How does this help, Cat? It won’t change anything, my rational voice gently pointed out. It may make things very awkward for Ignatius. This isn’t fair, you need to stop it. When I stiffened he released me and I met his eye with a shame-faced look.
‘I’m sorry.’
He waved a hand, dismissing the apology. I sat back on my seat and stared out the window, working on getting the tears under control. The light blue and white horizon helped, but also made anxiety swirl while I stared at the very real proof of being miles away from land. The silence was surprisingly pleasant and I shot a tentative glance at Ignatius then hastily drew my eyes back to the view. His eyes, a lighter blue than Alek’s but darker than the horizon, were sympathetic and kind. More than enough to trigger another wave of tears and I clenched my hands tight around my bare feet, rocking on the seat, resisting the urge. Water slapped outside the windows, the sound soothing, and it helped while I focused on staying calm, the pain retreating enough to let my mind go wonderfully blank for a sheer moment.
The mussed halo of red hair glowed in the morning light, its excessive volume making Catherine seem even smaller as she sat hunched on the chair in wrinkled night clothes. Ignatius studied her with an elbow on the table, his knees spread and a leg extended. The tight, squinting expression of pain left her eyes for a moment, face relaxing to almost normal. It caused a curious pang in his chest and he smiled, leaning forward. Catherine’s head turned at his movement, green eyes large and she blinked then winced. Hoping to distract her but not sure how best to, Ignatius launched into random conversation.
‘We are making excellent time. Vo’Arum should be on the horizon in less than two weeks.’
Catherine nodded, her brows drawing close when she frowned and cleared her throat, her voice rough.
‘Good.’
A loud rumble from the decks above broke the awkward silence as Ignatius tried to think of what to say next and he pounced on it, motioning with a finger at the ceiling.
‘The soldiers and allies are training. The Prince’s death has infuriated us all.’
The words slipped out before he thought it through and he inwardly kicked himself when Catherine’s face went stiff. He sat tense when she closed her eyes, rocking again on the seat and his stomach made an unpleasant twist. The urge to take her in his arms and comfort her again surprised him but he stayed still, waiting, allowing her the time she needed.
A quiet murmur caused him to lean closer.
‘Sorry, I didn’t hear that?’
Catherine looked up from staring at her toes, a foot in either hand as she sat hunched on the seat, her eyes wide.
‘Oh!’ she gave her head a light shake, the corners of her lips lifting briefly. ‘I was just wondering to myself, what Alek would do, if it were him in this situation.’
She held his gaze, but while he watched her eyes shifted, looking somehow distant, sorrow and regret evident—and something else. She blinked and he frowned in confusion when she shook her head again with a murmured apology.
‘Not at all,’ he assured her though he didn’t understand why she’d apologized. Deciding to follow her previous question he leaned closer, drawing his legs back, elbows on knees while staring earnestly at her.
‘I can’t speak for his Highness, but if it were me, I wouldn’t stop till the person responsible was dead. Remember, Catherine. Alek had been planning for this for years.’
Tears filled her eyes at the prince’s name and Ignatius felt a pang of annoyance but kept it in check and soothingly said, ‘I would be devastated too and I would channel that into fury.’
He reached out, squeezing one of those small, icy, hands.
‘You can do this, Catherine. Complete what he so desired.’
A big sigh went through her and she regarded him with that hint of smile again.
‘That was almost diplomatic, Ignatius.’
‘I am trying, Your Highness.’
She didn’t appear offended at his touch, looking out the windows again and he watched her back straighten. When she turned to him her gaze had a touch of the determination he usually saw in her expression and she nodded.
‘Cat! You’re awake!’
I turned to see Kassie at the edge of the bed, her hair a tangled mess of curls and hazel eyes regarding me with concern. Ignatius squeezed my foot and I turned to him.
‘I’ll have some food brought in?’
‘Yes,’ I slid a hand down from my knee and gave his hand a light touch. ‘And thank you.’
His eyes looked warm, sympathetic and he gave a minute nod then stood.
‘It was my pleasure, Your Highness.’
