by ADAMS, J.
Adagio wipes her tears with his fingers. It feels so good to have her sharing her feelings with him.
“You might not believe this, but I heard Ingo's voice telling me you needed me.”
“Really?” he says, surprised and grateful at the same time. Given her past visions, he really could believe it.
Cisely nods. “It calmed me and I finally realized that I have never been alone, even though I've tried to face this alone.”
Adagio smiles, tears filling his eyes. “I know each day Phillip is away from us will still bring pain, but we will find him, amore. I know we will.”
“I know too,” she says with a small sob. “I do.”
Adagio pulls her close and they lay quietly for a while, holding one another, each giving the other the comfort that has been needed for so long. He silently vows to never again let anything come between them. She is too important to him, and he loves her too much to allow anything to push them apart.
“Are you hungry?” she finally asks, breaking the silence.
“I think I have worked up an appetite,” he says, smiling slyly and she grins at him.
Slipping from under the covers, she walks into the bathroom and grabs their robes from behind the door. And as usual, Adagio can’t help letting his gaze roam over her. She always stays so trim and keeps herself in shape, and motherhood has only enhanced her perfect figure.
Cisely hands Adagio one of the robes. “Just make yourself comfortable at the table and I’ll be right back.”
He restarts the disc in the player and waits for her. She returns a couple of minutes later with a large tray of take out cartons.
“Mmmm, Chinese,” he says as he helps her put the food on the table. “I love Chinese.”
“I know,” she says, smiling lovingly. She'd ordered the food earlier and had it delivered while she was preparing for the evening.
“Thank you, baby.” He takes her hand and kisses it. Then deciding it isn't enough, he leans over and captures her mouth with his. “Thank you,” he again whispers.
“You’re welcome.”
As we eat, we spend the time reconnecting, each of us sharing the fears that have plagued us, as well as the peace we now feel. We know everything will be fine and somehow Phillip will be brought back to us. We treasure this time of talking everything out and giving support and comfort.
I marvel at how wonderful it feels to share my feelings with my husband instead of keeping everything bottled up inside. Why have I waited so long? Why had I let my fear get the better of me and needlessly waste so much time?
There is nothing I can do about what is past, but this will never happen again. I won't let it.
Pretty soon we both have our fill of the food. Adagio follows me to the kitchen and helps me put the leftovers away. Then we slip back into bed and talk more.
Remembering his stop earlier, Adagio reaches over his side of the bed and pulls a small velvet box from his jean pocket.
“I have something for you, amore.” He hands Cisely the box. “I know we celebrated our anniversary a couple of months ago, but I wanted to get this for you.”
“You didn’t have to do that,” she says, her eyes moist. “I've missed out on so many things with you, but you never stopped thinking about me. I’m so sorry for what I put you through. I was so unfair to you and you didn’t give up on me.”
“Don't be sorry. I am just happy to have you back. And I could never give up on you. You are a part of me, Cisely.” He wipes her tears and looks at the box. “When I saw this in the store window earlier, I just wanted you to have it.”
She smiles. “I promise I will make everything up to you.” “You already have. Being with you like this has given me more joy than I can possibly express. Just being able to touch you again and express my love for you is enough.”
She leans over and kisses him before opening the box. Her vision blurs as she gazes at the beautiful diamond eternity band. Looking into her husband’s eyes, she understands why he bought it and what he is saying by giving it to her. She fully absorbs the ring’s meaning and all that it symbolizes.
Adagio takes it from the box and slips it on her finger with her wedding rings.
“It’s very beautiful,” she whispers.
He smiles. “You and I are forever, angel.”
She nods, touching her fingers to his lips. “Thank you for being so good to me.”
“Always.” He pulls her close and passionately captures her mouth with his again, reigniting the fiery need between them that can only be assuaged by their mutual love.
In the quiet darkness, I lay nestled in Adagio’s arms, mentally tallying the blessings that have come from this trial. Before this, I never had extended family I could be close to besides Velma. Now, I am developing a relationship with my uncle and aunt, and I'm beginning to know them better than I ever have. I consider that a miracle in itself, and I continue to keep a prayer in her heart for a second miracle.
That miracle will be manifested the moment we find our son.
Sixty-five
By November, the weather turns cold and I find myself having to readjust to the frigid winter of North Carolina after being spoiled for years by the mildness of Italy. I miss our home in Treviso, and I long for our family to be whole again soon so we can go back. But I also accept that for now, this is home.
Thanksgiving is in a couple of weeks, but it is hard to get in the spirit of the holidays. We recognize all we have and are grateful, but without Phillip with us, the holidays just can’t be the same and the sadness lingers.
Occasionally I look through the dresser drawers at Phillip’s things, overwhelmed by his absence. Sometimes I stare at his photo and hug his clothes to me, trying to find comfort, desperately wanting to hold him in my arms. I long to feel his small arms around my neck and ache to have him give me one of his affectionate kisses that always brightens my day. Adagio sits with me during these times and we talk about our son and some of the things he does to make us laugh or smile. Though the ache is always there, having each other to lean on helps us cope with Phillip’s absence.
