Joel helped me into the chair that had been meant for him before situating himself between Gretchen and I. There were seven other people at our table, and although we didn't previously know any of them, we all shared non-stop conversation through the whole dinner.
It was easily the nicest meal I had ever been served (and I'd been to some fancy restaurants with my boss), but it was all I could do just to shuffle food around on my plate.
The jazz band struck up again just as dessert was being served. Most people stayed in their seats but a few brave souls started meandering onto the dance floor. After another song or two, at least half of the tables had emptied. Most everyone at our table had already gotten up, but I was still sitting there talking to Joel and Gretchen.
I scanned the crowd and… oh sweet Lord. My gaze passed over him at first, but instantly returned once I registered his face. He was looking at me, or at least it looked like he was. He wasn't smiling. I was barely breathing.
I only allowed myself a second to look at him before I tore my eyes away and pretended to laugh at something Gretchen was saying.
He's here. He's here. He's here. He's here. That's Collin. He saw me. Breathe. Smile. Think. You're a rockstar. You can do it. Hold the smile. Don't look up. But I couldn't help myself. I did look up, and by the time I did he was out of his seat and moving toward me. Look away. Pretend you don’t see him. I felt like I was at the edge of the cliff about to jump off. I looked up again and, sure enough, he was still coming my way. His eyes were trained on me with a look of determination and something else entirely. Fury? I wanted to pass smack dab out.
He had made it about half way to our table when a girl in a red dress rushed to his side. Collin didn't even acknowledge her. He just kept on walking this way, his gaze unwavering.
The girl in red gave a jerk to his arm, which made him turn his attention to her. They stopped just out of earshot, so I couldn't hear what they were saying. A few seconds of whispering, and again Collin turned toward our table, this time his expression was unreadable.
Joel had seen him approach and was standing up to shake his hand. Unable to stop myself, I stood up as well. Joel seemed eager to meet Collin, saying something about always missing each other and what a fan he was. Collin responded to Joel with (what I could tell was) forced cordiality.
Joel turned to introduce me, and I held out my hand to Collin. He took it and held it so tightly, it was as if I jumped off that cliff I'd been teetering on, and he was my only lifeline. Touching his hand was like touching a live wire. An electrical current ran through me, rendering my brain and body useless.
The sounds were muffled and distant, but I could hear Joel saying my name and something about my job description. Collin's eyes were locked on mine, and mine on his. We knew each other. There was no doubt in my mind he remembered me. His stormy blue eyes conveyed so much depth and emotion during those few seconds. It was almost unbearable. He finally let go of my hand, but only after a totally awkward amount of time had passed, I was sure.
Gretchen broke the tense silence with a timely announcement. She stood to her feet and said, "I want to dance. I'm going to find Seth. You guys should come." She was looking at Joel and me.
"Sounds fun," Joel said offering me his elbow. He looked at Collin and added, "I'd like to talk to you some more, but how can I resist this?" Joel was smiling as he said, "I hope you'll stick around so we can have a chance to get to know each other a little bit. I'm a big fan, Mr. Blake."
"Yes sir, I'm not going anywhere," Collin said. He was smiling but I could feel by the subtleties in his tone that it was more of a threat than a promise.
We caught up with Seth, who was more than happy to hit the dance floor with Gretchen. Thankfully Joel was a good dancer and was able to lead me around without much skill on my part. I went through the motions but couldn't help but feel like I was having an out of body experience.
"He's the one I really want," Joel said out of nowhere as we were dancing. "Don't say anything to Seth, but Collin Blake's my number one pick for an endorsement. I've been watching him, and I think he's going to explode at next year's games. It's a gamble of course, but I figure I can't go wrong with a face like his anyway."
I didn't know what to say, but I always weighed in on every little detail with marketing, so I knew I needed to respond.
"He's got a good face. I think he'd be good."
"You okay? You got quiet back there."
"Yeah, no, I'm fine. I think I'm just thirsty."
The song was ending and I thought it'd be a good time for me to get a drink of water and gather my wits in front of a mirror. "I'm going to grab a drink of water and hit the ladies room real quick."
Gretchen, who had finished dancing with Seth, was making her way toward us. I knew she was coming to check on me. Joel spotted her too.
"I'm losing my dance partner," he said, "Perfect timing." He was smiling and extending his hand to her.
I could tell Gretchen was concerned about how I was holding up, so I gave her a reassuring smile and said, "I'm just going to grab a quick drink of water. I'll be right back."
"You sure you don't want me to come with you?"
"No, I'm good." I gave Gretchen a nod, telling her that I was really okay.
The next song was already in full swing so I hurried off the dance floor just as Joel swept Gretchen away for a waltz.
I was halfway to the ladies room when I felt someone grab me by the arm and swing me around. Without hesitation, he pulled me into his strong embrace. His arms encircled me tightly, trapping me against his hard body. I hadn't even seen his face, but I knew who was holding me, and it was the best feeling in the world.
Waves of emotion and excitement coursed through me like a flood that I'd been holding back for three years. I wanted to cry. I wanted to melt into him. I wanted his big arms to hold me like this forever.
