by Sara Orwig
“And stay here just the two adults in this house after she goes to sleep, intimate and cozy at home where temptation is enormous? That’s fine with me,” he said.
“We can stay here, two adults in the house who, after putting Amelia to bed, will say good-night to each other early and go our separate ways and remain very professional, very remote and very safely in different parts of your very big ranch house.” She took a bite of her toast. “Or better yet, you get a date and go out partying.”
“That’s what I’m trying to do,” he said, gazing at her intently enough to make her blush. Her blush changed the moment for him. He had been joking, lightly flirting with her and having fun with her, but her blush reminded him of their reaction to each other, a physical reaction that he had never experienced with any other woman and one he didn’t want to share with her. Worse, he knew she didn’t want it, either.
That simple fact made for volatile moments and they came without warning. Like now. He drew a deep breath that didn’t calm his racing pulse or stop memories of their kiss last night.
Their gazes had locked and he looked into wide green eyes that conveyed desire no matter how much she fought it.
He tried to conjure up thoughts of her brother. Thinking of Luke had become his cold shower. Instead, memories of holding Erin and kissing her were too vivid and he was becoming aroused, wanting her more with each passing second.
He stood. “I think it’s time I take you up on your offer to feed Amelia and get the hell out of the kitchen,” he said, his voice thick and deep. He turned and walked away without looking back to see if that was agreeable with her or not. He went down the hall and shut himself into his office, closing the door and letting out his breath. His eyes lit on a small snapshot across the room, one taken years earlier and beginning to fade. He picked it up. In the picture he stood with his arm around Luke’s shoulders. Both of them were dusty, their hair tangled. They were dressed in jeans and T-shirts and had been playing ball after school in the neighborhood. Luke wore a grin and they looked like great friends who were having a lot of fun together.
“Buddy, I’m trying,” he whispered. “I’ll try to avoid her the rest of the weekend, but I wish you were here to keep me on track. You probably don’t realize what a gorgeous woman your little sister is. You don’t, but I sure do and she’s about to wreck my life.” He replaced the picture, then walked out. He needed to go to work, to do something physical and get his mind off Erin. He should think of someone to party with tonight. Monday, when Maisie would be back in the house, couldn’t come fast enough.
* * *
The next weekend Cade made arrangements to stay in Dallas and left Erin at the ranch, paying her extra to stay the weekend. During the week, they went their separate ways after she left to put Amelia to bed. She could see that he was doing all he could to keep away from her, to leave her alone, to learn how to take care of Amelia during the day while Maisie was around. In spite of avoiding being alone as often with Erin, she was more aware of him than ever. The awareness they both felt seemed more intense and she knew he still experienced the same volatile reactions she did.
As two more weeks rolled past, Cade wasn’t flirting, and he even tried to avoid staying in the same room with her, and arriving in time to eat with her. But that didn’t work, either. She was still aware of him anytime he was near her and missed him when he was not.
On the second Friday in September, rain moved in during midafternoon. Erin got Amelia bathed and changed for dinner, wondering if it would just be the two of them after Maisie left.
Cade had gone out last Saturday night and hadn’t returned until late Sunday. She wondered who he had been with and if he would be going out again during the coming weekend.
Even though they saw very little of each other, she couldn’t get him out of her thoughts. The brief times they were together, her awareness of him had seemed to increase. Even the slightest brush of fingers caused a disturbing current to run through her. Sometimes she caught him looking intently at her, his blue eyes dark and stormy. When that happened, she wanted to leave the room, but the most she could do was look away.
She tried to avoid thinking about his kisses, remembering, speculating, and she made good on her promise to herself to stay away from him by keeping to her room each night after putting Amelia to bed.
Now, Friday afternoon, as thunder rattled the windowpanes and wind whipped around the house, she wondered where he was and what his plans were for the night. She had told Maisie to go home early so she wouldn’t get caught in the rain.
Amelia played with her toys while Erin stood at the window and wondered how much danger Cade was in from lightning or flash flooding.
She watched big drops of rain fall on the patio and into the pool. Then more came and the drops came faster until a sheet of gray rain swept over the house. Lightning flashed and she hoped Cade was safe and dry.
As she stood and watched, her heart skipped a beat when a pickup went past the house and made the turn to pull into the portico on the west side. In seconds, she heard him come in. She fought the inclination to go meet him and ask him about the storm, and then he appeared in the door. His hat was gone, his jeans wet from the knees down.
“I’m glad to see you’re back safe,” she said.
“Thanks. It’s a mess out there.” He glanced out the window at the unrelenting storm.
“Are you going out tonight?”
He shook his head. “No, I’m not. We’ll manage,” he said, giving her a direct look. “I’m going to clean up and then I’ll come down. It smells wonderful in here.”
“Maisie left a big pot of soup made from a tender roast and she made your favorite—strawberry cake.”
“Ahh, an evening at home out of the storm with a great dinner, one of my favorites—a pot of soup and strawberry cake. Can we feed any to Amelia? She’ll love it.”
“She’s too little to crunch down strawberries. Just be patient.”
