by Ann, Becca
At least she doesn’t give me shit about doing what guys should be doing.
“Okay,” I say as I strap on my seat belt and turn the key. “I… uh…” Brain fart. I know I was planning on saying something, but can’t think of it. I retrace my thought pattern as I look at Hayley, but nothing comes to me.
She laughs and flips through the preset stations, ignoring another one of my idiot moments. “No pop. I promise.”
There’s no conversation between her house and the library. She sings though, to every song that comes on. But I don’t care ‘cause her voice is kind of hot. All right, not kind of. Really hot. And it’s taking my mind off Quynn.
I’ve been to this library once before, with Lily—the make-out partner—and not a whole lot of studying went on. So I didn’t really notice how the shelves were set up, or the study tables, or the computers, but I notice now. How can a library be so busy, but look empty at the same time? The computers are all taken, and there are several people sprawled out on couches and bean bag chairs. But there is no one searching the shelves for something to read.
I think they need to rename the place.
Hayley beelines it to the back of the Non-Fiction section, curling up on a couch near some floor to ceiling windows. It’s dead to the world back here.
I sit, making sure I don’t touch her, and my entire body freezes.
What am I doing?
“It’s okay to be nervous.” Hayley smiles and tucks her knees closer to her body and rests her chin on them. “It’s hard to ask for help, especially when it comes to stuff like this.”
“I’m tryin’ to decide if I want to change my mind.”
She nods. “Well, I have references.” She chuckles, and I sort-of laugh.
“It’s not that. This is awkward. Makes me feel like I’m twelve.”
“When you used to ask your buddies to see if a girl liked you or not?”
“Yeah.”
“Hmm…” She prods her toes with her forefinger and clacks her teeth. I resist asking her what she’s thinkin’ about.
“Well, would it be easier for you if I just talked? I’ll try not to ask any questions, but give you a run-down of what I think would work in your case.”
It’s like I’m hiring her to be a matchmaker.
Duh, Brody. That’s exactly what you’re doing.
I nod unable to come up with anything to say, since my brain is split in two. Quynn… definitely worth this humiliation. But still, it’s not exactly how I want to go about it.
“I think the first thing we need to do is make her see you as a guy. Not her ex-boyfriend’s brother, but as an available, single, guy.”
Yeah, good luck with that.
My skepticism must be transparent ‘cause she shakes her head, and her voice lowers an octave. “It’s not as hard as you think. In fact, easy steps will help.”
“Example?”
“For one, you need to call her by her name. Girls love the way their name sounds in a guy’s voice.”
She’s a freakin’ genius. But I wonder if Quynn’ll like the sound of her name bein’ said in a shaky voice.
“Gotcha.”
Hayley smiles and relaxes. Guess she’s as nervous as I am with the conversation. Mental note: be enthusiastic about her suggestions.
“Speaking of names, you also can’t refer to your mom as Mom. That makes it sound like she’s her mom too, you know?”
“Good point.” I don’t want her to think of me as a little brother still. “Should I just use my mom’s first name?”
“If you want. ‘My mom’ works fine too.”
I nod, mentally putting it on my checklist of ‘stuff I should not say’.
“And you might not want to mention the unspeakable.” Her lips pull back as she smiles, revealing her white teeth. I’m surprised a spark doesn’t twinkle like on those toothpaste commercials.
“Um… Unspeakable?”
She rolls her hand in the air, like she’s waitin’ for me to read her mind. When I don’t say anything, she drops her hand and chuckles under her breath. “Your brother.”
Duh. “Oh, right.”
“Should I be writing this down for you?”
I give her a face and slouch back into the couch, finally feeling comfortable with the awkwardness. “No ‘hey you’s’, Mom, or Gabe,” I say with an arrogant grin. I’m payin’ attention.
“Ah! A good listener. Something every girl wants in a guy. You keep up the good work.”
We laugh together, and I have the sudden urge to slide closer to her. I keep my head though… and my distance.
“How do you know all this stuff about my brother and Quynn?”