With practice, I have become very good at being cheerful around Ingo. We've even managed to get him excited about the upcoming holiday, which helps to lift our own spirits a little more. Though it's an American holiday, I've always insisted that we celebrate Thanksgiving, and everyone in our family enjoys it. The boys always look forward to me making lots of treats, some of them American and some Italian. And except for Phillip’s absence, this year will be no different. After all, we still have much to be grateful for.
On the Monday before Thanksgiving, Adagio and I take the whole family out to dinner. Velma and Ted dine with us, as well as my uncle and aunt. We all meet at the restaurant and enjoy a wonderful evening together. I am experiencing a little fatigue, but it doesn’t keep me from enjoying myself. I love listening to Pete’s stories about his childhood with my mother and the things they did together. He carries a photograph of the two of them as teenagers in his wallet.
Adagio and Jessica examined the photo and comment on how much I favor my mother. Since I've never seen a picture of my mother when she was younger until tonight, I am also surprised at the resemblance.
“She was very pretty,” I say, handing the photo back to Pete.
“She was a looker in her younger days,” Pete agrees,
rubbing his bearded chin. “Even the years of drinking didn’t
diminish her looks like with most alcoholics.”
I silently agree. Most of the alcoholics I've seen look
worn and much older than they are. But Geneva Matthews
never looked a day over thirty.
“Yeah, she was definitely beautiful,” Pete says, looking at
the photo once more before returning it to his wallet. “Like mother, like daughter,” Adagio whispers, smiling
lovingly at me. I smile back, squeezing his hand under the table.
I turn my attention back to Pete as he tells
us more about his
and Geneva’s experiences growing up. Though he doesn’t go
into much detail because of Ingo being present, he says it was
hard growing up with two alcoholic parents. Their childhood
was difficult, but they handled things the best they could. I can definitely relate and understand. I knew alcoholism
was the reason my grandparents died so young, and it saddens me that the pattern continued through my own mother, as well as Velma’s. But I'm also grateful Velma and I have broken the pattern. We chose a better path. And I hope every day for the
strength to stay on that path.
Somehow the conversation steers clear of Gladys and her
name is never mentioned, which is fine with everyone. The last
thing we want is to add more gloom to the sadness already
present. It has truly turned out to be a great evening, one that I
will always treasure.
Sixty-six
This morning, I awaken experiencing more nausea than I have ever felt in my life. I have only been sitting up for a moment before I immediately run to the bathroom and lose the food I ate last night.
Adagio appears at my side, rubbing my back. “Are you all right, baby?” he asks, concern etching his face.
“I think so.” A sense of melancholy fills me, despite how sick I feel. “But I think I need to lie back down.” I rinse and splash cold water on my face before heading back into the bedroom.
When I am settled in bed again, Adagio slips under the covers next to me. Resting my head against his chest, he holds me close, and so many thoughts tumble through my head. I am pretty sure I'm pregnant and the thought brings great comfort to me, especially now when I need it most. Though it does puzzle me a bit that I'm feeling sick so soon. In the past I was usually further along than I or the doctor suspected, but this time I know I can’t be because of the month we hadn’t made love. Unless it happened before Phillip's kidnapping. Some women are pregnant for months before showing the usual signs. Maybe it has happened to me this time.
Adjusting my head a little to look up at him, I ask, “Would you mind getting me a piece of toast and maybe a small glass of juice?”
“Not at all, amore.” Adagio sits up and pulls on a pair of sweat pants, then he stops. He turns and looks at me, his eyes full of wonder. “Cisely?” When I smile, he knows there is no need to finish the question. Instead he asks, “Would you like me to make a trip to the store, too?”
“I think that’s a good idea.”
He leans over to kiss me. “I love you.”
“And I love you.”
He grins and I chuckle. Dressing quickly, he brings me the toast and juice. Then making sure I have everything I need, he grabs the car keys and leaves.
Twenty minutes later we both laugh and cry as we examine the positive test result. Adagio hugs me tightly and happiness fills a part the empty space in my heart.
Dublin, Georgia
Sadie enters the house and find Gladys passed out in the chair as usual. She never bothers to enter quietly because Gladys usually sleeps so hard, no amount of noise ever wakes her up. Sadie stands for a moment looking at the grossly overweight woman and her contempt grows.
She is tired of this whole situation and wants her home back. She's fed up with having to pick up after this woman, and tired of spending her entire shift every day worrying about the little boy in the back room. Each time she leaves the house, Sadie prays he will be all right until she gets back. Gladys is supposed to be his grandmother, but she acts like he doesn’t even exist most of the time. And Sadie wonders what kind of mother would just dump her child off on someone and leave, if that’s what really happened.
Taking her purse and coat to her room, she hurries to check on Michael. Thoughts of him have consumed her throughout the day and she couldn’t get home fast enough, needing to make sure he was okay. She muses over how motherly she has become. How has she become so attached to this child? He’s never spoken, yet she can feel his sadness. She can see it in his eyes, and she would give anything to see him smile, just once.
When Sadie reaches the bedroom, she cracks the door open slightly and freezes, unable believe what she is seeing. The sight she beholds is as much of a shock as a surprise, and it immediately brings tears to her eyes.
