by E. M. Abel
“Uh-uh,” I objected as I shook my head. “No touching. Stay here.”
He smiled at me and licked his bottom lip as I went to sit on the end of the bed.
Marcus was standing there in nothing but his underwear. His muscles were all so perfectly sculpted and hard, and his tattoos were so fucking sexy that it was hard not to just give in and ravage him. But after a night of watching him in that sexy black suit, I was in the mood to play and have some fun.
“Come here,” I ordered, looking at him as I sat on the end of the bed.
He took a few steps toward me, and then he stopped when he was a few inches away. I could see he was getting hard, and his eyes were burning into mine. I stood up, and I was careful not to touch him as I walked behind his back.
“Give me your hands.”
Marcus looked over his shoulder at me as he moved his arms, crossing his wrists behind him. I took his black tie and slowly wrapped it around his wrists. I tied them tightly together, so he couldn’t move his arms. When I was done, I strutted back to the end of the bed. Marcus was grinning as he looked my body over, but he didn’t say anything.
After crawling up my bed, I sat down with my back against the headboard. I started taking the bobby pins out of my hair, letting the curls fall down around my shoulders. When I was done, I swept my hair over one shoulder. He was still watching me quietly as I moved my hands to cup my breasts through my dress. As I lightly squeezed my nipples between my thumbs and index fingers, Marcus’s lips parted. When I glanced down at his crotch, I could see his erection growing.
“You like that?” I asked, looking up into his eyes.
“Hell yeah.” He gave me his naughty grin.
Moving to the side of the bed, I opened the top drawer of my nightstand and pulled out my vibrator. Marcus groaned in the back of his throat, and I smiled to myself as I closed the drawer. Lying back on the bed, I slowly lifted my skirt up to my hips, and then I slid my black thongs down my legs and over my shoes before tossing them onto the floor.
I looked back down toward the foot of the bed and slowly lifted my eyes, over Marcus’s body. I could see his chest moving faster with his breath as the muscles in his shoulders tightened when his eyes landed on my new wax job.
I smiled before getting onto all fours and crawling toward him. When my face was only inches from his throbbing dick, I stopped and licked my lips. Marcus’s abs flexed, putting his sexy six-pack on display. Leaning forward, I planted a soft kiss right above the waistband of his briefs. I licked and kissed up his stomach and his chest, making my way to his neck.
Kneeling on the bed in front of him, I pressed my body against him. I nibbled on his earlobe, knowing how much it turned him on. I could feel his erection against my thigh, and I lightly traced my fingertips across it. He let out a deep moan as it twitched against my touch.
“I’m going to make myself come, and I want you to watch,” I whispered into his ear.
I turned around and got on all fours. Arching my back, I opened myself up to him, as I gave him a full view of how wet I was.
“Fuck,” he growled.
Reaching down between my legs, I moved my fingers against my wet, swollen skin. I moaned as I circled my clit with the tips of my fingers. When I looked over my shoulder at Marcus, he was biting his bottom lip as he watched my hand pleasure myself. His eyelids were hooded, and his stare was glazed with lust. Turning on the vibrator, I moved it between my legs, and I gasped when I felt it press against my sensitive skin. I could sense Marcus moving behind me as he repositioned his feet, his arms struggling against the tie.
“Not yet,” I warned as I looked up to meet his eyes. “I want you to watch me.”
Marcus stopped moving and kept his eyes on me as I started moving the vibrator. I arched my back more, pressing my chest to the bed, as I rotated the vibrator inside me. Keeping my eyes connected to Marcus’s, I started moving the vibrator faster. I bit my bottom lip as I felt myself tightening around it. I started circling my hips against my hand.
“Oh god,” I whispered as I felt my orgasm building inside me.
Marcus’s eyes turned liquid as he watched me. “Come for me, baby,” he whispered back.
The instant his words hit my ears, I felt the explosion inside of me. My toes curled, and my free hand fisted into the comforter of my bed as I rocked my hips back with my orgasm.
Marcus moaned and then growled, “Fuck. I’m so fucking hard right now, Asia. You need to come untie me. Now.”
