by Jim Butcher
“And if I’m right?” he asked quietly.
“If you’re right,” I said, “you still get to kill the girl.”
The Merlin glanced at me. “True,” he said. “And you with her.”
Chapter Forty-seven
After a second, much less lengthy round of questions and answers, the Senior Council voted, and Molly was officially declared my apprentice, to be granted clemency under the Doom of Damocles. “Doom of Damocles” was wizard-speak for probation. If Molly abused her magic or came anywhere near violating any of the Laws of Magic, she’d be executed at once-and I’d join her.
But I’d lived with that before. I could do it again.
It was full dark by the time the conclave ended and everyone filed out. As the wizard who had called the conclave, it was my job to make sure everyone departed safely and to take care of any last-minute details.
Between providing food and further medical supplies for the unexpected arrivals, and coordinating with Ramirez to make sure our comings and goings weren’t being observed, I didn’t get the chance to speak to anyone about personal matters. With Lily’s help, we’d given the vampires a stiff kick in the balls, but the fight was far from over. The combat-hardened wizards and the talents of the Senior Council were needed elsewhere, and they departed with hardly a pause for food and drink.
Once it was done, I left the warehouse and sank down against the wall, just letting the cool summer evening wash over me.
I’d saved the girl from the bad guys. And more importantly, from the good guys. Which seemed the sort of thing that should pay my Warden’s salary overtime, but for the moment I was simply glad it was over.
I’d gambled horribly in my attempt to play the collective will of the Council against the Merlin. I shouldn’t have done it that way. The Merlin was a politician. If I’d been willing to eat a little crow, he probably would have come to some sort of compromise with me. A humiliating and disadvantageous compromise, from my perspective, but he might have worked something out.
Instead, I’d gained the moral support of the Council present there tonight, and I’d wielded it against him like a sword, chopping off his options and maneuvering him into bending to my will. I had exercised power over him in a way that no one had yet dared. I had struck a blow against his authority, declared myself an enemy of his administration. There was no way he could ignore that kind of challenge from a morally suspect young punk like me. He would have to bring me down. If I wanted to avoid that, I’d have to keep my eyes open, my wits sharp, and I’d have to continue to do whatever I could to secure myself against him.
In short: I’d become a politician.
But instead of moaning about it, I found myself laughing. Given all that had happened, matters could have been much, much worse. Molly was coming home safe. The murderous fetches had been dispatched. The vampires had been handed their first significant defeat since the cold war combusted.
After the events of the day, tomorrow surely held nothing for me to fear, and I trusted that it would take care of itself until I could rest, eat, and put an end to the last details of the business at hand.
Molly and Michael had waited with me: When Michael covered Luccio’s retreat through the nearer regions of the Nevernever, he had gotten back to Chicago without paying for the gas, but his truck was still back in the middle of nowhere, Oregon. He’d need to have it shipped back, or else make a long drive with a partner. He needed a ride home, and I was it.
The Beetle’s floorboards settled almost all the way to the ground by the time everyone was on board, and I drove carefully away from the warehouse. Molly chattered on about a confusing blur of things for maybe two minutes and then went abruptly silent.
Michael checked over his shoulder. “Asleep,” he reported quietly.
“She’s had a busy day,” I said.
He sighed. “Tell me what happened?”
I told him everything. Except the parts with Lasciel in them. And I didn’t mention Charity’s neglected talent for magic. I thought for a second that I could hear a ghostly, amused laugh from somewhere nearby. Optimistically, I wrote it off to my fatigued imagination.
Michael shook his head. “How did you know that I would return as I did?”
“Oh, I didn’t,” I said. “I just figured that you must have been sent off to do something to help your kid, so I asked Forthill to get word to you that you needed to be back here pronto, and that if you were with any Council members they should come with you. You got the message?”
He nodded. “It found me at Luccio’s camp in Colorado. We’d beaten off a vampire attack and were preparing to move. If I hadn’t gotten the message, I wouldn’t have followed them on their path through the Nevernever.”
“What happened?”
“Demons,” Michael said. “Quite a few of them, actually.”
“What kind?”
“Oh. Fangs. Tentacles. You know, the usual.”
I snorted. “No. I mean, were they Outsiders?”
“Ebenezar said something about Outsiders, yes, now that you mention it. Apparently his magic had difficulty dealing with them.”
I shook my head. “I’m glad you were with them.”
“Under the circumstances, so am I.” He pursed his lips thoughtfully. “You assumed I had been sent to help the White Council so that they would show mercy to my daughter.”
I shrugged. “It was either that or else I was the one meant to look out for her, which would mean that it was possible for me to do so. So I decided to lean on the Merlin.”
Michael blinked and stared at me. “If I do not mistake your meaning, you just told me that you took a leap of faith.”
“No. I took your leap of faith, by proxy.” I shook my head. “Look, Michael. I try to stay out of God’s way as much as I possibly can. I don’t expect Him to send a rescue party for me if I’m in trouble.”
“Harry, I know you aren’t a churchgoing man, but God does help people who aren’t perfect.”
“Sure,” I said, and I couldn’t keep all the sneer out of my voice. “That’s why the world is such a happy, orderly place.”
