by Leanne Banks
“I understand that,” he said, looking at her. “I can’t imagine anyone ever forgetting you.”
Angie met his gaze and smiled. “Thanks. Do you want to grab some hot chocolate or a snack?”
Forrest shook his head. “I need to get back to the ranch. Clay and Antonia will be busy if they can get those babies to sleep. I’ll take care of the horses.”
Angie nodded and squeezed his arm. His heart leaped at the touch. He wondered if she had a clue what kind of effect she had on him.
“You’re a great brother,” she said. “There you go being a hero again.”
Forrest frowned. “I’m not all hero, Angie. I’m just a regular guy.”
Angie shook her head. “You may deny it, Forrest, but you’re a hero in a million different ways and I’ve got witnesses.”
Forrest had his own internal witness that told him he was just a man, but he couldn’t argue with her. But soon, he would have to tell her.
Angie tugged him toward her and kissed him. The caress rocked him all the way down to his toes. “Call me,” she said.
* * *
Angie drove back to town after the wedding. Nothing could have topped her day, her year, like being a part of Clay and Antonia’s wedding. With the babies squirming and the way Mary had proclaimed the two husband and wife, Angie couldn’t recall feeling better about a couple’s future. And maybe after Forrest absorbed it all, he would think about spending his life with her. She hoped he would. She hoped he would see the love they could share and the possibilities of their future.
She couldn’t help thinking about their wedding. She didn’t care if it was grand or small. She only knew she wanted to belong to him. Forever. She wondered if her children would look like him. She wondered if they would carry his determination. Angie knew she would love to give him children. He would be the best father ever. The father she’d never had. The father every child deserved.
Angie finished decorating the tree for the senior center, then went to the mental health facility she’d scheduled for the same day and decorated a tree for them, too. Afterward, she grabbed a take-out meal and headed home. Her meals during the two previous nights had been far different than the burger and fries she grabbed tonight.
Walking into her house, Angie was acutely aware of Forrest’s absence. He had made her house feel like a home again. He’d held her and made love to her. Forrest had no idea what kind of magic he created just by his presence. His strength inspired strength in others. He was one of those rare people who gave other people power just by his presence.
Angie knew she was the woman for Forrest. She pictured their future full of happiness and children. If they had a boy, she would want to name him after Forrest. If they had a girl, she would want to name her after her mother. Their life would be wonderful. She didn’t need perfect. She just needed Forrest and the love they shared. After the night they’d shared and Clay and Antonia’s wedding today, she hoped Forrest knew that what they had together was most precious.
* * *
That night, Forrest didn’t sleep well even though he was exhausted. He tossed and turned, wondering what to say to Angie. He felt as if he’d betrayed her by taking her to bed and not telling her about his secret disability. His limp revealed the problem with his leg, but he did his best to keep his other problem secret. How could he possibly explain it to a sweet woman who’d never been in a war zone?
He drifted into a restless sleep for a couple hours, but awakened before dawn. Forrest couldn’t tolerate his thoughts, so he rose from his bed and took a shower to clear his head. He had to talk to Angie and he had to do it today.
Forrest ate toast for breakfast again, and tried to fill the time. He turned on the television, but there were no football games yet. Using the remote to flick through several stations, he finally landed on the history channel. It offended him the least. He waited until nine o’clock to call Angie.
She didn’t answer, but called him back an hour later. “Crazy morning. I’ve been at ROOTS and they’re working on their correspondence with the soldiers. We’re sending out cookies.”
“Good for you,” he said. “You want to meet for lunch?”
“That sounds good. Anywhere special?”
“I think the diner will work,” he said.
“Okay,” Angie said. “Twelve o’clock?”
“Yes. I’ll meet you there.”
Hours later, he met her at the diner where they’d shared hot chocolate so many times before. The sweet nostalgia bit at him. Soon, there would be no more nighttime meetings. As Forrest and Angie sat down for lunch, he realized he needed to wait to really talk to her, so their meal was filled with mindless conversation. The whole time, however, he knew what was coming.