I had another surprise for Marcus. It had been thirty days since I started taking my birth control, which meant no more condoms. I smiled at him before crawling off the bed. I slowly walked on shaky legs toward him. His muscles were tight and coiled, like a snake ready to strike. His dick was so hard that it looked like it would rip through his briefs. I knew once I released his arms, I would no longer be in control.
When I got behind him, I told him, “It’s been thirty days.”
He looked over his shoulder. “Good, because there’s no fucking way I’m stopping to put on a condom.”
I giggled and untied the knot I’d made around his wrists. When Marcus’s arms were free, he turned to face me. He put his hands under my armpits and twisted around, throwing me back onto the bed. I squealed as I flew through the air and landed on the soft blanket. Marcus pulled down his underwear, freeing his erection, and then kicked them off to the side. Leaning down, he grabbed my ankles and yanked me toward the end of the bed. Hovering over me, Marcus put his hands on the bed beside my shoulders.
“Now, it’s your turn to watch me come inside of you.”
He thrust his hips forward and entered me. I gasped at how warm and hard he felt, and I gripped the bed under me as he started pounding inside me. He moved one hand down to hold on to my hip as he started moving faster. When he leaned down and bit my nipple through my dress, I moaned as I felt the sensation move through me.
“God, I fucking love you,” Marcus growled as he held my hip tighter.
I felt my second orgasm start to roll through my body. I reached up and gripped his hair in my hand as he looked down, watching himself pound into me.
“Oh god, Marcus!” I screamed as I came.
He started grunting and thrusting harder. He kissed me until he found his release inside me.
The next morning, I woke up alone in bed. My phone was ringing in my purse on the dresser. I groaned and reluctantly got up to answer it, wearing only Marcus’s T-shirt. When I saw that it was Shaun calling, I rolled my eyes and sighed.
“What, Shaun?” I answered.
“Is Marcus there?”
I could tell by his voice that something wasn’t right, and I became more alert. I could hear Marcus’s voice in the other room.
“Yeah, he’s in the living room. Why?”
“Asia, listen to me. He’s on the phone with Dad. We just found out…” Shaun paused, exhaling loudly.
“What?” I breathed, fear taking over me.
“His mom died early this morning. She was drunk and drove right into a tree. She was dead before the cops got there.”
I felt all of the blood leave my face. I could barely breathe. This feeling was familiar to me, and it was devastating. Before I could digest everything Shaun had just told me, I heard something crash and break against the wall in the living room. I gasped and threw my phone down on my bed before taking off and running down the hall.
I stopped when I saw Marcus. He was standing with his back to me. His shoulders were moving up and down with his labored breath, and he was staring out the living room window. I looked down and saw his phone in pieces on the floor. Tears were gathering in my eyes, and I took a deep breath to hold them back. I had to be strong for Marcus. I slowly walked over to him and put a hand on his bare shoulder.
Marcus instantly shrugged me off. “Don’t fucking touch me,” he clipped.
It felt like a punch to the gut. My chest tightened, and I squeezed my eyes shut as I took a staggered breath.
“Yeah. So am I,” he muttered as he turned and walked toward our room without looking at me.
As he disappeared down the hall, I put my hand up on the window to steady myself. I started breathing harder as my body tried to recover from the blow.
After giving Marcus a few minutes to cool down, I made my way down the hall toward our room. Marcus was dressed, and his suitcases were on the bed. As he threw his things into them, his jaw was clenched, and his eyes looked cold. I walked to the opposite side of the bed and sat down on the edge, watching him silently, as he packed his bags.
“Where are you going?” I murmured.
He started zipping the suitcases closed. “I need to get out of here,” he replied without looking at me.
I looked down at my hands that were fisted in my lap. “You shouldn’t be alone right now, Marcus. You need—”
Marcus’s head shot up, and he glared at me. His eyes were so hard and angry. I immediately shut my mouth as I felt my heart starting to crack. I gasped as I felt it. I was losing him.