He took me by the shoulders, pushing me just far enough away so he could look down at me. His grip on my shoulders was tight and he gave me an urgent shake. I looked up at him, expecting to see some of the relief I was feeling reflected in his face. He didn't look relieved, not the least bit. He wasn't even smiling.
"What the fucking hell were you thinking, Rachel?" His gorgeous face was a mask of hurt and anger.
He shook me again. The grip he had on my shoulders was a little too tight. "You left me. You didn't even stay to hear my side of the story. You left me. Three years, Rachel. Christ, you could've at least heard me out."
He was pulling me now, dragging me to a huge staircase. I went willingly. We rushed up the stairs, both of us struggling to catch our breath by the time we made it to the top.
I noticed some people looking over the balcony onto the main floor, but Collin didn't even glance in that direction. He didn't stop moving until he'd pulled me into a small room and closed the door behind us.
He was leaning against the door he'd just closed. He breathed a few breaths. I could see the rise and fall of his chest. The charge flowing in the air between us was almost palpable. We were alone, and no more than two feet apart, staring into each other's eyes. He took a step toward me, his arm came out and his hand gripped the back of my head. He pulled my hair just hard enough to put my head in the position he wanted. I didn't resist.
He took my mouth. His tongue thrusting into me in a desperate attempt to own me, possess me. Everything else just dissolved into nothingness. There was nothing else on Earth except him and me and the place where our mouths met. Over and over again, he opened his mouth onto mine. The smell and taste of him poured into me, overwhelming me.
He turned me until my back was against the door. He pressed his body on to me. I felt his unrelenting pressure bearing down on the entire length of my body. His hips ground into mine, and I could feel the hard length of him as it pressed against me. His lips hadn't left mine. I felt like we could become one being, just from the connection of our mouths.
Still pinning me against the door, he started hiking up
my dress. I was absentmindedly glad for the high slit, because otherwise, I think he would've just ripped it off of me.
"You're not leaving me again, Rachel." His voice was a raspy whisper.
" I won't." I promised.
"You're mine."
"I-I know," I stuttered.
As he kissed me, his hand found the sensitive flesh at the top of my thigh. I ached so badly for him. The slightest touch was threatening to send me over the edge sexually. I forced my hips toward his hand, encouraging him. This made him groan.
"My God, Rachel, I want to take you right here."
"Why can't you take me right here?" I asked, breathlessly.
"I want to. You have no idea how badly I want to. There are some things we need to talk about, some things we have to straighten out before… I have to make something right first."
I waited for him to continue, to tell me what he needed to set straight, but he just looked at me. I had no idea what he was thinking.
"I know you could have found me. Why didn't you? Why'd you leave like that? You didn't even let me explain." He was talking about the Disney resort like it was something that happened yesterday. A fresh wound that was still sore to touch. I was both ashamed and relieved that it was still so fresh in his mind. It was still fresh in my mind too.
"I thought you had a –"
"I know what you thought. I figured that much out. But it wasn't true, and you left me. You left me over nothing, and for three years… Damn it, why'd you leave?"
I'd contemplated all the possible reactions he would have upon seeing me tonight, but honestly, this one was catching me off-guard. I was speechless. I just looked at him. I must've had enough surprise and regret in my expression to make him take pity on me. He reached out to brush back a lock of hair that had fallen out of place. His touch was ever so gentle, but I could tell he was doing his best to quiet whatever storm still raged inside him.
"We missed a ton of time together." He was holding me by my shoulders again. He gave them a gentle shake. "You and I, we had it Rachel. You shouldn't have doubted me. You should've found me."
"I know, I thought we had it too. I just… that text… I mean… "
He gathered me up and hugged me tight. His chest was vibrating with… laughter?
"I found you. I can't believe it. I thought I'd never see you again."
Just then, someone started banging on the door like they wanted to tear it down. The sound startled me, and I let out a little yelp. The door was closed, but not locked, and it started to open beneath us. Our weight pressing against it was enough to hold the door mostly closed, but the person on the other side was starting to increase the pressure.
Chapter 12
Collin
I held my arms out straight, and lunged my weight against the door. Rachel was pinned between the door and me but my main concern at that point was holding it closed.
"Lock it." I said to her.
"What?"
"Lock it. I'll hold it, you lock it." She reached for the door handle and turned the lock. The force coming from the other direction finally stopped and I was able to relax my stance. Then came another round of relentless banging, followed by a girls voice, Beth's voice.
"Collin I know you're in there. I could see you from downstairs." I ignored her. I was looking at Rachel, trying to gauge her reaction to all this. Rachel ducked under my arm and circled to stand behind me. I turned to face her, running a hand through my hair in a resigned gesture.
"That's what I need to straighten out." I pointed with exasperation to the door behind me. She was shaking the doorknob now, and I knew we didn’t have much time before she would cause a real scene.
"Is that the girl in the red dress? Are you with her?" I could see the fear and doubt in her face, and I felt helpless to make it disappear. I wished I could lie. I wished I could start fresh, just me and Rachel. No more complications.
"It's the girl from downstairs. Her name's Beth."