She shrugs. “I’m observant. It’s not like it’s a big secret that Gabe pumped it into another girl while he was going out with the hottest girl in our school. That stuff gets around, even though Gabe already graduated.”
I nod, hopin’ that my obsession isn’t as well known as everythin’ else about this.
“So, can I be embarrassingly honest?” she asks, cocking her head to the side and looking me straight in the eye.
“I hope you’ll always be honest with me.” Yeah, that was gag-worthy. Don’t know what’s wrong with me when I’m around her.
Her face turns pink and her eyes dart to the floor. “Well, I… uh, have like, noticed you for a while. Like how cool you are and crap, so my one major tip would be to be yourself, and not get so nervous around her.”
I know there was a helpful bit of advice somewhere in there, but all I can think about is how Hayley has ‘noticed’ me. ‘For a while’. Huh.
“So, like what kind of cool crap are you talkin’ about?” I grin and throw my arm on the back of the couch. Am I flirting? Nah, just being friendly and curious. But her gaze at my position makes me reconsider the movement. I can’t shift back right now without lookin’ like a moron.
“Lots of stuff.” She shrugs.
“Well…” I start, moving again so it doesn’t look like I’m hitting on her. “If you want me to keep doin’ that ‘cool’ shit, I kind of need to know what it is.”
A tiny cringe goes across her face, and then it’s gone. What did I just say? And why does she keep doing that? I couldn’t have imagined it… three times now?
Then it hits me.
Shit.
I mean…
“Sorry, you don’t like it when I swear, do you?”
Her face goes from pink to dark red so fast, you’d think she was on fire from the inside out. “Um…”
“It’s okay. I’ll try not to, if it bothers you.”
She looks at me dumbfounded. “Really? You don’t think I’m a major loser for that stuff buggin’ me?”
Loser? Hell—heck—she had standards. There’s nothing loserish about that.
“Not at all.”
The shock disappears from her face and she half smiles. Her big ol’ eyes glisten like I’ve just made her day.
My stomach twists.
“Well, I guess that answers your question,” she says.
“What question?”
“That right there is what’s so cool about you.”
I raise an eyebrow. My brain must be running on slow motion today.
She giggles and pushes my leg—voluntarily touching me.
Stomach twists again.
“You accept people for who they are.” She smiles wide again. “Quynn will not know what hit her.”
Reason 6: You give the best hugs
I don’t think I’ve ever been so nervous and confident all at once. Hayley and I spent the entire afternoon going over the ‘simple’ things I could do to help Quynn see me as something other than her adopted brother.
I’m skeptical. Okay, that’s an understatement. There is no way this stuff is going to change anythin’, though it makes sense. It’s just not enough. Don’t girls like big elaborate stuff?
When I asked Hayley, she shook her head like I was askin’ if Santa existed. “Small and simple thin
gs are the most effective. Trust me.”
Trust her. She seems to know what she’s doing, but still. I want to bolt out the ASL classroom when Quynn walks in.
“All right.” Ms. Stevens says from her desk. “No talking today, strictly signing. Turn to your partners, and go at it.”
A few kids stifle their laughter, dirty minds at work. I roll my eyes and they land on Hayley, who’s also stifling giggles. Great, now my face is red.
So, what should we talk about today? I sign, trying not to picture me and her ‘going at it’.
I don’t care. You pick.
I glance at Quynn who slides into her chair with a loud huff and slams her book on the desk.
Yikes. Hayley signs as she follows my gaze. She looks pretty pissed.
I nod, and force myself to look at Hayley and what she’s signing.
I know this is going to sound awful, but this is a good opportunity for you today.
What do you mean?
She smiles and waves me in close. That wave of mint chocolate soaks my nostrils, and I slurp back my drool.
You can…
The rest is way too fast for me to catch. I smile and stop her hands with mine, and mouth, “Slow, please!”
She gives me a ‘yikes! I’m sorry’ look, then goes much slower with her signs, keeping her fingers close to mine.
