by Natalie Ann
“What? We won’t see each other for Christmas so we have to exchange gifts now.”
She knew that and had her own gift for him, but she didn’t expect they’d be doing this when they were barely dressed, sitting on the floor in front of a roaring fire, each on their second glass of champagne.
“True. Let me go get your gift then. I just didn’t think we would exchange them now.”
“No, wait. I’ll open mine when you want me to. I can wait. But this seemed like the perfect time to give you my gift.”
She wasn’t sure why, but she wasn’t going to say no because she loved getting gifts and was too excited to see what he’d picked out.
He set it on her lap as she eyed it for a second. It wasn’t a very big box. She even shook it once, but couldn’t guess after she heard a little rattle inside.
When she ripped the bright red paper off, her jaw dropped. “Did you really bring this on the plane?”
He laughed. “What, you don’t think I would dare?”
“I’m not sure,” she said, looking at the picture on the box.
“Don’t worry. I had it shipped to Nick. He brought it over and I wrapped it here.”
“Nick knows what you bought me?” she asked, her face heating up.
“No. It was in the shipping box. This place is pretty discreet.” He took the box out of her hand. “Let’s open it up. I bought batteries for it too.”
“Seriously, Zach. You bought me a vibrator.”
“Body massager. It’s waterproof, too. For those times you’re achy and need to relax in the tub.”
“I know a vibrator when I see one, regardless of what it says on the box.”
“Do you have one?” he asked. “Because if you did, we could have been using it all along when we talked on the phone.”
“So that is what this is about?” she asked, laughing. “And yes, I’ve got one. All you had to do was ask me.”
“Don’t use your other when we’re on the phone now. Not unless we can use it together. I bought this one with you in mind. I read up on it and it does all sorts of things. We can try it out before I leave.”
He looked so enthusiastic over the possibility and she was feeling the same excitement as him. She’d never had phone sex before. Nothing more than the teasing she and Zach had been doing. Correction, she did have phone sex once with Zach, weeks ago, only she never let on what she was really doing in the bubbles. Now there would be no secrets with it, though.
“We can try it out tomorrow,” she said. “You sure you don’t want your gift now?”
“No. We can wait. Then I’ll give you my other gift.”
“You bought me more?” she asked, surprised.
“Of course. This was really a gift for me. I’m kind of selfish that way. We’ll exchange our real gifts another time.”
***
The other time was Sunday night. She was dreading bringing him to the airport tomorrow morning. Originally his flight was scheduled for late afternoon, but with the threat of a big storm coming in Monday night, he changed his plans to Monday morning so he didn’t get stuck here.
Though honestly, she wouldn’t have minded if he did end up stranded for a few extra days. She didn’t think he would have minded either, but he said he needed to get home and spend the holiday with his grandparents. He’d gotten a message from his grandmother on Sunday morning and called her. Amber didn’t know what was going on, but she knew it wasn’t something he was happy about.
“Just go ahead and get the tickets for them, Grandma. Let me give you my credit card. I appreciate you taking care of it for me, since I can’t do it right now.”
She had no idea what he was talking about, and when she asked if he wanted to discuss it, he’d said, “No, just family drama. I’ll catch you up to date when I get home and find out more.”
So they’d dropped it. She had her own drama she didn’t want to talk about, and wasn’t going to push him on his.
After that call, Zach had been quiet, but she took his mind off of it as best as she could, the two of them spending most of the day playing with her new toy and the one she’d already had. She needed to let him know all the things she was going to be doing when they were away from each other. Something to keep him going.
Later that night though, she pulled out her gift and handed it over. She didn’t think she was that good at gift giving, having never really had a serious boyfriend since she’d had a job and could actually afford gifts—which was a lie she was telling herself. The truth was, she’d been locking people out for years.
But she’d thought long and hard about what to get for Zach, and all she could come up with was a small sculpture of two people dancing. It was made of red quartz. Just silhouettes more than anything, but the idea was there.
“Our first dance,” she said. “Do you remember that?”
“I do. I remember that first night well. How you teased me and made me think you were going to walk away, but then led me back to my room.”
“Well, this can be something that only the two of us know the meaning of. Whenever you look at it, you can remember that what happens in Vegas doesn’t really have to stay there.”
“It’s funny because I was thinking the same thing.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box and handed it over.
Taking it from him, she opened it up and then flipped the small jewelry lid to show a pair of earrings. Flowers, yellow—no, gold—studs. “These are beautiful, Zach. But they’re too much.”
“No, they aren’t. Do you know what they are?”
“They look like daisies.” There also looked to be a small diamond in the center. Way over the top for this early in a relationship.
“Yes. Do you know why I picked the daisies?”
She thought for a second and then stopped. “Your hotel room had that ugly hand-painted picture of daisies in it.”
