He was about point-two-five seconds from lifting her onto the bed and removing her clothes in ways that would ensure she could never wear any of them again.
He summoned the last of his self-control, dragging it past every sensual, aching inch of arousal, and wrapped his hand around her wrist. A painful chill rushed in around him when he broke all other contact between them. “I don’t hate you, and I’m not throwing you out. Tell me what’s wrong.”
She turned her dark gaze on him, lower lip jutting out. “Promise not to get mad?”
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He needed answers now. “Talk to me.”
Her pout melted into a quivering chin.
“Oh, shit.” He clenched and unclenched his left hand. “Don’t cry, please?”
She sank onto the edge of the bed, and tears streamed down her cheeks. Her shoulders shook, but she didn’t make a sound.
He kneeled in front of her, unable to ignore the pain echoing inside. “Mikki. Talk to me?”
“I’m… I’m so… I’m sorry.” She forced out between sobs. “I didn’t mean to. Please don’t be mad. I’m so sorry.”
What was she apologizing for? Being drunk? That didn’t tie into the carefree image she projected normally. He moved onto the mattress next to her and wrapped a tentative arm around her shoulder. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
She turned into him and buried her face in his shoulder. And then the body-wracking sobs began. Her tears soaked into his shirt and skin as she cried, and he didn’t care. All he could think about was how he couldn’t take pain this from her, whatever it was. He trailed his fingers through her hair. “It’s going to be okay.”
She shook her head. “It’s not. I can’t undo this.”
He pulled her to him, holding her tighter. Between him and his friends, they could talk or buy their way out of almost anything. But he had no idea what this was or how to make it better. He’d forgotten what it was like to feel so impotent, and he didn’t like the reminder.
Each sob tore away another shred of his soul, but slowly she calmed down, until all that was left was a few sniffles.
She finally pulled away and dragged the back of her hand across her cheeks. Why wouldn’t she look at him?
He held her at arm’s length so he could look her in the eye. Even red-eyed, with tear stained cheeks, she was gorgeous. And breaking his heart. “Don’t move.” He grabbed a glass off the tray near the TV, filled it with water, and kneeled in front of her. “Drink.”
She drained the water and set the glass on the floor next to him.
She looked miserable, and he wanted to fix it. To wrap her up and protect her and make her feel better. But she wasn’t telling him anything.
He gripped her fingers lightly and traced the back of her knuckles. “Doing better?”
She gave him a weak smile. “Not really. But I’m not thirsty anymore.”
He kissed her fingertips one at a time. “Whatever this is—Hayden, something else at work—there’s always an answer.”
“Hayden.” She let out a bitter laugh. “I used to think he was a swell guy. Or at least an okay person.”
Had she been fired? Something else? At least the conversation was moving forward. Jared just wished the progress had come with more answers. “What did Hayden do?”
She dragged in a deep, shuddering breath, and looked him in the eye. “You have some gaping, horrible holes in the security on your network.”
The words stole the air from his lungs, and he sank back, ass resting on his heels. Of the billions of things he expected her to say, that was nowhere on the list. He knew people were talking about it, but he hadn’t expected to hear it from her. Dread crept through him, and he tried to push it aside. “No. I don’t.”
Was that hope in her eyes? “So you do know? Did you fix it?”
No. Nononononono. This wasn’t Karen. It couldn’t be. “There’s nothing to fix.”
“Shit.” The word slipped past her lips and hung between them. “I thought you knew. When I told Hayden, he swore he’d shared the information.”
The cryptic circle of random words was compiling into something recognizable in Jared’s mind, and the output made every inch of him ache with betrayal and fury. It wasn’t true. He was going to make her spell it out, whatever this was. “Thought I knew what?”
“In my interview with NSS, they told me I had to prove my skills. Gave me an IP address and told me it was an internal site. Told me to find the holes in the security. Except it wasn’t internal, it was the Skriddie network. And your network has holes.”
Every thought in Jared’s head crumbled. She was leaving things out. Little details most people wouldn’t notice. Not only had she done this, and then kept it from him, she was still hoping he wouldn’t notice how deep the deception ran. Hurt mingled with anger. “So, you still poked around, even though you knew it wasn’t a NSS network.”
She bit the inside of her cheek not meeting his gaze. “I didn’t realize it at first.”
“Bullshit.” He spit the word out, not able to completely hide his agony in the venom. “You knew exactly what you were doing. You dug in first and didn’t stop until you’d had your fun.”
“I’m sorry.” Her voice cracked.
“I don’t care.” He stood and backed away. “You need to leave.”
Her chin quivered. Please, don’t let her cry again. His splintered psyche didn’t know how it would handle that.
Instead, she brushed past him without another word. Seconds later, the door latched shut between them.
He collapsed onto the bed and dropped his face into his hands as two hundred and fifty-six shades of confusion pixelated his thoughts.
****
Morning. Maybe if she lay there just a little longer, Mikki could pretend this entire non-relationship hadn’t completely outlived its license. Pain echoed in her temples, taunting her with reminders of too much alcohol and everything else from the night before.
She rolled onto her side and pulled her knees to her chest. Why had she trusted Hayden? Because he’d never given her a reason not to. Except the entirety of how her job interview went.
