Chapter Eighteen
The bed in the duchess wing, for all its pillows and satin, was not conducive to restful sleep, but neither did Maddie want to open her eyes. She had dozed through the afternoon, but felt no better than she had when she’d lain down. The duke had sent up a pile of letters from prospective maids and nurses and nannies that she should be reading to prepare for the coming interviews. Apparently, when one was giving birth to the future Duke of St Aldric, a girl from the village would not do for even the simplest task.
Or perhaps it was just that St Aldric was still in a pet over Richard and trying to vex her with this. He had been most strange when she’d passed him in the hall earlier, apologising as he should have and talking no more nonsense about being tricked into marriage.
Then he’d announced, out of the blue, that he loved her, as if the only thing he’d got from the previous night’s argument was that she expected to hear those particular words. But he had been wearing the same shallow smile that he used in the office and the drawing room, as though the event called for diplomacy and not passion.
The true Michael who hid behind her husband had not appeared until she’d asked him about Evelyn. For a moment or two, he had forgotten to be polite and seemed truly relieved that the engagement had failed. Then the courteous smile had returned and she had gone to her room.
And Richard, who she had longed to see for so long, would not go away. Did he not notice that she was near to bursting with another man’s child? She’d have shouted the news to him before this, if the sweet little thing in her belly would allow her to take a breath. But his speech in the breakfast room that morning had been almost sincere once they had stopped talking about money. Perhaps he truly wanted nothing more than to help.
She had proven to her satisfaction that he had been wrong about Evelyn, of course. But there were so many things of which she was still unsure. Could she stand to live the whole of her life with a man who could not manage to feel for her?
Until she saw the baby, and its gender, and whether its birth would bring any real emotion to its father, she was not sure what she meant to do. By law, the child was his and her feelings for it did not matter. If she left, she must leave alone. That would mean leaving half her heart with the duke and the rest with her child. She would stay to be close to her son, even if it meant sacrificing her pride.
But suppose she had a daughter? There was no question that he would want a boy. But a girl might be little more than a disappointment to him, just as its mother seemed to be. She thought of her own childhood and the ever-present knowledge that, whatever it was her parents had wanted, she was not that thing.
No daughter of hers would feel unwanted, even for a moment. Perhaps St Aldric would let the two of them retire together from his life. The girl could be raised properly, with all the advantages of her birth and one parent who cherished her above all.
In either case, Maddie had no intention of welcoming the duke back to her bed without some indication of sincere feeling on his part. She would blame her past willingness on the vagaries of pregnancy and turn him out of the bedchamber. He had promised he would make no demands upon her. For the sake of her own breaking heart, she would hold him to his word.
It would not be too much longer before she had the answer. No matter the sex, the baby would come soon. Everyone kept telling her so. They had best be right, for Maddie could not stand much more of the physical misery that accompanied the emotional upheaval. If men did this to one, then they were more trouble than they were worth. She had long suspected it and now she was sure.
There was no comfort to be had in rising or sleeping. She was bloated and ugly. Today she did not feel well at all. And now there was a bumping in the walls, as if the largest rat in Aldricshire had located her bedroom with the intention of breaking up her peace. She had not noticed a similar problem in the nursery wing, thank goodness, but she would not risk bringing a child into a house full of vermin. If she could manage to get out of bed, she would go there with a broom and search. It would give her great pleasure to dispense any interlopers she found. Then she would take the broom to St Aldric for his foolishness in not allowing a terrier, or at least a cat, in the house to do the job for her. With all the little wire-and-wool animals in the nursery, there had been not a single one to be useful at a moment like this.
There was another thump and a rustle, and one of the hangings on the far wall rippled with the movement behind it. Maddie dragged herself to her feet, grabbed the only thing that came to hand, a bedroom slipper, and raised it over her head, advancing to strike.
Then the curtain pulled aside and a rather dusty Richard appeared, arms outstretched. ‘My darling!’
‘My God.’ She yanked the fabric away to stare at the wood panel that had slipped to the side, revealing a narrow passageway behind the wall.
‘I discovered the door pull in the wall of my chambers. Then I understood why you had been so insistent that I take that particular room.’ He was smiling as if he’d found treasure and not just cobwebs. ‘I knew if I but followed the passage that it would bring me to you.’
As if she’d have bothered with secret passages when she could have installed him next door for convenience. The thought of a more convenient Richard was almost as appalling as this sudden arrival in her room. It had been hard enough to breathe before, but the sudden shock of his appearance had taken the wind right out of her. ‘What are you doing here?’
He looked at her as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. ‘I have come to love you, my sweet.’
‘I do not recall asking you to,’ she said as reasonably as she could manage, pressing her hands to her stomach to settle the cramp. ‘In fact, I have asked you to leave.’
‘We agreed this morning that I was to stay until the baby was born,’ he reminded her. ‘I feared your feelings for me had cooled and you wanted nothing more than my friendship. But now that I discovered this?’ He waved at the passageway behind him. ‘It has all come clear to me.’
‘Then you had best enlighten me,’ she said, ‘for I do not understand at all.’
