by ADAMS, J.
“And?” he presses.
“I have you.” Don't I? Please say I still do.
“You will always have me. But you have to let the past go, love. Until you do, we can't move forward. You can't move forward.”
I nod, closing my eyes. He's right, but it is still so hard. “Cisely, look at me.” As I open my eyes, he gently wipes my fresh tears away. “You are an amazing person. You are beautiful, strong, talented, caring, giving, and kind. But until you leave the past behind, you will never see what I and everyone else sees in you.” Drawing me close, he whispers against my ear, “Let it go, love. Just let it all go.”
As if I had only needed his permission, a dam breaks inside me and I press my face against his chest, my shoulders trembling in agony as all the sorrow I've carried for so long rises to the surface and finds release. The pain that has crushed my spirit for all these years brings me to my knees.
Ingo sinks to the floor and just holds me, sharing my heartache, as well as my sweet release.
“You are a wonderful person, Cisely,” he continues to whisper, holding me tighter. “You are stronger and more loved than you can possibly know, and I will never let you forget that.”
Holding to his words, I continue to cling to him, my sobs soon lessening as the peace I have longed for for so long enters me. He pulls back a little, gazing at me and I smile. I know my eyes are red and swollen and I must look a sight, but I am happy. Truly happy.
“I love you, Mrs. Kelly, almost.”
I laugh. “And I love you, Mr. Kelly. More than I can say.”
Smiling, he lowers his head. As he kisses me this time, I hold nothing back. For the first time in my life I feel free, and the kiss we share is glorious. It is filled with love, passion and healing. The new tears that slip down my cheeks are no longer from pain, but from the pleasure of knowing I can now be his completely–my heart, my mind and my soul.
And I know he will keep them all safe.
Twelve
We hold a simple graveside service for my mother. Though I want to introduce Ingo to my uncle and his wife, they stay so far away, I don't really get the chance. I am used to the way things are between us, but this is my mother's funeral, for heaven's sake! I can't believe they are being so cold to me on a day like today. We should be sharing some kind of connection and the past shouldn't matter. But it still matters to them. Why, I don't know. Except for my cousin Velma, they are all as rude as they can be. And all because I did the unforgivable in their eyes; I changed my life and moved away to have a better one. Glancing at Ingo, I squeeze his hand. He gives me a sad smile and I know he understands what I feel.
The attendance is small, which is fine with me. It seems all of Mama's drinking buddies and ex-boyfriends are otherwise occupied.
I had asked the reverend of the church my mother attended as a teenager to officiate and he'd happily agreed. As he says the final words and her casket is lowered into the ground, I am regretful that Mama didn’t get to see how I changed my life. Not that it would have mattered much. I only wish I could have made peace with her. I guess she has a better view of me now, and hopefully she is happy for me.
We shake hands with the reverend and thank him for the service. Ingo gives him an envelope and he smiles, slipping it into his suit coat pocket.
Walking to the car, I glimpse a lone figure standing in the distance and my heart lurches. The person quickly turns and walks away. I can’t be sure, but it almost looks like . . . No, it can’t be him. I am certain it's not.
My face is expressionless, but I am nauseous inside. Tightening my grip on Ingo’s hand, I take a deep breath and keep walking, never slowing my step. I don’t want Ingo to worry, nor do I want to think about who the person could have been. I'm not up to it, and I never will be. So I put it out of my mind.
Following the service, Ingo treats me to lunch and we do a little sightseeing. We take a quick tour through Biltmore House and Gardens and visit the Thomas Moore house.
We spend the rest of the evening repacking and getting ready for our trip back. And as we board the plane the following day, I realize that for the first time in my life, I have no regrets. Sure, it would have been nice to make peace with my family, but I did all I could and I have to let it go now.
Ingo keeps my hand between his as the plane takes off. Fingering my engagement ring, he tells me how blessed he feels that I am still wearing it after all that has happened. He had been afraid of losing me, to which I reply, “You will never again have to worry about that. It's not an option.”
