The Heart Remembers

by Irene Hannon

  “Thank you. But I’m trying not to rush things. I want to be sensible about this.”

  Just then Jake turned and glanced around the room, his gaze restless and searching until it came to rest on Maggie. He gave her a slow, lazy smile that warmed her all the way from her toes to her nose, and she heard Philip chuckle.

  “Maggie, honey, I know your intentions are good. But trust me. Jake is past the sensible stage. And forgive me for saying it, but so are you. In fact, I’m guessing that wedding bells will be in the air in the not-too-distant future.”

  Maggie didn’t even try to deny Philip’s words. Because the truth was, she felt the same.

  Maggie’s eyes were glowing as she set the Sunday paper down on the kitchen table. A review of her work—brief, but highly complimentary—had made the Boston paper! A wave of elation washed over her, and she was filled with a deep sense of satisfaction, accomplishment…and a compelling need to share the news with Jake—in person. He would be thrilled, too. She’d see him in church in two hours, but she couldn’t wait!

  With uncharacteristic impulsiveness, she tucked the paper into a tote bag, added four of the large cinnamon rolls she’d baked last night and headed out the door. Maybe her impromptu visit would cheer him up, even without the news she was bearing. He hadn’t shared many of the details about the latest falling-out with his father, sparing her the worry during this last week as she fretted about her opening, but she knew it was serious if Howard had gone down to Rob’s. She hoped Jake would tell her more about it now that the opening had passed.

  Maggie grinned at Jake’s look of surprise half an hour later when he answered her ring. She’d never shown up uninvited before, and he was clearly taken aback—but just as clearly pleased.

  “Maggie!” He drew her inside, pulling her into his arms as he kicked the door shut with his foot and buried his face in her hair. For a long moment he just held her, loving the feel of her wrapped in his arms. Less than five minutes ago he’d been wishing for just such a visit. The last week had been hell as he’d wrestled with the problem of what to do about his father, and he was running out of time. Howard was returning late this afternoon, and Jake still hadn’t figured out how to deal with the situation. All he knew with absolute certainty was that they couldn’t go on as they had before.

  But now, with Maggie in his arms, her sweetness enveloping him, he somehow felt better.

  When at last he drew away, he looped his arms around her waist and smiled down at her.

  “Hi.” His eyes were warm and tender, his voice husky and intimate.

  “Hi yourself.” She smiled up at him.

  “I’m glad you’re here.”

  “I sort of got that impression. Do you want to talk about it?”

  “About what?”

  “About why you’re so glad to see me.”

  “You mean beyond the obvious reason?”

  “Mmm-hmm.”

  “Actually, I’d rather talk about you. What’s the occasion?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, you’ve never shown up on my doorstep uninvited before. Not that you need to wait for an invitation, you understand. It’s just a first. And I hope not a last.”

  She grinned. “I had some good news, and I wanted to share it with you.”

  “I could use some good news. Let’s have it.”

  She reached into her tote bag and withdrew the Boston paper, already turned back to the right page, and handed it to him, her eyes glowing.

  He tilted his head and smiled, loving the way her eyes lit up when she was happy. She was like a warm ray of sun, a balm on his troubled soul. He reached over and traced a finger from her temple to her chin, following the delicate curve of her jaw. Her eyes ignited at his touch, and he was tempted to take her in his arms again, to taste her sweet lips until all coherent thoughts were driven from his mind and he was lost in the wonder of her love.

  But first he needed to focus on the paper. If it was important enough to bring her over without an invitation, it deserved his full attention. Transferring his attention to the newsprint, he scanned the complimentary article, his lips curving into a slow smile as he read.

  “That’s what I’d call an auspicious beginning. I’m very proud of you. And in case I haven’t told you lately, you are one amazing and incredible woman—not to mention talented, intelligent and drop-dead gorgeous.”

  Maggie chuckled. “That might be overstating it just a bit.”

  “Nope. I never exaggerate.”

