Candace smiled.
"Mom?" Michelle looked at Candace. Candace waited. "You're going with me; right? I mean to get my hair done."
"Wouldn't miss it."
"Hey, Gerald said he could fit you in—if you want," Michelle offered to Marianne.
"Why don't you take Laura with you," Marianne suggested.
"You can both come," Michelle began.
Marianne smiled at her sister. "Leave JJ here. JD and I can handle Maddie and JJ."
Candace regarded Marianne thoughtfully for a moment. When Marianne's gaze finally drifted to meet Candace's—Candace immediately understood Marianne's reasoning. Marianne wanted some time to talk to Jameson. Candace didn't need to guess what the subject would be. And, she suspected that Marianne wanted Laura to feel included. She smiled at Marianne.
"I think that sounds like a great idea," Candace said, holding Marianne's gaze.
"Okay, just don't have JD style your hair," Michelle said.
"Hey!" Jameson piped up. "What is that supposed to mean?"
"I'm just saying there is a reason that you went into designing buildings and not people," Michelle poked.
"Hey, I have plenty of style," Jameson defended herself.
"Yes, you do, honey," Candace kissed Jameson's cheek.
Jameson pouted. Candace shook her head with amusement. Michelle delighted in giving Jameson a hard time. Candace guessed that nervousness was beginning to swell in her daughter. Having Jameson to tease gave Michelle an outlet and a way to save face.
"Why don't you and Laura go wait for me outside," Candace suggested.
"Are you sure?" Laura asked Marianne.
"Sure, I'm sure," Marianne said. "You go with Mom and Michelle. Maddie's been a little fussy the last couple of days. Finally got her to take a nap. Molars, I think," she explained. "Besides, JD looks like she could use another coffee," Marianne quipped. "Or a nap."
"What is this—pick on JD Day?"
"Hey, at least they didn't keep us up all night with their studies," Michelle offered.
Jameson groaned.
Candace suppressed a chuckle. "You girls go on. I'll be right there."
"JD?" Laura looked at Jameson hopefully. "Are you sure it's okay?"
Jameson rolled her eyes. "Of course, it's okay." She reached out and took JJ from his mother. "You and me, bud. We'll show them style."
"I'm going to go wake Maddie up. Maybe if I do, I can get her to take one more quick nap before the festivities begin," she said. "I'll see you in a bit," she told Michelle.
Michelle threw her hands up. "Dismissed on my own wedding day. Come on, Laura."
Candace watched Michelle and Laura walk away and finally permitted herself to laugh. "She's nervous."
"Or vicious," Jameson muttered.
Candace placed a light peck on Jameson's cheek. "I'll be back in a couple of hours."
"Mmm. I'll be playing Granny JD."
Candace grinned.
"I have style, you know?"
Candace lifted her brow and bit her bottom lip.
"What? I do."
"Yes, you certainly do," Candace agreed. She kissed Jameson's lips and then winked at her. "I'll see you in a bit."
"Candace?"
"Yes?"
"What are you wearing?"
Candace shrugged, winked, and walked out of the room.
"Ha! It's low-cut. I knew it. Ha! Be glad you aren't sleeping at home tonight, Shell!"
Marianne walked into the room and looked at Jameson curiously. "I have a feeling I don't want to know what you are talking about. Who are you talking to anyway?"
"JJ. He understands me. Plus, he thinks I have style. Don't you, buddy?"
JJ laughed at Jameson.
Marianne giggled and put Maddie in her highchair.
"So? How come you didn't want to traipse off with Shell and your mom?" Jameson asked.
"I think Laura needs that more than I do," Marianne explained.
"Probably true," Jameson agreed. "She hasn't said much about things lately."
Marianne sighed. "I think she's concentrating on trying to get to know her mother again. And, you know, Mary's having a hard time."
"Jonah mentioned that. I can't imagine what that would be like—your husband eviscerating you in the press. I swear, I have no idea how an asshole like Lawson Klein ended up with such a great kid."
Marianne nodded. "I can't imagine how Laura must feel. He's still her father."
