“Oh, I was under the impression you’d be expecting this call. Maybe it was supposed to be a surprise instead?”
I rub my hand over my face and run my fingers through my hair. Even though I was a complete douche, Ashtyn still cared enough for me to want me to achieve my dreams. I can’t believe I fucked things up with her so badly. “Yeah, maybe.”
“Well, listen, I’d love to get together with you and the guys for a meeting.”
“A meeting?”
He lets out a low chuckle and says, “Yeah. I’d love to listen to more of your songs and find out what direction you want to take your band.”
This whole thing couldn’t be coming at a worse time than now. No way I’m in the right mindset for something like this. Besides, the dude says he is from Portland.
“Thanks for the offer but you’re up in Portland. I don’t think that will work for us right now.”
“Don’t even worry about it. Audrey already told me we can use the studio down there. It’s just a meeting.”
I try to play it cool and act like what he just said isn’t affecting me. “Yeah, a meeting sounds good. Ultimately, any decisions that need to be made will be made as a band. The guys won’t have a problem with finding out what you have to say, though.”
“I’m going to be in the area at the end of the month. Why don’t I talk to Audrey and figure out what day works best for us to use the studio. Then I can email you the details.”
I give him my email address and we end the call with a plan to meet at the end of the month. I stare down at the phone in my hand, still in shock. It sucks that the one person I want to call and share my news with is the one person I can’t. I go for the next best thing instead.
Flynn: Are u and Hudson home? I’m heading to your house now
Jax: Whats up?
Flynn: Tell you when I get there
I go out to the living room and find Jude sitting on the floor playing a video game. Since he moved in, half the time I never even know he’s here. The guy is so quiet it’s like I never got a roommate. Which is perfectly fine with me because I like living alone.
“Hey, we’re heading over to Jax and Hudson’s place. I have some news for you guys.”
“Okay, what’s going on?”
“I’m going to tell you all at the same time.”
The guys will be over the moon with this news. We’ve been killing ourselves working toward something like this but I don’t know if I should have been so quick to agree to this meeting. My first instinct was to turn it down but when he said he was coming here, it piqued my curiosity.
I should have talked to the guys before agreeing to something like this. And Ashtyn’s mom getting us this meeting, that doesn’t sit right with me. I can’t go through with something like this knowing Ashtyn is mad at me. It would be like I’m using her. I’ll just have to talk it through with the guys and figure out what they want.
Jax will just call me a pussy and tell me to suck it up. I need to put the band first before my own shit. This is about all of us and our futures, not just me. Ultimately, it has to be a group decision. I know they’ll outvote me though. Even with my insecurities, there’s no way they’d say no.
As Jude drives away, I hop on my bike. Before I head over, I send a few more texts to Ashtyn.
Flynn: I made a mistake
Flynn: Ashtyn
Flynn: I know you’re reading all of these
I’m hoping one day she’ll finally break down and talk to me. Maybe if she just gave me the chance to explain things to her she would understand.
I don’t even know why I lied to her to begin with. She made her opinion about liars obvious, especially after all the shit that went down between her and her family this summer. Honestly, it wasn’t even worth it to keep my past from her. Not when I lost her in the process. That was the last thing I wanted to happen.
Not waiting for a reply that isn’t going to come, I hop on my bike and head over to the guys. I always enjoy this ride. I can just enjoy the scenery and get lost in everything around me as opposed to getting lost in my own head. I like to spend as much time as possible outside of my head.
Pulling into the driveway, all of the familiar cars are here and I’m happy everyone is waiting. I figured Jax would follow through, especially with the cryptic text I sent him.
All eyes are on me when I walk in. Their eyes are bright with excitement and confusion. Jax, of course, is the first to speak up. “What the fuck is going on, Flynn? Just spit out.”
“Well I was about to before you so rudely interrupted me. I just got off the phone with Oliver Morris before I came over here. He owns an indie label up in Portland, and he wants to meet with us at the end of the month. I guess he’s going to be in the area.”
The guys suddenly change into teenage girls. There’s a lot of jumping up and down and yelling going on. They’re all excited, and they aren’t going to like what I have to say. Once they finally calm down, I get my final thoughts in before anyone else has anything to say.
“Guys, before we get all excited, I just wanted to say something first. Some shit went down between Ashtyn and I at the party a few weeks ago.”
“Why are you bringing down the party? What does that have to do with any of this?”
“Her mom arranged this meeting, Jax. I’m guessing that means she doesn’t know about what happened between us. I don’t know if it’s the best idea to take the meeting knowing that. It isn’t sitting right with me.”
“Seriously, Flynn? That’s a bullshit response. What happened between you and Ashtyn, anyways? You were all lovey-dovey before and now all of a sudden you aren’t talking?”
“Jax, it doesn’t matter what happened between us. That’s not the point. The point is that shit went down, and I wanted you guys to have all of the info before we make any kind of decision.”
