by Ramona Gray
“I don’t have any foster children.” Mama J gave her a suspicious look. “What have you done with Walter?”
“I haven’t done anything with him, I promise,” Jane said. She sat back and tried to smile at Mama J as the woman scowled again at her.
“I don’t like you. I want you to leave.”
Jane rubbed her aching stomach. “Why don’t I sit with you while you eat. We can talk about whatever you want.”
“No! I don’t like you!” Mama J’s voice was rising and Jane waved at Tanya when the nurse stuck her head into the room.
“It’s okay, Mama J. It’s okay,” Jane said soothingly.
“Leave!” Mama J shouted. “Leave right now, you horrible girl!”
She grabbed the tray of food and threw it at Jane. It struck her in the chest and chicken, potatoes and gravy splattered across her chest and face. Jane winced and picked up the tray from the floor, as Tanya hurried into the room and stopped Mama J from getting out of her chair.
“It’s okay, Josephine,” she said softly. “Just relax.”
“Tell her to leave!” Mama J shouted. “Right now!”
“Okay, I’ll go,” Jane said. She stood and grabbed her purse before hurrying out of the room. She used the washroom, wiping the gravy and food from the front of her t-shirt and silently thanking God that she had gone home and changed out of her work clothes before visiting.
When she emerged from the bathroom, Tanya gave her a sympathetic look. “You okay?”
“Yes. Is Mama J okay?”
“She settled down. I’ll get a new tray of food brought up for her.”
“Okay, thanks,” Jane said. “Maybe I’ll sit in the common room for a while and see if she’s feeling better later.”
“Jane,” Tanya said, “go home. It’s been a bad day for Josephine and I don’t think she’s going to remember you tonight. Go home and get some rest – you look terrible.”
Jane nodded as her stomach growled loudly. “Yeah, okay. I left her new pajamas on the bed.”
Tanya nodded and Jane smiled gratefully at her before leaving the care home. The bus stop was two blocks away and she walked quickly, hunching her face into the collar of her jacket. She glanced at her watch as she waited for the bus. She should have been working tonight but as further punishment for being late last night, Jeremy had texted her this afternoon and told her they didn’t need her to work. Thursday night was her best tip night and although she knew she needed the sleep, she needed the extra money more. She sighed as the bus pulled up in front of her. There wasn’t anything she could do about it except hope that Mr. Dawson didn’t need her to work late next week too.
* * *
“You’re kidding me,” Jane groaned when she walked into her apartment an hour later. She flicked the light switch back and forth again. Her apartment was as cold as a crypt and they had cut off her electricity. Using her phone’s flashlight, she hurried down the hallway. She pushed the heat to high but there was no familiar rattling as the heat started. Great. Her heat was cut off too.
Not that it matters. It barely worked anyway.
That was true but she was a little shocked by how cold it was in her apartment without any heat at all. Using the light on her phone, she changed into thick socks and her flannel pajamas and wrapped the blanket from her bed around her body. She rummaged in a drawer and found some matches to light the candle on the table. The sweet smell of apple pie filled the air and her stomach growled loudly in response. God, why had she bought the apple pie scented candle? Was she deliberately trying to torture herself?
Using the last of the bread, she made herself a peanut butter sandwich in the near darkness and ate it slowly. She had loved peanut butter for her entire life but if she ever could actually afford groceries, she’d never eat peanut butter again. She had one orange left and she stared for a while at it, debating whether to eat it now or save it for tomorrow.
Save it. You have seven dollars left to last until Monday night when you get your tips from the club and nothing but a jar of peanut butter and that orange to eat.
I’m still hungry.
You had a big lunch.
