Pierced Love

by t. h. snyder

I must be crazy, but hell, what else is new?

  I drift off to sleep thinking about the tall, dark haired, bright green eyed guy I can’t seem to forget about.

  The loud beeping sound of my alarm pulls me from my deep sleep. I throw my arm to the left and smack it into silence. Ahh, at least another fifteen minutes of peace until I have to wake up and get in the shower.

  I snuggle my body back under my covers and pull my pillows back in place. Just as I start to feel my body and mind fall back into a restful sleep my cell phone rings.

  Ugh!

  Opening my eyes, I look over to my nightstand and can’t imagine who would be calling me at 6:05 in the morning. I pick up my phone and don’t recognize the number so I hit ignore. I toss the phone onto my bed and curl myself back into place. I only have ten more minutes and I need to make them count.

  My phone starts to ring again.

  Oh my god, who the hell. I search on my bed for my cell and pick it up to see the same number is calling.

  Guess I’m not getting those extra ten minutes now.

  I touch the green accept button on the screen and put the phone to my ear.

  I have no clue who this might be, but I can hear a bunch of people talking in the background.

  “Hello,” I say.

  “Oh hey, Zar, you answered.”

  That voice, I know that voice. It’s Loudon.

  My heart starts to beat a faster rhythm and I can feel my cheeks begin to flush as my body springs into a sitting position and I gasp.

  My hand flies to my mouth to stifle the awkward sound, shit.

  “Well, I figured if I was persistent you’d eventually answer one of the next hundred times I called. Guess I was right.”

  I can hear him laugh through the other muffled sounds coming from his end of the line.

  “Yeah I guess so. Well Loudon, you have me awake now, this better be important,” I reply with a yawn.

  “It is, I promise. Are you planning on coming up here today with your parents?” He asks.

  Why would he be asking me that?

  We certainly did not leave things too well the last time I saw him and that was only a week ago.

  “I hadn’t planned on it why?” I ask.

  I twirl the strings on my sweatshirt and wait for his reply.

  “Well I wanted to see you again and talk about what happened. I’m really sorry for the things that Jill said. She thinks she knows everything, and likes to make people’s lives a living hell…including mine.”

  “Yeah about that,” I start to say.

  “Zar, just forget about what she said, she doesn’t even know you, so whatever she was talking about is just her trying to be a bitch. It’s how she is with everyone.”

  “Ummm, okay,” I say.

  Does he really believe that or is he just trying to cover up for her?

  Then the words Allie said come back to me.

  “Zar, you have no idea how big of a heart Loudon has, he would never do anything to hurt you or anyone else. You need to learn to open up to people and not push them away. Give him a chance to explain, okay?”

  “So what do you say?” He pauses for a moment and I can hear someone calling for him in the background.

  “Sorry about that,” he says, “will you come back up here so that we can hang out again or better yet, how about I come down to you this time. Are you free tonight? I don’t have practice so I can leave right after my run with the guys.”

  What is with this guy and why does he want to spend time with me so badly? Is it because he feels bad for me? It’s surely not for the lack of friends on his part. I have no clue what he’s up to, but a big part of me does want to see him again. I liked the way I felt when he was around me.

  “Yeah, that’s fine, I guess.”

  “Cool, Zar. I’ll see you later today. Text me your address and I’ll pick you up around 4:30.”

  “Sure, sounds good,” I reply.

  The line goes dead and I sit in silence on my bed.

  I’ve experienced a lot of emotions in my life, but this one…right now is all new to me. I’m anxious to see Loudon, yet I’m unsure as to what he has planned. I want to listen to what Allie said the other day. I don’t necessarily have to change who I am, I just need to let others in to see me for who I really am and not who I’m perceived to be by my classmates.

  Looking at my alarm clock I see that it’s already 6:20 and I have to get a move on before I make Zoe late for her dance class.

