by Scott, Lisa
Office Flirts!
5 Romantic Short Stories
by
Lisa Scott
“Office Prank”
“Employee Benefits”
“The Right Man for the Job”
“The Temp”
“Who’s the Boss?”
Smashwords Edition
Copyright © 2013 Lisa Scott Macdonough
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system, without prior written permission of the Author. Your support of author’s rights is appreciated.
All characters in this short story are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
Table of Contents
Office Prank
Employee Benefits
The Right Man for the Job
The Temp
Who’s the Boss?
About the Author
Office Prank
I was blowing up my 360th balloon when Chuck ran into the office. “Jenny, hurry—he’s coming!”
I nodded, finishing the last one. My cheeks hurt so much from filling all those balloons, I probably couldn’t have answered anyway. I tied it off, shoved it in the office, and shut the door. With the blinds closed, Tom wouldn’t discover I’d pranked his new office until he opened the door. I chuckled to myself. A few weeks earlier he’d covered my entire cubicle with tinfoil. He had this coming.
The moment news got out that one of the art directors was leaving, Tom placed a claim on her soon-to-be-empty office. It couldn’t be seen from our boss Jillian’s suite, which was a plus, but unfortunately this meant you also never saw her coming. Tom was willing to take that chance. He was moving his files and bobblehead collection later that afternoon before the new art director starting the next day could nab the office.
I scooted over to the reception desk to pretend I was talking with Joy. She wasn’t as big a prankster as we were, but she enjoyed our antics, sometimes playing a supporting role as needed—so long as there was no threat to her clothing or carefully curled hair.
“Don’t you look cute today?” Her upper lip curled as she surveyed my yoga pants and t-shirt. Joy was nice, except when it came to fashion.
“I’ve been here since five this morning. I dressed for comfort, not style.”
“Isn’t that what you do every day?” Joy always dressed like she was on her way to a fashion show where audience members served as backup should a model faint from hunger and topple off the runway. Joy’s desk faced the modeling agency across the hall, and I think she was convinced they were going to spot her one day and plop her in a makeup ad. Why else would she wear so much of it? I used mascara and sometimes lipgloss if I could find it in my purse. That was a big if.
But she was correct. I dressed for comfort every day. When you’re shaped like an apple, there’s no use spending a fortune on clothing that won’t fit right anyway. Besides, I didn’t need fancy clothes—I had “such a pretty smile.” I’d heard that line dozens of times when people couldn’t think of anything else nice to say. Maybe that’s why I was joking around all the time—to show off my smile. No one ever said, “What a cute belly you have.” But it was my belly, so I loved it. I just needed to find a guy who felt the same way.
I did get lots of compliments on my hair, though. I was probably the only girl in the world with curly hair who didn’t wish it were straight. I loved my long, dark curls. I could thank the women on my mother’s side of the family for that. But they’d been turning out thick-figured women for generations, so they were responsible for that feature, too.
Footsteps sounded in the hall and I bit my lip. Joy was still chatting about hairspray—or maybe it was conditioner, I don’t know—when the door swung open. Tom walked in with a handsome sandy-haired guy. I got that instant tingle that hits when you realize, “Oh yeah, I could do this.”
I didn’t recognize him and figured he must be a client. I was so distracted I forgot about my prank. My prank! My heart quickened. After replacing Chuck’s hand sanitizer with lubricating jelly before an important meeting, I’d discovered clients usually didn’t have a sense of humor.
But I was safe this time. Tom wouldn’t bring the client into his new office—he hadn’t moved his stuff in yet. They’d probably go to the conference room. The balloon prank would have to wait a while. I took a deep breath to calm down. Sometimes I’d fall into a giggle fit, ruining a perfectly good gag. Once, I’d gotten Chaz to cover all the urinals with plastic wrap. But as Chuck headed for the bathroom, I started laughing so hard he knew something was up and quickly discovered the joke. And if Shelby ever sniffed out a prank in the works, it was best to call it off. The girl was incapable of telling a lie.