The thought made Jameson shudder from within. Laura was an intelligent, thoughtful, compassionate young woman. If Candace’s kids were apples that fell near the tree, Laura was the apple that landed across the orchard from Lawson Klein. Jameson was sure that Laura would be grateful to spend a few hours with Michelle and Candace—Candace most of all. One thing that Jameson did know; despite the craziness in Candace's world the last few months, she had taken time each day to make a quick call to her daughter-in-law and check in. Candace had never told Jameson that. Jonah had. It hadn't surprised Jameson. Cooper and Laura were the most vulnerable of Candace's children. And, as far as Candace was concerned any person who married one of her kids became one of her kids. That was not up for debate.
"I'll never understand it," Jameson agreed. "People like Coop's grandmother. People like Klein. I don't know whether to think they are sad or just assholes."
Marianne chuckled. "Maybe sometimes they are both."
"I'll buy that."
"You want some more coffee?" Marianne asked.
"Do I really look that bad?" Jameson wondered.
"No, but you look tired."
Jameson sighed. "I am."
"Everything okay?"
"You mean with me and your mom?"
"No, I mean with anything at all," Marianne clarified.
"I'm okay," Jameson said. "Your mom is—well, she's stressing herself out."
Marianne nodded. "She's worried about you."
"She's worried about everybody."
"Yes," Marianne agreed. "But, JD, you are not everybody. You're her wife. I think sometimes you forget how much she needs you too."
Jameson nodded. "No, I do know. Thing is, Marianne, she knows that I will be here no matter what. I'm never going to leave your mom if I can help it."
Marianne sighed.
"Oh, shit," Jameson chastised herself. "I didn't mean to..."
"You didn't," Marianne said. "I guess, I've just been thinking a lot about Rick lately. Not that I don't think about him every day; but, I just feel like he is going to walk into the room any minute. I can't explain it."
"I can," Jameson said as Marianne placed a cup of coffee in front of her.
"Please," Marianne encouraged Jameson to continue.
Jameson took a sip from her coffee. "You feel him because you know you need to let him go, and you don't want to."
Marianne closed her eyes.
"I get it," Jameson said. She took another sip of her coffee and decided to dive into some potentially precarious waters. "You feel like being with Scott would betray Rick."
Marianne's eyes flew open with surprise.
Jameson smiled. "I understand."
"JD, I'm so confused."
"Confused about how you feel for Scott or confused about what you think you should do about that?"
Marianne shook her head. "I don't even know how to answer that."
"Can I make a leap here?"
Marianne nodded.
"Look, I'm not going to lie to you. I care about you too much to do that," Jameson said. "It worries me—you and Scott. But, that's selfish of me. I just... Well, I love him, but if he ever hurt you, I'd..."
"JD..."
"No, just listen," Jameson said. She took a deep breath. "I understand, Marianne. More than you might think. For a long time, I couldn't imagine letting Scott back in."
"I know. Because of what happened with Craig. You thought Scott was part of the reason he overdosed."
"I did," Jameson admitted. "But, the truth is that's
not what kept me from letting Scott in."
Marianne narrowed her gaze.
"I blamed myself on some level because I wasn't there."
"JD, you couldn't..."
"No, I know. That's what happens, though. Who knows what would have happened if I had stayed home and not gone to college,—if I had been with them? No one knows. Your mom helped me to understand what I was hanging on to. As long as I had someone to blame, even myself, somehow that kept Craig alive for me—as strange as that sounds. She was right. I didn't want to let him go, even if that meant being angry all the time or sad. I just wanted to feel him there; you know? Sometimes, Marianne, I would swear that he was in the room." Jameson shook her head. "Sometimes, I hated him for leaving me. He was my best friend. I guess, in a way, I felt like Scott and I being close was a betrayal of Craig. I mean, it was always the three of us. It wasn't right to not include him."
"JD..."
Jameson smiled. "Your mom told me a story once about the day that Lucas died."
Marianne sucked in a ragged breath. She only had impressions of that time in her life. She was only a little over two when her infant brother died. She could remember the sadness in her mother. She could recall Candace crying, and the pain she felt roll off her mother in waves.