Michael sighed. “Harry, God does protect us from harm-it’s part of what I and my brothers in arms are tasked to do. But he’s a great deal less involved in protecting us from the consequences of our choices.”
“I know the theory,” I said. “That God mostly only steps in when there’s supernatural evil afoot, yeah?”
“That’s an oversimplification, really, and-”
“Spare me,” I said. “Hell, Michael, I had one of those bastard Denarians here last year. Quintus Cassius. You remember him? While I was lying there watching him slice his way into my guts, I thought maybe it would be a good time for someone like you to show up. You know. One of those Denarian Knights. I thought to myself, hey, it would be a great time for one of the Knights of the Cross to show up, eh?” I shook my head. “It didn’t work out that way.”
“What is your point?” he asked quietly.
“Heaven ain’t safeguarding me, Michael. But you’re different than me. I figured God was going to look out for you and yours, out of professional courtesy if nothing else. And I’ve seen how He’s arranged things for you in the past. So what I did wasn’t about faith. It was just a matter of deducing probabilities.”
He shook his head, not agreeing with me, but not pressing it, either. “Charity?”
“She’s fine,” I assured him. “Kids too. Should be back home by now.”
“She and Molly?”
“Reconciled. Well. On polite speaking terms and hugging again, at least.”
His eyebrows shot up, and then his mouth curved into a wide grin. “Glory to God, I wasn’t sure it would ever happen.”
I buffed my nails on my shirt. “Sometimes I amaze even myself.”
Michael smiled at me, then looked over his shoulder again and frowned. “My Molly. Magic. Isn’t that sort of thing passed through bloodlines?”
“Usually,” I said.
“But it doesn’t have to be. Some people are just born with it. We don’t really understand the how and why.”
He shook his head. “But how could I not have realized what was happening to her?”
“I dunno. But if you find out, make sure to tell Charity. She asked me the same question.”
“I suppose we’re all blind to what is closest to us,” he said.
“Human nature,” I agreed.
“Is Molly in danger?” he asked me, his tone frank.
I frowned and thought about it. “Some. She’s got real power. And she’s abused it a little. She’s going to be real tempted to use it again when she starts running into problems that look unsolvable. Not only that, but learning to harness the kind of strength she’s got can be pretty tricky all by itself. But she’s smart and she’s got all kinds of guts. If her teacher keeps from making any stupid mistakes, I think she’ll be all right.”
“But if she isn’t,” Michael said. “If she abuses her power again…”
“Then clemency is revoked. They execute her.”
“And you,” Michael said softly.
I shrugged. “Isn’t like I haven’t lived with that over my head before. As far as the Council is concerned, I’m responsible for her now, until she either makes full wizard or sets her talents aside.”
“Greater love hath no man,” he said quietly. “Nothing I can say would be enough. She’s my daughter, Harry. Thank you.”
I felt my cheeks heat up. “Yeah, yeah. Look, don’t make a big deal out of this. No one will enjoy that.”
He let out a rumbling chuckle. “And this apprenticeship. What will it entail?”
“Lessons. Every day, at first, until I’m sure she’s got herself under control. We’ll have to practice some of it away from anything combustible. Trees, houses, pets, that kind of thing.”
“How long will you need to work with her?”
“Until we’re finished,” I said, waving a vague hand. “I don’t know yet. I’ve never been on this side of an apprenticeship.”
He nodded in acceptance. “Very well.” We rode in silence for a moment. Then he said, “You remember the professional discussion I wanted to have?”
“Yeah,” I said. “Shoot.”
“Fidelacchius,” Michael said. “I was wondering if you found any candidates for a new wielder.”
“Zippo,” I said, frowning. “You think I should be looking?”
“Hard to say. But with only two of us in the field, Sanya and I are getting a little overworked.”
I scratched my chin. “Shiro told me that I would know the wielder. There hasn’t been anything like that. At least, not yet.”
“I’m concerned that it may take more than simply patience,” Michael sighed. “I’ve consulted our records. This is not the first time one of the White Council has been asked to be the custodian of one of the Swords.”
I arched my eyebrows and looked at him. “Seriously?”
He nodded.
“Me and who?”
“Merlin.”
I snorted. “You sure? Because the Merlin is kind of a jerk. Even you would think so, trust me.”
“No, Harry,” Michael said, his tone patient. “Not the Merlin of the Council. Merlin. The original.”
I sat there with my jaw suavely flapping in the breeze for a minute.
Then said, “Wow.” I shook my head. “You think maybe I should find a big rock or something? Stick the sword in and leave it on the White House lawn?”
Michael crossed himself. “Heaven forbid. No. I just have an…” He scrunched up his nose. “An instinct.”
“You mean like when you get sent out on a mission from God?”
“No. I mean a regular old human hunch. I think that perhaps you should investigate the history around how Amoracchius was passed on, back then.”
Said sword now rested at a slant across Michael’s chest, safely in its scabbard, point between the knight’s boots.
“Wow. You mean… that sword right there. Your sword is…” I left it unsaid.
