by t. h. snyder
Resting my head onto my sister’s shoulder, I allow the tears to continue to fall. The past year, the past few months and the past few weeks have been a struggle. Between the loss of Brody and the circumstances that tore Cliff away from me, I haven’t been able to process my place in all of this.
I can finally say for certain that I am at peace with Brody’s passing. I have the closure I’ve needed and wanted. I was finally able to say goodbye. Brody may be gone forever, but there is something here I can still fight for. There is someone I can strive to live on for and one man who I know can help me to love again.
“Ahh, umm . . . does that mean you’re not going back to South Carolina?” she asks with hesitation.
“That’s right, at least not for now. I have something I need to do and I’m going to need your help.”
“Oy vey, little lady, you’re lucky I was joking about booking you a flight. High five to your vivid imagination and that dream of yours. So tell me, what are we doing or rather what do you need my help with?”
“Hurry up, Jenn, we’re going to be late,” I shout through her bedroom door.
“I’m coming, I’m coming,” she giggles while opening the door. “Damn, girl, are you a little eager for tonight?”
Standing with my hands on my hips, I’ve waited for this moment for what seems like my whole life. This isn’t something I ever thought I would be doing, but now it feels right. It’s time.
“Of course I’m excited . . . it’s not every day someone does something like this.”
After realizing the words that just came out of my mouth, I can’t help but laugh. The look on my sister’s face is purely priceless.
“Okay, maybe some people do this every day. But it is a big deal for me. Come on, I want to go.”
With a laugh, she walks past me grabbing my arm to pull me through the hallway.
“Wait, you did text the picture of what we drew up . . . right?”
“Yes, crazy woman, I did everything you asked. Now, come on before you chicken out. If I didn’t feel the levels of adrenaline pumping through your veins over this, I’d expect you to chicken out.”
“Hell no! I am one hundred percent doing this. This is what I want, what I need, and what I hope will help me break through to him. I am not chickening out . . . no way.”
I can’t help the energy that is swarming through me. I’m giddy and feel like a little girl ready to open her long awaited Christmas and birthday presents. I’ve never done something like this, it’s a first for me, and I’m beyond ecstatic to have him be the one to do it.
Shit, he had better be willing to do it. If not, I’m going to have to go along with plan B and smack him upside his head. If nothing else, this will bring us face to face again. I need this, I need him.
As we make our way out of Jenn’s place, Christian is waiting for us next to his car.
“Hey, you, I didn’t . . .”
“Yeah, well I figure since we are all trying to be one big happy family now I wanted to be there for the major life altering event.”
“You’re a funny man, Christian. Thank you. It means a lot,” I respond squeezing him on the arm before sliding into the back seat of his car.
Once we are all ready and seated in the car, Jenn turns to look back at me with a huge smile on her face.
“I’m glad you feel asleep and took that nap. Sometimes it just takes a little bit for us to realize what we need and what is indeed right here in front of us,” she says with a wink before kissing Christian on the cheek. “There’s someone amazing out there for all of us, sometimes we are given a second chance at love. We are two of those lucky few.”
She is so right and so very wise. I thought what I wanted and needed was gone forever, but little did I know I found someone to make me see that there is more to love in life after death.
Chapter 27
“Are you a fucking moron?” Steve asks throwing his hands in the air.
“Excuse me?” I respond, not caring about what he has to say.
“You heard me.”
“Yeah, I did, what’s the problem now. I have a shit ton of stuff to get situated here and no time to deal with useless banter. Linc has finally let me back into the shop after the shit storm that almost took my life. I want to get back to work. I don’t want to dwell on what happened. I’m done discussing it. If you’ve got something to say, fucking say it. Otherwise get the hell out of my room so I can get my shit ready for the day.”
“You’re a beast. You’re miserable. Ever since you decided to push her away, you’ve become a pain in the ass. Why are you doing this to yourself? You do realize that woman cares about you and I’m pretty damn certain you feel for her too.”
“Steve, as much as I appreciate the talk, this is my life and one that I almost lost because I fucked up. I’m just starting to get my bearings back on track. Let me be. When I’m ready I will do what I need to do, until then all I want to do is work. This shop and you guys are my life. Let me figure out the rest on my own.”
“You are ridiculous, but whatever, man. I’m not going to say I didn’t try. If you’d rather be a miserable son of a bitch, that’s all on you.”
“Dude, get the fuck out of my room, this conversation is over,” I bark swatting my hand in his direction.
Watching as he walks out of the room, I mentally curse at myself. I know for a fact the asshole I’ve become. I can’t deal with the way everyone has been looking at me and walking on eggshells. I feel like I’m right back to where I was when I first moved here. I’m no longer running away, but I sure as hell feel like I’m destroyed emotionally.
For the past three weeks, I’ve been nursing my bullet hole sized wound. I’ve been torturing myself for the mere fact that Etty was taken by Tim and his men because of me and I’m still processing the fact that a man I thought I could trust turned his back on me for money and revenge.
Now that life is somewhat falling back into place, I need my mental state to follow suit. The fast-tracked trials are over and all of the men have been sentenced and placed away in a maximum-security prison.