Kassie half fell off the bed in her haste to get down and I heard the door close behind Ignatius before my friend’s arms closed tight around my shoulders.
‘Okay, I’m telling this ‘cause I love you,’ Kassie said in a teasing tone. ‘Wash, now! There’s a bucket and cloth in the corner. Go on, I’ll look out the window and catch you up on what you’ve missed.’
Rolling my eyes at her I stood with a groan, the feeling of pins and needles running through my stiff legs and numb backside. A chair screeched when Kassie shifted it to look out of the window. I stripped off the shirt and pants, wondering briefly whose they were, then seized the cloth, soaping it up. The silence felt pleasant but it let my mind do more thinking than I wanted.
‘Kass?’
‘Hmmm?’
I bit my lip while I considered my words, knowing the pain they might cause.
‘How did you cope, after Josh…?’
A long moment passed then I heard a slow deliberate rush of breath and Kassie gave a quiet, sad laugh. Finished washing, I grabbed a drying sheet, wrapping it around my figure then joined her at the table. Kassie’s lovely eyes looked dark amber when she met mine and she shrugged, eyes slipping away from my gaze.
‘Time. That’s all, Cat. You met me six months after the accident. By then I was starting to get a grip.’
‘Does it help, knowing he wasn’t your soul mate?’
She snorted in derision and shook her head. ‘No. It still hurts. But my heart’s big enough to deal with it. I know that now.’ Her expression changed from one of sadness and regret to speculation, and she reached for my hand, squeezing it for emphasis while she spoke.
‘You’ll see, Cat. Survive this, and you can survive anything.’
I turned my head from her, holding back the words that threatened and walked to the trunks near the bed, hauling up the lid on the first one. The scent—his scent—billowed up, hitting me with a sudden devastating intensity. A choked sound slipped out from my throat and I snatched some clothing out, slamming the lid down. It took a bout of strong breaths in through the nose and out the mouth to push the grief back just enough to resist the tears. I ignored Kassie’s worried questions, grimly focused on the distraction of dressing as the treacherous thoughts I hadn’t shared with her echoed in my mind.
But what if I don’t want to survive this?
Carrying a tray of food proved a surprisingly difficult task. Ignatius navigated his way toward Catherine’s room with a sudden appreciation for the wait staff at the castle. He regretted not accepting the cook’s offer of assistance when another gentle sway of the ship made him freeze. When it passed he continued down the dark corridor grateful for the generous width, wide enough for two Aswaran centaurs to walk side by side. A sudden movement ahead caused Ignatius to jolt, battle instincts barely held in check while he resisted hurling the tray to the side and drawing weapon.
‘Oh it’s you,’ he said in a tone of disgust.
Moving out of the shadows that hid her, Leseach regarded him coolly and tilted her head.
‘Tell me, Ignatius, what is it that Elena gave to her?’
Glaring, Ignatius snapped, ‘As I’ve already said. I. Don’t. Know.’
The alien female’s queerly striped eyes flickered, pupils widening then narrowing and her posture shifted seamlessly from observant to threatening, her v
oice darkening.
‘I am disinclined to believe you.’
Ignatius gave a callous laugh.
‘That’s your problem.’
About to barrel past, he stopped at the sound of Rashid clearing his throat.
‘Is she awake?’
Rashid said it pleasantly enough but decades of working alongside him made Ignatius heed the warning. His shoulder muscles stiffened in annoyance and he turned back to Leseach, about to make an attempt at something akin to diplomacy when the tall blond Northerner inclined her head to Rashid and turned, sauntering off down the corridor. It took a concerted effort for Ignatius not to say, or hurl, anything after the blasted female.
‘There’s no need to be abrasive toward her, Ignatius,’ Rashid said mildly. ‘She’s only concerned for the Princess.’
Ignatius grunted, throwing the tall angular man a narrow glance before continuing with the tray.
‘If you ever genuinely want a chance to be an advisor, you will need to learn to exercise diplomacy with citizens of realms other than just Elion,’ Rashid called after him in a pointed tone.