“This week has been crazy,” she said as their order arrived. “Pies and pies and pies and the dinner at the Gallatin Room, then our night together,” she said, her cheeks blooming with color. “Then your brother’s wedding and, whew, nonstop decorating for me. How are you?”
“I’m okay,” he said. “I’m great. How’s that grilled cheese sandwich?” he asked, diverting the attention away from himself.
She smiled. “Perfect. It’s a perfect grilled cheese sandwich.”
Forrest tried to focus on his time with Angie because he knew everything would change after today. He had no appetite for his club sandwich and asked the server to pack his lunch in a to-go box.
“You didn’t eat much,” Angie said. “Is something wrong?”
Forrest shrugged. “I have a lot on my mind. Let’s go out to my truck.”
Angie studied him and her brown eyes turned wary. “Okay.”
A few moments later, Forrest paid the bill, then led Angie to his truck.
“It’s a little chilly in here,” she said, bundling her coat around her.
Forrest turned on the engine. “Maybe this will help.”
“What’s on your mind?” she asked.
“A lot,” he said and took a deep breath. “We can’t see each other anymore.”
“What?” she asked, her expression incredulous. “What are you talking about? Was I that bad at making love?”
Forrest swore under his breath. “Hell, no. You were the best. You were incredible. You made me feel things I hadn’t felt before.”
“Then why? I don’t understand.”
“You’re a beautiful girl, and you deserve more than I can give you,” he said.
She frowned at him. “What are you saying?”
“I can’t do this anymore,” he said. “It’s not about you. It’s me.”
Hurt and disgusted, Angie stared at him. “It’s me, not you,” she repeated. “Surely you can come up with something better than that.”
She could hardly believe him. How could everything go from blissfully perfect to over in sixty hours? She quickly moved from hurt to furious. “When did this suddenly come to you? After you’d slept with me?”
“I’m doing you a favor,” he said. “We may be having fun right now, but in the long-term, getting involved with me would not be anything like the fairy tale you imagine.”
Angie frowned at him. “I’m not that naive. I don’t expect a fairy-tale life. If you think about my history, then you’ll realize that I haven’t lived one.”
“Tell me you’ve never envisioned the wedding gown you would wear at our wedding,” he said.
“No, I haven’t,” she told him. “I’ve been too busy falling in love with you.”
He looked as if she’d punched him, and Angie was glad, because he seemed to have no idea how much he had injured her.
“Just tell me, have you named the children we would have?” he asked.
Angie closed her eyes. “You bastard,” she whispered.
“I’m only telling the truth,” he said. “Angie, I’m telling you the truth. You’re perfect the way you are. I wouldn’t ever want to change you. Believe me when I tell you, this is for the best.”
Chapter Eleven
The
next day, Forrest’s words echoed inside Angie’s head and heart. He was ending their relationship before it really got started. The reality hurt so much she almost couldn’t bear it. It was all she could do to get out of bed, but she had no choice. Today she had to help the ROOTS kids put together the rest of their packages for the G.I.s overseas. This particular task was especially bittersweet since she’d consulted with Forrest on the program.
Angie forced herself to present a cheerful front for the kids, but it was hard. She knew he was the one. But now that he’d flat-out rejected her, she was at a loss. She didn’t know what to do.
If that weren’t bad enough, now that Thanksgiving was over, the whole town was getting in gear for Christmas. The streets of the town were draped in holiday lights and carols were wafting from storefronts.
Angie was usually the first person to want to celebrate Christmas, but she was finding it difficult to get in the spirit now that Forrest had turned away from her. The last time she’d felt this low during the holidays had been ages ago. The first year after her mother had passed away.
