by Sara Arden
“I don’t know why I still hang around with you, you’re awful for my ego,” Royce teased.
Erin grinned. “Someone has to be.”
“Yeah, but she’s made it her life’s work. You know I asked her out before Ben did? Shot me down cold.”
“Oh really?” Noah turned to look at Livie. “Do tell.” He put his chin in bowl of his hands. “Inquiring minds and all that.”
Livie felt all eyes on her and it made her itch. “There’s nothing to tell. Not really. I was tutoring him in calculus. He asked me to Royalty and I said no.” She shrugged it off.
“Why?” Erin said. “I mean… was he an ass or something?”
She’d never had to explain it before and she didn’t really want to start, but with everyone watching her, including Royce, she knew she wasn’t going to get out of it. “Come on. He was basically King of Ember High. You know, popular. Student council president, played football, basketball, and wrestled… I was… me. I was quiet. Shy. More interested in chess club than anything else. Boys like Royce did not go out with girls like me.”
“You said yes to Ben. He was on the wrestling team and Royce’s best friend,” Erin said.
“Yeah, well. Ben was in chess club, too.” She shrugged.
“Oh, so all I had to do was join chess club, too? Now you tell me,” Royce sighed.
Her cheeks heated. Royce had really been interested in her? “I didn’t need a date as thanks for getting you through calculus.”
Royce grinned. “Oh, sweetheart. I thought you knew.”
“Knew what?”
“I was almost Valedictorian. I didn’t really need a calc tutor. I just wanted an excuse to talk to you.”
She coughed. “What?”
“You can make it up to me, though. Grammie wants you to come to dinner.”
“That’s a yes,” Noah answered for her.
“You can come too, actually. Grammie Rose heard the fuss you made about her fried chicken and she said to invite you,” Royce offered.
“Yeah, next time you can lead with that,” Noah replied.
“You too, Erin. Sunday dinner at my grandmother’s?”
“I wish I could. I’ll be in New York all weekend ironing out details for Ember Harbor.” Erin frowned.
“I could be persuaded to save you a piece. Just one, though.” Noah held up his finger to reiterate.
Erin laughed. “I doubt you’ll save it for me. You’ll mean to, but you won’t be able to help yourself.”
“You’re right,” Noah admitted.
“So, you’re coming, right?” Royce asked her.
Part of her wanted to say yes, but the sensible, logical side said no. Nothing good could come from Sunday dinner with Grammie. It would be the beginning of the end for her.
Only, she’d been so alone and the idea of a meal around a big table with the Coles sounded like just the balm for all her wounds.
“Yes, I’ll come.”
“Fair warning, though. My grandmother is a bit of a matchmaker. Just nod and smile, and let her feed you chicken.”
“As if your grandmother would try to set you up with a grumpy old widow.” She snorted. “I’m sure I’ll be fine.”
“I’d go out with Royce for that woman’s pie and fried chicken,” Noah offered.
Royce narrowed his eyes. “Don’t tell her that. She’ll have us getting married by Christmas and my mother will have us signed up with a service to match us with a surrogate or an adoption agency by Easter.”
Everyone laughed, but Livie’s insides twisted on themselves. She realized that she’d been playing at a relationship with Royce with the way she’d come to depend on him.
With the feelings she had for him.
This invitation to his grandmother’s house shouldn’t have caused butterflies to flutter in her stomach. He was only her friend.
That’s all either one of them could allow this to be.
2
Royce regretted inviting her to Grammie’s as soon as the words were out of his mouth.
Not because he didn’t want her to come, but because this wasn’t the right time. He knew that she didn’t feel the same way about him. She might’ve been briefly attracted to him, but he didn’t think it was anything more than he worked hard on his body and she was lonely.
He wanted more than that from her. He always had.
He’d been in love with her since high school.
When she’d married Ben, he’d tried to crush those feelings out of his heart, but they’d only burrowed deeper, hidden themselves away.