“Well, now we have the info. Why don’t we just take a vote and that will settle shit up.” He looks at the other two and me and we all nod in agreement. “Okay, all in favor of going to this meeting?” Jax, Hudson, and Jude all raise their hands. “And all in favor of not going.” Of course, I’m the only one who raises my hand. “Well, Flynn, it looks like we’re going to this meeting after all. Remember, we voted on this and it was a majority decision.”
I nod my head. “I know, Jax. I’m not going to screw anything up for us. Besides, it’s just a meeting. We’ll go, see what this guy has to offer us, and vote again. This may or may not be the right thing for us.”
The guys all agree and we have a mini practice session while we’re all together. We’re all buzzing with energy and sound amazing. I knew that this was going to be our year, I just didn’t know how. Too bad I royally fucked things up. I’m not sure how happy you can be about making your dreams come true if you don’t have someone to share it with.
Chapter 11
Ashtyn
“Do you want to lay by the pool again today? Or do some more binge-watching on Netflix? Or, you know, we could actually get out and do something, for a change. Don’t get me wrong—I love you, girl—but we can’t hide out forever.”
Chloe’s voice is dripping with sarcasm, and I know this is not the vacation she signed up for. In my defense, it isn’t the vacation I signed up for either.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Chloe. I’m not hiding.”
“Then what are you doing?”
“I’m spending my summer doing exactly what I figured I’d be doing when I came here. There isn’t anything in this town worth doing.”
“I wish I would have known that when you asked me to come. At least in Kansas I would have been spending time with some hot cowboys or farmers or something.”
“You act like you’ve been holed up in here with me this whole time. How many times have you hung out with Jax since you got here? What’s going on with you two, anyways?”
My phone buzzes again. I’ve stopped counting all of the texts and phone calls from Flynn. They’re pretty m
uch of the same variety.
Flynn: Please talk to me
Flynn: It’s not what u think
Flynn: I’m sorry
Flynn: At least let me explain
Flynn: I made a mistake
Flynn: Ashtyn
Flynn: I know you’re reading all of these
And of the course the most recent one which is like a giant punch straight to the gut.
Flynn: I miss you
I hate how much I’m missing him but he lied to me. I’ve had enough lies this summer, and I don’t care what his reasons were. I made it pretty clear what my opinion is on liars and he did it anyway. If he thinks I can just forgive him or that I even want to see him, then he has another thing coming. I will tell you one thing, I could use a little “Therapy” from Alex Gaskarth right about now.
“There’s nothing going on with Jax, we’re just having fun.”
“Just having fun? Is that code for lots of sex with no strings attached?”
“It’s not code for anything.”
I just nod my head. If she doesn’t want me knowing what’s going on between her and Jax, then that’s her problem. My brain is too focused on my broken heart to even have the energy to get it out of her. If she wants me to know, she’ll tell me, eventually.
“You can spend another week lounging around and pouting like All Time Low broke up, but I’m going to get out and explore this little town. It’s not California, but I still want to do something fun. Either suck it up and talk to Flynn or forget about him. If you don’t want a summer from hell, then get out of your funk. Oooh, and maybe take a shower while you’re at it because you smell like funk too.”
I know she’s just trying to get a rise out of me because if there’s one thing I haven’t stopped doing, it’s showering. Although, she’s right. This was supposed to be a fun and casual thing with Flynn, and I’m acting like he broke my heart. Which he did, but she doesn’t need to know that.
I throw my pillow at Chloe and she takes off running with her cackles echoing through the house. Instead of chasing after her, I plug my phone into my speakers and blast my summer from hell playlist. “The Weight of Lies” by The Avett Brothers comes blasting through and it’s rather fitting for the current situation. I’m dancing around hunting for clothes when the song shuts off.
“No, no, no. We need something peppier so I can dance.”
She switches it to “Baba O’Reilly” by The Who, and I can’t complain one bit. Grabbing my hairbrush, she jumps up onto my bed and we perform a mini concert right there in the middle of my room. It’s been way too long since I’ve had some fun, and I’m intent on turning this summer around. Or at least faking it.
The song ends and we drop down laughing and trying to catch our breath. I’m contemplating what we should do next when it comes to me. She wants to get out of the house and have some fun, and that’s what she’s going to get.
“Okay, let’s get dressed and go explore this miserable town. Nobody knows us here so we can do anything we want and not care.”
“That’s the spirit. Let’s get the hell out of here then. Do you have any ideas?”
“Oh, I’m sure I can come up with something.”
Maybe she won’t be so eager to force me out of the house next time.
***
“You bitch! You knew didn’t you?”
I’m laughing so hard that all I can do is nod my head. Chloe can’t help but laugh right along with me. She fell for the same thing I did my first night here. I cringe just thinking about that taste again.
I really am a bitch.
“Sorry, I had to do it. It’s like initiation here or something. The first night I got here and hung out with Flynn, he did the same thing to me. So trust me I’ve been there.”
At the mention of his name, I find myself crawling back into that black hole. I don’t know how I can be affected this deeply after such a short period of time. I find myself scanning the park, hoping to catch a glimpse of him. My heart and my head are playing the worst game of tug-o-war.