“Probably,” he said, nodding. “Though the Church’s records are fragmented, we’ve managed to establish that the other two Swords have been reworked from time to time, through the years. This one hasn’t.”
“That’s interesting,” I mused quietly. “That’s interesting as he-uh, as heck.”
Michael gave me a faint smile and nodded. “It’s an intriguing mystery, isn’t it?”
“You know what?” I said. “I can do mystery.” I chewed my lip for a minute and said, “But I hope you’re not in a hurry. You may have noticed that the Council is having a busy year. I’ll have time sooner or later, but for now…” I shrugged.
“I know.” He was quiet for a moment, and then said, “But knowing the sword’s history could become important. Sooner is better than later.”
Something odd in his tone made me look at him. “Why?”
His hand moved unconsciously to Amoraccbius’s hilt. “I don’t think I’ll have the sword for much longer.” His voice was very soft.
When the Knights of the Sword retired, they did it feetfirst from the inside of a box.
“Michael?” I asked. “Did the, uh, office send you a memo?” I carefully didn’t say Like they did with Shiro.
“No. Instinct,” he said, and smiled at me. “But I suppose I could be beginning my midlife crisis. But I’m not planning to change the way I live my life, and I certainly have no intention of an early retirement.”
“Good,” I said, though it came out more somber than I’d intended.
“Do you mind if I ask you something personal?” Michael said.
“I’m way too busy to answer rhetorical questions.”
He grinned for a second and nodded. Then he pursed his lips and took his time about choosing his words. “Harry, you’ve avoided me for some time. And you seem… well, somewhat more dour than I’ve seen you before.”
“I wasn’t avoiding you, exactly,” I said.
He regarded me with calm, steady eyes.
“All right,” I said. “Yeah. But I’ve been avoiding most everybody. Don’t take it personally.”
“Is it something I’ve done? Or perhaps someone in my family?”
“Enough with the rhetoric. You know it isn’t.”
He nodded. “Then maybe it’s something you’ve done. Maybe something you should talk about with a friend.”
The fallen angel’s sigil on my left palm throbbed. I started to say “no,” but stopped myself. I drove for another block or two. I should tell him. I really should. Michael was my friend. He deserved my trust and respect. He deserved to know.
But I couldn’t.
Then my mouth started moving, and I realized that what was bothering me the most had nothing to do with coins or fallen angels. “Last Halloween,” I said quietly, “I killed two people.”
He drew in a slow breath and nodded, listening.
“One of them was Cassius. Once he was beaten, I had Mouse break his neck. Another was a necromancer called Corpsetaker. I shot her in the back of the head.” I swallowed. “I murdered them. I’ve never killed, man… not like that. Cold.” I drove a while more. “I have nightmares.”
I heard him sigh. For a moment, his voice was bleak. Pained. “I’ve been in this business longer than you have. I know some of what you’re feeling.”
I didn’t answer him.
“You feel like nothing is ever going to be right again,” he said. “You remember it perfectly, and it won’t leave you alone. You feel like you’re walking around with a sharp rock in your shoe. You feel stained.”
Stupid damned streetlights, getting all blurry like that. I blinked a lot and stayed quiet. My throat was too tight to speak, anyway.
“I know what it’s like,” he said. “There isn’t any way to make it disappear. But it gets better with time and distance.” He studied me for a moment. “If you had it to do again, would you?”
“Twice as hard,” I said at once.
&
nbsp; “Then what you did was a necessity, Harry. It might be painful. It might haunt you. But at the end of the day, so long as you did what you believed right, you’ll be able to live with yourself.”
“Yeah?” I asked, chewing on my lower lip.
“I promise,” he said.
I darted a glance at him. “You don’t… think less of me? Knowing that I’m a murderer?”
“It isn’t my place to judge what you’ve done. I regret that those lives were lost. That their owners never found redemption. I worry for the pain you’ve inflicted on yourself in retrospect. But I don’t for an instant think that you would choose to take a human life unless you absolutely had to.”
“Seriously?”
“I trust you,” Michael said, his voice calm. “I would never have left my family in your protection if I didn’t. You’re a decent man, Harry.”
I exhaled slowly and my shoulders loosened. “Good.” And then, before my brain could get in the way, I added, “I picked up one of the Blackened Denarü, Michael. Lasciel.”
My heart skipped several beats as I made the admission.
I expected shock, horror, outrage, maybe with a side order of contempt.
But instead, Michael nodded. “I know.”
I blinked at him. “You what?”
“I know,” he repeated.
“You know. You knew?”
“Yes. I was taking the trash around the house when Nicodemus’s car went by. I saw the whole thing. I saw you protecting my youngest.”
I chewed on my lip. “And… I mean, you aren’t going to slug me and drag me off to a private suite in the Asylum for Wayward Denarians?”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Michael said. “Remember that the Knights of the Cross were not founded to destroy the Denarians. We were founded to save them from the Fallen. It is therefore my duty to help you in whatever way I can. I can help you discard the coin if that is what you wish to do. It’s best if you choose to do it yourself.”
“I don’t need to discard it, actually,” I said. “I haven’t really taken the coin up. I buried it. Never used it.”
