“I can find my own way there.”
“I don’t doubt it,” she said evenly, “but the garage is on my way.”
“I can’t keep relying on you ”
“You didn’t rely on me at all today. And tomorrow I have to drop Nick off at his school. The garage is almost next door.”
Julie put three potatoes in the oven to bake, then took lettuce and other salad fixings from the refrigerator She would fix hamburger casserole tonight It was one of Nick’s favorites and would last for at least one more meal Concentrate on the meal Not on how appealing Murphy looks
“Over the weekend,” she said, “maybe you would like to try to drive. They say it’s like riding a bike. You never forget how ”
He was silent so long she finally looked toward him
He was still leaning against the counter, yet he didn’t look relaxed at all. He looked like a jungle cat ready to pounce on something.
But she knew it wasn’t her. She hated the disappointment that followed that observation.
“What did you want to talk to me about?”
“You said...you suggested there was something strange about my plea You said it didn’t ..fit, that I would have known enough to cover my tracks.”
She nodded.
“Do you really believe I could be innocent?”
“Yes,” she said flatly. She wondered whether her answer was wise, but she wasn’t going to he about it. She’d always had a feeling that something was very wrong about his case.
“You mentioned a priest...?”
“Jerry, who is working for me as an investigator, is trying to find him. So far, no luck. He’s already called every parish priest in Atlanta and asked if they knew you No luck Now he’s trying to find those who were here ten years ago and have left.”
“I want to know everything you’ve ..discovered about me.”
“I’ll get you all of Jerry’s reports,” she said. “Former baseball teammates, prison guards, officers you served with.” She hesitated, then added, “You may not like everything in them.”
“It can’t be worse than killing my partner,” he replied dryly.
She had to smile at that. Gallows humor. Police humor. She knew it well “No,” she admitted. “It’s not as bad as that.”
“And my ..wife. I want to talk to her.”
Seeing the determination burning in his eyes, Julie nodded. “I’ll ask her.”
He straightened. “I hate to ask any more of you, but...you’re the only—”
“Source you have,” Julie finished for him She was sure he meant to say “hope,” but she didn’t want to hear that word. She turned away again and started chopping onions for the casserole, knowing her eyes would soon be awash with tears. “Remember the expression, ‘in for a penny, in for a pound’?”
“No,” he said after a moment’s silence “But I know what it means. Dammit, I have no right to mess up your life like this.”
“At least I have a life, thanks to you. And you aren’t messing it up ” Sure enough, the tears were coming. She cut the onions finer, her knife dissecting with a fierceness that had nothing to do with them. When they were little more than grams, she turned to him. “Until the accident, I was drifting. I had opted out of life except for Nick. I tried not to feel anything except for him.”
“That can’t be bad,” he said mildly.
“Yes,” she said honestly “It was. I’d lost everything in me I liked and respected. Now I feel those parts returning. They’re making me feel alive again.”
“Why?” he asked curiously “Why did you lose them?”
“You know I used to be with the district attorney’s office. I sent an innocent man to prison He was there five years before I found out I’d been wrong.” That was one reason She wasn’t ready to tell him the second, the most personal The most wounding.
He was silent as he absorbed that information. His brows furrowed together and the comer of his lips moved slightly. After a moment, it quirked up quizzically. “So now you’re going to save everyone?”
“You’re my first,” she said lightly.
He studied her carefully. “Tell me about Nicholas’s father.”
He knew there was more to her reasons than a wrongful conviction. Or maybe he just sensed it, as she was able to sense so much about him.
“There’s not much to tell,” she said stiffly.
“How long ago did he die?”
This question was like a blow to her stomach It was an impertinent question and none of his business Yet she certainly knew his business. In fact, she knew far more about him than he did about himself.
“Five years ago ”
His eyes flickered toward the living room. Nick was obviously around that age.
“He died before Nick was born,” she explained without knowing why she was compelled to answer the unasked question.
His gaze met hers The usual cautious look was gone. Instead, the deep blue was warm with understanding Understanding and something more. Empathy simmered between them. The sense of awareness grew stronger, irresistible. She had a warm, burning desire to touch him, to feel him pull her against his body as he had last night. Her cheeks flamed with heat as she remembered every sensation she’d felt then. A yearning poignancy filled her as she realized how much she wanted him, needed him, and how very dangerous those feelings were for both of them. They were both too vulnerable now.
She swallowed hard She wanted him to go. No, she didn’t. But she should. She didn’t want to answer the questions in his eyes, couldn’t afford to deepen the intimacy that already swirled around them like a whirlpool drawing them deeper and deeper into disaster.
“Why don’t you go and relax a little?” She hoped her voice didn’t sound as tremulous as she felt “I’ll gather Jerry’s reports. You can join us for supper in an hour and a half if you want.” It was a graceless invitation, and she knew it, but it had just popped out that way
His gaze made her feel like a coward And she was one But she couldn’t think when they were alone.
Maybe that feeling wouldn’t last. But now she tingled all over.