She thought he was being a good friend to Ben, to her, by helping her, but if he was honest with himself, it was purely selfish. It was the only way he could love her.
He had to talk to Grammie Rose before dinner and warn her off Livie. They were friends, and that’s all Livie wanted from him. He wasn’t going to push or ask her for what he knew she didn’t want to give.
She sought his embrace more and more, but he knew she was tired of fighting. Tired of being strong. So he’d bear that burden for her and any other she wanted to put on his shoulders.
He also knew that giving her that money meant she’d leave, and he didn’t want to say goodbye, but loving her wasn’t about what he wanted or needed. She didn’t want to live with ghosts of her past for the rest of her life, and the only way to do that was to get as far away from Ember Lake as she could.
As far away from him…
“Royce?” Noah nudged him.
“Huh, what?” He’d lost himself in his own thoughts.
“You’re still down for the shoot and the auction, right?” Erin prompted.
“Yeah, and put down that bidding on me will come with a picnic of Grammie’s making.” He winked at Erin.
“You’re the best!”
“Excuse me, no. I’m the best.” Noah looked over at Royce. “I think she’s doing this just to play with my ego. Be nice to me, Erin Sterling, or I won’t pose for you.”
Erin snorted. “Yes, you will. My adoration means nothing amongst the throngs of girls who buy this calendar just for you.”
Noah smirked. “Throngs? Really?”
“I’m not going to pet your ego.” Erin rolled her eyes.
“Not even a little ear scratch?” Noah asked.
“He’s incorrigible. I hope you were serious about bidding on him because no one else will.” Erin softened her words with a smile.
“Woman, you better bid on me.”
“Not a chance. What would I do with you?” Then Erin blushed. “Don’t answer that.”
Livie laughed. “Ha, I saved myself from that one earlier.”
Royce found himself smiling. “Oh, you mean to say that you wouldn’t know what to do with me, either? I am confident that after you come for Sunday dinner you’ll bid on me just to get the picnic.”
“Is that part of your evil plan?” Livie countered.
“Yes, actually. It is.”
He watched the blush color her cheeks with his answer. She wasn’t as immune to him as he’d thought. A faint spark of hope kindled in his chest. Royce pushed it down. He wasn’t going to pounce on her like some kind of vulture, but he didn’t want to live with regret either.
He’d have to make it clear that he had feelings for her before she made her decision. Royce was still confident she’d choose to sell the bar and leave, he couldn’t blame her for that, but he couldn’t let things continue on as they had. It wasn’t fair to either of them.
“I’m pretty sure I could come up with some ideas on what you can do with me, I mean, if you need them.” He grinned.
“Hmm. You already re-hung the door. The jukebox?” She bit her lip.
“Yeah,” he agreed. “The jukebox. But this one has another price. If I fix that damn thing, you have to dance with me.”
“That’s really not fair,” Noah said. “I mean, if she buys you in the auction, you’ll be at her mercy. Not the other way around.”
But Livie didn’t seem to hear him. “Dance wi
th you? I don’t dance. Chess club, remember?”
“I can teach you.”
“I don’t know why we’re having this discussion. I’m not buying you.” Livie sniffed and looked everywhere but at him.
“No?” He pushed a bit of her hair behind her ear. “I’d buy you.”
“Why?” she asked.
She really didn’t know.
When her eyes locked with his, it was like the rest of the world had fallen away and if they’d been alone, he might’ve made his move. A kiss would’ve been the best answer. There’d be no misinterpreting that. No question about what he meant.
“Because you’re my best girl,” he said quietly.
“Pickings are slim, I guess.” She smiled at him.
He didn’t smile back. “Not at all.” Royce turned to Noah. “So are you making all the rounds with Erin?”
“Yeah. Your dad made me her official liaison.” He straightened as he said this. “Sounds fancier than it is.”
“Yes, you’re very important.” Erin nodded, placating him.
“Don’t indulge me,” Noah said.
“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Erin replied.