That was very true. Of course, eating a big meal had only seemed to make her even hungrier. After another moment of internal debate, she snatched up the orange and peeled it with shaky hands. She ate it slowly and then ate a few tablespoons of peanut butter before drinking a glass of water. Maybe Mr. Dawson would buy her lunch again tomorrow. If he did, she would only eat half of it and take the rest home to eat over the weekend. She could see her breath and the cold was seeping through her pajamas and her blanket. Her head aching and her limbs shaking from the cold, she put on her jacket before climbing into bed and pulling the covers over her head. She was so tired she wanted to cry but she staved it off grimly. She would catch up on her sleep and tomorrow she’d feel much better.
* * *
“Jane? Are you feeling okay?”
Jane stared blearily at the woman standing in front of her desk. “Hi, Amy. Yes, I’m fine.”
“Are you sure? You’re very pale,” Amy said.
“I’m good. How are you?”
“Fine.” Amy shifted the bottle of juice she was holding to her other hand before studying her closely. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yes, thanks. Mr. Dawson is in his office.”
“Thanks.” Amy gave her one last look of concern before disappearing into Mr. Dawson’s office.
Jane rubbed a shaky hand across her forehead. Her head was throbbing miserably and she felt sick to her stomach. Why had she eaten that orange last night? She was so hungry she could barely think straight and her plan to catch up on her sleep last night had failed miserably. It was so cold in her apartment that she kept waking up, and she cringed at the thought of how awful it would be tonight. The weather had dropped another few degrees over night and they were calling it the coldest winter in years. She was going to freeze to death in her own damn apartment.
You can spend most of the weekend with Mama J. It’s warm there.
Yes, she could if Mama J wanted to see her. She had called the care facility this morning and Bev the day nurse had told her that Mama J still wasn’t doing well. She had told Jane to call before coming tonight, because if Mama J was acting like she was this morning there would be no point in stopping by to see her.
She printed off the document she had typed and grabbed it from the printer before walking to Mr. Dawson’s office. He had been waiting for nearly an hour for it but she couldn’t seem to get her brain to work right today.
She knocked and poked her head into the office. Amy was standing by the window and she smiled before beckoning for her to come in. Mr. Dawson was on the phone and he didn’t look up as Jane placed the paper on his desk and turned to leave. The room spun crazily and a loud buzzing started in her ears. She groped frantically for the desk as her knees buckled and the room went black.
* * *
“No, I understand that the – shit!” Luke dropped the phone into the cradle and jumped up as Amy made a soft gasp. Jane, her hand groping weakly behind her, was crumpling to the floor. He ran around the desk and caught her before she hit the floor. She was dead weight in his arms as he lifted her and carried her to his chair. He sat down and cradled her in his lap as Amy rushed forward.
“Luke? What happened?”
“She fainted,” he said grimly as he felt for the pulse in her neck. It was weak but steady and he stroked her cheek. “Jane, wake up.”
“Should I call 9-1-1?” Amy asked worriedly.
“Let’s give her a minute,” Luke said. He called her name again and shook her gently in his arms. Her eyes rolled beneath her eyelids and she made a soft little groan before blinking at him.
He leaned her against his chest and rubbed her back. “How do you feel?”
“F-fine,” she stuttered. “What happened?”
“You fainted,” he said.
“I did?” She whispered.
; “Yes. Amy, can I have your juice?”
She opened the bottle of juice and handed it to him. He held it to Jane’s mouth. “Drink, Jane.”
She took a few sips and he held the bottle to her mouth again. “Drink some more.”
She drank more and he breathed a sigh of relief when her harsh trembling eased a little.
Beside them, Amy gave her own sigh of relief. “She’s starting to get some colour back in her face.”
“I’m so sorry,” Jane said. She tried to stand up and he tightened his arm around her.
“No, don’t move yet,” he said. “Finish the juice, please.”
“I’m feeling much better,” Jane protested. “Please, I’m so embarrassed.”
“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” Amy said. “Drink the juice, honey.”
Jane drank the rest of the juice and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand before giving Amy a shaky smile. “Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me,” Amy said. “Luke was the one who caught you before you smacked your head on the floor and gave yourself a concussion.”
Pale pink flooded her cheeks and she stared at his tie. “God, I’m so sorry, Mr. Dawson.”