“Too bad. I’ll be back shortly and I’ll be dry. I think I just made it in the nick of time,” he remarked as hail began hitting the house and patio and pool, small white balls of ice bouncing in the yard and tearing leaves from the trees.
As he left, she let out her breath. They would be together until she took Amelia to bed. Till then she’d just have to exercise every ounce of self-control. And self-preservation, she added. Dinner went well, and afterward she sat curled in an easy chair, watching Cade play with Amelia on the floor. He talked to the baby, making faces and noises that made her laugh, picking up a hand puppet to entertain her and she laughed with glee, clapping her hands and reaching for the puppet.
He let her have it and sat watching her play with it. He put it on her hand and showed her how to make it look as if it were talking. She laughed and pulled it off her hand to turn it over and look at it.
He propped Amelia into his lap and leaned back against a chair to stretch his long legs in front of him. After a few minutes, she dropped the puppet and leaned back against Cade, closing her eyes.
“She’s getting sleepy. I’ll put her to bed,” Erin said. “She’s had a fun evening with you. You’re a good dad, Cade.”
“I’m trying. She makes it easy to be a good dad. I already love her with all my heart and want to try to do the best I can.” He kissed the top of her head. “I’ll take her to bed. I’m learning and getting better at this.”
“Yes, you are,” Erin answered, amused by his insecurity in this one area of his life when he was so confident in things so much more difficult.
“Sit back and enjoy yourself. Watch the rain,” he said, turning a lamp off so the lighting was softer. “Our creeks will be up, but I hope that’s the only result of this storm. It isn’t a real problem. The creeks rise and sometimes flood and cover the bridges, but we aren’t usually cut off.” A wave of heavy rain hit the house again. �
��I’m glad to be home tonight.” He stood, holding Amelia with great care.
“I should take her and go on to my suite.”
“It’s a stormy night and we could lose power. Why don’t you stay and we can talk or play a game if you prefer. I’ll stay on my side of the room like always. That should be safe.”
“Nothing is safe,” she said quietly and then waved her hand. “See, I shouldn’t have said that.”
“I’m glad you did. Relax, we’re adults. Our kissing was not life-threatening or life-changing and we don’t ever have to kiss again,” he said, looking down at Amelia in his arms. “You stay. I’ll be back and when I return, I don’t want to have to sit down here in the rain all alone. Now I’ll take her to bed and if I need help, I’ll call you on the monitor.”
She smiled at him. “Yes, sir,” she replied. He grinned, glanced again at Amelia, who was breathing deeply as she slept. Erin quietly watched him carry Amelia out of the room.
When he returned, he sat in the easy chair across the room from her, as promised. He looked relaxed, sexy and way too appealing. She should have gone with Amelia, but it was fun to sit with Cade instead of spending a lonely evening in her room. Sometimes she didn’t mind, but some nights she wanted to be with him and tonight was one. She’d give herself an hour with him and then she’d retire.
“Cade, you’re so good with Amelia,” she said, thinking about him with the little girl and his feelings about marriage. “Why in the world are you so opposed to marriage?” Erin asked and then blinked. “I’m sorry—that’s a personal question you don’t have to answer. It’s just that I’ve heard Luke talk about how opposed you are to marriage.”
“I figured you knew because your brother does,” he said, stretching out his long legs again to cross them at the ankles. He still had his boots kicked off and he wiggled his toes.
“It’s because of my dad’s rotten marriages,” he explained. “I’ve seen firsthand how unhappy marriage can be and I’ve seen little firsthand how happy and good it can be. I saw that when I stayed at your house because your folks have a good, happy marriage from what I know. It seems the luck of the draw to end up happily married and I never want to come out on the losing side and get caught in what my folks had.”
“That’s sad,” she said, frowning as she heard from him a little more about his feelings on marriage and his reasons behind his determination to stay a lifelong bachelor. “You’re such a good daddy for Amelia.”
“Thanks. That’s reassuring because I still feel very unsure of myself with her, but it’s a little less worrisome.”
Erin’s gaze drifted down the long length of him and she felt a tingle. She remembered being in his arms. “You know that’s a foolish reason to reject marriage. What your dad did doesn’t have a thing to do with the way you’ll be,” she said. “You’re a different man.”
“I’m his son. We have the same blood in our veins. I’m scared I’ll turn out the way he was. He was in love with all three women before he married them. Even if I don’t turn out like my dad, marriage doesn’t look like a happy, positive arrangement. I know it is in your family, but I don’t want to take that chance. I’ll admit, my dad was exceptionally lousy at being a husband and dad—not speaking to his firstborn is a classic example and I would never do anything like that. But marriage seems a huge chance to take, like an amateur trying to cross Niagara Falls on a tightrope. It might work out great and one would have all sorts of attention and laurels. Or you might just fall in and drown.”
“That’s a gloomy outlook. Can’t you see that you’re not the kind of father your dad was? It’s not something that is inherited or contagious.”