This sweet boy is on his knees with his head bowed, praying softly. It is the first time she has heard him speak. His voice is so soft, so innocent and pure. Sadie covers her mouth with her hand, trying to muffle a sob. She knows absolutely nothing about this child, yet he has ingrained himself in her heart even more with this innocent act.
When she sniffles softly, the boy looks up and jumps to his feet. He crawls back on the bed, backing into the corner.
“It’s okay, Michael.” she says, hating that she’d frightened him. The last thing she wants to do is scare him into silence again. “It’s all right. I’m not going to hurt you. I would never hurt you.” She slowly moves toward him and kneels by the side of the bed. “I want to be your friend.”
Phillip hedges himself in the corner, still too afraid to believe her. The only thing that has helped him to cope this long is praying. He remembers his mother telling him anytime he is scared or sad, he can talk to God and he would never be alone. The sound of her silky voice as she said this fills his heart every day and has helped him get through the lonely days and nights he’s lived through. He would give anything to be in his mother’s arms again.
Saddened beyond words by the look of fear he wears, Sadie brightens and smiles at him, hoping she could somehow gain his trust. “Are you hungry, Michael?”
Phillip looks at her for a moment, trying to decide if he could really trust her. Sadie has always been nice to him and seems like she cares. She isn’t at all like Gladys. Every time Gladys even looks at him he wants to cry, he is so afraid of her.
Sadie continues to look at him, her eyes pleading. “Wouldn’t you like something special for dinner today? I can make anything you like, and if I don’t have it, I’ll go and buy it.” When he continues to silently stare at her, she sighs and moves to get up, but what she hears next stops her.
“My name is not Michael.” Her emotions are mixed, but she isn’t too surprised by this. She has felt that something wasn’t right for a while now. She speaks to him again, except softer this time. Gladys usually sleeps pretty hard, but she doesn’t want to take any chances.
“Would you tell me your real name?”
“Phillip. Phillip St. John.”
Sadie is again surprised by the sound of his sweet voice,
and she could swear he has an accent. She decides to get all the information she can from him while she has the chance. Hopefully Gladys won’t wake up any time soon. She lowers her voice to just above a whisper.
“Phillip is a very nice name. I like it.” Phillip considers her words for a moment and decides maybe he can trust her a little. “My name is the same as my papa.”
“Really? I’ll bet your papa is nice, huh?” “He’s the best papa in the world,” Phillip says, slowly coming out of the corner and his shell.
Sadie thanks the heavens for the information she had gotten from him. “What about your mama? I’ll bet she’s nice too.
When Phillip hesitates, Sadie wonders about his mother until he says, “My mama is the best mama ever. And she is the prettiest too.”
She smiles. It's obvious the little boy loves his parents and they probably love him just as much. She looks at Phillip, really looks at him, and decides he can’t possibly be Gladys’ grandson. “I’ll bet you miss your mama and papa, don’t you?”
Phillip’s eyes tear up and he nods. “I want to go home.”
She covers his small hand with hers. “Where is your home?”
“In Italy.”
“Italy?” She briefly wonders if he is indeed making up a story until he speaks again.
“I went to a wedding with Mama and Papa in North Carolina. Mama sang
there.”
“Really?” she says, growing more intrigued with each thing he reveals. “I’ll bet she has a beautiful voice.”
Phillip again nods as tears trail down his cheeks. “I want to go home.”
“I know,” she soothes. “How did you come to be with Gladys?”
“She took me. My brother was there too, but she just took me.”
Sadie's heart breaks at his words. For some reason Gladys ripped this little boy from his parents. She wonders how the woman could do something so cruel. How could she do this to his parents? Pondering the anguish they must be going through, her heart aches even more. Those poor people. What they must be going through. I can’t even imagine. Looking at Phillip, she knows she has to do something. Somehow she has to get him back to his family.
“Listen, Phillip. I’m going to get you out of here. I’ve got to get some help somehow.”
His eyes light up. “I get to see my mama and papa again?”
“Yes,” Sadie whispers, smiling. “I promise you, you will be with them again. Maybe even by Thanksgiving. It’s the day after tomorrow. Would you like that?”
“Yes!” Phillip whispers excitedly, his eyes sparkling.
Sadie pauses for a moment to think. She must think of a way to get him out of the house. She could leave now and go to the police, but Gladys will be awake soon and would wonder where she was, and she doesn’t want to give her any cause for suspicion. Of course, she did promise Phillip anything he wanted to eat, even if it means going out to buy it. She could go to the police then, but she hates the thought of leaving Phillip alone with Gladys again.
Glancing back at the door, she listens a moment for Gladys, then leans closer to Phillip and whispers, “I’m going to go to the store. While I’m gone, I will try and get help. You just stay quiet like normal and I will be back as soon as I can. Okay?”
Phillip nods quickly. “Please hurry,” he whispers. His eyes are drawn toward the door and fear instantly seizes him.
Sadie’s heart pounds violently as she slowly turns, her eyes meeting the face that frightened the boy into silence. Taking on a calm facade, her mind quickly works up a story. She hopes it will sound convincing enough.