‘You wished for me to seek you out. To prove myself worthy of you.’
‘You had years to find me,’ she reminded him. ‘I made it as easy as I could for you. Now you think that by crawling through a hole in my bedroom wall everything has changed?’
‘But the time was not yet right to come for you,’ he said with a smile. ‘I had nothing to offer you.’
‘Because you abandoned your commission and ran?’ she said.
‘I did not run.’
‘Perhaps you walked, or rode,’ she said, tired of the whole business. ‘But if the Horse Guard thought you dead and you did not inform them otherwise, then I must assume you are a deserter.’ She had thought his arrival in Aldricshire was an unpleasant shock. But it was nothing compared to this.
‘You do not know what it was like,’ he argued. ‘Alone and friendless, so far from home.’
She laughed. ‘Of all the arguments you might bring, my lack of sympathy for the lonely will do you the least good.’
For a moment, he did not look so sure of himself. Then the smile returned. ‘But I have found my way back to you now.’
‘You should have at least knocked,’ she said. ‘Or called out to explain yourself before entering my room.’
‘At one time, you would not have minded,’ he said. His sea-green eyes were as deep and beautiful as she remembered, but not as innocent.
‘That was a long time ago,’ she said. ‘And I am married now.’
‘But that is the wonder of it,’ he said. ‘Your husband has promised me that the decision is yours and he will deny you nothing. We can be together, even now.’
‘If I wish it,’ she reminded him.
‘You do not have to tell him if you think it likely to upset
him.’ He pointed to the passageway again. ‘We can love in secret, just as we used to.’
When they were young, he had assured her that secrecy was necessary to protect her honour. But now it was probably due to a very sensible fear of St Aldric. The duke’s patience might wear thin once he discovered that there was a passage between the rooms.
She had a good mind to tell him of it.
‘Love me now,’ Richard insisted. ‘Once the baby is born, you can be free of him. The child is all he wants from you. He told me so himself.’
Would St Aldric really say such a thing? Then the sudden pain she felt was her heart breaking.
Then she remembered that Richard was a terrible liar and she did not need to listen to him. The pain eased.
But Richard remained. ‘Leave the baby with him,’ he said. ‘And come away with me as I suggested this morning. It will be as it was when we were first together.’
The idea that she would trade one moment with her own flesh and blood for a lifetime with Richard Colver took the last of her patience from her. Her body had no more space to contain the growing ire than it did to take a decent breath. ‘This morning you spoke as my friend. Now you wish to be lovers. Before that, you wanted only my financial support because you claimed I had ruined your prospects.’
‘And I will still need your help,’ he admitted. ‘But if you separate from your husband, he will not make you live without funds.’
‘You wish me to leave him because when I do, he will support me and I will support the pair of us?’
‘You make it sound so sordid, my dove.’ He reached for her again.
‘Because it is,’ she said, tapping him lightly on the forehead with the slipper she had been holding. ‘Have you no desire to supply for your own needs?’
He sighed. ‘The life of a veteran is not a happy one. Many of us are begging in the street.’
‘Those who are missing an arm or a leg, perhaps. Those who are unfit to work.’ Had Richard ever spoken of a job? He’d had a nebulous plan to make his fortune while in the army. He had talked often enough of his father’s unfairness. But even now she was sure that Mr Colver would take him back, should he decide to return to the family business.
He gave her a pitiable look. ‘I will, of course, apply myself to some job or other. It is simply a matter of finding one that is suitable. Until that time, my sweet pigeon, I see no reason why we cannot begin our life together.’
‘Oh, Richard,’ she said, shaking her head, with a smile. ‘There is one very good reason.’
‘What is that, my little chicken?’
‘Because while I might wish to leave my husband, I do not wish to leave my baby. And I would not trade either of them for another moment with you. Now pack your things and go to...Norfolk. Or to Hades. Really, I do not care.’ She did not feel up to having this discussion. In fact, she rather thought that it would be nice to crawl back into bed and die.
‘But my dear duckling, my...’
And that was the last straw. Ducks waddled. Now so did she. She turned and grabbed the first handy thing, a bolster trimmed with gold tassels, and swung it at him. ‘I am not your little duckling. I am not a bird of any kind and especially not a lovebird. Most important, I am not yours.’
Richard dodged the pillow and stepped farther into the room, towards the bed. ‘You are speaking of the marriage to the duke? Do not be silly...angel.’
It was not a bird, but it still had wings. She grabbed a hairbrush from the vanity and threw it at his head.
‘You were mine long before you were his.’ He was circling the room, trying to get close to her again. ‘And glad to be so, as I remember it.’
‘Because I loved you,’ she said. The words seemed to cramp inside her, as though the baby and everything else about her rebelled at the knowledge.
Richard, merely looked surprised. ‘When I left you, you had no trouble forgetting me. You have tumbled into quite the downy nest, while I have not a feather to fly with.’
More feathers. She gave an inarticulate growl of disgust and looked for something else to throw.
He held out his arms to block her aim and took another step forward. ‘You cannot mean to send me away so soon. To forget the love we shared. To separate yourself from your oldest and dearest friend?’