“I grew up around him. I hated the fights my parents had. I hated the way he might come home for holidays or he might not. We never knew. He really didn’t care about us. He was around some and we got some of his attention, whereas Blake was totally ignored, but all I remember were fights between my parents. I don’t know how many nights as a kid I was in bed and would hold my hands over my ears to keep from listening to them and I would vow that I’d never get married.”
“That’s the view of a child. You probably won’t be one little bit like him and you’re cutting yourself out of a wonderful life filled with love and joy. I can’t imagine life without children in it. Remember her sitting on your lap. She was happy and she likes you and goes to you and holds her arms out for you to take her. Would your dad have done that?”
“Hell, no. I don’t know what he did when I was her age, but I never saw him do that with Gabe.”
“Don’t you want your own kids?”
“One is probably all I can cope with. And as long as we’re on this subject and getting personal, I’m sorry for your breakup. I wish you didn’t have to go through that, and I wish you the best and lots of luck in the future.”
“Thank you,” she said quietly. “I still want marriage and a family. Not now, of course, but someday. Adam broke our engagement because I couldn’t guarantee I would give him biological children.”
“Maybe you’re better off without Adam.”
“I’m beginning to think I am. I’m sure Luke told you I had a miscarriage and I might not be able to carry a baby to full term. That’s very important to some people. It isn’t to me. I’ll probably adopt my family and that’s fine with me.” She paused when she got a bit emotional, then added, “That breakup wasn’t long ago and I’m still trying to get beyond it.”
“As long as we’re giving each other marital advice, I’ve got something to say,” he remarked drily and she had to smile, knowing she had started this, so she had to listen to whatever he was going to tell her she should do. “If a guy really loves you, he’ll still want to marry you even if you can’t give him biological children. As you said, you can adopt.”
“Thank you, Mr. Marriage Counselor,” she said, smiling at him and trying to avoid thinking about what he just said. “I agree and I brought that bit of advice on myself.”
“Yes, you did. I’m as qualified as you are to give marital advice.”
“No, you’re not,” she teased. “You’ve never been engaged, so I’ve come closer to actually marrying.”
He got up and crossed the room to her, to place his hands on both sides of her chair. “That gives you a little experience, but I’ve got a lot because I spent fifteen years growing up in a bad marriage until my folks divorced,” he said, leaning closer as he talked. “That makes my advice more valid.”
“You were going to stay on your side of the room tonight,” she warned him.
“See—this is why I shouldn’t marry. I don’t do what I say I will.” His eyes darkened. “Scared of me?”
“Not in the least. I have no intention of marrying you,” she said, knowing he was joking. “Now go back to your side of the room and think about my brother.”
Cade took her hand to pull her to her feet. “I want to know something else. Give me a straight answer,” he said, and her pulse jumped. “I’ve had time to catch up on the sleep I missed the night after our first kiss. Did you miss any sleep?”
“Cade, we weren’t going to do this,” she said, suddenly solemn, knowing they had moved beyond teasing and joking about their backgrounds. His probing blue eyes held desire.
“I think you just answered my question,” he said in a husky voice as his gaze lowered to her mouth and she tingled in expectation.
For fleeting seconds she knew she should move. Now was the moment to step away from him, but she couldn’t. The past year her life had been tough and filled with hurt and loneliness and a lot of hard work. For a few minutes, how disastrous would it be to enjoy some pleasure and excitement? How much could a few more kisses and another sleepless night hurt?
Six
Common sense reared its ugly head. It whispered in her ear—No, it screamed, walk away! She tried her best
to ignore it, instead gazing into his blue eyes that held such desire, she trembled. Still, that voice of reason echoed in her ears.
“Cade,” she whispered. “I—I need to go,” she said, trying to stay safe, but filled with wanting him.
“I’m not holding you,” he whispered in return, kissing her throat and then her ear, light kisses that made her want to wrap her arms around him and pull him close.
Just walk away.
When his tongue caressed her neck, she sighed. If she wasn’t careful, his mouth would have her melting right here at his feet. She leaned into his kiss and again the question nagged at her. Would a few little kisses really compound her hurt? She ached to be in his arms, to kiss and be kissed. Could she do that and still keep her heart intact?
She knew better than to fall in love with him, but could she guard her heart against that and still kiss him? Torn between desire and caution, she stood up from the chair while an inner debate raged. He stood mere inches from her, but she already felt his loss. Her head told her to turn and leave him. But she stood rooted to the spot.
Beneath his cheer and friendliness and care of his little niece, beyond his sexy appeal, Cade was cynical and had closed his heart to love. She wanted a long-term relationship—total commitment at some point. She wanted a family like her own. Cade had grown up wanting to avoid the lifestyle she longed for.
He wrapped his arms around her and tilted her chin up so that her eyes met his. She saw the heat in their dark blue depths. “Stop battling yourself,” he whispered, his mouth a hairbreadth away from hers. “You know you want to kiss me. You know you liked when we kissed. Just give in to it.” He brushed her lips with his and it was like spark to tinder. Her heart pounding, she wrapped her arms around his neck and wound her fingers in his thick short hair at the back of his head.
In spite of all her arguments, in spite of their first kisses and the misery later, she couldn’t walk away. She wanted him too much.