“It’s fine,” he said. “How do you feel?”
“Much better,” she said. “Can you let me go now please?”
He didn’t want to. He wanted to keep her in his lap until her shaking had stopped completely but she was giving him a pleading look. With a harsh sigh, he let go of her slender body. “Stand up slowly.”
“I’m fine, really,” she said.
She stood up and both he and Amy grabbed for her when she started to sway. She fell into his lap again and bit at her bottom lip as Amy felt her forehead.
“She doesn’t have a fever but I think she should go to the hospital.”
“I agree,” Luke said as Jane shook her head fervently.
“No, I’m good now. I just stood up too quickly.”
“I’m taking you to the hospital to be checked over,” Luke said with a scowl.
“No, you’re not,” Jane said. “I don’t need to go to the hospital. I was a little dizzy, that’s all.”
He gave her a look of exasperation. “You have two choices, Ms. Smith. You can walk out of this office with me or you can be carried out of this office by me. Either way – you’re going to the hospital.”
Jane gave Amy an imploring look and his sister shook her head. “Sorry, honey. I’m with Luke on this one. You need to go.”
* * *
“Mr. Dawson?”
Luke stood as the doctor entered the waiting room. For a Friday morning, the emergency room was surprisingly busy and Luke stepped past a wailing child and a man holding a bloody rag to his nose.
“Yes, I’m Luke Dawson.” He shook the doctor’s hand and followed him to a quieter spot. “How is she?”
“You’re Miss Smith’s…”
The doctor trailed off and gave him a questioning look.
“Boyfriend,” Luke lied smoothly. “I’m Jane’s boyfriend. How is she doing?”
“She’s doing okay. We took some blood and sent it to the lab but I’m not expecting anything out of the ordinary from it.”
“Did you do a CT scan?” Luke asked anxiously. “She fainted earlier.”
The doctor shook his head. “No. I don’t think Miss Smith’s fainting was from a head trauma. She’s dehydrated, exhausted and suffering from malnutrition.”
He studied Luke closely. “Does Miss Smith have an eating disorder?”
Luke shook his head. “I don’t think so. I’ve seen her eating.”
“People with eating disorders can be very adept at hiding it,” the doctor replied. “She’s twenty pounds underweight, maybe even twenty-five. She needs to eat more than she currently is.”
“I’ll make sure she does,” Luke replied. “Can I see her?”
“She’s fallen asleep,” the doctor said. “I’d like to keep her for the day, give her some IV fluids and allow her to rest. I’ll discharge her around six if you’d like to come back and pick her up.”
“I will,” Luke said. “Thanks very much.”
The doctor nodded and returned to the ER as Luke pulled out his phone. There were three texts from Amy and he sent her a quick text before tapping his foot anxiously against the floor. He wanted to see Jane before he left but if she was sleeping he didn’t want to disturb her. The desire to see her was too strong to resist and he approached the woman at the admitting desk.
“Excuse me,” he said, “my girlfriend is here and I wondered if I could see her quickly. I just spoke with the doctor.”
“Name?” The woman asked.
“Luke Dawson.”
“Your girlfriend’s name,” the woman said with an impatient sigh.
“Jane Smith.”
She tapped at her keyboard before scanning the screen. “She’s in room seven. I’ll buzz you in.”
“Thank you.” Luke gave her his most charming smile. The woman rolled her eyes and waved him toward the door. She buzzed him through and he walked quickly into the ER. The rooms weren’t exactly rooms, just areas sectioned off with curtains, but he found the one marked seven and stuck his head behind the curtain.
It was noisy in the ER but Jane was sleeping soundly. She was hooked up to a bunch of machines and he studied the screen that displayed her heart rate and blood pressure. He picked up her hand and squeezed it gently as a nurse ducked behind the curtain.
She gave him a curious look and he said, “I’m her boyfriend. She’s my, uh, girlfriend.”
“Okay,” the nurse said. “I’m going to start an IV.”