  She laughed, so filled with joy that it simply came bubbling to the surface. All of the pieces of her life were finally falling into place. She’d raised the girls well and sent them on their way in the world. She’d taken a bold step and successfully launched a serious art career. And the only man who’d ever touched her heart had come back into her life and offered her his love. The long, dry years, often filled with drudgery, seemed suddenly a distant memory. She’d made it through the hard times, and now, at last, it seemed that she was being rewarded for her diligence and hard work. Her heart felt lighter than it had in years.

  “I think you’re pretty special, too, you know. In fact, now that we’ve formed a mutual admiration society, I would say a celebration is in order.” She lifted the bag. “I brought some homemade cinnamon rolls.”

  “Now that’s the best offer I’ve had all day.” Jake draped an arm around her shoulders and guided her toward the kitchen. “I’ll pour the coffee if you want to nuke those for a minute.”

  “Okay.”

  Maggie tore the foil off the cinnamon rolls, put three of them on a plate and set the timer on the microwave. “Do you have some plastic wrap? I want to leave one of these for your dad.”

  “Sure. In the drawer, on the right. Boy, they smell great already!”

  Maggie smiled and pulled out the drawer. “They’re pretty hard to resist, if I do say so myself. My guests always…”

  Her voice faltered and her smile froze as the words Water’s Edge Retirement Community screamed up at her from a brochure, Jake’s name prominent on the mailing label. Her stomach clenched into a cold knot, and she gripped the edge of the counter.

  Maggie wanted to shut the drawer again, pretend she’d never seen that brochure, but she knew she couldn’t erase it from her memory. Nor could she deny its implication. The man she loved, the man she had come to believe was honorable and could be counted on to remain steadfast in bad times, was reneging on his promise to his mother. He was throwing in the towel on his relationship with his father because things had gotten rough. Or at the very least considering throwing in the towel. And as far as she was concerned, that was bad enough. The future that had moments before looked so full of hope and promise now seemed bleak and empty.

  “Your guests always what?” Jake tossed the prompt over his shoulder as he poured their coffee. When she didn’t respond, he frowned and turned toward her.

  Something was wrong. Very wrong. Her body was rigid, and she was gripping the edge of the counter so fiercely that her knuckles were white. Her face was angled away from him, but what little he could see was colorless. His gut clenched in sudden alarm, and he moved toward her in three long strides, placing one arm around her shoulders.

  “Maggie? What’s wrong?”

  She looked up at him, and he was jolted by her eyes, dull and glazed with shock. Panic swept over him and he gripped her shoulders, his gaze locked on hers.

  “Maggie, what is it? Tell me. Let me help.”

  As she stared at him, Jake was able to read beyond the shock in her eyes. There was pain and confusion and disillusionment in their depths as well. His frown deepened as he reached down to close the drawer that separated them.

  That’s when he saw the brochure.

  With a sickening jolt, he came to the obvious conclusion. Maggie had finally given him her trust, had come to believe that he was man who kept his promises and could be counted on to stand fast no matter what the circumstance, and now she had found stark
evidence to the contrary.

  How could he have been so careless? He’d meant to put that brochure in his room, he’d done no more than skim it when it arrived, feeling in his heart that it wasn’t the answer to his dilemma. But Maggie wasn’t going to believe him, not now, not considering the look of betrayal in her eyes. And he couldn’t blame her. He’d made a mistake in a moment of weakness, and though he recognized it as such now, he knew that for her, the fact that he’d even considered such an option indicated that he held his promise as less than sacred.

  She began to tremble, and Jake tried to think of something, anything, to undo the damage. But no words came to mind. Instead he guided her to the table and gently pressed her into a seat, then pulled up a chair beside her. Jake reached for her hand, lacing his fingers through hers.

  “Maggie, will you listen if I try to explain?”

  “Is there an explanation?” Her voice was flat and lifeless.

