and out, and he’d been so stupid not telling her how he felt.
“I need to talk to you about something.”
“You could have called.”
“This wasn’t a phone call kind of conversation.” Besides, she wouldn’t have answered. Didn’t she realize he knew her better than that?
She shifted uncomfortably. “Okay.”
He strode forward, hands landing on her arms, her skin soft and smooth to his touch. “I’m so sorry. Sorry that I let you go and that I didn’t tell you I was crazy in love with you and always have been and not one thing on God’s green earth is ever going to change that.”
Whoa. That hadn’t come out exactly as he’d rehearsed. Her jaw had gone slack, and he was almost certain a sheen of moisture appeared in her eyes. She blinked so fast he could be wrong, though.
When she didn’t say anything in response, he stormed ahead.
“I have a whole long story that might help my behavior make more sense.” He pulled her over to the couch and motioned for her to sit. Then he sat on the coffee table across from her and told her everything. About how he’d always thought his dad had convinced his mom to live a life she didn’t want—and how that turned out not to be true. He explained how it had messed with him over the years. How it had convinced him to never ask anyone—including her—to stay in a life she didn’t want. He told her about the letter. About finding out that his father had never fought for his mother.
“I wanted you to come to Houston because I knew this was a dream of yours and I didn’t want to take that away. And that’s still true. I can live without a ranch. But I can’t live without you.”
“What are you saying?” Her voice was a whisper, her eyes questioning. Still aching with hurt that he’d caused.
“I’ll move here if you’re willing to give us a chance. I’ll work in a hardware store. Or on a ranch outside of town. We can do long-distance if you want, but that’s only going to last for a little bit. And then I don’t want things to dead end. So if we want a future together, I’m willing to move. I still want you to follow your dreams. I already talked to my dad. Told him I might need to sell back
to him. He understands.” His father had been so decent about the whole conversation that Hunter had almost checked for hidden cameras. But then his dad had sent him out of his office with a gruff “Get to work,” and Hunter had known he was still in the right universe. The two of them were both making more effort in their relationship, though, and things were slowly changing.
“This is probably all coming out jumbled, but I’m trying to explain why I didn’t fight for you. Why I let you go. I thought it was the best way to love you.” He let out a slow exhale. “But I don’t believe that anymore.”
“What do you believe now?” Her voice was still quiet.
“That I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I’ll do anything to make that happen.”
She popped up from the couch and began pacing.
Not exactly the response he was hoping for.
After four turns, she paused in front of him. “It’s not going to work for you to move here.”
A boulder of disappointment crushed him.
“That wouldn’t make sense because I’m not going to be living here.”
What? What was she talking about? “Is something wrong with your job?”
She nodded. “It’s not at all what I expected.”
His heart drummed so hard he was certain he could feel it tapping against his rib cage.
“I’m sorry.” And he was. He wanted her to be happy. Hated hearing that she wasn’t. Yet, at the same time, hope rose up. “There’s a position that just opened at the high school.”
Her head shook. “No, there’s not. They filled it.”
How many times could his dreams be snuffed out in one day?
“From what I’ve heard, the person they hired is straight out of school. Young. Blonde.” Her head tilted. “I should set you up with her.”
He wasn’t sure whether to sigh or growl or yell.
“Really? What’s her name? I’ll have to call her.” Anger and sarcasm blended together, frustration causing his body to heat despite the cool air in the apartment. What was he going to do with this woman? How was he going to convince her that—
“Rachel Maddox.”
Absolute silence reigned after her words.
And then he was standing, gripping her arms again. “You took the job? It was you?” She nodded, a smile inching across her face. “And you let me go on and on? Here I was thinking I might never be able to convince you to give us another chance and you’d already decided?” His voice had risen to a boom.
Her grin only grew. It was mesmerizing, but Hunter was doing his best not to let it distract him. He was mad at her. Or, at least, he wanted to be. She lifted one shoulder. “I thought you needed to grovel a little.”
He scooped her up in a hug, and she squealed, her arms looping around his neck. “Hunter McDermott, put me down.”
“Never.” After not nearly long enough, he let her go slowly. She slid down until they were face-to-face again. “Does this mean you love me and can’t live without me?”
Her lips pressed together, and she gave the sweetest nod he’d ever witnessed in his life.
“Say it.”
She sighed and rolled her eyes, acting annoyed by his demand, but then she softened. Her eyes were so full of emotion that he knew what she felt, even without the words he couldn’t wait to hear. “I love you. I’m never going to leave you. You’re my home. And if Fredericksburg isn’t right for me, you’ll be the first to know.” His breath caught. “And then we’ll figure the next thing out together.”
Every tense muscle in his body unwound. “You love me.”
“At the moment. But you’re really going to have to up your game, McDermott. I’m expecting flowers every day, and you’re going to have to learn to cook, and—”
He cut her off with a kiss. It seemed like a good plan. One he’d need to use again in the future. His hands slid into her hair, the pain of the last two weeks ebbing away at the familiarity of her touch. He could just stay right here forever. Except...he needed info.
Hunter managed to wrench himself away from her, holding her at arm’s length. “How did you know about the job? Val?”
