by Lisa Plumley
She gave up her mouth with a sigh. Her hands buried themselves in his hair, holding him there as their tongues indulged. Each touch of his tongue sent the flames inside a little higher until she felt like she was being consumed. His mouth moved slowly over her skin to her earlobe. He captured it and suckled, tugging and pulling.
His hands roamed over her back, pulling her closer so that her body collided with his hard planes, leaving her in no doubt of his arousal. He wanted her as much as she wanted him.
Slowly he lifted her skirt, running his hand down her white thigh. Then slowly his fingers advanced towards the heart of her fire.
‘Ash,’ she murmured, not knowing if it was a plea for him to stop or to continue.
He sank to his knees before her. ‘Let me...’
Somewhere a door slammed and the sound of shared intimate laughter floated on the breeze.
Kara froze.
‘Not here,’ she whispered.
‘Where, Kara? When?’ Ash’s voice sounded like he’d run a mile.
She twisted out of his grasp. Her face burnt. She had behaved worse than a mare in heat, worse than whichever of the women lay with the unknown man.
Ash regarded her with a puzzled expression. ‘Talk to me, Kara. Tell me what is wrong.’
‘I want time, Ash.’ She smoothed down her skirt. Her skin protested. ‘You rushed me the last time and look where that led us.’
‘Where? We married. We had fun together until I left.’
‘If you can call it a marriage.’ Kara snapped her fingers with greater bravado than she felt. ‘A few weeks and you were gone.’
‘We’d known each other for years.’
‘We had known of each other for years. I was the girl with stars in her eyes and you were the boy who could do no wrong.’
‘I always liked the way your eyes shone and how you made me feel better about myself.’
She concentrated on the hollow of his throat. ‘A little over a year and I was a widow as far as anyone knew. You now want to saunter back into my life and turn it upside down.’
He put a finger under her chin. ‘You have no idea how deeply I regret that happening. It is impossible to change the past.’
‘Didn’t being away from your wife bother you? Or did you find some comfort like that man is doing?’ She put her hand over her face. ‘Ignore that. I promised I’d never be like my mother.’
He put his hands on her shoulders. His hold was different this time. ‘Kara, I’ll be honest. I tried not to think of Jaarlshiem, Raumerike or even you. It made the horrors of my life easier to bear. Make no mistake, there were horrors as I watched my friends die and then had to survive with only my wits.’
Kara’s breath caught and she willed him to say more.
‘Returning covered in shame was impossible. You wouldn’t have wanted me as a husband. But there were no other women. I was a married sell-sword seeking to regain his honour, not a berserker seeking a few moments of peace between some unknown’s thighs.’
Kara rolled her eyes.
‘You asked,’ Ash said steadily. ‘You deserve the truth. I tried not to think about you. But I have come home and everywhere I turn I find memories gathering. I do want to try again when you’re ready.’
‘Ash,’ she said, pushing her hands against his hard chest before his mouth descended again. If she gave in now, there would be far too much unsettled between them. Ash appeared to believe that having sex would settle everything between them. It only complicated things. ‘Your father explained about the other women. He had me meet them and hear their stories. He had them list how you made love to them—what you liked and how you seduced them.’
‘My father did what?’ His face became thunderous. ‘It is well he is dead or I would rip his misbegotten heart out. He had no right.’
‘He wanted to break my spirit over Rurik.’ She shut her eyes, seeing them again—all much more beautiful than she. ‘And he nearly did.’
‘That was my father using everything in his power to get his own way.’ He lifted her chin so she had to look into his eyes. ‘He should never have done that. I never married any of those women. The only woman I wanted to marry was you and I married you. I came home to you.’
‘But those women told the truth,’ she said tonelessly, wrapping her arms about her waist. She wanted to bury her face against his strong chest and cry. Somehow, she’d hoped for more. Somehow, she’d hope he’d deny it.
His arms fell to his side. ‘From here on, you will have to be the one to ask for my mouth before I give it.’
‘To ask?’ She blinked.
‘Forcing you is the last thing I desire, Kara. Undoing the past is an impossibility as much as I might wish to. I want you, but I don’t want you accusing me of seducing you. It works both ways. If you want to be kissed, you will have to ask, not provoke me or imply, but ask.’
‘I am not sure what you are saying...’
His eyes turned serious. ‘It is your move in the game we are playing. Make it. Stop hesitating. Stop playing it safe. If you want to make a break from the past, so be it. You take charge. See that it doesn’t have to be like it was. You bear some responsibility for our old marriage as well as I. I am willing to change. Are you?’
She lifted her chin and summoned all her dignity but her insides knotted. Ash couldn’t be right. She had always tried to behave in the correct manner. She wasn’t avoiding her feelings. She refused to suffer a second heartbreak over the same man. ‘I will take your advice under consideration.’
* * *
Kara stepped back from the loom she had just threaded. The wool was all spun and now came the interesting part—weaving the cloth. It was time she started taking responsibility rather than mooning over Ash or hiding away with the animals. Ash had been right about that yesterday. She was avoiding her responsibilities.