‘We are no longer friends,’ she said. Today she did not feel friendly to anyone, and even less so to Richard. ‘Nor are we lovers.’
‘But we can be again, can we not? We could start fresh.’ He put down his hands and smiled at her as he used to, when she was young and trusting. Then he added, ‘It would be quite safe to be so, for you are already with child.’
‘St Aldric...’
‘Is on the other side of the house and will not hear a thing,’ he said, his smile changing to an evil grin. ‘And you are more than enough woman to handle the two of us.’
If that comment was meant to reflect on her current size, there would be hell to pay. She grabbed another pillow and swung with all her might for his head. When it struck, the seam split in a burst of feathers, but the exertion left her short of breath and clasping her middle.
‘Not that you are unattractive,’ he said, sensing his misstep. ‘You are the very bloom of health. Lovelier than you have ever been. Now, what say you to a tumble?’ He made another lunge for her, sprawling on the bed.
She grabbed the first thing handy, the heavy brass candlestick on the bedside table and swung it like a club, catching him in the shoulder.
‘Out.’
‘My... Ow.’ Her next blow had taken him before he could find another avian endearment.
‘Out,’ she said, brandishing the candlestick. ‘Now. From this room, from this house. Do not wait for your things. They will be sent after.’
‘But I am willing to wait,’ he said, hands on his heart. ‘A lifetime, if necessary.’
She took another swing. Except for the pain in her stomach, it felt good. ‘And that might not be so very long,’ she said, waving her makeshift club in front of her. ‘If you do not go now, you will end this day covered from head to toe in bruises. And do not think you will not.’ She swung again, catching him another thump to the arm, which actually raised a look of alarm.
‘I will not leave you,’ he insisted, dodging the next blow. ‘Call the servants if you must. It will be quite embarrassing when they find us in the middle of a lovers’ spat.’ But he did not look quite as sure as he had.
She shook her head and smiled as a mad idea occurred to her. ‘Waiting for the servants would take too long. I am breeding, as you say. And my moods are...volatile.’ She swung again and he actually rolled away onto the floor, scrambling to put the bed between them.
‘Now, now, Maddie....’
She threw the candlestick and watched it bounce off his shoulder before searching about for something else to pitch at him. ‘You want my company, do you, Richard? After all this time? You returned from the war and did not rush to me while I was still young and sweet-tempered. Well, you have found me now—and how do you like me?’ She sent a paperweight from the desk sailing past his head and into the cheval glass behind him. It hit with a resounding crack and half the mirror slid from the frame to shatter on the rug.
‘For God’s sake, Maddie! Have you lost your mind?’ He turned to back towards the salon door, finding it locked and muttering, ‘Damn.’
‘Perhaps I had no mind to begin with,’ she said, on fire with pain and evil glee. ‘But I know you are right in one thing. I am more than enough woman for the pair of you.’ The porcelain ornament she grabbed next caught him in the forehead, raising a trickle of blood before it bounced away.
‘Ask the duke—he will tell you how much trouble I am. A tartar, a shrew, a fishwife. I have taken each opportunity I could find to make his life a misery. Your arrival here is just one example.
’ She grabbed the poker from the fireplace and hefted it in her hand. ‘And the thing is, Richard, I am quite fond of him. One might even say that I love him. He did not dishonour and abandon me as you did.’
She brandished the poker like a sword. ‘Oh, my first beloved—’ she swung ‘—my duckling—’ she swung again ‘—my fine proud cockerel.’ She smiled, advancing on him. ‘People keep telling me that I have an increased appetite. But I think it might be for violence. If you do not have the sense to leave me this instant, you will be a capon when I am finished with you. And the duke and all his servants will not lift a finger to help you.’
With that, her one true beloved turned and ran down the passage to his room and slammed the door behind him.
Chapter Nineteen
Maddie summoned Peg, who looked in horror at the destruction in the room. ‘Throw it all away,’ she said, waving her arms wide. ‘And tear down the draperies, as well. Then tell a footman to nail the walls shut.’
‘Beggin’ your pardon, your Grace?’ The maid looked at her as though she had made the sort of mad comment that one would expect from a tosser of pillows or a breaker of glass.
‘And see to it that Mr Colver is removed from the house. Immediately.’
‘Very good, your Grace.’ This, at least, made some sense.
With the removal of Richard settled, Maddie staggered towards her husband’s office before the next pain could come again.
‘St Aldric! I demand to speak to you this instant!’
Seeing her expression, Upton immediately began gathering his notebooks to retreat. But the smile that the duke gave her was as neutral and unperturbed as ever, as though he did not wish to air their troubles in front of the staff. ‘Yes, my love?’
‘Do not mock me with endearments,’ she said, grabbing the corner of the desk. She caught her breath and spoke again. ‘This house is...unsatisfactory.’
‘Really?’ Now he was drawling. She had never known him to drawl, even on the days when he had been most impatient with her. ‘Whatever is the problem, my dear? Would you like something larger? If I could convince the Regent to let us Carlton House—but it might not be big enough to hold your wardrobe.’ He was teasing her and she was in no mood for it.
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