She couldn’t go back to being that sad little girl. Celebrating Christmas and being happy was one of the best ways she had to honor her mother, and she couldn’t allow her misery over her breakup with Forrest to keep her from the joy of the season, even though she felt anything but joyful.
Angie put up her tree and decorated her house. Although the sight of her decorations did nothing to lift her spirits, she told herself that one of these nights when she turned on the lights, she would feel a little more merry. In the meantime, she needed to get ready for exams.
* * *
Forrest was miserable, but he knew he’d done the right thing. He couldn’t put Angie through his turmoil. It would tear him up to see her belief in him crumble before his eyes. She had no idea how much he struggled with his memories from Iraq.
When Forrest refused to join Clay and Antonia for a meal, his brother surprised him in his den. “Since Mohammad won’t come to the mountain, I thought I’d better come to you,” Clay said. “I brought a casserole that Antonia baked for you. It’s in the fridge.”
“Thanks,” Forrest said. “But she didn’t have to do it.”
“She wouldn’t have to if you’d join us for dinner once in awhile. What’s up with you?” Clay asked. “You’ve been acting even more standoffish than usual lately. Did you get some bad news from the doctor?”
“Nothing that bad. I’m probably going to have to have more than one more surgery and he told me to rest it more, but it could be worse,” Forrest said, heading to the kitchen to grab a glass of water.
Clay followed him. “Does this have anything to do with Angie? She seemed pretty attached to you during my and Antonia’s wedding. Even Antonia said the two of you would make a great couple.”
Forrest felt his gut clench, but he just waved his hand. “There’s nothing there. She’s just a kid.”
“She didn’t seem like a kid to me,” Clay said. “Seemed nice and pretty to me. But maybe you’re too cranky to notice stuff like that lately.”
Forrest scrubbed his jaw. “Give it a break, Clay. I’m not in the mood for this.”
“Hey, we’re just shooting the breeze. We can talk football if you like,” Clay said.
“This isn’t a good time,” Forrest said. “I have some work to do.”
Clay sighed and hooked his fingers in his pockets. “Okay. Let me know when you’re feeling more sociable. And if I don’t hear from you in a couple days, I’ll be back.”
Forrest watched his brother leave then growled at himself. He had to get out of this funk. He had to stop thinking about Angie. He’d done the right thing. He had to keep reminding himself of that fact even though he couldn’t remember being this miserable. Not even after he’d first been injured. At that point, the doctors had kept him medicated so he wouldn’t feel any pain. When he’d begun his recovery, he’d been grateful to have a goal.
Now, he had a goal, too. To rest. Resting was the last thing he wanted to do. He didn’t need any extra time to think. Thinking just reminded him of his comrades who hadn’t made it out alive. It made him wonder why he had lived and they hadn’t. Lord, he was morose, he thought. The inactivity was driving him crazy. That and feeling like he needed to stay away from ROOTS. Somehow he’d grown attached to those kids.
He supposed he could go back into town and do some work at the office. Maybe it would take his mind off himself. He could only hope. On his way there, he stopped by the library to remind Annabel to bring Smiley to the next veterans support group meeting.
Smiley rose from the floor to greet him. Forrest petted the dog and waved at Annabel as she walked toward him. “Hi there,” she said. “How are you doing?”
“I’m fine,” he said. “I just wanted to remind you about the veterans support group meeting.”
“I wouldn’t forget,” she said. “Smiley wouldn’t let me.”
The dog brushed up against Forrest as if he sensed something was wrong.
“He’s giving you some doggy loving today,” Annabel said. “He usually only does that for people who are sick. You don’t have a cold or anything, do you?”
“No. I had a virus a couple weeks ago, but I’m healthy as a horse now,” Forrest said and petted Smiley again. “I’ll see you and Smiley on Thursday. The vets really like him.”
“See you Thursday,” she said and watched Smiley rub against Forrest again. “Are you sure everything’s okay? Smiley has great instincts about these things.”