  “Yes. Although it’s not one you’ll want to hear, I suspect. But I’d like to tell you anyway. Will you listen?”

  When she didn’t respond, Jake took a deep breath and spoke anyway. “You know that Dad and I have had a rough time of it from the beginning. I’ve made no secret of that. But I was starting to think we’d turned a corner. I won’t say things between us were a hundred percent comfortable, but we were getting along. Life was pleasant enough.

  “Then, last Monday, everything fell apart. I’d had a bad day at school, and I came home to find Dad up on a ladder in the middle of that sleet storm. I was a little too heavy-handed in my reaction, I guess, and Dad took offense. The next thing I knew we were accusing each other of some pretty terrible things. Including the death of my mother.”

  Maggie gasped, and Jake gave a grim nod. “Yeah, it got that bad. On top of everything, it was five years to the day Mom died. Emotions were running high on both sides. Suffice it to say, the situation was very tense by the time I walked out to cool off. When I got back, Dad’s bags were packed. He left the next morning for Rob’s.”

  Jake paused and stared down at the oak table. “I don’t know what made me request that information on the retirement home. Desperation, I guess. I just felt that I couldn’t keep my promise to Mom and make sure Dad was taken care of. And I think living with me is the last thing in the world he wants. He’s unhappy here, and stressed, which isn’t good for his health. I just didn’t know what to do. I passed that retirement home on the way back from the airport, and figured it couldn’t hurt to check it out. The brochure came yesterday. To be honest, it’s not something I even want to consider. But I just don’t know what’s best for Dad anymore. Do you understand at all how I feel?”

  Maggie didn’t speak for several seconds. When she did, her voice was subdued. And sad. “At the moment, Jake, not very much is clear to me. But I know one thing. A promise is a promise. No one ever said life was easy. But we can’t just walk away from our commitments. If you give your word, you keep it. Period. It’s a matter of honor. And if people don’t honor their promises, how can there ever be any trust?”

  Jake flinched. Maggie’s words had been said without rancor, but they hit home nonetheless. And she was right. He’d made a mistake—and it was going to cost him dearly.

  Maybe even the woman he loved.

  She stood, and Jake rose, as well. “Don’t go yet, Maggie. Please.”

  “I need to be alone for a while, Jake.”

  “Will you call me later?”

  There was a pause, and when she looked at him her eyes were guarded and distant. “I don’t know.”

  Jake felt as if someone had kicked him in the gut. He couldn’t let the woman he loved walk out of his life. But he didn’t know how to stop her.

  She gathered up her purse and bag, and he followed her to the door, searching for something to say that would make her reconsider. When she turned on the threshold and looked at him, her eyes were filled with anguish and brimming with tears. His stomach tightened into a painful knot, and he wanted to reach out to her, gather her in his arms, tell her that he loved her and would never do anything to hurt her. But he doubted she would believe him. Why should she? He’d hurt her once before. And now he’d done it again. What was that old saying? Fool Me Once, Shame On You; Fool Me Twice, Shame On Me. And Maggie was no fool. Hurt and betrayed a second time, he was afraid she would simply choose to cut her losses and go on alone. She was strong enough to do it.

  But he wasn’t strong enough to go on without her. He needed her. Desperately. For the rest of his life.

  “Goodbye, Jake.” Her voice was quiet, and though a tremor ran through it, he heard the finality in the words.

  And as he watched while she turned and walked out into the cold rain, the rest of his life suddenly loomed emptily before him.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Jake turned into the church parking lot and pulled into a vacant spot by the front door.

  “What are we doing here?” Howard gave his son a suspicious look.

  Jake shut off the engine and angled himself toward his father, resting his arm on the back of the seat. Ever since the fiasco with Maggie this morning, he’d been trying to figure out how to mend the rift with his father. And then suddenly, on the drive to Bangor, a plan had formed in his mind. He wasn’t sure it would work. In fact, he figured the odds were fifty-fifty at best. But he knew in his heart that this was the only way he and his father might have a chance at a true reconciliation. And so he had to try. He took a deep, calming breath and gazed steadily at the older man.

