Jas ran up and down chasing the winged creatures in the sky. How happy she looked! One suggestion by her new stepmother, and she had already forgotten about me.
Jas chased them until her legs wobbled, and she stood panting. She made one last swipe and caught a beautiful butterfly. It fluttered in her net, its orange and black colors brilliant against the woven material. Staring at it, Jas held her breath. Then she picked up the stocking and flipped it inside out in a gentle motion, releasing her captive. Her breath came out in a soft whoosh as she watched it fly away.
In the meantime, Willow had landed a marvelous insect as well. A bright blue dragonfly with gossamer wings. She plunged her hand into the net and scooped it out. It flitted helplessly in her hand. With her free palm, she yanked a hair pin from her bun. She dropped the insect on the ground below her and pinned it in one smooth motion. A tiny yelp escaped from Jas, but Willow hushed her. “I caught this dragonfly fair and square, so I can do whatever I want to it.”
“It’s in pain,” Jas said.
“No, it’s dead.” Willow pointed to the unmoving body. “I spiked it right through the heart. Quick and easy.”
Willow squatted over the dead dragonfly. “When it’s still, you can see so much more. Look at the lines on its wings.” I peered closer and saw the lovely whorls on its shimmering wings. Each segment of the long body looked neat, like a precise tower of horizontal blocks.
A movement from the corner of my eye caught my attention. All the time while Willow and I had stared at the bug, Jas had been shrinking away.
Jas’ hands slipped on the knob of the back door, and it made a jiggling noise. Willow peered up at my daughter. “Don’t worry. There’s no suffering after death.”
What did she know about it? She wasn’t the one watching another woman trying to take over as a mother—but at least Willow wasn’t succeeding at the moment.
I saw the golden eels (they had changed their shape once more) gather around me again. In one voice they hissed out: “We can make sure that they never bond.” I really wanted that, but could they deliver on their promise? Wait a minute. Hadn’t I seen them harm someone?
“I can’t trust you,” I said. “You hurt my friend.”
“What are you talking about?”
“My co-worker, Bao. You whispered into her ear. She drank a home brew and then collapsed.”
“Ah yes, the pregnant woman who died.”
“She died?” I thought she had just fainted. Why hadn’t I checked on her before? I must have been too preoccupied with my own drama in my household. “That’s even worse than I believed!” I wanted to run away and hide in my misery, but their soothing hissing calmed me down.
“No, that was much better for her. Think about it. It was the final escape for her. A way to flee from her boring work.” She had been feeling depressed at the factory, I admitted to myself. “With no burden of a child to feed, or shame from a failed relationship.”
Maybe the golden spirits were right. I let them get closer and land on my body. A softness unfolded from them, a cloak over my skin. It was like a cool mist, an inviting breeze on a hot day. “Welcome to our world,” they said.
One of them slithered into my ear. “My name is Kelvin. Sorry we didn’t notice you before, but we don’t get strangers very often in this realm. I can properly introduce you to this place.”
His voice echoed in my head, but it was a smooth sound. A bit comforting, like the splashing of rain against a windowpane. “I already know how some of it works,” I said. “I’ve been able to shift my body around and make a small impact in the physical world.”
“That’s very good,” Kelvin said. “It sounds like you have the natural ability, but we can enhance those efforts. Let’s work together. We have the same goal in mind—breaking up this family. Mischief for us, and revenge for you.”
“Revenge is a strong word,” I said. “After all, these were my in-laws, and Mill was my husband.”
“True, Topaz. Let me remind you, though. Fillmore and Stella never liked you and accepted you in, like they did Willow. Mill moved on to another woman. And now, this new stepmother is scaring your daughter.”
“You’re right. I need to change their behavior.” This crazy new stepmother had talked shrilly to my child and killed a bug in front of my daughter’s face. What horrid things would she pass down? “They need to learn to really care about Jas.”
“Yes, you’ll be improving them, helping them to grow. With our assistance, you can really alter this family. After all, there’s strength in numbers and in community.” Kelvin wiggled around in my head, forcing my eyes to pivot to the left.
“We’re not like those others,” he said.
“Who are you talking about?”
“Can’t you see the guardian angels?”
“Sometimes I can make out the one near Jas,” I said, “but I can’t properly see it.”
“Let your eyesight wander. Don’t concentrate too hard on the task.” I could see a glimmer of white just at the edges of my line of sight.
“That’s good,” Kelvin said. “Now, use your other senses, too.”
I sniffed the air and could detect the warm scent of vanilla. I heard the rustle of the guardian angel’s wings in the distance. With these added clues, I let my peripheral vision take over. Instead of the usual flickering, I could now see a sharp image. It was a dark shadow, not a full-on replica, but a strong indicator of the real thing. I saw the span of its wings, the way the head rose high above its body, and its slender, needle-like legs.
“It’s a shame,” Kelvin said. “You always see them wandering by themselves. All alone.”
“Don’t they work together under a higher authority?” I asked.
