Dustin had assumed Bryce wasn’t going to get him off and was fine with that, but then Bryce paused and lifted his mouth from Dustin’s to reach between them. No words, just the look, and Dustin let go to him.
There was nothing gentle or tender about the way Bryce jerked his cock, and Dustin didn’t hold back. He’d no sooner started coming in Bryce’s hand than Bryce released him, leaned in again, and kissed him as he fucked him.
It was Bryce’s turn now, and it only took a couple more thrusts before he fell still, cock buried deep inside Dustin’s ass and pumping him full.
Bryce lowered Dustin’s legs, drawing them around his waist as he broke their kiss. He pressed his lips to Dustin’s chest, over his heart, and Dustin held him, thinking they were done.
They weren’t. Bryce’s teeth locked onto his pec in a painful bite that yanked a sharp hiss from him.
That’s when the moans started.
Soft, deep, more like an eerie wail of a banshee across a foggy moor than a sound Dustin ever expected to hear from his man.
Now understanding, Dustin held on tight, ignoring the pain of Bryce’s teeth in his flesh and pressing his face into Bryce’s hair. Enveloping him with his body as much as he could.
Bryce’s arms lay limp at his sides as he quietly sobbed against Dustin, and now Dustin could close his eyes and breathe and wait.
All they could do was wait.
It was all that was left to them.
And he knew Kira was right, that no way in hell would Bryce break down in front of her if he could avoid it. Especially not like this.
Dustin started humming to him, Inaudible Melodies. He didn’t know why he picked that one, it just came to him. They’d listened to all that music so much lately, it was right there at the top of his brain. He couldn’t remember all the words unless he was singing along with it, but he knew the music. When he finished that, he started softly singing Banana Pancakes to him, because that one he could remember all the words to, and he hoped Bryce didn’t mind he was a little off-key.
But Dustin didn’t move, except to stroke Bryce’s head, or his back. Eventually, Bryce released his bite and kissed the spot, but he didn’t raise his head.
“Please don’t leave me.” He whispered it, the feel of his breath against Dustin’s flesh searing hot even with the shower raining down on them.
“Never, Master. You’re stuck with me. Besides, someone proposed to me.”
A soft laugh. Bryce raised his head and met Dustin’s gaze again. “Does it make me a bigamist to propose to my guy when I’m already married?”
Finally, an attempt at humor, something woefully lacking over the past several weeks, and another point that had broken Dustin’s heart.
“You big ole bigamist, you. I ain’t becomin’ a Mormon, sorry.”
The hint of a smile, and it nearly made Dustin cry. “So I’m not cheating, because my wife’s cool with it. And it’s not poly, because I don’t want anyone but you. So what is it?”
Dustin cradled Bryce’s face in his hands. “Inescapable gravitational field?” He arched his eyebrows. “A black hoooole.”
Bryce actually snorted. “There’s a hole I’m in, all right.” He pushed himself up on his arms and stared down at the mark he’d left, leaning in to kiss it once more before untangling himself from Dustin. He reached down to help him stand, and this time, he pulled Dustin in for a hug.
“I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
“No, Master.” He closed his eyes, satisfied and temporarily content in that moment, that he’d been able to soothe Bryce’s soul in some small way.
“You keep calling me ‘Master’ like that and I might make it a rule.”
“Good. Take what I’m giving you. That’s what I’m here for. For life.”
Bryce hugged Dustin tightly against him, clinging to him.
In that moment, Dustin knew he’d made the right decision.
The best decision.
The only decision.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
The true end started three days after Kate and Steve returned to Oklahoma. As he’d predicted, Dustin noticed the downhill slide immediately. Like Kira had been waiting for her parents to leave. Her pain levels were off-the-charts.
Hospice assigned a full-time nursing team to monitor Kira, and she spent a lot of time sleeping. Archer always slept on her bed, and when she was awake, he nuzzled close to her, as if sensing she needed comfort. She had become his favorite person, like a totally different cat with her around.