“You have no fucking clue what I need right now, Asia. Just because your mom…” He paused, pushing his fingers through his hair, as he clenched his jaw again.
I could feel tears gathering in my eyes.
“I don’t need this shit right now, Asia. So, just don’t. Okay? Don’t.”
“Don’t what, Marcus?” I muttered quietly, my voice trembling. “Care? Well, I’m sorry, but I love you. I can’t just sit by and watch you run away like this. I know you’re hurting, but—”
“You don’t know shit!” he yelled at me.
My body jerked back as a warm tear streamed down my cheek. His words were like a slap in the face, and the chill in his stare made my blood run cold. Turning away from him, I looked down at the floor as I felt the crack in my heart growing.
“I knew this was a mistake. I don’t need this shit. I don’t need you to make me feel worse right now, Asia. My mother just fucking died! She’s fucking dead! Don’t you get it? I don’t need this shit!” he screamed at me.
I couldn’t look at him. This man in my room wasn’t Marcus. He wasn’t the same man I loved. He wasn’t the same man I’d given my heart to.
“Marcus, please,” I begged. My voice was so low that I wasn’t sure if he heard me. I barely heard it over the pounding in my ears.
“I can’t do this. I was wrong to start anything with you, Asia. You’re free now, so don’t worry about me. Just be free.” Marcus grabbed his suitcases, and without a second glance, he stormed out of our apartment.
The instant I heard the front door slam, I let go of what little control I had left. Sobs escaped my lips as they trembled. Everything was trembling. Squeezing my eyes closed, I could taste the salt of my tears and hear the painful silence in the room, but the wrenching pain in my chest was all I felt. I fell to my side on the bed. I curled into the fetal position as my body rocked with each struggling breath.
I’d given myself to him. I’d given him everything, including my heart. Without thinking twice, he’d ripped it out and left me empty.
Alone.
If this is what it means to be free,
then lock me up and throw away the key.
I was numb. I was dead inside. I was lost in a sea of black with no light in sight.
For the first week after he’d left, I called Marcus every day. His phone was still broken on my floor, but I kept hoping he had bought a new one. I even tried calling the shop a few times, but no one could tell me where he was. He was hurting, and no matter what he’d said, I knew he needed people who loved him and wanted to be there for him.
But he never called. Shaun said he hadn’t heard from him either, and he was pissed at Marcus for leaving. I didn’t tell Shaun what Marcus had said, but I didn’t have to. After one look at me, Shaun knew. Everyone knew. They all tiptoed around me. They all talked to me like I was on the edge, ready to jump, and they were scared of saying the wrong thing that might set me off. Their sympathy and pity only made things worse, so when I wasn’t at work, I was home, alone. This wasn’t good either. Everything in my apartment reminded me of Marcus. It was like pouring salt on a gaping wound, never allowing it to heal.
I had one week before I was supposed to throw Hailey her bachelorette party, and then a week later, I would be leaving for Japan. I should have been happy. I should have been excited, but I didn’t feel anything. The pain in my chest had become a steady ache that never let up. Besides that, I felt nothing. I didn’t cry anymore. I didn’t have anything left to give. Marcus had taken it all. I knew I would eventually have to move on. I knew I had to pick myself up and try to continue living with the hole that now filled my heart, but I just hadn’t figured out how.
I spent all my time locked in my spare room, painting. It was the only place where I felt some kind of release. It was the only time I felt anything.
It was Monday night, and I was painting when I heard my phone ring. I felt my nerves spike, like they did every time my phone rang. The last bit of hope left in me was rising to my chest as I glanced at the screen. It was Hailey. I put down my phone and kept painting. When I noticed she had left a message, I picked it back up to listen.
“Hey, Asia. I hope you’re doing okay. Look, we need to talk. Nick and I are coming over tomorrow night, and don’t try to argue because we aren’t taking no for an answer.”
I looked down at my phone and sighed before dropping it on the floor. I guess my grace period is over.
The next night, I was sitting on my red couch, staring at the television, only seeing the colors flashing on the screen. I hated my couch. It smelled like Marcus, and every inch of it reminded me of him and how he was gone.