"And you're with her."
"I'm with her, yes, but it's not—"
"How long?"
"What?"
"How long? How long have you been together?" Oh God, this was going to sound worse than it was.
"About a year, I think," I said, and I could see her expression as it shifted from receptive to closed off. "Rachel, listen to me, it's really important that you hear me. I thought I'd never see you again. I looked for you."
The door was shaking like it may come off it's hinges. You could now hear multiple voices outside. I refused to pay attention to anything except the girl, the now-heartbroken girl in front of me.
"It's the same as last time, Collin. I think we have something really special, something that's meant to be. I get all passionate, I get blinded by it, and then I discover I'm the second girl in your life. I'm not going to be a second, Collin."
"I don't want you to be a second. You never were second three years ago. You aren’t second now. I mean, th-this time's a little different. But I wouldn't even have been with her in the first place if you hadn't left me."
Josh's voice came through the door. "Dude, you probably want to open the door. I think Beth went to go get something to tear it down with."
Then, a girl's voice, one I didn't recognize.
"Rachel, you okay? Why don't you come with me and we'll tell Joel you're not feeling well."
"No." I looked at Rachel, I know she could see how badly I wanted her to stay, but she had already gone cold, I could tell.
"Gretch?" Rachel said.
"Yeah?"
They were talking through the door.
"Who's all out there?"
"It's just me and two other guys. His friends, I guess."
"Where's the girl?"
"I don't know. I think she's coming back, though."
At that, Rachel Coleman looked at me with those beautiful, round, black-brown eyes. They were full of sorrow and regret. Tears were welling up as she said, "I hoped it could work, Collin, and maybe I still do hope it. But, I can't let it go down like this." She pointed to the door, indicating the drama on the other side. "It's too much for me. I'm not going to be part of a scene like this."
I closed my eyes, resigned to the fact that she was right. She didn't deserve to be involved in the chaos that was about to ensue. I didn't think I did either, but I guess there was no getting out of it.
"You have to let me reach you once I get this settled."
"You know my name. You know where I work," she said, and I could see the walls were up.
"Listen, Rachel. It's important that you know my intentions are good. I know it doesn't seem like it, but they are. I've never felt for any—"
I was cut off my more banging on the door.
"Ray, come out now unless you want a run-in with the wild woman. She's headed up the stairs with a manager or something."
Her eyes were full of tears. She was looking at me like she'd never see me again.
"I'm going to make it right. I'm coming for you," I said, but she wasn't even listening anymore. She skirted around me, and reached for the door handle.
The girl on the other side, the redhead who had been on Joel's other arm, was looking down the hall to the right. She took Rachel by the hand and they ran off in the opposite direction. Ethan and Josh had their arms extended to block Beth's way, preventing her from following the other two girls, now headed for an alternate staircase. Beth turned to me with murder in her eyes.
"What the hell, Collin?"
Oh great, now she was starting with the waterworks, only hers weren't hurt tears, they were angry tears. She was seeing red. Fuming.
"Okay, Beth, calm down. Can you come in here so we can talk?"
"Oh, is that what you do in there? Talk to people?"
"Please. Please, Beth. Let's just sit down and talk. Please don't cause a scene."
"I'm not the one who caused a scene, Collin. You are. I'm not the one sneaking off to rooms with other girls. I'm only responding to the scene you
've caused. Who was in there with you and why wouldn't you open the door?"
She crossed her arms indignantly. I noticed a different look flash across her face. The ticked-off mask she was wearing cracked, and I could clearly see the hurt that was underneath. That right there was hard to take in. Yep. That was killing me. Why did this have to be so difficult?
"Please just come in here and talk to me for a second." A few people had stopped in the hallway because of the harsh tones. Nobody had been yelling, but close enough. She noticed the onlookers, and agreed (reluctantly) to follow me into the room. We closed the door and took a seat on the couch.
Ethan and Josh stayed by the door like a couple of bodyguards. They'd be expecting an explanation for all this. I groaned inwardly at the idea of doing anything except getting back to Rachel right now.
"What happened, Collin?" She looked at me like she might actually believe I was going to say something to make it all go away. "You're just gonna tell me she's an old friend and you were just catching up? You better promise me nothing happened up here. Why wouldn't you open the door?"
I haven't even said a word, and she's already forgiving me, I thought. I had to put a stop to it. I couldn't let her say any more. She was still making excuses for me when I cut in.
"Beth. I'm sorry. There's no good way to do this."
Those words were enough to clue her in on the direction the conversation was taking. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no…"
Now she was crying for real. Huge sobs with gasps of air in between. She slowed down enough to wipe her eyes. She pulled her face out of her hands, looked up at me and said, "I forgive you. You don't have to break up with me, because I forgive you. I'm taking you back even if you cheated. It was just a heat of the moment kind of thing. You'll never even see her again."
"No, Beth, I need you to know. I, I knew Rachel before I ever met you. I met her three years ago and I—"
"I don't want to hear stories about how you met her Collin! I just want her to disappear out of our lives."
"That's the thing, though Beth. She's not going to disappear."
Three Years Later Page 8