  “I’d like to talk with you, Dad. On neutral ground. In a place where we can’t shout at each other.”

  His father’s eyes were guarded. “What do you want to talk about?”

  “Us.”

  Howard shifted and turned away, staring straight ahead. “Seems like we’ve done enough talking already. Maybe too much.”

  “Too much of the kind you’re referring to, that’s for sure. But I have something different in mind. Will you give me a few minutes?”

  While Howard considered the request, Jake waited quietly, his physical stillness giving away none of his inner turmoil. Only when his father grunted his assent did he realize he’d been holding his breath, and he let it out in a long, relieved sigh.

  They didn’t speak again until they were seated in a back row in the quiet, dim church. It was peaceful there, and conducive to the kind of talk Jake had in mind. He just hoped his father would be receptive.

  Jake hadn’t really prepared the speech he was about to give. All he could do was trust the right words would come as he needed them.

  “I guess it’s no secret that things have been rough between us for a long time. Twelve years, to be exact. You didn’t approve of my decision to leave Maggie and join the navy, and pretty much told me to my face that I was being selfish and irresponsible. I didn’t want to hear that then. It hurt too much. The truth often does.”

  His father jerked toward him, his face registering surprise.

  Jake managed a wry smile. “I guess you never expected me to admit you were right, did you? There’s stubborn blood in this family, you know. And a lot of pride. Too much, sometimes. I think that’s what got us into trouble through the years. I was too stubborn and proud to admit I was wrong, even though in my heart I knew it was true. Then, to make things worse, the man I had always loved and admired, who I never wanted to disappoint, had rejected me. So…I rejected him.

  “It wasn’t a rational decision, Dad. It was reactive, a way to protect my heart from the pain of knowing I had disappointed you and hurt Maggie. After that, we just seemed to grow further and further apart. It’s not something I ever wanted. The truth is, I missed you all these years. I missed your humor and your kindness and your guidance. And I missed your love.”

  He reached over and gripped the older man’s hand, the hand that more than thirty-five years before had been extended to him in encouragement as he took his first few struggling steps. Jake was breaking new ground today, too, t
aking new, faltering steps in their relationship, and he was as much afraid of falling now as he probably had been then.

  “Dad, I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you through the years. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for Mom—and you—when you needed me most. I want to try and make things right, but I need your help. That’s what I’m asking for today. I’ve been on my own for twelve years now, and one of the things I discovered is that I need you now as much as I ever did. Maybe more. Please give me another chance.”

  Jake thought he saw the glint of moisture in the older man’s eyes before he averted his glance, but he couldn’t be sure.

  Several long moments of silence passed, and Jake saw this father’s Adam’s apple bob. When Howard at last turned back to him, he seemed less stiff, less aloof than he had at any time since coming to Maine.

  “I know your mother would have wanted this, Jake.” His voice hoarsened, and he cleared his throat. “It was one of the last things she asked for before she died. Fact is…I always wanted it, too. But it was like you said, we sort of took our positions and just dug in. Neither of us was willing to budge. Can’t say it did either of us any good. And it sure did make your mother sad. She called me a stubborn fool more than once, told me you’d come back in a flash if I gave you half a chance. Guess she was right after all. Clara had a way of knowing about those things. I should have listened to her. But that West pride got in the way, I expect. Couldn’t bring myself to admit that maybe I was a little too hard on you. Not that I agreed with what you did. Still don’t. But it was a lot to take on at such a young age. Looking back, I can understand how it must have been pretty overwhelming. I guess Maggie can, too, seeing as how you two are getting along so well these days.”

  Jake didn’t correct him. The situation with Maggie was too fresh, too raw, to even discuss. He would find a way to deal with it later. He had to. His future depended on it. But at the moment, he had another relationship to mend.