As she placed the IV in Jane’s arm, Luke continued to hold her other hand. Jane didn’t wake, not even when the nurse slid the needle into her hand.
“Boy, she’s a sound sleeper, huh?” The nurse said.
Luke nodded. “Yes, she is. Sometimes she snores. I know that because I’m her boyfriend.”
The nurse gave him an odd look and he said, “I don’t mind it though. It’s kind of cute.”
Jesus, what the fuck was wrong with him? He was babbling like an idiot.
The nurse taped off the needle in Jane’s arm and adjusted the drip. “It looks like she’s going to be asleep for a while so you might want to grab a coffee from the cafeteria.”
“Right,” Luke said. He hesitated before bending over and brushing his mouth against Jane’s. “I’ll be back at six, sweetheart.”
* * *
“How are you feeling, Miss Smith?” The doctor asked as he pushed past the curtain.
“Much better,” Jane said. She wasn’t exactly lying, she did feel better. She was still tired despite having slept for most of the day and she was stupidly hungry but the dizziness had passed. She didn’t want to stay the night in the hospital so she pasted a large smile on her face. “I’m ready to go home now.”
“Good, that’s good,” he said as he looked over her chart. “I’m going to go ahead and discharge you. I do have a couple of,” he paused, “brochures I’d like you to look over.”
He reached into the pocket of his lab coat and handed her the coloured brochures. She looked at them, her curiosity turning to embarrassment as she realized what they were.
“There are plenty of programs available for you to - ”
“I don’t have an eating disorder,” Jane interrupted.
He gave her a patronizing look. “You’re at least twenty pounds underweight, maybe more. This isn’t something to be ashamed of. Many patients with treatment can - ”
“I don’t have an eating disorder,” Jane said again. “I don’t, uh, have a lot of money right now for groceries.”
The doctor patted her leg. “Of course. Well, I’m still going to encourage you to look over these brochures and think about speaking with a therapist, all right?”
“Sure,” Jane sighed. She didn’t know if she wanted to laugh or cry. She settled for grimacing as the doctor signed something on her chart and sli
pped it into the holder at the end of the bed.
“It was nice to meet you, Miss Smith. Take care.”
He ducked behind the curtain as a nurse poked her head in on the other side. “Ready to have your IV out, Jane?”
“Yes,” Jane said. She waited patiently as the nurse removed the IV.
“Your clothes are in that cupboard there,” the nurse said as she threw the IV into the trash and stripped off her gloves.
“Thank you. Do you know if there’s a bus stop close to the hospital?” Jane asked.
“There’s one a few blocks away but I’m sure your boyfriend will be here any minute to pick you up,” the nurse replied.
“Boyfriend?” Jane said.
“Yes, boyfriend,” the nurse said. “That handsome dark-haired guy who brought you in. He said he’d be back at six.”
“He’s not my - ”
“Jane?”
Her head snapped up and her mouth dropped open when her boss peered past the curtain. “Hi, how are you feeling?”
“Better, thank you. Um, what are you doing here?”
“I told you he’d be back to pick you up,” the nurse said. She smiled at Mr. Dawson. “You’re very prompt, I like it.”
He grinned at her and she flushed a little before clearing her throat. “Have a good evening, you two.”
She left and Jane stared at her boss. “You really didn’t have to come back here, Mr. Dawson. I can take the bus home.”
“It’s freezing out,” he said. “Also, I think you can call me Luke, don’t you?”
“Uh, sure, okay,” she said.
“Good.” His gaze landed on the brochures and he plucked them out of her hand before she could try and hide them. He looked them over before staring at her and she shook her head.
“The doctor gave those to me but I don’t have an eating disorder.”
He didn’t say anything and she bit her bottom lip. “I don’t. I swear I don’t.”
“Okay,” he said. There was an uncomfortable silence and she cleared her throat loudly.
“Uh, I was going to get dressed so…”
“Right, of course,” he said. “I’ll be outside the curtain. Shout for me if you need help.”