I have enjoyed the time I've spent with Ingo in North Carolina and will treasure it always. Because it is there that a miracle occurred. He helped me understand that my past doesn't determine the rest of my life, and that overcoming the trials I've faced so far has made me stronger and shaped who I am now–the person he loves.
Now when I think of home, I will remember it as the place where I truly became whole.
I am happy, life is good and I look forward to the future.
So why does a small part of me still feel unsettled?
Thirteen
We set our wedding date for the end of July and it is already the middle of June. Time is passing fast and I am so grateful for Jessica. With her help, we are able to put the wedding together quickly. Most of the people we're inviting– besides Ingo’s family–are the ladies I work with at the boutique and a few of the regular customers I have gotten to know. I am a little sad that there will be no family of my own at the wedding, but it can’t be helped, and I frequently remind myself that Ingo and Jessica are my family now.
Ingo is excited to call his parents and tell them about Cisely, as well as invite them to the wedding. And as he'd expected, they are blown away by the news. They are all flying in for the event. He can’t wait for them to officially meet Cisely.
When he makes his monthly call to his best friend Adagio, he tells him about Cisely and invites him to the wedding.
“Congratulations, my friend!” Adagio says heartily. “I am so happy for you! Of course, I was beginning to wonder if, like me, you were going to be a confirmed bachelor for the rest of your life.”
Ingo laughs. “Yeah, you and everybody else, but when you meet Cisely, you will understand why she’s the only woman for me. She was worth the wait. No one else has even come close.”
“She must be amazing to have pinned you down. And just wait until I tell the guys at the restaurant. Sam will probably call you right back to make sure I am not making this up.”
“I can believe that. Those guys have always considered me a lost cause anyway, especially Mr. Happily-Married-ForFifteen-Years Sam.”
Adagio laughs. “You were not lost, just wandering, same as me.”
“Well, I’m no longer wandering, my friend. I’ve found my destination and she is amazing. I love her so much.”
“I can tell.”
“So, what’s happening with you and Maria?”
“Actually . . . nothing is happening.”
“What do you mean? I thought things were moving along between you two.”
“Sadly, she turned out to be like the other two before her. My money and my restaurant were my biggest draw.”
“I’m sorry, man. I can definitely empathize, as you well know. Been there, done that.”
“I do know. I guess it comes with the territory when you are single and wealthy. But I am sure God has a plan and I still have hope. I am also still waiting for that plan to emerge.”
Ingo chuckles. “Well, while you’re waiting, get your travel plans made, because you’re my best man.”
“It's about time you finally admitted I am the best.”
“But of course,” Ingo agrees with a snort.
They talk a little longer and Ingo shares more about Cisely, wanting Adagio to understand just how special she is. Before hanging up, he gives Adagio the date of the wedding and Adagio assures him he will be there.
Treviso, Italy
Hanging up the phone
, Adagio rakes his fingers through his tousled hair and smiles. He can’t believe his friend is finally getting married! Ingo is never far from his thoughts, and he is happy the man he’s come to think of as a brother has finally found someone to share his life with. At times it still amazes him that he and Ingo are so close, and the connection between them is unexplainable. It's as if they have known each other all their lives. Having grown up an only child, Adagio treasures the close relationship he shares with Ingo. True, he has other friends, coworkers and acquaintances, but Ingo is definitely a kindred spirit.
Adagio lost his mother when he was sixteen. His father died before he was born and there were no other relatives to speak of. When his mother died, she left him money she'd saved through the years from cleaning houses, and he used the money to fulfill his dream of becoming a chef and opening his own restaurant.
Five years ago, Adagio traveled to America and opened an Italian restaurant in Salt Lake City. A couple of years later, an arsonist burned the place to the ground. He had suspected it was a disgruntled employee he’d fired, but he couldn’t prove it. In any case, the person was never found. Disappointed and saddened, Adagio moved back to Treviso, the place of his birth, which is only twenty minutes away from Venice. He bought a villa, opened a restaurant in the right wing of the home, and invested in stocks. The years have been very good to him as far as finances go.