“Good morning, Tom,” I said.
Tom nodded at us, his thick black eyebrows scrunching together. That’s the face he made when he was trying to look all business-like. Which wasn’t often. “Hello, Jenny. Joy.”
Chuck wandered over to join the group. “Good morning, everyone.” A smile twitched at the corners of his mouth.
I looked at the ground. “Good morning.” My stomach twisted with giddy nerves, and not just because a major joke was waiting in the wings. The guy with Tom was so good-looking. Totally my type—you know, too hot to get. I suppose it was a nod to my self-esteem that I aimed high. Men were like cookies; why settle for the store brand cheapies your mom left on the counter when you knew there were fancy ones in a tin on the top shelf—even if they were hard to get? Those were the ones you really wanted.
Joy set the clipboard on the counter and stood, leaning forward for everyone to share the view of her fake boobs, like they were new babies everyone wanted to see. For twins, they were pretty big. I’m surprised she didn’t throw herself a boobie shower to celebrate the occasion. She probably had wallet-sized photos of them in her purse. Of course, it could be she was showing off her bra and not the girls. It only took a glimpse down her blouse to know that woman dropped some serious cash on lingerie. I suppose if I’d paid thousands for new breasts and lingerie, I’d put them on display as often as possible, too. Otherwise, why buy them?
Most of us were pretty sure Tom had an up-close and very personal look every day. The two of them always left for lunch within minutes of each other and returned around the same time, too. Never together, but pretty darn close. They never admitted to having any kind of relationship, though.
“Can you have your guest sign in, please?” Joy asked Tom, staring at him a beat or two longer than most people would.
“This isn’t my guest,” Tom said. “Everyone, this is Nolan, our new art director.”
Nolan looked at me and stuck out his hand. “Nice to meet you.”
“You, too. I’m Jenny.” I shook his hand, excited by this turn of events. A new hot guy in the office! “I thought you weren’t starting until tomorrow?”
“No, today’s my first day,” Nolan said.
The staff started streaming into the office. My friend, Charlotte, took her seat in the cubicle next to mine, crossed her arms, and smiled. She could tell when a prank was brewing.
Soon, more and more employees milled around, waiting for whatever was about to go down—and to check out the new guy, no doubt.
Gerard, the office manager, bustled over from across the room. “Ah, Nolan. So nice to see you.” They shook hands, and I cringed, wondering what Gerard’s reaction would be to the prank about to unfold in front of the new hire.
“I’m sure Nolan would like to get settled in his office, don’t you think?” Tom
asked Gerard.
“Of course,” Gerard said. “Follow me.” He headed for the room I’d just filled with balloons.
“Wait!” I hurried after them and stood in front of the door. “That’s Tom’s new office.” My heart was in my throat.
Gerard gave me a funny look. “Why would an art director’s office go to a junior executive?” He shook his head dismissively and gestured to the office. “It has an excellent view. I do hope you like it, Nolan.”
Nolan looked at me, clearly waiting for me to scoot my booty out of the way. I stepped aside. Chuck and Tom were laughing before Nolan even opened the door.
“You jerks,” I hissed, as Nolan turned the knob, revealing the shoulder-high barrage of balloons inside.
Nolan’s eyes bulged.
Gerard turned to face us. “Who did this?” A blue balloon floated past his feet. He stomped on it with a loud pop.
Everyone jumped, probably more from Gerard’s anger than the noise of the balloon.
Tom stuck his hands in his pockets while Chuck said, “Gee, I don’t know.”
I looked back at Joy, but she seemed as surprised as me. Guess she wasn’t in on this one.
Rolling my eyes, I held up a hand. “It was me. I was under the impression Tom was moving into this office, and I had a special greeting for him,” I said through clenched teeth. “I’m very sorry, Nolan. I’ll start cleaning this up right now.”