The lack of a link between them felt painfully obvious while they sat in silence. Kassie watched Cat’s face, trying to read her expressions. Normally she had such a transparent face but the flat, grief lined expression masked any thoughts.
‘Cat,’ Kassie asked gently. ‘How are you?’
Her friend’s lips went pencil thin, eyes narrowing and she shot a furious look at Kassie, who cringed.
‘I’m sorry! I get that you’re in pain. Probably better than anyone else.’ Kassie slid her hand across the table, fingers brushing Cat’s hand. Cat’s anger vanished, green eyes somber and she made an apologetic shrug at Kassie who flicked her fingers in response.
‘Doesn’t matter,’ Kassie said quietly. ‘Are YOU okay?’
About to respond, Cat stopped when the door rattled and the handle turned. Ignatius shoved awkwardly through, holding a tray loaded with food.
‘Sorry it took so long.’
Kassie sat back, watching while the Lieutenant set the tray on the table and attempted to engage Cat in conversation. Something isn’t quite right, she thought, feeling irked at the disconcertion the scene before her caused. The endearing persona Ignatius put on with Cat wasn’t new, he’d done it since finding out her heritage. All the girls, Cat included, had had a chuckle at the Lieutenant’s expense. But now… Kassie watched when Ignatius placed a hand on Cat’s shoulder, squeezing lightly. Not in the way you might expect a man—a military man—to do it, Kassie thought. He does it with affection.
Yakov would have done the same, pointed out the rational voice in her mind, and Kassie winced at the reminder of the advisor’s demise. Yes, but Yakov loved Cat, he loved all of us. He was our stand-in dad, Kassie thought and she bowed her head to hide the tears that trickled out. Rest in peace darling man.
‘Kass?’
Blinking Kassie looked up; meeting Cat’s anxious, questioning gaze and Kassie shook her head, not wishing to make Cat cry again.
‘Nothing.’
The tilt of the head and sympathetic gaze suggested that Cat guessed, and Kassie gave a sad shrug, eyes flicking to the windows. She rolled her lips together, letting the grief wash out and in like the tide, the emotion so familiar it offered a sense of comfort. The sound of dishes clinking made them both glance back to the Lieutenant, clearly out of his comfort zone as he attempted to serve the food. A squeeze to her hand made Kassie glance to Cat, whose eyes looked almost normal for an instant when they crinkled in amusement, before assuming a calm appearance. Both of them straightened in their seats.
I clenched my insides when the smell of food hit my stomach hard. Kassie didn’t hesitate, reaching for a sandwich and I saw Ignatius’ brow flicker as he resisted frowning. It brought Yakov to mind and the sudden sorrow made my head ache. Leaning an elbow on the table I rubbed firmly across my forehead, hoping to release some of the tension, and reached for a platter. The mouthful of hot pastry promptly made me regret it, my stomach churning when the food hit. I set the rest on a plate Ignatius had shoved my way and reached for a glass of water instead. The cool liquid helped my head too and I sat back in the chair, surveying the room while the other two ate, ignoring their concerned glances. In the daylight, with the fresh sea breeze wafting through the room, it felt too bright and real for Alek not to walk in. A certain tension prickled over my skin while one part of my mind refused to believe it, to believe she’d taken him from me. Even after the excruciating agony, a small part of me willed the door to open and for him to stride in, his handsome face alight with adventure. Moments ticked by while I stared at the door, an unpleasant and unfamiliar sensation of loneliness spreading through me. The thud of my heart echoed in my chest, making my head throb while I watched that door which didn’t open. A sob slipped out unintentionally. Kassie and Ignatius jerked in surprise, twisting my way. I pressed fingers to my lips and shook my head, more tears squeezing out.
‘Sorry.’
Kassie snorted and in a quick move dragged her chair closer to mine, a slim arm wrapping behind my back and her head on my shoulder. The silence and her closeness soothed and I leaned my head against hers, a shuddering sigh running through me. We sat listening to nothing when a sound, a voice, broke into my mind and I gasped, making Kassie and Ignatius jump.