She heard wicked laughter from the other room. The villainess, no doubt. But she felt as if it was directed at her.
“I think I’ll skip supper,” he said in a quiet, almost lazy tone. Was he possibly feeling what she was feeling? Was he that good at hiding his feelings? But then she saw the pulse in his throat moving slightly, and she knew he was no more immune to what was happening than she. “I’ll drop over at seven, if you don’t mind,” he added. “I...don’t want to break my promise.”
She nodded. “I’ll have the reports ready. Just be prepared for Nick’s monologue.”
His eyes lit. “I’ll look forward to it.”
Julie knew from that look he meant it. She wondered if Nick’s unconditional, unquestioning acceptance gave him something she couldn’t.
Without another word, he spun around and was out the door. It wasn’t until that moment she realized that he had never explained where he had been or why he had been so late. It’s none of your business, she told herself again
But something had happened this afternoon, something that had made him question his conviction.
Had she set him up for disappointment by expressing her own doubts, her own personal reservations? Had they just been wishful thinking on her part?
She would caution him when he returned. And she would keep Nicholas with them. She no longer trusted herself alone with Ryan Murphy.
But even as she realized that, she thought about the light of battle in his eyes when he questioned her about his possible innocence.
In addition to the warmth already stirring in a sensitive region of her stomach, she felt that old pull of excitement when she started a new case.
She had fought a few battles already on behalf of Ryan Murphy.
But now she was going to war.
Chapter 12
Ryan poured a glass of milk and made himself a sandwich H
e’d not had anything to eat since breakfast, and he found himself ravenous.
He would have liked to have joined Julie and Nick for supper. He would have liked it very much. Too much. Which was why he’d refused. He also had not missed the hesitancy in her invitation.
After finishing a second sandwich, he took a shower. Despite the bitter aftertaste from this morning’s encounter with the parole officer—or perhaps because of it—he relished the privacy of the shower, the privilege of remaining under the spray as long as he wanted. Hell, he relished all the little freedoms. Making a sandwich. Walking outside to get a breath of air. Selecting clothes It was all heady stuff, though the meeting this morning had made him aware of how fast it could all be jerked away again.
If only he could prove his innocence. If, indeed, he was innocent. He thought of his daughter The need to see her was growing stronger, but as long as his conviction hung over his head, he didn’t feel he had the right to enter her life He didn’t have the right to claim anything
He toweled himself dry, then shaved. He dressed in the clothes he’d gardened in early in the morning and went back down to work in the yard. Despite the books and the television, he couldn’t stay inside. He wondered whether he would ever be comfortable in a small room again, or whether he would get the panicked, caged feeling he fought so hard to contain in prison
He would have to wash clothes tomorrow. There were many things he hadn’t thought about in prison. He’d heard about prisoners who’d become so institutionalized they couldn’t function outside prison Had he been in danger of that happening before Julie’s accident? The thought was terrifying.
Dusk had fallen but he would have some time to finish weeding. It was a small way of paying Julie back A very small way.
He worked until it grew too dark, then went upstairs and washed.
Nick was waiting for him. Ryan listened patiently to Nick’s enthusiastic and rambling account of 101 Dalmatians. Ryan quickly sensed the boy had a devious mind and ulterior motive: he was in full pursuit of a puppy
His eyes had met Julie’s who spread out her arms in weary resignation.
Then he’d left quickly before Nick went to bed. He’d gone back to his room and started reading everything a private investigator named Jerry Kidder had discovered about one Ryan Murphy.
More, really, than he wanted to know. Ryan Murphy was described over and over again as a humorless, arrogant, intolerant perfectionist He read the comments of the judge at his sentencing hearing and winced at the harsh condemnation in the words and his own lack of response.
How could he be innocent?
He felt as if he were butting his head against a wall That wall grew thicker all the time.
Still, he wasn’t willing to give up hope
No one had to tell Ryan that Tim O’Donnell was an Irishman. He had red hair, blue eyes, a burly form and hearty voice.
Ryan had liked him immediately. There had been no questioning looks, no doubt in his voice as Julie had introduced them, just a thorough once-over and a firm handshake.
“I’m not sure how much help I’ll be,” Ryan said after Julie had left.
O’Donnell shrugged. “If you’re a hard worker, I can teach you. If you remember anything from the past, so much the better. At first, you’ll be changing oil, filters, plugs and other simple jobs I have one really good mechanic and with you to help he can concentrate on the more complicated jobs Minimum wage to start but if you catch on quick, I’ll raise it and pay overtime ”
Ryan nodded “I’m not sure why you are doing this, but I’m grateful.”
Tun looked at him steadily “Eight years ago my seventeen-year-old son was arrested for joyriding and D.U I. I thought for sure it would destroy his chances to go into the military, something he really wanted. Julie reduced the charges to a misdemeanor and got him into the Air Force He’s a sergeant now, a jet mechanic with a wife, kids, and real bright future. I believe she saved his life There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her ”
So he hadn’t been her first cause. He wondered how many others there had been.