You can talk to her after class. See if she’ll open up to you.
What am I supposed to say? I’ve never been good with comforting people. Better at making ‘em laugh instead.
I don’t know…
Come on, Brody. You’ll be fine. You talk to her all the time. And trust me, girls who are that mad, just want to tell someone to get it off their chest.
I look at Quynn again. She’s tryin’ to sign to her partner, but it looks like she’s holding back tears. I hate seeing her like that. All I want to do is hold her.
Yeah, I guess you’re right.
“Uh, Quynn?” Using the name. We’re alone in the classroom again, everyone boltin’ home.
“Hmm?” She doesn’t look up from her book, her eyes watery and a little red.
“A-are you okay?” Dude, I’m so bad at this. Already my palms sweat rivers.
A puff of air escapes her mouth, blowing her bangs away from her face. “No. Not really.”
What do I say now? I glance at the door. Hayley peeks through the window, sticks two fingers toward her eyes then out at Quynn. Clearly a ‘Focus, Brody!’ motion.
My eyes flash back to Quynn. She’s got her hand over her face, and she’s doing some kind of meditative breathing.
“Can I… Do you mind if I ask what happened?”
She drops her hand, finally lookin’ me in the eyes. Her mouth opens and closes a couple times. I wait. Not goin’ to push her if she doesn’t want to be pushed.
“Did… did you know G-Gabe is living with… with Nicole?” A fresh wave of tears and hurt rise in her eyes.
Shit.
“Oh dude, I’m sorry.” How can I make this okay? I’m not supposed to talk about douchebag brother. “But yeah, I found out the other day. I should’ve told you.”
“No.” She shakes her head, a tear finally making its way down her cheek. “It’s not your fault I found out the way I did.”
“Uh, how did you?” Was that too nosy?
Her mouth twitches at the corner, as if the whole thing is somewhat funny. “You’re going to think I’m pathetic.”
Doubtful. “I don’t think I’ll ever think that about you.” Whoa, layin’ on the cheese, but I don’t care. I’m bein’ honest.
She half smiles. “Well, I drive by his apartment sometimes. I don’t know why I do it, but I find myself down that street a lot.”
“That’s not pathetic.” ‘Cause it’s not. I do the same thing to… uh, other people. “You saw her there?”
She nods, her mouth back down in a frown.
“Hey,” I say, squatting down next her desk so we’re kind of eye to eye, “it’s goin’ to be hard for a little while. But it’ll be okay. I promise.”
I know that’s so generic, but I mean it. When someone cheats on you, it’s goin’ to hurt like hell for a long time, probably the rest of your life.
She nods, and her breath hitches.
This is the part where I should touch her, hug her, or squeeze her hand or somethin’, but I can’t. I’m too nervous to do any of that.
Her eyes tear up, and she reaches out and pats my hand. Guess she’s ballsy enough to touch me. “Thank you, Bro.”
I nod and give her a dorky half smile as I stand upright. “Uh, no problem. Let me know if you need me. Even if it’s just to talk or whatever.”
Her eyes flick to the door, and I follow her gaze. Either Hayley left or she’s lightning quick ducking down ‘cause there’s no one in sight.
Before I have the chance to look back at Quynn, she’s in my arms, holding tight to my neck and squeezing like she hasn’t hugged another human being her whole life and she’s been dying to.
She’s never touched me like this. Always been those playful touches that didn’t mean anythin’. And I’m tryin’ to feel somethin’ about this that makes it feel different than any other time she’s touched me, but I can’t even hug her back before she jumps away. Her face looks as hot as mine feels.
“Um, thanks again, Bro.”
“Uh…” Think Brody. Find words to say. “Y-your welcome.”
A sigh of relief explodes from her lips before they upturn into a smile. “Okay, well, I’ve got to head home. Thanks for listening.”
“Uh huh.”
She goes out the door, and I should’ve followed her. Should’ve walked her outside to her car. But I’m frozen in place. Not sure what to think about what just happened. ‘Cause if I’m bein’ honest, it wasn’t as big a deal as I thought it would be.