“I’m okay. Really,” Forrest said and walked out of the library. Even the dog could tell he was down, he thought. The downtown parking was crazy with everyone in their pre-Christmas rush, so he wouldn’t be able to get close to the office. He heard the sound of Christmas carols as he walked along the sidewalk and thought of Angie. She would love this. Love the gaudy decorations. Knowing Angie, she would try to add more.
Forrest stopped short. He had to quit thinking about her.
Thursday arrived and it was time for the veterans support group. He wasn’t in the mood to do as much talking today. He hoped the other guys would lead off this time.
One young man named Ben who petted Smiley spoke up. “Does anyone else have trouble with holidays? I know I should be glad I’m home, but I can’t help feeling guilty. I get to be with my family when other guys are still stuck overseas.”
“I know what you mean. I helped out with a special dinner for military families whose soldiers will be away for the holidays. It reminded me that it was hard for the folks at home, too,” Forrest said.
“Yeah,” Ben said. “My wife keeps telling me that, but she can’t understand why I get down sometimes,” he said.
Another man, David, nodded. “It’s hard because I’m different than I used to be. I hear loud noises and sometimes I break into a sweat. Other days are so bad I have a hard time leaving the house. My wife tries to understand, but I know it’s hard on her.”
An older man chimed in. “I remember being shipped out, not knowing if I’d ever see my wife and kids again.”
“Well, if we’re gonna talk about women, I remember putting off marrying my girlfriend because I didn’t think it would be fair to her if I died over there,” another man named Roger said.
Forrest was moved by the men’s openness. “Have the women in your lives been able to accept you now that you’ve come back and you’re a different man?”
“My wife has. Even though I freak out over things that seem weird to her now and then, she says she’s glad I’m home with her,” David said.
“Coming back, I realize more than ever what a harsh world it can be,” Ben said. “It makes me appreciate my wife that much more.”
“My situation is different,” Forrest said. “I wasn’t married or involved when I was overseas, so the woman I know now didn’t know me before. She hasn’t experienced normal with me. I just don’t see how it can work out.”
“Depends on the woman,” the older man said
. “Some are stronger than others. What’s yours like?”
“She’s not mine,” Forrest corrected.
“Well, it sounds like she’s got your attention,” David said.
“She does. She has.” Forrest gave a dry laugh. “I’d have a hard time ignoring her. She blew into my life like a tornado.”
“Troublemaker?” one of the men asked.
Forrest shook his head. “No. She hasn’t had the easiest life, but she’s the happiest person I’ve ever met. She works with teenagers and isn’t afraid to step up and protect them. I don’t see how she does everything. I swear that woman seems like she can be in three places at once.”
“How does she act toward you?” Ben asked.
Forrest’s chest went tight. “She calls me a hero, but she’s the one who makes things better for a lot of people.”
“Sounds like a keeper to me,” the older man said. “You shouldn’t let that one get away.”
“Yeah, and it sounds like you’re the one who has a hard case of hero-worship for her,” David said.
“I don’t want to put her through my mess,” Forrest said. “I broke it off last week.”
“Or were you afraid she would break it off with you down the line and didn’t want to risk it?” David asked. “That’s what I did. Luckily, mine took me back.”
“For a long time, I felt guilty about being happy when so many of my buddies didn’t come back. They didn’t have a chance to be happy. Why should I?” the older guy said. “My wife sat me down and told me that I owed it to my buddies who didn’t make it to live my life to the fullest. She’s a damn smart woman. It’s a wonder she married me.”
Forrest felt as if he’d been hit with a two-by-four. He realized that he had in fact felt guilty about the prospect of being happy. “I hadn’t thought of it that way. I’ve been making anyone who gets too close to me pretty miserable.”
“Yeah, my wife says I’m a pain in the butt sometimes, too,” Ben said. “But she wants to work it out with me. It sounds like you’ve found someone who wants to work it out with you. You might not want to let her get away.”