He hadn’t chewed a single goddamned charger cord since she’d arrived from Texas, and both men were secretly wondering if the cat would be more heartbroken than them at her death.
At night, either Dustin or Bryce were always on the couch, near her. She’d dropped her objections to it since the other got to sleep behind a closed door and without the baby monitor waking them. They took every opportunity they could to try to have Kira help feed Jenny, the nurses filming and taking pictures for them.
Three weeks after Jenny’s birth, and barely a week since Kate and Steve had left, Dustin had night duty for the baby. He thought Kira was asleep when he changed Jenny and prepared a bottle for her.
“Hey.”
He turned, smiling at Kira. “Hey, sweetie. Want to feed her?”
Her smile didn’t fool him. Too tired, too weary.
Too ready.
“Need you to do something for me.” Archer had curled up on the bed next to her.
“Sure.”
“My laptop case, in my closet. Please bring it to me.”
A shiver rolled through him. Her laptop was on the table next to her bed, in plain sight. “Your laptop’s out here, honey. Right there. Did you want me—”
“Please bring me the bag. You’ll see.”
Confused, he let the hospice nurse hold Jenny and feed her while he went to get the case.
It felt like there was something in it, but he didn’t open it, returning to the living room with it.
She nodded. “It’s for you. You and B. Open it.”
He did. Dozens of envelopes, addressed to him and Bryce…and Jenny.
With “open” dates on them.
He also found a zipper-top bag that held a black jeweler’s box and a flash drive.
“I took a page from what you said your friend told you. There’s more on the drive, when I couldn’t write anymore. I didn’t want to miss anything. And videos. I titled them.”
He held up the box.
Her pained smile widened. “Open it.”
Inside lay a matching set of men’s wedding bands, one slightly smaller than the other.
“If you’re gonna marry my husband, I wanted to give you something to remember me by.” The bands were blue in the middle and grey on the edges, and around the blue portion were etched what he realized were tiny cats and pawprints. “The paperwork on them is in there, too. Supposed to be lifetime guarantee.” What he recognized as a laugh escaped her. “Didn’t say whose lifetime. Good thing I bought them using Bryce’s name, huh?”
“Yeah.”
“Something old is you.” She smiled, managing to stick her tongue out at him. “Those are something new. You’re borrowing my husband, so we’ll call it close enough. And they’re blue. Try it on.”
He took the larger one out, his vision blurring as he realized it fit perfectly. “Thanks.”
“I snuck one of your rings out to get the sizes. I knew what size to get him. Do you like them?”
“They’re gorgeous. I love them.”
“Little bit of me. Leaving pawprints on your heart.” She managed to lift her hand and rest it on Archer’s back. The cat lifted his head and gave Dustin a slow half-blink.
’Sup.
He slipped the ring off and tucked it back into the box.
“There’s videos on the laptop.” She sighed. “Go ahead and put that all back in the room, please. And the laptop.”
He swallowed. “You sure?”
She
nodded. “If I want to talk to Mom and Dad, I can use your phone or the tablet.” She glanced at the laptop. “I don’t need that anymore.”
Trying not to cry, he gathered it up and carried it back to her room, setting it all inside the closet. There were boxes and boxes in there of things she’d bought for Jenny, clothes in different sizes, and toys. Kira would still be a part of their lives for a while.
A couple of things she’d bought and given to Dustin to put in their safe deposit box. A charm bracelet for when Jenny turned thirteen. A beautiful diamond pendant on a necklace for when she turned sixteen.
A bracelet with gorgeous blue sapphires for when she got married.
Various charms for the bracelet to mark mileposts, like her first baby.
He returned to the living room and took Jenny back from the nurse. Kira let out a sigh.