I don’t even know why I brought Chloe here. All it’s doing is reminding me of that first night with Flynn. All of the laughing, how it felt with his arms wrapped around me, and the sex we almost had right up against this very fountain.
Ugh, this was a horrible mistake.
“Hello. Ashtyn, did you hear me?”
Shaking my head, I answer, “What? Sorry. What did you say?”
“I asked you what do you want to do next? There has to be more to do in this town than just trick me into drinking that foul tasting water.”
“Um, I honestly don’t know. Why don’t we just walk around? Maybe something or someone will catch our eye.”
Of course, as soon as I say that, I spot the guys from Flynn’s band. Luckily, he isn’t with them but still, they’re his friends. Before I can turn us around, Chloe spots them as well, and starts heading their way. I can’t be mad at her since she doesn’t know anyone else here besides me. Grudgingly, I follow behind her. The typical greetings go around and then it gets awkwardly quiet.
I think Jax would rather hear himself talk rather than endure an awkward silence. He and Chloe have more in common than I originally thought. Maybe something could actually happen between them besides the usual hookups that Chloe’s used to. Jax is totally the type to only have hookups as well.
Jax asks, “Ashtyn, babe, what did you do to Flynn? The guy is gutted. He’s been all mopey and worse than he was before he met you. Before he had the total angst factor going but now he’s just a tragedy.”
Now I’m pissed. Who is he to claim victim here? We’re broken because of his lying. I did nothing wrong except try to protect my heart from breaking even more. Flynn has the ability to crush me and if I’d been with him longer, he would have completely broken me. I’m the one that’s allowed to be mopey and depressed.
Not him.
He did this.
Instead of letting out a full-on rant, I just stare Jax right in the eye and give him the only thing I can.
“If you want to know what happened you need to talk to Flynn. Trust me when I say he’s not the victim here. He broke us. Not me.”
Always my protector, Chloe jumps in to save the day. “Jax, just stay out of it. Your friend is a douchebag and a liar.”
Throwing his hands up in surrender. “Whoa, there. I was just asking a question. Flynn won’t tell us anything so I don’t know what’s going on. Forget I even said anything.”
I’m still pissed that he felt the need to say anything in the first place, but I get it. I’m an outsider here and he’s obviously trying to protect his friend. Even if he is an asshole, I’m glad Flynn has good friends like that. Since Flynn isn’t say anything, I bet the guys aren’t in on his secret either.
It appears I’m not the only person Flynn has been lying to. I don’t know what his reasoning is but I’m not going to be the one to tell his secret. Even though I’m mad at him, I’m not a big enough bitch to cause drama between him and the band. I know it’s his life and the band means everything to him. That would just be a shit move and I’m not that kind of person.
Trying to smooth things over, Hudson pipes in, “You have to forgive my brother. He must have been dropped on his head a lot as a kid. Either that or he was adopted. He’s a few years older than me, so that’s possible.”
Hudson and Jax are like night and day. You’d never know they’re brothers. When they stand next to each other, though, it’s impossible not to see the family resemblance. It’s obvious Hudson is the one that keeps Jax in check, and I’m sure his mouth gets him in lots of trouble when he’s by himself.
I wave him off. I may have overreacted just a bit. It’s none of his business but I know if Chloe didn’t know what was going on, she would be bugging me like crazy too.
“I shouldn’t have gotten so bitchy, but seriously, if you want to know you’ll have to talk to Flynn. If he isn’t telling you guys, then he must have a reason. I’m not going to g
et in the middle and cause any band drama.”
Jax never stays quiet for long and true to his MO, he pipes in, “Well for your sake, I hope Flynn fixes whatever is going on. For our sake, I hope he fixes it.”
What does my relationship with Flynn have to do with the band? So, we both might be a little angsty right now, but he’ll get over it. We haven’t even been hanging out for that long.
“Flynn has been a bit of a pussy lately. We have that meeting coming up and he needs to get his shit in check so we don’t screw it up.”
“What meeting?”
“You know, the one your mom set up with the indie label.”
I don’t even know how to respond. My mom never told me anything about this. I sent her that video with Flynn’s contact info but she never told me she did anything with it. I also never told her what’s going on between Flynn and me.
She must have forwarded the video on. It’s weird, but I’m both angry at and happy for Flynn at the same time. I would never want to hurt his chances of furthering his career.
“Actually, if you can have a chat with him and tell him we need to do this, that would be awesome.”
“What do you mean? What’s going on?”
“He keeps wanting to back out, since your mom got us the meeting.”
“Well, that’s ridiculous. I would never tell him not to go.”
Eagerly he asks, “So will you talk to him?”
“I don’t know. I can’t make any promises but I’ll think about it. I just don’t know if I’m ready to talk to him yet.”
“Please think about it. I don’t want to beg but if I need to get down on my knees right here, I will. This is important for us and could take us to the next step.”
I’m half-tempted to ask him to get down on his knees. I’m sure many girls would like to see Jax in that position. I get the feeling it is typically the other way around with him. Honestly, I’m not even in the mood for it. It would be wasted on me right now and that would just be a shame.
Finding Flynn Page 9