"You know, your mother told me that the first time she picked you up, she felt a wave of guilt. She loved you so much, and she missed him. How was she supposed to let go of her baby?"
Marianne closed her eyes and pushed back her tears. "She told me the same story."
"Do you know one of the things I love the most about your mom?"
Marianne shook her head.
Jameson smiled. "She loves so deeply that it almost hurts me to watch it some days. She taught me something about love. You have to let go even more than you need to hold on. Sounds crazy, but it's true. People leave, Marianne. They do. Sometimes, the people we love the most leave. The thing is, trying to hold on only makes them drift farther away, even when they've left this world. You keep them close by loving, not by mourning."
"I just wish I could talk to him."
Jameson nodded. "So that he could give you permission?" Jameson guessed. She watched as Marianne closed her eyes. "Maybe the fact that Scott is in your life is Rick's way of giving you permission."
"What?"
Jameson shrugged. "I don't know. Rick became my best friend."
Marianne smiled. "He felt the same way."
Jameson smiled. "Yeah, I know. The thing is, when he died, I never thought I'd have a best friend again—not like that. Then, out of the blue, Scott emailed me. I don't know. Sometimes I think maybe that was Rick's way of making sure I wasn't alone. Maybe he and Craig conspired," she laughed. "Crazy, huh? Somehow, Marianne? I think they did."
Marianne wiped a tear from her cheek. "It's not crazy at all."
"So, what makes you think he didn't help send Scott to you too?"
"Maybe he did. It just hurts, JD. It still hurts."
"But, it hurts a lot less when you are with Scott."
Marianne sighed regretfully.
"And, you think that means you'll forget Rick."
"I guess, that's true."
"You won't. Scott will never be Rick any more than Rick replaced Craig for me. Just like you and Shell, Jonah, Cooper—none of you replaced Lucas. Your mom still cries sometimes at night thirty years later. She still wonders who he would have been. We all wonder, Marianne. You'll always miss him. If you love Scott, that's something entirely new. Rick would understand that," she said. "You know that. It's like how he loved your mom. He still missed his mom every day. Your mom didn't replace her; she did help him to heal. She gave him a place to be loved and to land."
Marianne looked at JD with tears streaming down her cheeks. "JD?"
"Too much?"
"No," Marianne said. "I love him."
Jameson nodded.
"And, I love Scott."
"I know," Jameson said.
"You do?"
Jameson chuckled. "It's kind of written all over your face. And, face it—he's just goofy when you walk into a room."
"He's not goofy."
"Yeah, he is. I've never seen him like that," Jameson laughed.
"Like you are with Mom?"
Jameson shrugged. No point in denying the truth. "Probably accurate."
"It scares me," Marianne admitted. "And, JD, I don't want you to be mad at Scott."
Jameson waved off the assessment. "I'm not. I just think it's kind of weird. Scott's like my brother. My brother dating my daughter? See how that's a little funky?"
Marianne laughed and then grew serious. "For the record, JD, I could do a lot worse for a friend or a parent."
"Bet a few years ago, you never thought you'd say that."
"Things change."
"Yeah, they do."
"Do you think Mom is going to do it? Make a run for The White House?"
Jameson grinned.
"That'll make you the First Lesbian!" Marianne quipped.
Jameson threw a napkin at her. "You don't seriously think that's what they'd call me?"
Marianne burst out laughing at the expression of horror on Jameson's face.
"Marianne?"
Marianne kept laughing. "Just make it your own, JD. That's what you've done since day one."
Jameson shrugged. "Is that a good thing?"
Marianne kept laughing. Oh, JD, no wonder she loves you so much.
***
Melanie sat in a chair while Pearl braided her hair. “Thank God, you came,” Melanie said. “Can you imagine Jonah trying to do this?”
Pearl laughed. “You’d be surprised.”
“At Jonah styling hair?”
“He has two big sisters. You can’t even imagine what Marianne put him through,” Pearl chuckled. “Let’s just say that I wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d opened a salon in Beverly Hills.”