He smiles once more as his thoughts return to Ingo’s good fortune. Chuckling, he heads over to tell the guys at the restaurant. They are not going to believe it!
Fourteen
During the week of the wedding, Ingo and I help Jessica prepare the extra five bedrooms for our expected guests. I've never seen Jessica so excited. She hasn’t seen her family for almost a year and is eagerly looking forward to their reunion.
Taking a break to sit and visit for a bit, Jessica and Ingo talk about the family and speculate what they are up to, but my own longing for family brings an unexpected sadness. I continue to smile, attempting to blink away the tears that have come unbidden, but Ingo notices and immediately comes and sit on the sofa beside me. Jessica joins us.
“I’m sorry, love,” he says, squeezing my hand. “I know this is hard for you.”
“I’ll be okay,” I assure him with my brightest smile. “After all, I have you and Jessica now.”
“And you always will,” Jessica says, then moves back to the chair across from us. “Since we have a few moments, this is the perfect opportunity to discuss something very important with you. I was wondering, have you two discussed where you will live after you are married?”
Ingo and I glance at each other. “Well, we kind of wanted to wait until we got back from our honeymoon before we make any decisions,” he says.
“I’m glad, because that is what I wanted to talk to you about.” She looks from Ingo to me. “You know, since I was never blessed with children of my own, both of you have been like my children. Ingo, you come to see me regularly and I don’t need to tell you how much I enjoy our visits.”
Ingo smiles. “You know you’ve always been my favorite aunt.”
“I know. I love the fact that you come here to escape the rest of the family.” He grins sheepishly and Jessica and I laugh.
“And then there’s you, dear,” she says to me. “The day I met you was the most fortunate day of my life. You have become the daughter I’ve always dreamed of having, and I have grown to love you very much.”
“I love you too.” Her unexpected outpouring of feelings is just what I need right now. “You've also been like a mother to me. You have been there for me when I've really needed one.”
“Thank you.” Flicking a tear away, she goes on. “Well, the reason I’m glad you're waiting is because a couple of weeks ago, I had some things changed in my will. Now mind you, I've put a lot of thought and prayer into these changes and I feel very good about my decision.” She pauses, her eyes intent. “Cisely, when I die, this house and everything else I own will be yours.”
The word stunned doesn't come close to describing what I feel. It takes me a moment to really grasp what she just said, and then another before I can speak. “But . . . why?”
“Because I love you. You’ve brought joy and sunshine into my life. And now that you are marrying my favorite nephew, it will belong to both of you. So, if it’s okay with you both, I would like you to stay here, because if you leave, I will be more lonely than I’ve ever been. I bought this place thinking I would one day marry and fill it with children of my own, but that never happened. One old woman in a house this size makes for a very lonely life.”
“You really want us to stay with you?” Ingo finally asks, his expression mirroring mine. I know how much he loves this house and I don’t want to leave any more than he does. When his eyes meet mine, they affirm that our feelings are the same. “Aunt Jessica, we would love to live here with you.”
Sighing, Jessica smiles, drying her eyes. “You have made this old woman very happy.”
We stand and embrace. The wealth of love present flows through me, warming my entire being. I finally draw back and kiss Jessica’s cheek. “Thank you for loving me so much.”
“Thank you for giving me the chance to love you.”
“I have to second that,” Ingo says, kissing his aunt as well.
As I stand in the loving embraces of these two amazing people, I know that no matter what happened in the past or will happen in the future, mine is a blessed life.
At moments like this, the slight uneasiness that tugs at me from time to time simply disappears.