Even though I know I don’t have to look over my shoulder any longer, I’m still scared. I’m worried that the only thing I can do is bring pain to others around me. I’ve hurt those that matter the most to me and because of my past, our lives will never be the same. Each one of us will remember what happened and I don’t know that I will ever be able to forgive myself for that.
Every day is a new struggle. I want to move on, live my life and appreciate every single thing I’ve been given. I’ve lived through two death like experiences and I know the crew, even Dault, are behind me in supporting me getting back on my feet.
There’s just a coward holding onto the fear of what Kris thinks of all this. I couldn’t bear to know I’ve indirectly hurt her. I don’t want to be that man, she deserves better than that . . . better than me. I was falling for a woman who I knew cared deeply for me as well. We had a connection, a bond that not many men and women can say that they’ve built with another person. Now I’m not so sure that bond is still stable. Rather than risk the fear of her rejection and passing judgment, it’s just easier to step away and focus on me, the crew and my life here at the shop.
“Hey, sweets,” Etty’s voice purrs as she steps into my room distracting my mental thoughts.
“Hey, beautiful,” I respond with a smile. “What do you got for me today?”
“Ohh, it’s a crazy busy day which I know will excite you. I also have a tattoo virgin coming in as your last appointment so be sure you don’t tire out before the end of the day,” she remarks with a smile and a wink before leaving the room.
I love that woman and her energy. Even with the tragedy she’s experienced, she is still one of the happiest and the most uplifting women I’ve ever met. Each day that has passed, I’ve thanked God that he kept her safe. She’s is our saving grace, I don’t know what I’d do without her.
Hearing the bells chime over the front do
or, our day is just beginning. Gathering my final thoughts, I pick up the schedule of clients she laid down on the table and scan the list to prepare my supplies for the day.
The late morning to mid afternoon crowd flies by with clients moving in and out of my chair. The feeling of working on the men and women is one of the best experiences of my life. I love the feel of the machine in my hand, the vibration that filters through my arm and the faces that beam with pride once the finished piece is completed.
This is my life, this is my love, and a passion that I know will never fade.
As I glance at the clock on the wall, I notice that it is almost time for my last client to arrive. Excitement begins to take over knowing that someone is choosing to receive their first memory of ink in our shop today.
Having had so many tattoos etched into my skin over the years, it’s hard to remember what each meant or felt like. However, there is no other rush than feeling that touch of the needle in your skin for the very first time. That first tattoo will stay with me forever, not just on my body but also in my mind. It holds a meaning so intense, so powerful that I will take it with me for the rest of my life.
Running my fingers over my chest where my phoenix sits, I walk out of my room toward the hallway.
“Hey, handsome,” Ashley’s voice perks up as I walk past her room.
Glancing in her direction, I wrap my arm around her shoulders as we walk side by side toward the front of the shop.
“It’s been one hell of a busy afternoon. I need a break before I clean up for the day. Are you done?” she asks.
Removing my arm from her, I lean up onto the glass case.
“Nah, I have a virgin coming in the next few minutes. Can’t say that I’m not anxious to see what this one has in store for me. I love being the first to dig into a fresh canvas,” I respond with a smirk.
“Well, I’m sure it will be a treat for you both, let me check it out when you’re done,” she replies before heading back into her room.
“Hey, Etty,” I call out.
Looking around, I can’t seem to find her.
“What’s up, man,” Dault’s voice questions.
“Not much, just came out to check with Etty to see if my last client is still on the books. It’s been a long ass day and I’m ready to call it quits,” I reply just as the door swings open, the bells ringing within my ears.
Turning to see whom it may be, my jaw drops open as I see her.
“Kris?” I blurt out in a trembling tone.
Her eyes meet mine as she steps away from the door and alongside of me. I can’t help the feeling that is beginning to rush through me.
“Hi Cliff,” she responds. “I believe I have an appointment.”
“You sure do, pretty lady,” Etty sings as she bounces up in between us.
Swinging her arms around Kris, she pulls her into a tight embrace. Looking between the two women, both are beaming. Together they are two of the most important women in my life. Seeing them smiling and happy makes my cold-hearted ticker feel warm and alive.
“Let me guess . . . or should I just let it be?” I question the two of them.
“Please don’t be upset I had this epiphany today and I needed to see you and I wanted you to be the one . . .”
She’s rambling and I can’t quite hide the expression that is trying to fight its way across my face. In this exact moment, everything I ever felt for this woman is coming to light. She’s absolutely beautiful with her huge doe eyes staring back at me. She’s not afraid to look into my eyes, there’s no reason for her to be . . . she already owns my mind, heart and soul. I can’t wait another second. I need her just as badly as she needs me.
“Stop talking, now,” I state, reaching for her hand and escorting her back into my room.
As soon as we step inside, I shut the door before pressing her body up against the wooden frame.
“Cliff,” she murmurs as my lips crash down onto hers.
She doesn’t stop me. She doesn’t hesitate for a second as her hands come up along the sides of my face, pulling me in closer to her.
