by A. L. Knorr
Water caught at my hands and I looked to see transparent webbing between my fingers, and my skin was stark and white with a faint green tinge. Was that my colour or was it just the light that made me look green?
As I slowed, I registered that my neck felt stiff and wrenched out of place, like someone had tried to hang me, also a burning sensation on either side. I moved my hands to touch, my fingertips searching for the source of my pain. There. Underneath and little behind my ears. Four small gills on either side, opening and closing. Pulling in water, extracting the oxygen and feeding it into my blood.
I rubbed the muscles in my neck and the ache slowly subsided. I marveled at the feel of water sweeping over my gills. They worked automatically, but I could also pull the water in and push it out at will. Sort of like hyperventilating with your lungs.
Oxygen and salt, no matter how trace it was, were working together to clear the death from my body. They were erasing it, diluting it, nullifying it. My memory began to return with more clarity. I began to register rational thought as well as emotions, as what had happened began to come clear. The shock of drowning was wearing off and the realization of what I had become was setting in.
I had died. Drowned in the Baltic. I now remembered the fire in my lungs as they had filled with water, the panic of suffocation, the awful feeling of betrayal. I had died. I knew it as surely as I knew that there was a sea turtle gliding low over the stones below me, its shell a symphony of greens and its movements as graceful as a dancer.
I had died.
And now, I was a mermaid. I had finally become my mother's daughter.
Fifteen
In a burst of excitement, I exploded through the water like a torpedo. I spiralled through the sea, shot toward the surface and broke through, my new body clearing the waves easily. Above the waves, air filled my human lungs before I sliced back into the water and my gills took over again.
With the air in my lungs, a quiet voice spoke. Antoni. I landed in the water and took oxygen in through my gills. I ignored the voice. I was having too much fun swimming and spinning, diving and ascending, observing this vast new world. I had explorations to make, which were far more important than the voice whispering in the back of my brain.
I spied something on the ocean floor that wiped the smile from my face. It was a crab walking across the sand but it moved slowly, awkwardly, painfully. I focused in on him, my eyes pulling him forward and sharpening his edges. He'd become tangled in a piece of fishing line.
I swam towards him and shocked myself again at the speed with which I could move. I had been far away but I was on him in half a breath. He put up his little claws in a defensive stance. I must have surprised him. I stopped before him, and his pincers slowly lowered halfway. Through the water, I picked up tiny waves of fear, but the emotion was dull, instinctual. He was a simple creature. He was frightened, but he had already accepted his new reality, that he couldn't move properly anymore. There was no self-pity or uncertainty, only wariness and a determination to live.
I had never seen much beauty in crabs before; I had always found them to be creepy. Their pincers were very uninviting, and the way they scuttled around on too many legs was too much like a spider for my liking. But through my new eyes, he was as beautiful as a creature could get. His body was flat on top and the colour of rust. His pincers were cream coloured with little scarlet tips. He looked at me with his tiny black eyes and I saw emotion where I'd never been able to see it with my human eyes.
"You're ok. I'm not going to hurt you," I said to him. And I was startled to discover my new voice. I didn't burble and gurgle the way a human does when they try to speak underwater. No bubbles came out of my mouth because I wasn't dispelling air; I was just emitting sound. My voice had a multi-layered, musical quality. It sounded like three violins, each playing a single note harmonized with the others, each word blended into the next.
He lowered his claws all the way and was still. I reached my hand towards him very slowly. I untangled the filament from his body and tied it around my shredded shorts. The idea of leaving it to float in the water was abhorrent to me.
The little crab opened and closed his pincers and then he shuffled off across the sand, moving much more naturally than before.
Antoni, said the quiet voice, a little more insistent this time. It was like I had two minds, one in the back that was trying to tell me that something urgently needed my attention and that I should go to the surface, and one in the front telling me to go and explore this new world and my new body.
I swam up to where the water was churning from the storm. My head broke the surface. The wind hit me in the face and I took a huge breath into my lungs. Like a duster through thick cobwebs, my thoughts cleared. Where is Antoni? I have to find him! How long have I been swimming about? What is wrong with me?
Holy shit. I'm a mermaid.
I scanned the surface of the sea, my anxiety mounting. The waves were higher and more powerful than before but instead of being alarmed by them, I relished the churning of the water. The storm was somehow making the ocean alive, filling it with oxygen and distributing minerals and nutrients throughout.
I have to find my mother, tell her... tell her...
The clouds overhead were black and thunderous and I could feel a light spitting of rain in my face. There was going to be a downpour soon.
I have to find Antoni. Now. Now. Now. Holy shit, holy shit. I'm not human anymore.
I spotted a tiny, white dot far out to sea that had to be the laser. I dove and flipped my tail and took off towards it. The ocean floor flew by. Stones and rock formations zoomed by underneath me. I passed a small piece of broken ship and felt a strong urge to stop and investigate.
As my gills took over the job of breathing, the urgency of finding Antoni faded away. Something in me registered that it was important to stay close to the surface. So I rose again and began to swim like a dolphin, leaping out of the water, inhaling gulps of air, and then diving back under the surface. My thoughts cleared again and I focused on finding Antoni.