Ignatius was on his feet in an instant, a hand on Catherine’s chair when her face—whiter than a ghost—went vacant and she drew her hands to her mouth, her eyes looking tragic again.
‘What? Your Highness, what’s happened?’
His heart pounded, body tense as he stared at her, willing her to answer.
Catherine’s eyes met his and the vacant expression vanished.
‘Loushka!’
The mention of Alek’s griffon surprised Ignatius; he had assumed the link between the red-maned griffon and Catherine would have dissolved with the others’. Catherine shoved her chair back, the wood screeching, and made for the door. Ignatius lunged after her with a curse.
‘Princess, wait!’
He hadn’t wanted the soldiers or allies to see her yet, not until she looked calmer and more like their sovereign, but she didn’t slow, racing down the corridor. He hit the stairs a moment after her and took them two at a time, just managing to catch her arm before she reached the top and stepped onto the deck. In a swift and not unexpected move she spun and hit his hand away, eyes blazing.
Lifting both hands he spoke quickly.
‘I’m sorry! Just take a moment, please. You look a little wild and this is the first time everyone has seen you since it happened. You need to be composed.’
Those lovely green eyes filled with tears and her hands shook while she nodded, making an attempt to neaten the red locks that didn’t appear brushed. Guilt at making her cry caused him to step closer and stroke a hand over the hair, trying to contain the excessive volume that it had swelled to from her dash here. Catherine jerked back and he tensed.
‘I’m sorry,’ he repeated softly.
She shook her head, eyes blinking frantically and hissed in a rough whisper, ‘Please don’t be nice. Be stern! Be stern!’
Ignatius looked shocked at first and I pressed my lips tight, trying to keep the tears back while Loushka’s plaintive sobs sounded in my head. He can’t look at me like that if he wants me presentable, I thought, irrationally angry at the sympathy in the Lieutenant’s eyes. Kassie, right behind him, touched his arm and muttered something while I squeezed my eyes tight and focused on my breathing, body taut as I forced the grief back down. Opening my eyes I found Ignatius staring at me with a far more familiar look of annoyance and impatience.
‘Pull yourself together! Stand tall. Be angry if you need, but tears are NOT allowed. Do you understand?’
That growled order helped and I nodded, hands clenched in tight fists.
‘Yes.’
Ignatius glared at me and offered his hand like he would offer a sword in practice; straight up
, no nonsense. Taking it, I stepped through the hatch into the bright sunlight.
*~*~*
Chapter Two
‘Catherine’s awake.’
Sito’s statement made Sian dodge Centaur Cavalry Lieutenant Chaieth’s strike, making a neat jump to the side.
‘Can you see her? Is she awake?’
The enormous tan dragon sat high on his haunches, eliciting a surprised yelp from the soldiers, allies and sailors alike when the ship pitched at the sudden shift in weight. Unable to get a good grip with his hooves on the smooth boards of the deck, Chaieth slid slowly past Sian, his hindquarters nearly scraping the deck while he attempted to halt the slide. The disgruntled expression on the burly Aswaran Lieutenant’s face almost made her smile.
‘Sito, can you look without sitting up? Chaieth’s about to go overboard.’
‘Oops!’
The dragon dropped back to all fours and the ship made a rough sway when it leveled out, causing Chaieth to grab at the rail. Sito looked sheepishly at her and Chaieth, his big brown eyes apologetic.
‘Sorry.’
With a good natured shrug, Chaieth waved the apology aside and glanced at Sian with a questioning look, his dark tawny eyes narrowed.
‘All good? Shall we continue?’
‘In a moment. Sito just said Cat’s awake.’
All those within hearing distance turned to listen, surprising her for a moment. Sian frequently forgot that though Sito could speak to any he chose with his gift of telepathy, when he spoke to Sian no others could hear, their link allowing privacy like the men of the Griffon Guard had with their griffons. Sian’s intimate link with Daron meant she could also hear Nesha, a beautiful dark griffon with blue undertones who this moment sat up, sleepily looking their way from across the wide deck.
Feel the Burn Page 2