Nolan tried to hold back a laugh. “No problem. I haven’t seen a good prank in a long time. Not since high school.”
I groaned.
“No, it’s a good thing,” he corrected. “I like jokes.”
Red splotches bloomed on Gerard’s face. “This nonsense has to stop.”
“Jillian thinks joking boosts morale,” Tom said.
Chuck tapped the side of his head and nodded. “Creativity, too.”
Gerard’s shoulders drooped. He may be the office manager, but Jillian was the boss. If she liked jokes, the jokes would continue. Just so long as they weren’t on her. I’d been concocting several scenarios involving the signature line on her email, but that was just a fantasy. I’d probably have to settle for something involving sticky notes. Or something sticky. Like gelatin! I snapped my fingers. A Jell-O slip-and-slide out in the hall.
“Clean this up,” Gerard said to me.
I looked at Nolan. “Give me half an hour.”
“I’ll help,” Nolan said.
“I’ll return afterward to give you a proper tour.” Thankfully, Gerard left.
Nolan shrugged and looked around. “Anybody got any pins?”
“Of course.” Joy took out the briefcase from under her desk that held the remedy for any possible fashion emergency and walked over with it. “I have several types of pins. Safety pins, straight pins, hat pins, sewing needles.” She opened the case and set it on a desk in a nearby cubicle. “Help yourself.”
Nolan frowned. “I was hoping snakes would jump out, like from those cans of fake peanuts?”
“I’m not the office clown,” Joy said. “That title goes to Jenny.”
I planted my fists on my hips. “Hey, you brought in a cake frosted with mashed potatoes once.”
“Yeah, but that was just a little trick on April Fool’s Day when everybody plays jokes. You filled the entire break room with cups of water on a random Monday. That took three hours to clean up,” she said.
“It wasn’t random, it was your birthday, remember?”
“Even worse,” she said.
I crossed my arms. “Fine. No more jokes.”
Tom and Chuck laughed. “Yeah, right.”
I tipped my chin in the air. No one appreciated my efforts around here. Plus, I was embarrassed in front of Nolan. How many guys want to date the office clown? No one’s ever written an online dating profile stating: Jokers encouraged to respond. “I mean it. This is my last prank.”
Shelby joined the group and laughed. “No way. You love the attention too much. I bet there’s a court jester somewhere in your family tree.”
I was too upset to formulate a comeback. I was more than just the funny girl around here, wasn’t I?
While everyone laughed along with Shelby, Nolan handed me a pin. “Ready to make some noise?”
I took the pin and we went into his office. He looked around, smiling. “I’m impressed. This took a long time and a lot of lung power.”
“A few months ago, Tom tinfoiled my office, so I owed him. But clearly he knows me well. I was an easy set up.”
“I’m sorry to hear you won’t be pulling any more stunts. It would be fun to be on the receiving end of one for real.”
I popped a balloon. “Well, it’s not like I do this kind of thing all the time.” Maybe once a week… “And I suppose it’s time to knock it off. Jillian will lose her patience with us soon enough. Frankly, I’m glad she’s not here right now. I’m not sure how she’d take this one, especially if she had to listen to all this noise while nursing a hangover.” I popped a few more balloons. “That happens a few times a week.”
Nolan popped several more, too, as we worked our way into the room. “Where is she?”
“I’m not sure. She’s out a lot. That’s one good thing about working here.”
“That is a plus—an absent boss. Any other good things?”
I thought for a moment. It really was a great place to work. “We have a kick-ass holiday party. Sometimes, we have happy hour right here. People bring sleeping bags and spend the night.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah. And we have a cake for everyone’s birthday. When Jillian’s feeling generous, she has catered lunches for us. But that usually corresponds with the status of her love life. Oh, and there’s constant wagering over anything, and we have an office lottery pool. So far it’s just me, Joy, and Chaz the janitor, but we’re always looking for new members. Hey, you never know, right?”