“Come and meet Johnny,” Tun said, ending the discussion.
Ryan met the mechanic, then spent the morning watching him. Johnny was garrulous, obviously eager to have someone helping “I worked fourteen hours yesterday,” he griped. “I’d promised to take my girl out and had to stand her up Last guy here stayed four days. Couldn’t get here on time and complained when he had to delay lunch ’cause of a rush job. Didn’t come back on the fifth day. Tell the truth, I wasn’t sorry to see him go. Had to double-check everything he did.”
Ryan wondered whether there wasn’t a word or two of warning in the speech He understood if there was.
“Tim said you used to know mechanics but that you have amnesia Do you remember anything?”
“I’m not sure,” Ryan said truthfully “I don’t know what I know. I didn’t even know I could read until they gave me a newspaper ”
“Okay,” Johnny said “We’ll replace oil. You do it I’ll tell you how. If you realize you don’t need help, just tell me to go away ”
Gratitude flooded Ryan, especially for the simple acceptance of what no one else had been able to completely accept.
“There’s clean uniforms in the restroom,” Johnny said. “So is extra-strength soap It’s a messy job.” He was silent for a moment, then said, “I understand you used to be a...police officer.”
“So they tell me,” Ryan said evenly.
Johnny shrugged at his obvious reluctance to elaborate. “Why don’t you change clothes and we’ll get started ”
Several minutes later, Ryan found himself under a car, his fingers working automatically, moving faster than Johnny’s explanation. After several moments, Johnny grinned, and made a circle with his thumb and middle finger. “I’m not needed here,” he said as he lifted himself up and went over to another car. With satisfaction, and an intense feeling of accomplishment, Ryan went back to work
Despite David Caldwell’s secretary’s instructions to go in, Julie hesitated outside his office. She’d finished the brief in support of an appeal late last night, and she felt good about it despite the distractions. Still, she felt a moment’s apprehension. The publicity about Murphy had continued in the paper this morning; in fact, the story pointed out that Murphy was living in an apartment on her property.
She knocked at Caldwell’s door To her surprise he opened it himself before strolling back to his desk But he didn’t sit down. Instead, he leaned against the corner of it.
Julie handed him the hard copy of the brief
He took it and looked past her toward the door. Her instincts started squirming uncomfortably.
“Julie, you’ve done good work for us Very good work. But we discussed the effect of adverse publicity on this firm. I had several calls yesterday from clients asking about your exposure in this case, and whether we were going into criminal law. Of course, I said we were not. Now this business about this ..man moving in with you...”
“Excuse me, Mr. Caldwell,” she corrected stiffly, “but he isn’t moving in with me. He is renting an apartment over a garage that is separate from the house, just like thousands of tenants do throughout the city ”
“Still,” Caldwell said, “it doesn’t look good.” He picked up the newspaper. “This isn’t going to end any time soon.”
Her stomach plummeted.
“Can you put an end to your ..association with him?”
“No,” she said softly
“Then we have no choice but to dispense with your services. We will pay you two weeks severance,” he said. “Perhaps we can use you on special projects ”
She nodded and turned to go. There really was nothing else to say. She certainly wasn’t going to jettison Murphy
“Julie”
She stopped and turned.
“I really hoped this could work out. Perhaps in a few months.. ”
He did look sorry, and he had warned her. But she still
felt as if she’d been physically struck She’d never been fired before. She had not expected the sense of failure she suddenly felt.
She couldn’t force herself to thank him. Instead, she glanced down at the brief he held. “I hope the brief is satisfactory,” she said.
In something like rebellion, she went to the best restaurant in the area and indulged herself in a glass of wine and a good meal as she considered her financial future, or lack of it. After Doug’s death, she’d become very conscious of the financial ups and downs in life; she made good money with the law firm, and she’d saved a third of it. She had enough to meet expenses for a year or more, even if she had to tap her precious savings, and in that time she could certainly find another job
Still, that sense of failure ate into her, making the grouper tasteless, the glass of wine sour
She wondered how Murphy was doing.
She left half the meal on the plate and drove home. With Nick in preschool, the house was silent. She kicked off her heels and sat down. Prissy jumped into her lap and purred contentedly as she absently rubbed her hand through the thick fur. When one door closes, she thought, another opens. The adage, though overused, was comforting as she mused over possibilities. There was Dan’s office, but perhaps even he wouldn’t want her back now, considering the publicity
She winced at the possible headlines Assistant D A Returns After Freeing Killer
The phone rang and she dislodged Prissy to answer it.
“We don’t want murderers in the neighborhood,” said a harsh voice before hanging up.
She set the earpiece down gingerly. Emily said the same thing two days ago in only slightly more civilized terms. Now this She felt sick inside. Was this going to affect Nick? Would other kids at the school mention it? They often echoed what they heard their parents say.
Yet she knew she wasn’t going to retreat In fact, she was more determined than ever to give Murphy his chance.
Still, she had a disquieting feeling that something had just started, something that could grow more ugly. Perhaps it was the call coming so close to her firing.
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