She was so stupid, and now she’d lost the trust of a wonderful man. Betrayed someone she adored, respected, and cared about.
The words hit her hard, carried on the betrayed look Jared had given her last night when he’d asked her to leave.
Pain throbbed behind her temples. She hadn’t been thinking straight. Hadn’t said everything she needed to.
She forced herself to sit up, and her skull screamed in protest. As soon as she found some aspirin, and maybe brushed the horrible taste out of her mouth, she’d find Jared and make sure he knew everything. Not because she deserved to be forgiven, but because he deserved the full story.
Chapter Sixteen
Mikki’s gut hadn’t stopped churning all morning. First hangover, on top of all this. At least I went all out. It was going to be hard enough getting Jared out of her system. In addition, she had to deal with the professional aspect of things. The fact that no one had ever told Skriddie what she’d done; they hadn’t been warned them about their own security leaks.
It took her remaining willpower to force one foot in front of the other to lead her into the exhibitor’s hall. People meandered from spot to spot, stopping in aisles, chatting, going about their everyday business. Relief and disappointment warred in her veins when she didn’t see any familiar faces at the Skriddie booth. She’d find Jared. But she was going to do something else in the meantime.
Hayden looked up from his phone as she approached. “Hey, Michaela.”
Irritation surged inside. He was behind this. So was she. She’d have to take some of the blame herself, but the promises he’d made, and the guilt he’d poured on her for things that had never even happened. Telling her for months that Vivian hated her. And the fact he’d still never learned to call her by the name she preferred.
For the first time that morning, she s
miled. But she didn’t feel any joy. She tried to keep her voice even. “Do you have a minute?”
His brow furrowed. “Actually, I was going to ask you the same thing. Let’s go somewhere quieter.”
The tone in his voice dragged up her past insecurities and guilt. She wouldn’t let him brush this aside again. As long as she could keep her fragmented thoughts in line, she could do this. She fell into step half a pace back as he wove his way toward the private conference rooms at the back of the exhibit hall, and gestured for her to step into their company’s spot.
She hovered at the edge of the room. Where to start? She should just lay it all out there, or at least most of it. No reason to get into what she’d done with Jared. They were done. But the rest of it, holding back wouldn’t do her any good.
He dropped into one of the overstuffed chairs and nodded at the other. “Sit down. You’re making me nervous.”
Good. The admission gave her a touch of satisfaction. Even if he was just talking for the sake of being polite. She perched on the edge of the seat, knees together and legs tucked to the side. Begin with what had happened in the interview. That made the most sense.
He held out her cell phone. “I found this in the booth yesterday afternoon. You should keep a closer eye on it.”
“Thanks.” She grabbed the device and stuffed it in her purse. No, that wasn’t right. She’d had it last night, before the party, hadn’t she? Another lie to add to the stack. Why did he have her phone?
Something else nagged in her head. How much could she say to Hayden without losing her job? Was it worth trying to save? Skriddie wasn’t going to hire her. Even if there had been a chance before, there wasn’t now. Still, she couldn’t let that fear keep her from speaking her mind. Not now.
“Why didn’t you tell them?” The question slipped past her lips before she could formulate what came next.
His mask slipped, and his lips drew into a thin line. “I’m sorry, I’m confused.”
She wasn’t going to be vague like she’d been last night with Jared. Her thoughts were clear now, though she was still struggling to keep her hangover from making her head implode, and she was going to be direct with Hayden. “After my interview. You agreed with me Skriddie needed to know about their security holes. You said you’d make sure it was taken care of. Why, six months down the line, don’t they know? Why didn’t you tell them?”
He crossed the room and paused, hand on the doorknob, kind mask back in place. “Why didn’t you?” He pulled the door open. “You’re due on the floor in ten minutes, and we need this room for client meetings.”
“I did tell them.” She let the words fall out and take mountains of weight with them.
His eyes narrowed and he let the door swing shut again. “I thought you were smarter than that.”
The words burrowed under her skin, and she sat straighter. “Excuse me?”
He crossed the room and kneeled in front of her. “This isn’t a matter of us versus them. This is about your entire career, hon. Who do you think is going to hire you when word gets out you do shit like this for kicks?”
“But I didn’t…” The protest died in her throat. In a way, that was exactly what she’d done. “They deserved to know. They needed to know. You’d want to know.”
Hayden’s irritation vanished behind a smile that made her blood run cold, and he stood. “If this comes back to bite us in the ass, it’s all on you. And I can make that happen.”
Acid churned in her gut as the door swung shut behind him. She was going to be ill. What had she done?
Her morning passed in a haze of self-doubt and ill-conceived resolutions, which were discarded before they could fully form. At least today was the last day of the show. She’d track down Jared as soon as she could, explain herself, and then stick around with the tech staff tomorrow to tear things down. Fortunately, most of the suits were flying out that night or early in the morning. So she wouldn’t have to see the disdain on his face after she finished explaining herself. She wouldn’t have to deal with Hayden, either. At least until the weekend was over.
And when the trip was finished, she would go back home, lock herself in her empty apartment, and be alone long enough to sort out her thoughts.