She nodded. “I interviewed with the high school on Wednesday and they offered me the job right away. But then I had to decide what to do. I didn’t want to leave my current school hanging, but I talked to my supervisor, and she understood my predicament. I guess she reads romance novels all the time, and she was almost giddy about us. I told her I wasn’t sure we were going to work, but she encouraged me to take the risk. The person who was in line behind me for the job here hasn’t found anything else yet, and they’re going to offer him the position.”
He tucked back a piece of her hair, and if his hand lingered against her cheek, sue him.
“I didn’t know what you were thinking,” Rachel continued. “Or how you felt about me. I only knew your actions showed me something completely different than your words, but you definitely threw me for a loop. Val told me what you’d said at church and we pieced together what we thought was going on.” Her face grew serious. “But I was still scared. I wasn’t sure what to believe anymore. So I prayed, and I asked Val and Cash and Liv to pray, and in the end...taking the job in Fredericksburg was the right thing to do. And so I decided to trust God with that—whether you wanted me or not.”
“I want you.”
At his words, a smile traced her lips. He barely refrained from kissing her again. But he needed more reassurance. He had to know she wasn’t giving this up for him. “I thought you loved the city. You know how different it is. Are you sure?”
She traced soft circles with her thumb across the scar on his forearm—a gash that had required stitches a few years past. “I don’t have any doubts. Ever since my parents died...I’ve felt like I didn’t belong anywhere. Colorado was a pit stop. I made friends but never got too close. And even though I was starting to love it in Fredericksburg, I didn’t let myself believe it could be home again. Leaving last time and going to school was the right thing to do. But that doesn’t mean it’s the answer this time. That quiet life I never thought I wanted... I was wrong. I already have a home. I just had to open my eyes to see it.”
Relief was as sweet as lemonade on a scorching day.
“I was fighting against letting people in. Belonging. And I don’t want to fight that anymore.”
“So you won’t hate living in Fredericksburg, let’s say...on a ranch?” At his question, her eyebrows shot up, and he felt a full-fledged grin growing. “I mean, not that anyone is asking you to live on a ranch.” Yet.
Her lips curved. “Because that would be a crazy idea.”
Inching closer, he slid arms around the small of her back. “Absolutely crazy.” And wonderful. “Have I told you I don’t love you today?”
That earned him a laugh.
“That works out well, then, McDermott, because I don’t love you, either.” Her arms wrapped around his neck and tugged him down until her lips met his in a soft kiss. “Except I do.”
“Me, too.” And he liked the sound of her last two words a whole lot.
Epilogue
Rachel peered out the window of Mr. McDermott’s home to the rows of white chairs lining the west side of the house and facing the ranch. A white tent lit with twinkle lights stood to the right, waiting for the reception to follow.
The ceremony was about to start, so everyone had taken their seats. Olivia was holding Ryder in the front row. The Redmonds were seated behind her, and across the aisle, Hunter’s dad sat with Autumn and Calvin, who was holding their newborn son, Craig.
Rachel’s favorite aunt and uncle had made the trip from Austin—her Aunt Libby had been a huge help with wedding planning. And some other friends from town were there, too—ones who had known her since she was a kid, and much like Hunter, stayed in her life through all of her ups and
downs, mistakes and triumphs.
If there was one thing she’d realized over the last few months about the man she was about to marry, it was that his love for her had been consistent. Hunter had always known exactly who she was—even beneath any bad decisions she’d made—and he’d loved all the sides of her. He’d always believed in her. It was mesmerizing to watch his adoration unfold now that he no longer had to hold back. She could say without a doubt that his love had changed her for the better.
Bree and a small group of teens sat toward the back. After Rachel had returned to town, Bree had begun to open up again, even attending the Bible study that Rachel led one morning a week before school. Between that and stepping in as Olivia’s new assistant volleyball coach when Val’s mom retired from the position she’d held for many years, the last few months had raced by.
Rachel and Hunter had planned their outdoor wedding for early November—the weekend after volleyball season ended—knowing full well it might be raining or freezing and they’d end up doing the ceremony in the tent. But like a little smile from God, the day was gorgeous. Trees were brandishing their royal colors, and the sun had come out to play in all its glory.
The front door of the house opened and her brother stepped inside. “They’re almost ready for you.”
She abandoned the window she’d been peeking out of to meet him by the front door. The guys were wearing crisp, dark jeans, white shirts and camel vests—with cowboy boots, of course. Hunter had opted for the casual look—Rachel couldn’t imagine him donning a tux—and she had no doubt her soon-to-be husband was going to look heart-stopping in the ensemble.
“You look really nice. Almost worthy of that beautiful wife of yours. I’m not sure I’ve seen you this cleaned up...maybe ever.”
Cash jutted his chest out, tugging on the front of his vest. “I wore a suit for my wedding.”
“That’s true.” Amusement traced her lips. “You did.” She adjusted his orange calla lily boutonniere, which had slipped to one side.
For wedding colors, Rachel had opted for pops of orange, red, yellow and green. Val and Brennon were standing up with them, and Val had been tasked with the job of picking out her own bridesmaid’s dress. She’d chosen a sweeping yellow one-shouldered dress that dropped to the floor with all of the drama the girl herself didn’t possess. Perfection.