I approached the laser, still on its side and buffeted by the sea. Antoni was nowhere to be seen. A heavier panic set into my human brain. I scanned the waves wildly, desperate for anything that looked like a human form. I knew I'd be able to find him better under the water so I submerged and looked around.
There! A shape and a flash of yellow lifejacket. He had drifted a long way from the laser. I could read in the way his form moved that he was drifting lifelessly at the mercy of the ocean.
"No. No, no, no," I said out loud as I reached him. The violins in my throat were still there, melancholic and leaden with fear for my friend.
Antoni was face down in the water. "Antoni!" I rolled him over and lifted his face to the sky. I called his name, slapped his cheek. His hazel eyes were open and lifeless. Living eyes did not look like that. I put my sensitive fingers to his throat. No heartbeat. He was dead.
Sixteen
I could not accept Antoni's death. A wave of confidence washed over me as I realized that I already knew what to do. I buoyed him up easily. I lifted us up on top of the water and held us there with my powerful tail.
I fastened my mouth over his slack one and filled his lungs with air. I could hear water burbling in his chest. I changed tactics. Instead of blowing into his lungs, I sucked, pulling very gently. I drew the sea water towards me, slowly, slowly, up from his lungs and into his mouth. I pulled steadily until I tasted the sea water in my own mouth and expelled it through my gills. I kept pulling in one smooth motion until no more water came out. There wasn't a lot. It was remarkable how little water a human could drown on.
Then, without breaking the seal of my mouth over his, I changed gears again and pulled oxygen in through my nose and pushed it into his lungs. His chest inflated under my hands. When his lungs were full, I opened his mouth with one hand and pressed on his chest to expel the air.
I put one hand under his back to support him and the other on
his chest and pressed on his sternum, willing his heart to pump. I was vaguely aware that I had immense power in my limbs, but not conscious enough and I heard something crack. "Sorry," I said, grimacing.
I repeated this strange CPR without ceasing for what felt like a very long time until - Thud. His heart spoke to me, quietly. Thud. It was working. I stopped pressing on his chest and listened. His heart was finally beating on its own. Relief flooded through me. I kept breathing for him, but it didn't take long before he sucked in his own breath. My heart leaped. He was still unconscious, but he was going to live. I turned my attention to getting him back to shore and finding help.
I cradled him in front of me. Tucking my forearms under his armpits, I rested his head and neck on my shoulder. I aimed my back towards the shore and began to undulate my tail. Immediately, we moved rapidly towards land. Antoni's legs and arms trailed in the water leaving a small wake as the water hit my back and then splashed around us. The waves that had been my ruin only a short time ago were no barrier to me now. I sliced through them without effort.
Antoni coughed and gasped as the rain began to fall in earnest. It came down straight, hard, and in sheets. So this was the kind of sudden, violent storm that Martinius had been talking about at dinner.
We were close to land now. I steered us towards the boathouse and found the dock.
I heard a cough and looked down at Antoni's face, so close beside mine. He was coming to and trying to open his eyes. It was hard to do in the pouring rain and with his face upturned to the sky.
The rain didn't impede my vision or bother me at all. The water hit me in the eyes but I didn't blink or react in a human way. I'd have to ask my mom about that.
Mother!
My heart did a skip as I thought of her again. She was going to be overjoyed. I couldn't wait to find her and tell her. Everything we had so wanted had come true. My mouth twisted in a wry smile. I only had to die to make it happen. I wondered for a moment if it had ever occurred to her to try drowning me when I was little, then I discarded the thought. There was no way she would have taken the risk.
We arrived at the boathouse. The door was closed but there was a light shining through the window. The fellows from earlier must still be inside, waiting for the storm to pass.
I lifted Antoni up onto the dock like he was an infant. So this was how my mother felt; lifting 200 pounds up out of the water was no problem. Before I let him go, I felt his muscles tense and he groaned. I'd broken at least one of his ribs. He turned his face towards me, struggling to keep his eyes open in the pounding rain.
"Targa?" he croaked and started coughing.
Not good. I was swept up by a panicked urge to hide. I disappeared under the water, leaving him up on the dock. I grabbed a stone from the sea floor and resurfaced only long enough to hurl the stone at the boathouse. It smashed through a small window and I heard someone yell. I disappeared under the surface again and swam away from the dock as fast as I could. Antoni would survive; what mattered now was not being discovered.
I followed the shoreline, going far enough out that no one near the boathouse would see me until I found a hidden piece of beach in between two rocky outcroppings.
Just the thought of walking was enough to transform me. My scales softened into human skin and my musculature reformed into legs in the blink of an eye. It was a nice feeling, I noted with surprise. Suddenly I was walking through the shallows on bare feet.
My shorts were a shredded mess but there was enough fabric left to cover me, like wearing a tea towel that a couple of Rottweilers had used for a game of tug-o-war. I untied my sun shirt from my waist, thankful for it now, and pulled it over my head.