“So…?” Hayley asks, falling in step with me as we walk down the hallway.
I shrug, still stunned about the unexpected hug. The hug that should’ve felt different, but didn’t. Where did it come from anyway? I didn’t do anything really.
“Come on. Tell me. It couldn’t have been that bad.”
“It wasn’t bad.” I scratch the back of my neck. “Just surprising.” And weird.
Hayley stops and yanks my arm back. “Explain,” she says with a wide smile on her face.
“Later,” I whisper, leaning in and pointing to all the surrounding people.
She nods and zips her lips, but it doesn’t wipe away the smile. My stomach twists a little bit.
“Library today?” she asks.
“How about now? Or do you have to go home first?” Why am I so anxious? I guess I could wait to talk to her about it, but in all honesty, I kind of want to spend time with her. She knows how to relax a situation. And everything in my system is so tense, I’m goin’ to need someone to calm me down.
“I just want to drop off my bag. That okay?”
“Sure, I’m parked out this way.” I gesture to the doors down the hall.
When we get to the Corsica, I open the door for her before getting behind the wheel. She’s bouncing up and down in the seat.
“Tell me now!”
I laugh and shake my head as I start the car. “It’s really nothing, Hayles.” It’s out before I realize I said it—a nickname. But it fits her. If she’s not going to say anything about it, that’s what I’m goin’ to call her.
“Nothing, really?” She cocks an eyebrow. “You look like you swallowed a gallon of way hot coffee.”
Hayles it is, I guess. “I just talked to her. She was upset about my brother. I know, I know, I wasn’t supposed to talk about him, but she brought him up.”
“Okay…” She keeps leaning toward me. Dude, she smells real good. I think all girls do. Must be something in their genetic make-up.
“And she hugged me.”
She smiles. A big huge one that stretches across her entire face. It’s her smile, I’m realizin’. “Has she ever hugged you befo
re?”
I shake my head. “Not like that, no.”
“EEEP!”
Her exclamation makes me jump in my seat. “You okay there?” I laugh.
“Oh my flying monkeys, this is real good. Small things bring big results. You must’ve said some serious cheesy crap to make her hug you the way she did. Not that I’m surprised of course.”
She talks so fast my mind has to catch up with her.
“Okay, first off… flying monkeys?” I laugh, and she grimaces. “And second, you think it’s ‘cause I spewed a bunch of sonnets or something?”
She giggles and rolls her eyes. “No. I’m saying you were probably very comforting. So comforting she let her guard down, even if it was just for a second.” She pauses as I pull in her driveway. “I told you, you’re closer than you think, with her.”
Yeah, I guess I am. Either that or Quynn was giving me a ‘friend’ hug. Maybe that’s why it didn’t feel like more. But I don’t want to think about it that way. It happened too fast for me to overanalyze it.
Hayley sighs before hookin’ her bag over her shoulder. Before she can freak out on me, I jump out of the car and open the door for her.
“Thanks, but I’ll be real quick. Wait here?”
I nod. No point in arguing. That and death-stare mom is looking out the window at us.
Hayley jogs into her house and the drapes swing shut. Some muffled shouting rumbles the window, but is soon covered up by dog barks.
Whoa. What is going on? I kind of want to knock on the door and see if Hayley is all right, but something tells me that would piss her off.
A few minutes later, Hayley comes running out, the dog still yappin’ its mouth off behind the door she slams in its face.
“Uh, hey. I’ve got some stuff I gotta do here,” she says forcing a smile. Not one of her smiles. Her face is a bit splotchy, her eyes puffy red. “Can I take a rain check?”
“Are you okay?” No way am I goin’ to ignore this.
She nods, her fake smile getting wider. “I’m fine. Just have to do some laundry and stuff I promised my mom I would. No big deal.”
I study her face. Her smile usually goes to her eyes when she’s happy. I’ve noticed, and that’s one of the best things about her. But now it’s flat.