“You’re not kidding.”
“Nope. She’s not,” Jonah said. He handed Melanie a bottle of water. “Marianne was relentless,” he told her. “But, Grandma is better.”
“You’re just out of practice,” Pearl said. “See if JJ had been Jennifer Jane you might just have restored your skills.”
Jonah looked into his cup of coffee and blushed.
“Oh, no way!” Melanie practically jumped out of the seat.
“Sit still,” Pearl admonished her lightly. “What did I miss?”
Jonah shrugged.
“I don’t believe it,” Melanie said. “Seriously? Laura’s pregnant?”
Jonah shrugged. “Difference is, this time it was planned.”
Pearl stopped what she was doing and looked at Jonah.
“Your mom is gonna flip!” Melanie laughed.
“Why? You think Mom will be upset?”
Pearl started back to her task. “Your mother will be thrilled,” Pearl put the thought to rest. “Although, I might suggest you wait until she gives you all her news first.”
“She’s going to do it; isn’t she?” Jonah asked Pearl.
“Can’t tell you that for sure,” Pearl said. “She hasn’t told me.”
“But, you think she is,” Melanie guessed.
“I think that only two people know what Candy is going to do.”
“Who?” Melanie wondered.
“The only two who actually should have a say. Candy and Jameson.”
“I hope she does,” Jonah said.
Pearl smiled at him.
“So, does Laura,” he continued. “She’s worried that Mom will hold back because of her.”
Pearl nodded. “Your mother worries about all of you.”
“We’ll be fine,” Jonah said.
“Yes, you will,” Pearl agreed.
“I can’t believe you’re going to be a dad again,” Melanie mused.
Jonah grinned. “Kind of felt like the right time. The only thing is, we need to find someplace bigger than JD’s condo.”
“JD will understan
d,” Melanie said.
“I hope so.”
Pearl rolled her eyes. “JD will be thrilled too. I swear, she should have been a teacher or something. Kids flock to her like flies to a picnic.”
Jonah and Melanie laughed. Jameson was a kid magnet. In some ways, that was because she loved to play. More than that, Jameson was mild-mannered, and she never talked down to the kids—any of them.
“You think they will have any more?” Melanie asked.
“Who?”
“JD and Candace,” Melanie asked. “Do you think they will have any more kids?”
Jonah looked at Pearl, curious how she would answer.
Pearl shrugged. “I don’t think it’s in their plans, if that’s what you mean.”
Jonah nodded. “I can’t imagine JD pregnant,” he started to laugh.
“Me neither,” Melanie said. “Then again, I can't imagine me that way either."
“I thought you wanted to have kids?” Jonah asked.
“I do.”
“Seriously? You mean Shell is gonna carry them?” he laughed at the thought.
“Why is that funny?” Melanie asked.
“Shell, pregnant? Can you imagine the theatrics?” he shook his head.
Melanie made no response.
Pearl cast a warning glance in Jonah’s direction. Jonah and Melanie had become close friends. They worked together, they traveled together, and they were part of the same family. Jonah sometimes forgot that Melanie had not been born into that family. Michelle was not her sister. Jameson was not her step-mother. Michelle was about to become Melanie’s spouse, and that would make Jonah and Jameson officially part of Melanie’s life forever. Being married to someone and being someone’s sibling were incredibly different roles to play. Whatever conversations had occurred between Melanie and Michelle about family; it was clear that those discussions had been both thoughtful and emotional.
Michelle could be larger than life at times. She was also far more thoughtful and cautious in her life decisions than her siblings often realized. She had a great deal of Candace in her. Outwardly, she was the family comedienne. Pearl understood that Michelle had taken on that role in many ways to keep the peace between Marianne and Jonah. Marianne mothered everyone to a fault at times. Jonah liked to go his own way. Michelle wanted to keep everyone together. In many ways, she was the typical middle child.
Jonah understood his grandmother’s silent caution and looked at Melanie. “I’m sorry, Mel.”
Road Blocks (By Design Book 8) Page 9