“Let’s move me on Thursday. That’s in two days. Call the medical equipment place and have the bed removed that day, please. I want it gone before Bryce comes home.” They were already on standby and had assured Dustin that as long as they had at least twenty-four hours’ notice, they could accommodate them.
He swallowed hard. She’d barely eaten anything the past several days and was losing weight at a dramatic pace. She’d barely eaten while her parents were there, and only because he suspected she didn’t want to hurt their feelings.
“Okay.”
“Thank you.”
* * * *
Bryce rode with Kira in the private ambulance that came to pick her up and transport her to the hospice facility. Dustin had updated the medical supply company that morning and they were already en route to get the bed.
He’d hang back with Jenny until after that was done.
Bryce thought Dustin was simply getting some chores done before following them. Bryce would text him once they had Kira settled in a room.
Another reason she’d wanted to be transferred a little sooner, because they had the space and she didn’t want to wait too long and not be able to get moved there. The three of them had toured the facility a couple of months ago when she’d first arranged everything.
Dustin sent Steve a text that they were transferring her and wasn’t surprised when he called Dustin a few minutes later.
“How bad?” he hoarsely asked.
“She’s still conscious and cogent. For now.”
“Can we talk to her at least one more time?”
“I’m sure she’ll want to tonight. Beyond that…you know how she is.”
A harsh laugh. “Yeah, I do. I already told work I’m leaving. They don’t have a transfer for me, but a friend of mine in Florida is getting me a phone interview where he works. Kate’s got the house listed and has started packing.”
“You can stay with us, if you need to.”
“We’ll see how long it takes to sell. I know she didn’t want us to make it back before, but…dammit, she’s my little girl.” He broke down sobbing.
Dustin blinked back his own tears. “I know.” There wasn’t much else he could say. There was no comfort to be had.
Not for any of them.
Not really.
It sounded like Steve blew his nose. “Shawn had the balls to call Kate three days ago.”
“Really?” That was shocking, and they hadn’t mentioned it during the nightly video chats with Kira.
“Fucking son of a bitch. Lame excuse that he’d found some of her clothes and wanted to know how to get hold of her. Kate told him he could trash or donate them. Then he got pissy with her and demanded to know where Kira was. She told him he could go fuck himself, because Kira wasn’t going to talk to him. Then Shawn said he heard a rumor she was sick. Kate told him she’d already died and hung up on him, then blocked his number. She called me immediately and told me to block him. I don’t know why we didn’t think of that sooner, except I didn’t think he had our numbers.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah. Son of a bitch.”
“Does he have any other way of getting in touch with you?”
“I don’t know. Doubtful.”
“You don’t think he’ll show up at your house, do you?”
“Let him try. I’ll put him on his ass, scrawny bastard. A couple of her friends from Dallas called Kate the next day and asked what was going on, left voice mails, but Kate didn’t talk to them. I told her not to. We’ll wait until…after.”
“That’s for the best.” And it followed the plan Kira had already outlined to Bryce, how she wanted people notified.
“I know.”
Dustin got off the phone with him just as the medical supply company’s truck was backing into their driveway. He locked Archer in the hall bath, ignoring his indignant howls. It only took them twenty minutes to get the bed and leave.
That meant the living room now looked…hugely empty.
When he let Archer out, he immediately rushed into the living room, tail twitching and finally glaring up at him.
“Please don’t piss on our bed, dude. I’m sorry. This is what’s happening.”
Kira had spent extra time with the cat that morning, giving him treats and tearfully saying good-bye to him.
The irony that the cat would miss her more at first than Jenny wasn’t lost on him.
With Jenny asleep in her carrier, he quickly moved her crib back to her bedroom and got the living room rearranged.
The way it was before.
The whole time, Archer glared at him from the back of the couch, his tail twitching, his ire apparent.
Bryce had taken an overnight bag with him, determined to spend tonight there. He wanted them to take turns for now, but Dustin knew the truth—Bryce likely wouldn’t leave the hospice center until her death.
Not that he blamed him.