“I’ll see you guys later. Best man duties calling my name.” Not really, but Royce had to put some distance between him and Livie.
“Are you going to have the bachelor party here?” Livie asked.
“We haven’t decided if we’re even doing the bachelor/bachelorette thing. We were thinking about doing something up at the cabin providing the weather cooperates. They’re planning a Christmas Eve wedding, and Christmas Day with family. Then not leaving on the honeymoon until after the new year. It’s all very sweet.”
“I hear you helped Hayden steal the truck?” Livie arched a brow.
Royce shrugged. “Seemed important to him and it obviously worked.”
“That’s kind of romantic,” Erin said.
Livie smiled, but it was soft and sad. There was no joy in the expression. “Falling in love with a hero isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”
“Falling in love with anyone isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, if we’re honest,” Noah said. “I mean, except for people like Hayden and Sophie. I bet Royce gets his happily happy, too. But there are those of us for who that’s just not in the cards.”
Erin narrowed her eyes. “Oh, you think? Love is easier than you think. You just have to let yourself fall.”
“See, the falling thing I have a problem with. When you fall, you always have to land and the ground comes up hard and fast. It’s not the fall that kills you, it’s the sudden stop.” Noah shook his head. “No thanks.”
“Not me,” Erin said. “Alice Hoffman is one of my favorite writers and she says ‘always throw salt over your left shoulder, keep rosemary by your garden gate, plant lavender for luck and fall in love whenever you can.’ The falling in love part is the only one I can manage. I forget the salt, and I have the black thumb of death. Everything in my garden dies. But I think out of the four, the falling in love is the most important.”
“Really? When was the last time you were in love?” Livie asked.
“You know, I can’t remember. I think I need to have an adventure and fall in love. I’ll add it to my to do list. After this bachelor auction.”
“Hmm. Maybe you’ll buy someone and fall in love,” Livie suggested.
“Maybe I will.” She lifted her chin, as if falling in love were some act of defiance.
“Go with God, my child,” Noah said. “It’s not for the weak. Actually, this conversation is making me a little itchy.”
“Before you go, what time Sunday?” Livie asked him.
“I’ll pick you up just before noon.”
“Should I bring something?”
“Just yourself.”
“Will Hayden and Sophie be there?” Livie asked.
“Definitely.”
“Great. I’ve missed Sophie. I know she’s busy with wedding plans, but she’s a ray of sunshine.”
“That’s what Hayden says.” He leaned over and pressed a chaste kiss to Livie’s cheek. He’d done it a million times, but there was something different about it this time. The way his lips lingered on her cheek. The way she tilted her head when he leaned into her. “I’ll see you Sunday.”
“Sunday,” she murmured. “Wait, that’s three days. I’m not going to see you for three days?”
“Will you miss me?”
“Yes,” Livie answered without hesitation.
“Good. Then maybe you’ll buy me come auction time.” He winked.
“You’re the worst,” she said, laughing. Her tone indicated that she thought he was anything but.
“I know.” He wondered if she’d think it for real when he told her how he felt. If she’d think of it as a kind of betrayal.
She’d let him in, she’d let him close. She trusted him. She depended on him. Would he take that away from them both if he told her the truth?
No, he reassured himself. Because what was true was true regardless of whether either of them ever gave it breath and it was time. It was time to let that fire in him burn, or put it out for good.
“Catch you guys later,” he said to Erin and Noah as he headed out to his truck.
He pulled out his cell and dialed.
“Go for Grammie,” his grandmother said when she answered.
God, but he loved that woman. He was pretty sure he got most of his sense of humor from her.
“Hey, Grammie. It’s Royce.”
“I know that, boy. You were on the caller ID. I’m not senile yet.”
He laughed. “Well, I was calling to let you know I invited Noah to Sunday dinner like you asked as well as Livie Dodd.”
“That’s wonderful news!”
“Before you go getting too excited, you know that Livie and I are just friends.”
“Pish posh,” Grammie said.
“Grammie,” he warned.