Thora and the other women were hard at work on their looms or spinning the last of this year’s wool. For too long she had neglected her duties in favour of watching Rurik and Ash training. Her dreams last night had been particularly vivid and concentrating on the tasks that needed to be done rather than watching how Ash moved as he trained Rurik was an attempt to get her mind back on a steadier course.
She was attracted to Ash. That much was clear, but she wasn’t prepared to risk her heart again. He had carelessly trampled all over it once. She wanted to be certain she could keep her heart safe if she was going to stay in this marriage. Once she’d given everything and had nothing in return. It had to be more than desire on his part.
‘There you are, Kara. Hard at work as usual.’ Ash appeared in the doorway. His hair gleamed and the light from the doorway made his shoulders appear very broad and his hips narrow. The sight did strange things to her stomach.
‘Have you been looking for me?’ she asked, striving for a neutral tone as her heart knocked against her ribs.
‘You failed to turn up at this morning’s training session.’
‘We are behind with the weaving.’
‘There was something I wanted to discuss with you about Rurik. It won’t wait, so the weaving will have to.’
Disappointment stabbed her. She had to stop thinking he was searching her out because he wanted to spend time with her. He had told her that it was up to her to make the next move, but he was here. She had to take it as a good sign. ‘Go on.’
‘Tell me first why you didn’t show up this morning. The truth this time.’
‘Rurik informed me this morning over breakfast that he was a big boy and didn’t need his mother looking after him.’ She crossed her arms over her stomach. Keeping the subject to Rurik was far safer. She had no wish to continue their conversation from the stables out here where people could hear. ‘Six and already he has no time for his mother. I listened to him and stayed away.’
‘He needs his mother. He adores you.’
‘You are being kind. I dare say your scheme to pry Rurik away from Virvir is working. Instead of quoting Virvir, he has now started quoting Saxi.’
‘Excellent news.’
‘Is Saxi the right sort of man for Rurik to look up to?’
‘Saxi is a good man and a good warrior.’ His face became sombre. ‘He had three children until they were killed by the Franks. His youngest would have been about Rurik’s age.’
Kara concentrated on the loom. She hadn’t even considered that the big warrior might have had another life before this one. Ash had done a kind thing. ‘I’m sorry for his loss and I’m sorry I doubted you.’
‘An apology. Will wonders never cease?’ His blue eyes blazed. ‘You have done a fantastic job with that boy. He is a son any man could be proud of and I am grateful that he is mine.’
‘Was there something else you wanted to see me about? The weaving waits for me,’ she said quietly.
‘I want to take Rurik hunting. Properly. He needs to learn. Saxi agrees with me. He used to take his eldest at this age, but I need to make sure he is eased into it.’
She put her hand to her mouth. Hunting. She didn’t even want to think about the possibilities for Rurik to get hurt. Her father had died in a hunting accident. ‘He is far too young. Hunting is very different from the control of a training yard.’
‘He must learn.’ Ash’s face became alive with barely concealed passion. ‘He has real skill with the bow and arrow. It needs to be cultivated, rather than ignored.’
‘Can’t he just shoot at targets and learn that way?’
‘He needs a challenge. Something to completely occupy his mind.’
‘He has been sneaking off to see Virvir again?’
‘No, that has stopped, but some day they will meet and Rurik needs something he can brag about.’ Ash put his hand on the loom. ‘Leave your weaving and come with me, Kara. Now.’
‘An order?’ Kara gestured about the room. Hunting and Rurik were two words which sat uneasily together. She knew Ash was correct, but she wasn’t ready to allow Rurik. Ever since their conversation in the stables, every time Ash searched her out, it was to do with Rurik rather than their relationship. It was frustrating in the extreme.
‘A request.’
‘You can see how much needs to be done.’ Kara struggled to keep her temper. Why did this have to be settled this instant? ‘With Gudrun gone, we are one woman short. Thora is training her niece, but the girl is clumsy with the loom. She is far more interested in discussing the merits of various warriors. Words won’t keep men warm come winter.’
‘One afternoon. This afternoon.’ His tone left no room for objection. ‘You will scarcely notice the difference. You always hated weaving, Kara. You complained bitterly about it when you were little.’
Kara put her hand to her mouth. He would have to remember that! After her mother died, her aunt had arrived to look after the house for her father and had insisted that she learn to weave properly rather than looking after animals. ‘Do you know how much I have to do? Winter is coming. It waits for no one, not even you.’
‘I want to show you what I plan to do when I take Rurik out on his own to ease your nerves. You will get more done if your mind isn’t constantly occupied with worry.’ His eyes held hers. She made the mistake of looking directly at them and tumbling into their blue depths. ‘I want you to feel secure with Rurik’s training, rather than having every possibility prey on your mind. I know what a vivid imagination you have. If you are not completely satisfied, then I won’t mention the idea to Rurik.’
Kara’s heart constricted. The offer was very unexpected. Ash was doing this for her to ease her mind rather than simply taking Rurik or building Rurik’s hopes up. She had to meet him halfway. She had to trust him with this small thing.
‘You want me to go hunting with you? Alone?’
‘Tracking is perhaps the better word, learning to distinguish various tracks and follow the best ones.’ He gave a half-smile. ‘You used to beg me to take you on every expedition.’