“Right. I’m in. Now, what are the bad things here? Be honest.”
I thought for a moment. “Gerard.” I wrinkled my nose. “He’s the bad thing about working here.”
He laughed. It was a deep hearty laugh, the kind you couldn’t hear often enough.
Pop, pop, pop went the balloons, like a room full of backfiring cars.
Nolan rubbed a balloon across the top of his hair, making it stand on end. “I always loved doing that.”
I copied him. “Should this be my new style?”
He cocked his head and tapped a finger against his nose. “It’s so wonderful, I’d save it for special occasions.”
I laughed and popped the balloon.
“So, you like it here?” Nolan asked.
“I do. Good people for the most part, lots of freedom to do your work. I don’t particularly enjoy working across the hall from a modeling agency. But there is a to-die-for bakery down the street, so that makes up for it. As you can see, I get there a few times a week.” I gestured to my not-so-svelte figure. I’d made peace with my weight a while ago, but couldn’t help cracking jokes about it before other people could beat me to it.
But I didn’t hear Nolan’s alluring laughter in response. People usually chuckled when I poked fun at my weight. He waggled his eyebrows instead. “You must take me to this bakery next time you go. I’ve been known to eat cake for dinner.” He grinned at me and popped another balloon.
Please stop being more perfect by the minute, I thought. “Let’s go later today. My treat to apologize for this.”
“I’d love to. But no need for an apology. You’re already getting me out of work. I owe you.”
We spent another ten minutes popping balloons until they were almost gone. Nolan grabbed a yellow one. “I’m going to keep this one. See how long it takes to run out of air.” He taped it onto the wall by his computer, then stepped back and looked at it. “It’s a tiny sun.” He stuck post-it notes around the perimeter of it like they were sunrays.
Handsome and creative. Swoon. “Oh!” My eyebrows shot up. “You’re going to want t
o see Joy about some new pens.” I grabbed one out of the penholder on his desk and handed it to him. “I glued the tops onto half of them, and I dipped the tips on the other half in clear nail polish so they won’t write.” I wrinkled my nose.
Nolan laughed and took one from me. Our fingers touched and a shock passed between us.
“Ow!” I said, shaking my hand.
“That was quite a spark,” Nolan said.
“I have that effect on all the boys,” I replied.
“I’m sure you do.”
Was the new guy a flirt? That could be fun. As long as I was his only target. Blushing, I reached for the mouse by his computer. “And let’s get the tape off this so it doesn’t block the laser. Poor Tristan in IT is not amused with us. Chuck does so many stupid things to my computer, and I never know how to fix it. Come to think of it, Tristan should be thanking us for job security.” I peeled the strip of tape off the bottom of the mouse.
Nolan crossed his arms and smiled. “Is that it?”
“Other than picking up the hundreds of balloon corpses, my job here is just about done.” I dropped to my hands and knees and scooped up the shriveled pieces of latex that lay like giant confetti around the office.
Nolan joined me. “So, what do you do at the agency?”
“Besides torment my coworkers as needed? I’m a copywriter.”
Sitting on the floor crossing his legs, he grinned. “Cool. We’ll be working together.” He looked like a little kid waiting for a story.
“There are three female copywriters here. I have a feeling there will be fights over who gets to work with you.” I snatched the last of the balloon fragments.
Nolan pulled over his garbage can. “I hope you win.”
His smile hit me square in the heart. I dumped the balloons and stood, brushing my hands together. “I have to go kill Tom and Chuck right now, but when I’m done disposing of their bodies, I’ll stop by for lunch. Noonish sound good?”
“Can’t wait.”
***
Tom and Chuck were smart enough to hide somewhere in the building pretending to work. I wished I hadn’t been so hasty to call off all future pranks. They really had one coming. But it was probably a good idea to play it cool for a while. Didn’t want Nolan to think I was a total loon.