Instead of soothing her, the realization stung her eyelids with unshed tears. She angrily pushed the unexpected grief aside, along with the clouds of confusion, and tried to figure out where she was going to find Jared.
****
Jared tapped a finger on the edge of his coffee cup, mentally counting off each tick. Ten. I should have known better. Eleven. Every single fucking step of the way. Twelve. I should have seen it coming.
Tate and Vivian were in sales meetings, and Jared was grateful. Normally he’d bend Viv’s ear. She was the one person who could screw his head back on straight when he let his thoughts get too fragmented. They’d been nothing but since Mikki told him the truth last night.
But Viv wasn’t an objective ear this time. She still wanted to hire Mikki, and even after their brief conversation this morning, her response had been, “You shouldn’t have gotten attached. But this means she’s got the skills, right?”
And he hated that a bit of him saw exactly where she was coming from.
“Excuse me.” Mikki’s familiar voice cut through Jared’s swelling frustration. A part of his brain sprung to life, flooding him with the compulsion to wrap her up, accept whatever she had to say, and just leave it behind them. He wasn’t going to make that mistake again. Even if she hadn’t used him for the information the way Karen had, she’d still had her fun at his expense, and the company’s.
“Can we talk?” Her gaze never left his face.
He didn’t want to look in her eye. There were too many reminders, both good and bad, of the last few days. But he wasn’t going to turn away. He nodded to the chair next to him. “I’m listening.”
Her gaze flickered toward the empty seat before landing back on him. “I’ll stand, thanks.” Her expression was impassive, but by her side, she rubbed her thumb and forefinger together. “I don’t remember what I told you last night, but I wanted to make sure you knew I meant it, and you heard all of it, once I was more coherent.”
He wasn’t going to be sucked into her apology, despite the frown lines in her forehead and the waver in her eyes. It was bad enough she’d lied to him. Tricked him. Threatened his livelihood and held the ability to destroy his friends’ careers and his own. And she was still taunting him.
“We’re not repeating this. You’ve told me plenty.” He couldn’t keep the hurt from his anger. Since she’d confessed last night, he’d rolled every inch of her story around in his head. She was still leaving out details. “It’s bullshit you didn’t know you were on our network. You recognized it and did what you did anyway. Even if you never meant any harm. And then you told someone what you’d found. Someone who wasn’t us.”
Her firm stance faltered, and her voice was barely a whisper. “I did it for the challenge.”
Challenge, he understood. Digital breaking and entering? That was a violation he didn’t get. “I don’t think I heard you right.”
She looked Jared in the eye again, as if he was the only other person in the room. “I did it for the challenge. You’re a name. You’re the name. You were on our college curriculum. Jobs, Gates, Zuckerberg, and Jared Tippins. You revolutionized network security. You were a minor deity to my graduating class, and you aren’t even some old, stuffy dude. I knew there was no way I could find holes in something you built. So yeah, I knew what I was doing, and I couldn’t believe I actually pulled it off.”
He didn’t miss the underlying awe in her confession. He wasn’t going to linger on it. It was too difficult to focus on with a new, furious voice asking if he’d ever been anything more to her than a legend. Not only had she violated his work, but she’d used him like a groupie would her favorite actor. “And then instead of telling us, maybe calling up Vivian, you gave that information to the one company who wo
uld love to see us go down like the Titanic.”
“I wanted to tell you. I told Hayden. I said you needed to know. He promised me it would be a lot less damaging to me if it came from him. That he’d handle it, he’d smooth things over, and you’d be fine. He told me if I went to you, I risked destroying my career before it started, which he hated the thought of me doing. I didn’t have any idea no one had ever told you until none of you were nearly as cold as Hayden said you’d be. And even then, I thought it was just in the past.
“Except the pieces didn’t add up. I realized you didn’t know. That’s why I told you as soon as I found out. And I can give you all the details. What holes I discovered. How I uncovered them. I swear I never did anything with information except try and make sure it got back to you, but I can help you fix it.”
Jared’s pride surged in on his hurt. He’d already fixed anything that was there. He’d been through that fucking system so many times in the past six months, he had no doubt it was solid. Especially after listening to her every time she’d talked about what kinds of unseen holes could be in networks. He’d taken every hint from anything she’d said and applied it. The last thing he needed was her help, or anything that meant spending more time with her.
He couldn’t meet her hopeful eyes. He pushed back from the table, focusing on the irritation coursing through him. “I’m done here.”
He put as much distance between himself and the coffee shop as quickly as he could. At least the show was wrapping up for the day, so he didn’t have to meet with, or pretend to be civil to anyone else. He was starting to regret that the three of them were sticking around through the weekend just to enjoy Vegas.
He ignored Mikki’s weak protest behind him as he wove through the crowds. The night before and this morning ran in a non-terminating loop in his head.
He walked without purpose, letting his feet pick the direction.
How had he missed so much? The signs about his nonexistent chances at promotion. Getting hooked on a woman who’d lied to him, used him, and betrayed him. Buying into the delusion that she had the right idea about work and life.
Breaching His Defenses (Love Hack #1) Page 13