I felt my hand tremble as I reached out and ran it over Marcus’s spot. The image of him smiling at me on the beach flashed in front of my eyes, and I squeezed them shut as I clenched my jaw. My heart started pounding, and my breath quickened as I felt the hole in my heart stinging in my chest.
I clenched my hand into a fist and stood up. As I walked toward my dining room table, I saw my photo album sitting on my bookshelf. That was when something inside me snapped. I lunged toward it, ripped it off the shelf, and threw it across the room, watching as it slammed into the wall and fell to the floor. Next was Marcus’s skateboard that he’d left behind. I picked it up and hurled it across my living room. It hit the same wall, leaving a dent in the drywall, and it landed on the floor next to my photo album. I let out a low growl as I stalked to my coffee table. I picked up my ashtray and launched it at my front door. It shattered and fell into tiny little pieces on my floor.
Panting, I sank down to my knees and put my head in my hands, slowly rocking my body back and forth. I squeezed my hands into fists in my hair and let out a loud, frustrated scream. I just wanted to feel something. I just wanted to move on, to get over this, but I couldn’t fucking feel anything. He had taken everything from me.
A few minutes later, I heard a knock at my front door, and then it opened. Hailey and Nick were standing there. Hailey looked down at the shattered ashtray on my floor, and then she turned to Nick, who was staring at me. I didn’t move. I just stayed on my knees as they made their way toward me, walking around the broken glass.
“What the fuck, Ais? Are you okay?” Hailey asked as she crouched down beside me.
I slowly shook my head.
Nick was standing in front of me, taking in his surroundings. “Well, I see she’s in stage two,” he said, looking down at Hailey.
I drew my eyebrows together and looked up at him.
“Stage one is depression, stage two is anger,” Nick said, answering my unasked question.
Wrapping her arms around me, Hailey whispered in my ear, “It’s gonna be okay, Ais. I promise. It’ll get easier.”
“I told you this love shit sucks,” Nick said as he plopped down on my couch.
Hailey shot him a shut-the-fuck-up glare.
>
“Well, it’s true!” he said, his voice getting louder.
“Love doesn’t suck, Nick. It’s people who suck. Some people just don’t know how to do it right because no one showed them how,” Hailey said.
Nick sighed and rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”
I noticed Hailey had a bag of groceries with her. After getting me to sit on the couch with Nick, she went into my kitchen and cooked us dinner, making my favorite lasagna. Nick rolled a joint from the weed Marcus had left behind, and we smoked it together.
“Now, I see why they call you Puffy.” Nick smiled at me.
I took a drag from the joint. I rolled my eyes and passed it back to him.
“Oh, come on, Ais. You know you wanna smile. Your face has to hurt after all that frowning you’ve been doing.” He nudged me with his elbow.
I rubbed my hands over my face. “I don’t feel shit,” I admitted to him.
“You will.”
I put down my hands and looked over at him. His blue eyes were fixed to mine.
“Trust me. I know. It might take a while, but you’ll feel again,” he said.
I took a deep breath in through my nose and fell back onto my couch as I blew it out. “I’m not sure I want to.”
Later that night, after eating my first real meal in weeks, Hailey told me she wanted to postpone her bachelorette party. She insisted that it had nothing to do with the state I was in, but I knew she was lying. Either way, I was relieved. I wanted to make sure she had a good party, and there was no way I could pull it off in a week. Since I would be returning from Japan two weeks before her wedding, we decided to have it the weekend after I got back. I was going to be gone for a month, so hopefully, that would give me plenty of time to recover and feel more like myself.
After helping me clean up my apartment, Nick and Hailey left. I ran my fingers through my hair and made my way to my bathroom to take a shower. I took off my clothes, and I stood, naked, in front of my bathroom mirror. I barely recognized myself. My eyes looked blank and empty, dark circles had formed under them, and my cheeks sank in more under my cheekbones. I stared into my eyes through the reflection in the mirror as I rested my hands on the corners of my cold sink. That was when I heard my mom’s voice.