Fifteen
It is three days before the wedding and Ingo's family arrives in a caravan of rental cars. His parents, Gloria and Patrick, are amazing and immediately take me into their family. His brothers, Michael and Luke, and their wives, his uncle, Bill, and his wife, as well as his aunt, Sarah, and her husband are all equally welcoming. The children and grandchildren are a jumble of names, but one day I will eventually remember them all.
As Ingo had warned me, Patrick and the rest of the men immediately break me in. They tell Ingo what a babe I am and joke with him about holding out on them, making me extremely grateful for my brown skin, because I would definitely be two shades of red by now.
I love watching Ingo interact with his family throughout the day, and I am grateful they embraced me so readily. Understanding the emotional baggage their son is willingly tying himself to, his parents accept me with no judgments. The day Ingo called to tell them about the wedding, I had given him permission to share the details of my life. They in turn have shown me nothing but love and support.
Gloria follows me to the kitchen to grab more sandwiches and lemonade for everyone.
Placing her arm around my shoulders she says, “Jessica has told me over and over how special you are and how fortunate Ingo is to have you. I agree with her. I couldn’t understand why he never liked anyone enough to even attempt a relationship. I guess he was saving himself for you and didn’t know it.” She smiles, squeezing my shoulder. “I'm so happy to be acquiring such a beautiful daughter-in-law.”
I'm not going to cry! I'm not going to cry! I'm not . . . “Thank you,” I manage to say as those blasted tears brim my eyes. “I’m happy to be part of your family.”
She wipes her own face and we embrace.
“Hey, what are all these tears about?” Patrick says, entering the kitchen.
Gloria laughs. “Oh, you know I get emotional a lot. Probably my hormones.”
“Yeah, probably,” he agrees, dodging his wife's attempt to swat him with the dish towel. I laugh as he ducks behind me. They are a total riot and I love them already!
Patrick smiles, placing a fatherly arm around me. “I know it's not official yet, but welcome to the family.”
“Thank you.” I briefly take in his handsome features, marveling at how much Ingo looks like him.
After talking another moment, we take the sandwiches and lemonade to the family room and rejoin the others. A w
hile later, Ingo discreetly pulls me into the hallway. Wrapping his arms around my waist, he presses me against the wall and whispers, “Have I told you today how much I love you?”
“Yes, but it is okay if you want to tell me again.”
“I love you.” He kisses me tenderly.
“I love you, too,” I murmur.
“So . . . you wanna get married?”
“Married?”
“Yeah, you know, married? Get hitched, tie the knot, jump the broom, live together, sleep together, make babies. Married.”
“Sounds like a good idea to me. Maybe we should.”
Grinning, he kisses me again. “We probably should head to the airport to pick up Adagio.”
“I can’t wait to meet him.”
Ingo sticks his head in the family room and tells the family we're leaving and won’t be too long.
“Shall we take your car or mine?” he asks as we head to the garage.
I smirk. “I guess we should take yours. It’s roomier.”
“Well, my SUV is a lot roomier than your Jag.”
“Ya think?”
Laughing, he kisses me quickly, bringing back to mind the day he gave me the beautiful car. After returning from North Carolina, Ingo decided he needed to get himself some permanent transportation. He also decided I needed a car of my own. I couldn't believe it when he pulled up in the shiny, metallic, gray Jaguar and presented it to me as a wedding present. I laughed and cried for almost an hour as I drove it around the city. I never dreamed of owning something so extravagant. I immediately traded my North Carolina license for a Utah one.
Smiling at the memory, I pull him close for another kiss before getting in the car.
On our way to the airport, Ingo tells me more about meeting Adagio in Italy when he was there doing a photo shoot. He was renting a room near Adagio’s villa and dined in his restaurant one afternoon. The two began talking, and when Ingo mentioned he would be heading to Utah to see his aunt after his job was finished, Adagio told him about once living in Salt Lake City himself and Ingo knew he'd found a friend. Adagio introduced Ingo to his kitchen staff, and then had him over for dinner the following evening and shared more about his own life. They have been best friends ever since.