  I throw off my comforter and covers while hopping out of my bed. I need to make my way into the bathroom for a shower and to get ready for today.

  After all, I have a lot to think about; how I want to approach tonight with Loudon. I need to give him a chance, but at the same time I have to be on guard after what happened the other night. I don’t want to feel like that ever again when I’m with him.

  I manage to shower and get down stairs right as Zoe finishes her breakfast.

  “Hey, you almost ready to go, we don’t want you to be late,” I say, passing her by to grab a banana.

  “Yeah, I’m ready. Sorry you got stuck taking me today,” she says, grabbing up her bag and ballet shoes.

  “It’s fine. Mom and dad asked for a favor so here I am. Let’s go.”

  Extracurricular activities are yet another thing that set me apart from my siblings.

  Zeke was an all American athlete since birth and kept the family busy running back and forth between his practices and games all year long. Zoe is more of the artist in the family with her dance classes, music recitals and creative writing. Me, on the other hand, well I don’t participate in much else than school and family jeopardy night. I’m the academic genius of the family. Who needs sports and art when you have a perfect 4.0 and are top of your class…not me?

  I follow Zoe out of the kitchen toward the garage.

  In silence, the two of us make our way over to my car and proceed en route to the dance studio.

  Once we arrive, I pull into the parking lot and Zoe jumps out so she’s not late. Rather than go in with her, I decide to grab my messenger tote and head into the local coffee shop. I figure I might as well get some homework done while Zoe is in class.

  I order myself a regular black coffee and a blueberry muffin. Looking around the little shop I see a table in the front by the window. I set down my breakfast and sit down in the seat directly in the sunlight. I pull out my textbooks and notebook and settle into do my work.

  An hour or so goes by and I’m quite proud of myself for finishing the majority of my work.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I spot Zoe walking across the street and towards the coffee shop. I watch as she enters and walk straight up to the counter to order her favorite, hot chocolate with extra whip cream.

  I smile inside knowing that this is her weekly treat for all the hard work she’s put into her dance routine.

  A few others come into the shop and instantly Zoe finds herself deep in a conversation with the other girls from class.

  As socially awkward as I am, Zeke and Zoe make up for it.

  I remember a time when I was happy and carefree, when no one looked at me as if I was a freak.

  I miss those days.

  I miss having friends.

  I miss being me.

  I think I’ve looked at the clock in the living room at least a hundred times in the past fifteen minutes. Not to mention, that if I don’t stop pacing around the living room, I’m going to wear a path in the carpet around the coffee table.

  I let out a heavy sigh and run my hands down my sides.

  Loudon should be here any minute and I’m nervous as hell. I haven’t been with him since the night of the party and that’s a moment in time I’d rather not remember.

  Mom, dad and Zoe are in Ames spending the day working on the arrangements for the engagement party and I’m here alone.

  It took me most of the afternoon to figure out what to wear. I know I’m totally overreacting, but this is all new t
o me.

  I really don’t know why I’m making such a big deal about this, it’s not like it’s a date or anything…right? Actually, if you count the party and today that would make this our second date, well, not really, ‘cause they’re not really dates.

  Oh geez, I’m a nervous wreck.

  I walk past the mirror in the front hallway and glance at my reflection.

  I take a step back just to make sure I appear presentable for our day out as friends, yeah friends that’s it.

  I look myself over from head to toe and smile; I look good.

  Tonight I’m wearing a pair of black leggings with a black top that stretches a bit past my hips and a wide red belt I threw on for a splash of color. Since Loudon is a bit taller than I am, I chose to wear my black chucks that have a wedged heel. I’ve had them in my closet for the past year, but never had a reason to wear them. They looked cool in the store, so I bought them. Now, they’re finally getting put to good use.

  Not that it really matters what I look like, but I don’t want to be the girl to scare him off. He’s one of the only people that can stand me and my choice of wardrobe without judging me or making rude comments.