My head was pounding but I was thinking clearly. I had to get back to the manor. Antoni would either be rallying people to look for me, or he'd be raving about a mermaid like a madman. I didn't know how much he had registered.
With the wind and rain buffeting me, I ran back to the manor as fast as I could on tender feet. I noted my increased speed and stamina with pleasure, but by the time I got back to the property I was limping from cuts on both soles.
The gates were closed. I ran up to the intercom and pushed the buzzer.
"Tak?" said a rough male voice.
"It's Targa," I said into the intercom, not even sure that they would know who I was. "Antoni and I, we tipped the laser and then got caught in the storm. He's ok but he's down at the boathouse and needs help."
The gate opened immediately and two men came out. They took one look at me and one went back inside and reappeared with a blanket. He threw it around me. They obviously didn't speak much English, but they understood that the situation was urgent.
"Antoni," I repeated, pointing towards the ocean. "He's at the boathouse." They listened and then spoke to each other in rapid Polish. One of them wrapped an arm around my shoulders and steered me towards the manor, the other one pulled a radio from his belt and spoke into it. The one with me noticed that I was limping and looked down at my feet. I didn't protest when he swept me up into his arms and carried me to the manor. My feet were stinging and bleeding.
As he was climbing the front steps with me, a Jeep pulled out of the multiple-doored garage at the far side of the property. It sped down the drive and out through the open gate.
Once in the foyer, the man set me down and yelled a stream of words and three staff members came running. He turned to me and said, "You, ok?"
I nodded and said, "Dziękuję Ci." Or I tried anyway, my attempt at thank you was rough. He nodded but didn't smile. Worry creased his brow.
I was given a pair of disposable slippers by one of the maids and then ushered up the stairs. The man who had carried me watched me go, a deep wrinkle between his eyebrows. One of the staff, an older lady with a stern looking face and a severe bun in her hair, said something to the maid who then nodded and headed back down the stairs.
"Doctor," she said to me in her thick accent.
I balked. "No, please. That's not necessary. I'm fine. I'm just cold. Don't call a doctor."
"Already done," she said.
My mother never went to the doctor. She hadn't even gave birth to me in the hospital, she'd hired a midwife. I think she was worried that a doctor might notice that there was something different about her. "Do you know where my mother is?" I asked.
"At meeting. She comes," she answered.
I thanked her. We arrived at my suite where I heard bathwater running. These people didn't waste any time. My teeth had begun to chatter. She took me into the bathroom in my suite. We passed another maid on her way out who shot me a condescending look. I didn't care. This was another change. A look like that before my change would have hurt my feelings or made me feel defensive, but now... I couldn't have cared less what she thought. If she had an issue with my getting into trouble, that was her problem, not mine.
"Edit," said the stern looking woman, pointing to her chest by way of introduction. "In tub," she pointed at the tub. She didn't seem like she was going to wait until I got undressed, and I realized that I no longer had a feeling of shame about my nakedness. I truly didn't care what she saw. I stripped off and got in. She held a towel up between us until I had settled into the tub, giving me the privacy that I no longer felt the need for.
The water was very hot and I gasped. My feet stung, my head throbbed and I felt the burn around my left wrist where the belt from the life vest had bruised it. I put a hand up and felt the bump on the top of my head. It was tender too, but it already seemed better than before. Mom had always told me that the mermaid gene meant faster healing. Between that and spending time in salt water, she had an unparalleled rate of recovery. I guess that was true for me now, too.
Edit noticed me touching my head and pulled my hand away to look. She clucked her tongue like a mother hen. She bent and picked up the rags of my wet clothing. She noticed the fishing line that I'd tied to my ripped shorts and gave it a puzzled look. Then she said, "Doctor comes. One hour. Mother before. I g
et ice."
I nodded. I thanked her again as she disappeared, leaving the door open. I sank into the water and prayed that my mother would arrive before the doctor did.
Seventeen
I heard my mother before I saw her. Less than ten minutes after I'd sank into the tub, I heard her exchange words with Edit outside in the hall. Then she appeared in the doorway, worry etched across her face.
"Mom!" I cried out, all excitement and urgency.
"Targa," she said with relief and had her arms around me in a moment, holding me tight, my wet body soaking her Bluejacket button-down shirt.
"You hate this shirt," I said, sniffing. Now that I was a mermaid, I understood her revulsion for restrictive clothing better than ever.
She laughed and then took my face in my hands and looked at me. She was all concern, but as she read my face she cocked her head and a look of curiosity crossed her features. "What happened?"
As happens after something traumatic, when you're finally safe again, emotion welled up inside me. I felt tears burn behind my eyelids, threatening to spill over, more from shock and happiness than the trauma of what had happened. "Let me get out and I'll tell you everything." I was pink and warm and while I was eager to tell my mother everything, I also felt an exhaustion settling into my bones. She held up a towel and I got out and wrapped it around me.
"Mom, they called a doctor," I whispered, urgently.
"Yes, of course they did," she said.
"Can you... I don't think that's a good idea." I was still whispering. I didn't know how far away Edit was or who else was hovering nearby.