He laughed. “It did. And you even said you’d seen better from your five-year-old nephew. Guess we both had the same thought about something from Vegas.”
“Except these earrings are far from ugly! It seems to me we have a lot of the same thoughts,” she said.
Which worried her. There were so many obstacles in their way. Not just the distance in which they both lived, but their jobs, their families. Things that had shaped her into who she was. Made her think she could never have this with someone. That she didn’t deserve it.
But the time she’d spent with Zach made her realize that she’d been beating herself up for so long. And so hard. It was time to move on. Time to come to terms with things.
Time to start thinking she did deserve a chance at love. And that maybe Zach did, too. If only it was that easy.
Illusion
“Nice earrings.”
Amber turned and looked at Rene. “Thanks.”
“Did Zach give them to you? I haven’t seen them before.”
“He did. An early Christmas gift.” She’d put them on immediately and had no intention of taking them off anytime soon. Just looking at them put a smile on her already happy face.
“Zach is good at finding gifts for people. He’s one of the few guys I know that puts a lot of thought into presents.” Rene stopped and looked at her carefully. “He’s a really great guy.”
“He is. Do I detect a warning in your voice?”
“Maybe. I’ve got a soft spot for Zach. I think most people do, even if they don’t want to admit it.”
Amber frowned. “Why wouldn’t they want to admit it? He’s an awesome person.”
Rene giggled. “He does tend to get on people’s nerves.”
“True. The same could probably be said about me at times.”
She’d been told she was too happy and cheerful a lot in her life. Too bad no one knew she was always faking it to avoid gossip or questions on what she might be hiding. She talked way too much and she always knew what was going on in town. Knowing or hearing gossip came from growing up in her house. The church was full of goss
ip. Everyone wanted to tell her parents something about someone else. Maybe it made them feel better. Maybe they thought it absolved them of their own guilt if they threw someone else under the bus. Either way, it just carried over to her as she got older. Sometimes it annoyed her, other times it came in handy.
“You do seem to know everything that is going on in town.” Rene waved her hand. “Anyway, I don’t want to warn you, but part of me feels like I should. That I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t.”
Amber looked at Rene sitting at her desk, her big old belly protruding out while she shifted to try to get comfortable. There was only a month left before little TJ made his appearance and Rene was looking pretty uncomfortable at the moment.
“We wouldn’t want you to not be able to live with yourself, so warn away.”
“Zach is different. He gives off this illusion that he’s confident, but I’m not sure he is.”
“You could have fooled me.”
“The illusion, Amber. But maybe you’re right. He probably is really confident about most things in life. Still, he had an…odd upbringing.”
“Because his grandparents raised him?” Amber asked. “I’m sure it’s not much different than my parents, who are pretty much the same age as Zach’s grandparents. Probably in some cases, his was better, or at least easier.”
“Maybe, but I don’t think so. I couldn’t imagine what it’s like to not be wanted as a kid. To know your mother is around, but can’t be bothered. That she chose a man and another family over her firstborn.”
This was more than Amber had heard before.
“He still has contact with his mother, though.”
“It’s not a good type of contact,” Rene said. “She normally just wants something from him.”
“Yeah. I got that feeling. We haven’t talked a lot about it, just a little here and there. I guess you could say we’re testing the waters right now and feeling our way.”
“It’s probably the best way to do things. Keep it fun and light right now.”
It was what Amber always thought she wanted, but lately she was thinking more along the lines of something serious. Wondering why she couldn’t have what everyone else around her was finding.
Was she destined to be alone? Was she destined to pay for her sins the way her mother had lectured her about her whole life? She’d like to think not, but after so many years of being told everything she did was wrong and then knowing something horrible came out of her behavior, it was hard to move past it.
“I don’t know what we really have right now. It’s definitely fun, but I’m not sure how light.”
Rene looked at her, really looked at her, and said, “Just keep his feelings in mind at all times.”
“What about mine?” Amber said, laughing. “Are you going to have this conversation with him about me?”
“I wasn’t going to, but you know what, I think I might.”
“I was just kidding,” Amber said.
“But I’m not. Because if you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a few times. You two are a lot alike.”
Amber watched Rene walk out of their office, her hand on her lower back, waddling at a slow speed. As much as she wanted to crack a joke about it, she found she couldn’t.
Part of what Rene said was true. There was more to Zach than met the eye. Just like there was more to her than met the eye. The other part was that Amber found herself looking at Zach in a whole new light after their last few days together.
Sure, they had fun together.
Sure, the sex was awesome.
But there was a sweet tender side to him that she worried she might hurt. That she worried she might break. The same side of herself she’d hidden for years. One that had already been cracked and broken, then repaired and broken again.
She didn’t know if she had it in her to ever try again, but Zach was making her want that. Zach was making her want a family of her own. A life of her own, away from what her parents had always hoped and planned for her.