  The doorbell rings and I jump in place.

  Okay Zar, stay cool. It’s just Allie’s brother, Loudon, no big deal.

  I stand up straight, take in a deep breath and let it all out.

  Cool as a cucumber.

  I walk over to the foyer and reach to open the door, but not before running my fingers through my hair and pulling my shirt straight.

  I’m way over-thinking this.

  I open the door and my jaw instantly drops at the sight of him. I’ve never been the type of girl to gawk, but when I’m around Loudon it’s kind of hard not to drool.

  My eyes scan his body from top to bottom.

  Loudon is tall, very tall. He’s wearing a black button down long-sleeved shirt and a pair of washed out jeans that hang on his hips perfectly. I look back at his face and a smile is spread from dimple to dimple. His eyes are a brilliant green against the black of his shirt.

  He really is a handsome guy and I smile thinking that he’s here to see me. I shiver at the thought; he has such a weird effect on me.

  I try to get out of my Loudon trance and blink my eyes as I hear him clear his throat.

  “Hey Zar, you look great. Can I come in or should we just stand in the doorway and stare at each other in awkward silence?”

  “Umm, well…umm yeah come on in,” I stutter.

  What a jackass.

  “So what’s there to do here in Des Moines? You hungry?” He asks walking in a circle around me.

  “Yeah, sure I can eat,” I say.

  I roll my eyes at myself and smack my head in my hand.

  Loudon comes up close behind me and I can feel his breath on my neck. The feelings that run through me when he‘s this close are unreal. He has no fears, no filter and is probably so much more experienced in this kind of thing than I am.

  “You smell nice, Zar,” he says.

  I turn to face him and we’re so close our noses could touch.

  “Thanks,” I whisper.

  “You look really nice, too,” he says.

  Wow, he’s so close to me and it feels so good to have all his attention on me. I’m nervous and excited all at the same time, but I honestly don’t know what to do.

  “Umm, Loudon,” I say.

  “Yeah, Zar.”

  “Your breath smells really bad,” I say putting my hand in front of my face to cover my mouth and nose.

  He quickly backs up and goes to cup his hand over his mouth to smell his breath.

  I’m laughing so hard that I can barely stand up straight. Between the look on his face and the fact that he’s still trying to smell his breath, it’s all too much for me to bear.

  I move into the living room and fall onto the couch in a fit of laughter. Loudon follows me and plops down on the couch next to me.

  “You think your little joke was funny, Zar?”

  In between laughs I try to answer him, but the best I can do is nod my head up and down. He starts laughing with me and goes to stand in front of my legs.

  “Oh yeah, we’ll see who’s laughing after I get done with you.”

  Totally unsure of what he means by that, I stop laughing and look into his bright green eyes. His stare and facial expression are so serious; I don’t know what to make of it.

  He kneels down in front of me and grabs for my waist to tickle me. Before I know it, he has me on my back under him and I can barely breathe from laughing so hard.

  I look up at him and he’s staring down at me.

  I close my eyes and take in a deep breath.

  The feel of his body on mine and knowing that he’s watching me has my heart racing. A strange feeling overpowers me, a feeling I haven’t experienced before but have heard about. I can only assume it’s desire and holy hell, it’s overwhelming. I’ve never felt this way; in fact I’ve in no way been this close to a guy before.

  I start to open my eyes and I see Loudon move toward me.

  His lips are on mine.

  Loudon is kissing me…me.

  I want to scream, cry and jump up and down all at once.

  After all this is my first kiss.

  I don’t have anything to compare this to, but I will say that it is…well wow!

  He has his lips are pressed firmly against mine and I can feel his tongue sweep across my lower lip. Having no clue what the hell I’m doing, I open my mouth allowing him to explore this kiss a little further.

  I can feel his tongue in my mouth and I begin to squirm under his body. It feels awkward, but at the same time it’s one of the best moments of my life. Not only is he paying attention to me, but his tongue is in my mouth.