Her soft lips kiss me back as my tongue licks along her bottom lip. Opening her mouth, she releases a moan urging me to continue. Our tongues meet and begin to dance to a rhythm only our bodies can feel. I can’t get enough of her. I want her more than I’ve ever needed anything in my entire life. Right now, she’s here . . . she came here to find me, to be with me and to show me exactly what I needed to know. I am the man she needs, wants and desires.
I don’t know how crazy this ride may be but with her by my side, I won’t take another second of it for granted.
Breaking away for a second, I stare into her deep brown eyes. This is my moment, my chance to let her know how fucking much she means to me.
“I’m an asshole, I’m an idiot, and I’m probably the worst decision you’ll every make in your lifetime. But I care about you. I care about you so much it hurts not to have you here with me. The past few weeks have sucked more than anything. I need you, Kris, I want you here with me.”
She lets out a giggle; resting her head onto my chest as her other hand runs up my torso beneath my shirt to my healing wound.
“The only poor decision I ever made was waiting three weeks to see you. We’ve fought what we both knew we needed for long enough, it’s time we come to terms with what we both want . . . each other.”
“You are an amazing woman, Kris. I don’t know if I’ll ever deserve what you are willing to give me, but I won’t fight it. Wanting you is just the beginning of what I feel. Cherishing you, adoring you and making you the happiest woman in the world is what I know I need to do.”
“That’s more than enough. You are more than enough to give me all of those things. But first . . . I need you to do one thing for me.”
Unsure of what more it is I can do, I give her a questionable look.
Stepping out of my reach, I instantly miss her touch against mine. I watch as she opens the door and walks out of my room.
“Follow me,” she says walking toward the front of the shop.
Listening to her request, I walk in step with her to the front desk where Etty is holding up a photo of phoenix similar to mine.
“I-I don’t understand,” I remark reaching for the photo.
“It’s the tattoo I want and the one I want you to give to me,”
“Seriously?”
“Yes. I want this. There is so much meaning behind this creature that symbolizes what I’ve been through. It’s as important to me as you are and if you would be the one to give it to me . . . well, it would mean so much more.
“It’s beautiful, Kris and I’d be honored,” I respond, pulling her into me as my arms wrap around her.
“Aww, yay!” Etty squeals in delight. “This is perfect and amazing and just exactly what we all needed. A happy moment to share in together. This crew is a mess, there’s no doubt about it, but look at us now. Even when something horrible tries to pull us apart, the best situations are able to come of it. I’m so happy right now, I could scream. Now get your woman in your chair so we can go out and celebrate tonight.”
“Yes, ma’am,” I respond escorting Kris back to my room.
This is a miracle; the group of people surrounding me is my world. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to make this family whole.
Our crew is together.
Cursed Magic is back in business.
My heart is full with the woman who is able to make me feel whole.
I’m happier today than I think I have ever been and there’s no doubt that there will be many more years of memories for us all to share.
Epilogue
Four Months Later
“Oh my God, Etty, I look like a fat cow. Throw in some patches of black and I’ll fit the part,” I hear Jo’s voice boom through the tall wooden door and I can’t help but smirk holding back my laughter.
Attempting to compose myself, I take in a deep breath before knocking on the door.
“Ohh, can you get that, Ash. I’m not quite zipped up,” Jo asks.
“Of course,” Ash replies before the door swings open.
Standing before me is my best friend’s girl, the love of his life and the woman who will make him whole for the rest of his life. Her eyes shine brightly as she sees me and a gorgeous smile spreads across her face.
“Well hello there, beautiful, you look gorgeous,” I remark stepping forward and placing a kiss to her forehead.
“Umm, hello, stud muffin. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look so good. Shit, if I wasn’t in love with your best friend and your girlfriend wasn’t here I’d totally place a smooch on those lips . . . damn!” Ash flirts while giggling.
“You’re a mess, woman. I’ve been put in charge of getting this gift to the bride,” I respond stepping into the room.
My eyes spot Jo, she is absolutely breathtaking and glowing.
“Hi handsome,” she sings. “What brings you here?”
“I have a little something from Linc. He said you had to have this before he saw you walk down the aisle,” I respond handing her the box.
“Aww, that was romantically sweet of him,” she says tearing into the wrapping paper.
Her eyes go wide, tears beginning to stream down her cheeks as she reads the message he wrote.
“What is it, Jo? Shit, no tears. Damn it to hell, we worked on those gorgeous eyes far too for some sappy shit to make your mascara run.”
“Oh shut your face, this is my wedding day and my baby daddy is the best man in the world,” she says as her eyes sparkle with joy. “He wrote this . . . ‘Today is our day, the moment where you and I will be joined as husband and wife for all eternity. Here is your something new and something blue. Please wear these earrings as not only a memory of our special day but as a symbol of the beautiful baby boy that will be joining us along our way.’”
“Jesus Christ, who knew he had it in him,” I remark wiping away a tear of my own. “That man is a keeper.”
I watch as Jo laughs at my sarcasm while removing the earrings from the box. As she places the blue gems in her ears, Ashley starts working to dab up the tears along her face.