“I believe everyone works for themselves here.” Kelvin shivered, making a slight tingling in my right ear lobe. “Let me say this, though. We, the golden ones, stay in a close-knit community. And which would you prefer?” I thought about my parents, my daughter.
“You can be a part of our family now, too. We’ll give you a tour of this realm.”
“That would be nice,” I said. “Sage just dropped me off on my own when I first came here.”
Kelvin made a tsk noise. “All those centuries of wisdom, and Sage couldn’t even share a few tips with you.”
It did seem unfair. “Help me, Kelvin,” I said, “to touch and change the things around me.”
“My pleasure. First, let’s start with the physical.”
“I know how to do that. I spill out my anger, and it affects the things around me.” I described the time I’d broken the porcelain plate. I didn’t mention how Jas had cut her finger in the process.
“Yes, but that doesn’t always work,” Kelvin said. “Look at the fiasco with the tea.” I remembered the soft breeze that had barely stirred the wedding drink. I stiffened my shoulders.
“Well, it worked the first time,” I said.
“Sometimes intense emotions translate to strong forces. Most of the time, though, it’s too easy to be consumed by the feelings, and that makes you trapped in your old body.”
“I’m not constrained by my previous wants. In fact, I’m no longer hungry for human food.”
“That’s just the progress I’m talking about,” Kelvin said. “When you didn’t breathe in the smells of cooking, did you feel stronger?”
I nodded.
“That’s because you’re not giving in to your old form’s needs. In this realm, you don’t need to be trapped in the desires of your past body. Think of something strong, hard.”
The image that popped into my head was that of my namesake. Topaz, in its natural state. Jagged, sharp crystals. “Okay, I’m ready.”
“Use that image to destroy something.”
I headed straight for the bedroom. Something intimate to the new couple. I searched for their wedding clothes. Once I found Willow’s dress, I stabbed it. A little hole popped in the soft fabric, something minute like a moth would have made. Next, I focused o
n the black and white photo of the bride and groom.
Fillmore had splurged on a photographer, who had lugged an expensive and heavy accordion-like machine to capture the new couple’s image. Mill and Willow weren’t smiling in the picture (Fillmore had wanted a traditional pose), but Willow was nestling next to Mill, and his arm curved around her waist.
I made a jagged tear at the top of the picture, trying to split the two apart on paper. All I managed to do was rip a piece of Mill’s cheek. The same one I had used to cup with my hand. The remembrance of sliding my palm down his face and tracing his strong jaw dizzied me. Just like that, my topaz strength withered away.
“Hold on to your thought of something hard,” Kelvin said. “Fuel your mind with memories of past hurts. It’ll make the material stronger.”
Why couldn’t Mill have stayed loyal to me? What had happened to his promises? Already, Willow had usurped me. He often gazed into her honey eyes and nibbled her delicate earlobe. He didn’t hide his affection from his parents, either, although we’d always had to sneak in touches in our marriage—often at dark, or when his parents weren’t hovering over us.
Plus, the other day, Fillmore had grumbled at Willow’s tasteless cooking (she was responsible for meals now, not Stella), but Mill had asked for a second portion and then kissed his new wife on the lips. When had he ever defended us in our short marriage, by act or word? Had he even loved me at all?
Furious, I headed to the secret spot under the floorboard that guarded Mill and my old mementoes. They were all still there, tucked in the private space. How could he have abandoned his vow to me so easily? A coldness entered my bones, and steel invaded my veins.
I took the clay figurine I had made, the man and the woman with their hands clasped together. Their union of fingers signifying a lifetime together. It was supposed to be symbolic of our tie, but obviously he hadn’t really cared for me. Now, I wouldn’t either. So I threw it onto the ground. Detached from my artwork, I watched as my hands crushed it into infinitely tiny pieces.
Mill came in a few moments later. He must have heard something from the outer room. He walked in with slow steps, his jaw moving, still chewing some food. He’d probably stopped at home to have lunch with his new wife. He’d never made the effort to do that with me during our marriage. He saw the loose floorboard peeled up from the ground and crept closer to the hole. Now, I figured he’d see the dust and shards of my beautiful figurine smashed on the floor. Maybe he would even blame Willow for the mess—that would make me ecstatic.
Mill reached beyond the pulverized chaos and checked his kid-sized saddle. His own childhood souvenir remained intact. Then he looked at the smashed statue. “Jasmine’s so clumsy when she’s playing,” he said. He shook his head and then shrugged. I watched him as he gathered up the broken pieces and tossed them into the rubbish bin without a single flicker of emotion. Then, not only did my body feel like steel, but my heart seemed to ice over. It was something stronger than metal covering my emotions, something more akin to diamond, with its glass-shattering property.
CHAPTER 17
Unleashing My Power
KELVIN BUZZED IN MY ear. “Good work, Topaz.”
I turned away from my indifferent ex-husband and swallowed up the encouragement. “What should I learn to do next?”
“Now, we’ll work on your mental ability. Has anyone ever seen you before?”