  Loudon breaks away from our kiss and climbs off of me and the couch.

  “Shit, sorry Zar. I guess I got a bit carried away, I shouldn’t have done that,” he says while touching his lips with his hand.

  “Umm, no it’s….I mean, well it’s fine,” I stutter, trying to sit up on the couch.

  Oh god, was it that bad of a kiss? For me it was good, but maybe for him it was awful.

  “Nah, it was wrong of me. It’s just that I was tickling you and you looked so damn cute laughing like that.”

  Wait, what? He thinks I’m cute…like puppy dog cute?

  I look up at him standing in front of me; his hand rubbing the back of his neck.

  He looks down at me and stretches his arm out to reach for my hand.

  “Come on. Let’s not have that moment ruin our night. So what do you wanna do?” He asks.

  I stand as he pulls me up next to him. After that kiss and his way of brushing it off I really don’t know if I want to continue on with our night.

  The feelings I had only a few minutes ago are now being smothered by something all together different. I’m not sure how to deal with the situation we are now faced with.

  “Zar, did you hear me?” He asks, touching my arm and turning me to face him.

  “Yeah, I heard you. Sorry I guess I’m just a little out of it.”

  “You okay? Do you just wanna stay in and chill here instead of going out?”

  Actually that‘s not a bad idea. Who knows what or who we may run into if I go out with him in town? The last thing I need is to be embarrassed by my peers in public with Loudon.

  “That sounds good. Why don’t I order us a pizza and we can watch a movie here,” I say, walking away from him and out toward the kitchen.

  I can sense that he’s following me and I turn in my tracks.

  “Is that okay with you? I mean, you don’t have to stay here if you don’t want to.”

  He gives me a questionable glance and takes a step closer.

  “Why would you think I wouldn’t want to stay here with you? I came all the way down here to spend time with you Zar.”

  “I know, but after you kissed me and then apologized for it…well I just thought maybe
you realized you didn’t want to stay here with me after all.”

  He moves another step closer to me and reaches out for my hands. I watch as he intertwines our fingers together and looks me straight in the eyes.

  “Zar, I don’t know about you, but I want to be here with you more than anywhere else. I couldn’t wait until tonight knowing that I’d get to see you again,” he says, looking away and shaking his head.

  “What? What is it?” I ask.

  “As crazy as this may sound, I haven’t stopped thinking about you since the night at the pizzeria. I didn’t know you were Zeke’s sister and then a few days later you walk into my bedroom with my sister. How wild is that?”

  I smile at his comment and the way his eyes are piercing into mine.

  “I know exactly what you mean Loudon, it’s just that…I’ve got a lot on my mind and this isn’t something that I expected or would really ever do. I’m not the biggest social person; in fact, I don’t really know anyone that would rather spend a Saturday night here with me.”

  I don’t know if what I just said makes any sense to him, but for me I just revealed a lot in a short amount of time.

  In the past few hours, I’ve dressed up like a girl for a guy, I’ve been kissed and I shared a part of my darkness with someone that could still be considered a complete stranger.

  Loudon pulls me into his body to embrace me.

  I can feel his heart beating through our shirts so I can guarantee he feels mine as well.

  This is a lot to take in for me and I’m not quite sure where we go from here. I mean, he seems to feel the same way I do.

  Not like I even know what that is exactly.

  So where do we go from here?

  He slowly pulls away from me and kisses me on the forehead.

  “Zar, I want you to know that I’ve never done the whole dating a girl thing. Between going to practice and hanging with the guys, it really wasn’t something I paid much attention to or found important. I don’t have the best reputation when it comes to girls and I’m not the best guy to want as a boyfriend. With you though, I want to try and see where this goes.”

  He’s looking at me.

  I mean, really looking at me.

  His green eyes staring into mine waiting for an answer. He has no clue what he’s getting himself into, wanting to be with me.