Kara put her hand on her hip. ‘You used to delight in taking me the hardest ways.’
‘But you never gave up.’
‘That’s right.’ Kara’s stomach tightened. Before Rurik, she went along with everyone’s ideas and didn’t complain. She always tried to see the best in everything. ‘I’m a very determined woman.’
‘Come with me for the afternoon.’ Ash gestured about the room where several other women worked. ‘Leave this to the others. Say you will go. You and I, like the old days.’
A tide of warmth enveloped her. Ash wanted to spend time with her. Alone. ‘So I can know what you intend with Rurik.’
‘Precisely.’ His smile spread across his face. ‘I promise no harm will come to you. Nothing will happen that you don’t want to. I won’t make you fire an arrow to kill a bird.’ He named several other incidents from long ago when she had been allowed to tag along, only if she did what he said.
‘I never complained,’ she answered stoutly.
‘It would have been better if you had. It is impossible for me to know what you are thinking if you keep it to yourself.’
‘You mustn’t regret those excursions. I did enjoy them...after a fashion.’
He gave a crooked smile. ‘Even though I treated you like a nuisance. My only excuse is the ignorance of young age.’
‘A young girl trailing at your heels is hard. You were very good, Ash. I never came to any harm.’
‘Saxi will look after Rurik and teach him how to fashion the feathers on an arrow.’
‘Thora can take charge,’ Kara said, coming to a decision. She wanted to go. Not just because of Rurik, but to spend time alone with Ash. It had been far too long since they had spent an afternoon together. And she didn’t have any fears. She was in charge of the situation.
* * *
‘See if you can tell what these tracks are,’ Ash said, kneeling on a grassy knoll beside a small pond. ‘Use the things I taught you today, rather than any long-ago knowledge. Pretend you are Rurik.’
Kara breathed deeply, savouring the feeling of being outside, rather than inside weaving. It was one of the last unexpectedly warm days of autumn. In the mornings, faint ice appeared on the edges of ponds like this, but when the afternoon sun hit, the air was pleasant. She had trouble remembering when she last felt this free. No responsibilities other than enjoying herself.
‘I’m pleased you recognised at last that I do know animal tracks,’ she said.
He laughed softly. ‘I always knew, but I want you to experience how I teach now.’
She peered at the number of tracks in the mud. A wide variety of animals had obviously used this pond. ‘Which ones do you want to know about?’
‘The ones closet to the pond. They are the most difficult. It is the sort of thing I want to do with Rurik. Do you think you can do it?’
‘Of course I can and I am sure, with a little help, Rurik will be able to, as well.’ Kara knelt down and examined the various different tracks. It had been years since she had done this and she had forgotten how much fun it could be to be out in the woods with only Ash for company. ‘Those are obviously rabbit, being followed by a fox. A deer has muddied the trail, but they were there first.’
She waited with bated breath, fairly confident that she had it right. Somehow Ash’s opinion mattered. He had been a patient teacher, unlike when she was growing up and pestering him. He had taken the time and the trouble to explain everything, even when she reminded him that he had reluctantly taught her before.
‘Very good. Better than good.’ He knelt down beside her, his face wreathed in a genuine smile. Her heart turned over and she wondered how she thought she could do without his smile. ‘I’d anticipated it would t
ake several afternoons of intensive work before you’d be able to tell them apart. The fox is particularly unclear.’
‘I’m a quick learner. I always was. I simply had forgotten the finer details until you reminded me.’ She passed a hand over her eyes. ‘How I could have mistaken a moose hoof for a deer is beyond me. You have been very patient, Ash. I can see why Rurik enjoys his lessons with you.’
‘You forgetting? I thought you remembered everything.’
Kara looped a strand of hair behind her ear. If she leant forward, it would be easy to brush Ash’s lips. One little taste. But one taste could destroy their growing friendship. ‘Obviously not.’
‘I won’t tell anyone.’
Kara rocked back on her heels and pressed her hands into her thighs. It was far harder than she thought to fight against this growing heat inside.
‘Ash,’ she whispered.
He reached out and smoothed a strand of hair from her forehead, straightening her head kerchief as he did so. ‘It is easier to see if the hair isn’t in your eyes. Concentrate and see if you can identify any more.’
His voice sounded strained and husky to her ears.
She knew then that she needed to make the first move. Now. Always before she had waited for him to act, but now she had to make the first move. For both their sakes. He was right about that the other night. This had to be a break from the past.
She looped her arm about his neck and pulled his face to hers. She brushed her lips against his, tasting their faint coolness which quickly gave way to a pulsating warmth. She wanted to linger and delve deeper, but...
She drew back, waiting for him to make the next move, to show her that the kiss was welcome. He watched her intently, much as a cat might watch a mouse hole. Waiting, but not moving.
Her breath caught in her throat. Silence filled her ears. Had she left it too long? Had his desire for her stopped?
‘To say thank you for teaching me and all that you have done for Rurik.’ She tried to keep her voice light, but she knew her cheeks burnt. She’d made a mistake with the kiss. She’d risked everything on an impulse and had lost. Her mouth tasted of bitter salt.