“What? Everyone with eyes can see you’re in love with that girl.”
“Everyone but her. I’m handling it in my own time. Don’t pounce on her. No pre-dinner kitchen thing.”
Grammie laughed as if he’d told a joke. “I’ll do in my own house as I like. Plus, I’m pretty sure it was our ‘kitchen thing’ as you call it that hooked Sophie. I’ve been doing this for a long time. You think your mother is a meddler? Well, I’m an Olympic champion. How do you think Bill and my Allie-bean got together? Surely, you don’t think it was on their own.”
“Grammie. I mean it. I’ll be having this same talk with Mom.”
“For all the good it will do you.” She sniffed. “Fine, I’ll go easy on her. But I’ll thank you to keep your nose out of what goes on in my kitchen.”
“Yes, Grammie.”
“You’re a good boy. What kind of pie shall I make for you?”
His stomach growled. “Chocolate pecan.”
“I’m surprised you’re not as fat as a suckling pig. I heard your stomach growl.”
“You did not.” There was no way.
“A grammie knows. Why don’t you come over for lunch? I’ve got a nice dill tuna salad and some of that homemade rye you like so much.”
“Who am I to argue? Do you need anything?”
“A gallon of milk, a pint of heavy cream, and butter. Real butter, not that margarine business. You know the kind from the local dairy at the meat locker.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
His mouth was watering already thinking about that pie. And his lunch. He knew that his mother and grandmother both spoiled him. Being close to his family was his favorite part about small town life.
A lot of the people he’d grown up with couldn’t wait to get out of Ember Lake, but Royce had never wanted anything more than to be a fireman at the Lucky Seven and raise a family.
Sure, he wanted to see the world. He wanted to have adventures, as Erin called them. But when they were done, he wanted to come home to the place he loved. He’d been to Bora Bora, Italy, and France. He
wanted to see Macchu Picchu, the Great Wall… zipline over Rio. There were lots of things he wanted to do and see, but he couldn’t imagine ever loving a place more than Ember Lake. He couldn’t imagine living anywhere else.
Family was home.
He so wished Livie could be part of that.
Things were about to change and while he knew they had to, that didn’t make it any easier.
Just as he put the truck into gear, his phone rang. It was Lt. McCade.
“What’s up, LT?”
“I agreed to do the calendar, but what in the name of blue hell is this bachelor auction?”
Royce laughed. “Just go with the flow, man. It’s for charity.”
“I understand that, but I like being a bachelor. I don’t want to give anyone any ideas,” he grumbled.
In his youth, McCade had been NYPD. Royce didn’t know the whole story, but his father had told him he’d been married and he’d lost his wife. So he’d thrown a dart at a map and moved to small, quiet Ember Lake, Kansas. He’d never dated. Not in the twenty years that Royce had known him.
As a kid, he’d just accepted McCade’s gruffness as part of who he was. Now that he was a man, he understood the pain that hid underneath his prickly exterior.
“LT, I don’t think anyone is going to get any ideas. You’re grumpy as a bear with his muzzle stuck in an empty honeycomb.”
“You haven’t seen the women at the ladies auxiliary. They’ve been trying to set me up since the day I moved here. Don’t need it. Don’t want it.”
“Didn’t Erin tell you it’s for Ember Harbor?”
“The new halfway house?” He sounded defeated.
“Yeah. It’s Erin’s pet project. It’s for trafficked women and children.”
“Damn it,” McCade grumbled. “I can’t say no to that.”
“Pretty sure that was Erin’s plan.”
“She’s a sneaky one.”
“Come on, now. You know she’s a saint.”
“Eh, I guess.”
“Maybe my Grammie will bid on you,” he teased.
“That would be the best thing that could happen. At least she’d feed me.” He sighed. “I don’t even know what to put on this form. Interests? Quiet nights alone? I don’t know. Jesus.”
Royce laughed again. “You’re not trying to make them feel sorry for you. What about working with my hands and driving my ’69 Camaro?”