Dropping him off at the airport this morning was harder than she thought it was going to be. He wasn’t even a few steps away and she was already wanting to pull him back. Wanting to ask him when he’d come out to see her again.
But she couldn’t do that. She couldn’t put it all on him. He had a job to do, just like her. His schedule would allow him to travel to her more frequently, but that still didn’t mean she could take the time off of work, especially with Rene going out on maternity leave in a month.
Depressing thoughts weren’t what she needed, so she pushed them aside and stood up to look at the schedule for the day. She should have been off, but since Zach changed his flight, she found she couldn’t sit around her apartment where his scent lingered in the air.
And since her life pretty much consisted of her job, that was where she went. Once that thought crossed her mind, she realized how pathetic her life really was. How she’d let so many things out of her control dictate her dismal future.
Nice List
Christmas morning, Zach drove to his grandparents’ house bright and early and opened the front door to the smell of coffee and cinnamon. Just like his youth.
“Merry Christmas, Grandma,” he said, walking into the kitchen. “You made coffee cake for me, didn’t you?”
She kissed his cheek. “Don’t I make it every Christmas for you?”
“You do. That’s because you love me like no other.”
“And you’ve been saying that to me for years, too.”
He laughed. A little word game they often played with each other. “So how long before I get the first slice?”
“Sit down and I’ll cut you a piece now. Then we can go open gifts.”
He walked over to pour himself some coffee and then pulled a chair out and sat. “Where’s Grandpa?”
“He’ll be in in a few minutes. He’s in the shed setting up the new saw I bought him.”
“He couldn’t even wait until after breakfast?”
“You know how he gets. And thanks for picking it up and wrapping it, then putting it under the tree for me last night. He couldn’t figure out how it got there since it wasn’t there when we went to bed.”
Zach shook his head. “I’m sure he figured out I came in and put it there after he went to bed. He’s a bit too old to believe in Santa, even though you had me write that on the tag.”
“Don’t knock Santa. He might have even left something for you last night, too. Always been on the nice list more than the naughty.”
He scrunched up his nose. “That makes me sound boring.”
“Zach, honey, I don’t think there is a person on the face of this earth that would think you were boring.” He grinned and dug into the cake his grandmother put in front of him. “How is Amber doing? Did you call her this morning?”
“I did. First thing when I woke up.”
“I hope you didn’t wake her. You’ve always gotten up at the crack of dawn on Christmas morning.”
“I’ve outgrown that, Grandma. But she was up anyway. We had coffee together and did some facetime over the internet.”
“How’s that working out? Does it seem cold talking that way?”
“Not at all.”
He wasn’t about to tell his grandmother the outfit Amber had on, or the fun they had playing with the first gift he’d given her. It was almost like being right there with her. Almost, but not quite. In some ways better, since it was dirty watching.
“Will she spend the day with her family today?”
“I believe she will have a late dinner with them after her father is done with services.”
“Does Amber go to church?”
He’d already told his grandmother a little about Amber’s background and parents. “Not often. She was going to Christmas mass because she felt like she had to.”
“Had to?” his grandmother asked.
“It’s a long story. She doesn’t go to services much, but she helps out and does a lot for the church.
”
“Does it bother you that we never exposed you to any type of religion?” his grandmother asked suddenly, looking concerned.
“No. I don’t think I missed too much. At least from Amber’s point of view. We don’t talk a lot about it, but she has her beliefs, similar to mine. She just feels she doesn’t need to actually go to church every Sunday so people can see her.”
His grandmother pulled out a chair and sat down across from him while he continued to eat. “Did we do right by you, Zach?”
“Of course you did. Why would you even have to ask that?” He had no idea where that comment came from.
“We obviously made mistakes with Jody and we didn’t want to make them with you. We tried to be there for you more than we were for her.”
“Don’t you dare blame yourself for her decisions in life.” What a great way to ruin a morning, talking about his mother.
“As parents, your grandfather and I always looked back to see what we could have done differently.”
“Not much and you know that. She always did what she wanted, when she wanted.”
“But your grandfather and I were working so much, we didn’t see what she was doing under our eyes. Maybe it was a cry for help.”
Zach put his fork down. “She was out partying and having fun. Sleeping with whomever she wanted. She got pregnant and dumped her kid on you. You did everything you could. Don’t think I don’t remember how you tried to teach her to be a mother. She wanted no part of it.”
He had memories of his grandparents forcing his mother to stay home with him. To watch him, to play with him, to have any type of interaction. His mother was uninterested in it. When his mother did leave the house with him, it wasn’t anything that could be considered mother-child bonding in the least.
He was a vehicle for Jody to live recklessly. He knew it even at a young age.
“That’s not true, Zach,” his grandmother argued.
“Don’t try to defend her. I know the truth and don’t need shielding now. I knew it all along, but appreciate that you tried to get me to see it differently. It didn’t make a difference.”