After Bryce texted him what room she was in, finally, Dustin got moving. He fastened Jenny’s carrier into the car seat base and headed to the hospice facility.
He hated making this drive.
Despised it.
This was a drive of pain and grief and prolonged agony.
Please, just take her fast, huh? Quit making her suffer.
But when he arrived and found Bryce stretched out in bed with her, watching TV, his heart broke and he hated himself for his earlier thoughts. It wasn’t that she wanted to go fast, except she was suffering.
But so was Bryce.
So was he, unable to help, unable to…fix this.
Nothing could fix any of this.
With their hearts broken, the shape of their grief didn’t matter, he supposed.
The only thing that mattered was that he, somehow, ease Bryce through to the other side and be waiting there, holding him, loving him through it.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Dustin never knew a week could feel like such agonizing hell.
That night, Bryce lay in the hospital bed with Kira, facing her, cradling her body against his. He rarely left her side except when Dustin made him get up to eat or take a shower or hold the baby. Bryce hadn’t left the hospice facility, staying with her. For the past several days, he’d spent most of his time in bed with her.
For now, Dustin sat in a chair on Bryce’s side of the bed, the baby asleep against his chest after having taken two bottles.
Sure, he could have settled Jenny in her travel crib, which had been set up in Kira’s room ever since the day she’d arrived at the hospice facility.
He didn’t want to put her there. He didn’t want to let her tiny body out of his arms.
Who knew he’d go from not wanting to be a dad to his world revolving around the sleeping infant he couldn’t bear to let go of?
This future had been nowhere on his radar.
Right now, he knew they were close to the end. He could tell. In fact, he stood, took out his camera, and took a couple more pictures of Bryce and Kira together. He knew Bryce would want them later. Maybe Jenny would, too.
He’d taken thousands of pictures and hours of videos in the past week.
Then he gently placed the baby between them and took more pictures. Bryce laid Kira’s hand on the baby, guided the baby’s fingers around Kira’s, and Dustin had to blink back tears. More pictures.
Bryce nodded for him to take Jenny back. This time, Dustin walked around to the other side of the bed and settled in that chair, so he could reach over and lay a hand on Kira’s back, Jenny still sleeping against his chest.
Kira’s breathing seemed painfully slow and shallow now. She hadn’t opened her eyes or responded to them in two days, and they’d been assured by the staff that she wasn’t in any pain.
All it was now was a waiting game, waiting for her body to finally give up.
Go in peace, sweetheart. We have your back.
He heard Bryce’s soft, tearful whispers, knew he was once again clutching Kira’s hands in his. That she’d lived this long amazed Dustin. Then again, it had shocked Kira that she’d lived to actually see her daughter’s birth, be awake and aware for it, able to talk to her and hear her cries.
Dustin closed his eyes and deeply inhaled Jenny’s scent.
My daughter.
It even felt right thinking that, and he never could have imagined that months ago.
It surprised him even more that the reason he couldn’t let go of Jenny was because if he did, he knew he’d start crying and likely wouldn’t be able to stop any time soon. At least with her in his arms, it forced him to remain calm, to focus on her.
To be her dad.
A distraction from the impending storm of grief about to swallow all three of them whole before it spit them out on the other side of their hell.
He heard Jack Johnson softly start playing on Bryce’s phone, Banana Pancakes. Dustin tried not to think back to the first morning in the kitchen when the three of them had danced together, smiling, her surgical scar hid by a colorful scarf and a carefree smile on her face because she knew, no matter what, that her baby would be fine with them.
He wished he’d grabbed his phone that morning and filmed that, Kira’s smile, the way it reached all the way to her sweet brown eyes and lit them from within. To show to Jenny later on, so she could see her mom had made the most of her last months, that she’d been happy and at peace, and that she had loved Jenny very much.
Our Gravity [Suncoast Society] (Siren Publishing Sensations ManLove) Page 25