“Jas did, but only when she was sick. When she felt better, we drifted apart.”
“That makes sense,” Kelvin said. “In weakened states, people are easier to influence.”
“No, you misunderstood. I couldn’t affect her, but she did notice me and talk with me.”
“Your mind can do so much more. You can influence people’s inner thoughts.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“You enter their head just like I do.”
I laughed. “Of course, you can—you’re a worm.”
“I’m any shape that pleases me. You can change your form, too. It’s similar to how you became strong enough to break that figurine.”
I tried to imagine myself as a twisting worm, but I felt ridiculous. “I can’t do this.”
“Think of yourself as something light,” Kelvin said, “a tiny thing that could travel into someone’s ear.”
I focused on making myself weightless, but I felt how artificial it was. All pretend, and I couldn’t do theoretical lessons. “I need a test subject,” I said.
“Fine. It’s getting dark now. The perfect time anyway.” I looked around and saw that evening had arrived; our conversation must have taken quite some time. “We’ll find someone drowsy to work your magic on,” Kelvin said.
I traveled to the bedroom and spied Fillmore settling in for the night. He took a quick swig from a bottle in his hand and then placed it back inside the nearby nightstand. He hadn’t pushed the drawer entirely closed, though, leaving a crack the size of a millimeter. Fillmore had already tucked himself tight under his blanket when Stella showed up.
She eyed the drawer with a frown. “Who’s been in my stuff?”
“What are you talking about, Stella? Nobody’s touched your things.”
She ignored him and checked the contents inside. She lifted up the bottle Fillmore had been drinking before. “I’m missing some of my sleeping draught. I know I haven’t touched it since Jasmine was a baby, when I was beyond exhausted taking care of her.”
Stella lifted the bottle to the light. “Do you think Jasmine could have taken some by mistake?”
Fillmore pulled the blanket over his head. “Stella, you worry too much. I bet it’s just your imagination.”
Stella tilted the bottle and watched the liquid slosh inside. She placed it back in the drawer and went to bed. She turned her back on her husband as she nestled onto her pillow.
Fillmore started snoring shortly after. I looked at him, imagined myself as air, and tried to enter his head. It didn’t happen. I bounced off, and Fillmore swiped a palm against the side of his face, like he was swatting at a mosquito. I focused on his ear and its inner cavity, even though the sprawling hairs inside that cavern turned me off.
I had to think about something else besides earwax land, a happy image to move me forward and complete my mission. What would be light like air? A childhood memory returned to me: I remembered pasting together pieces of salvaged sticks and tissue-thin paper to fashion a homemade kite. When I ran down the hill with my fragile creation and watched it rise in the sky, a part of my heart launched upwards as well.
I held on to this buoyant feeling as I hurtled into Fillmore’s ear. Thankfully, it was not as dirty as I had expected. Instead, it seemed more like an unlit tunnel, an underground pathway. Suddenly, a loud roar filled the area. I felt suffocated, like a huge rush of water had filled up this secret cave. The sound modulated, and in its murmurings I recognized my father-in-law’s voice amplified a thousandfold. He was talking in his sleep. I heard him say “Mr. Tanoshii” in an agitated mumble.
Fillmore must still feel insecure about his relationship to the pool hall owner, and I acted on his lead. I whispered to him these thoughts:
“He’s never liked you.”
“He could just rip up that flimsy piece of paper and destroy the partnership.”
“There’s no guarantee for your future.”
As my reward, I felt Fillmore start to toss and turn. I fed off his inner tempest and felt a happy glow form inside me. This happiness, along with the constant movement of his body, like a boat pitching on troubled seas, rocked me to sleep like a baby in its cradle.
CHAPTER 18
Boy Meets Girl, Rule 7
I WOKE TO SEE AN EYE, one of many, peering down at me through a long, dark tunnel. The light at the end of the passage seemed to burn into my retina. I sighed and slipped out of Fillmore’s ear to meet Sage.
“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” Sage asked.
“You going to stop me?”
“No, I don’
t interfere with free will. Do you understand the company you’re keeping? There’s a reason why snakes are considered crafty.”
“They’re my friends.” I saw her feathers fluff out in a comical porcupine way. “I don’t need your advice about them. Just give me the next commandment.”
Sage shook her head and smoothed down her feathers. “Okay, then: You shall not commit adultery.”
I stifled a laugh. “She’s too young to do anything of the sort.”
“Lust of the eye counts in this category, too,” Sage said.
“Fine. She’ll have no interest in boys right now.”
“It will be done,” Sage said, and disappeared with a flap of her wings.
***
I decided to leave as well. I could go wherever I wished on my own terms now. I could control my thoughts, and they led me to any place I desired to visit. I didn’t need Sage to hurl me back into the world. I could make a map in my head and pick out the location myself.
In the blink of an eye, I traveled to the pool hall. I thirsted to see what trouble Fillmore had landed in since my disturbing remarks to him. While there, though, my head automatically swiveled to the bar. Something of the sawdust scent in the air alerted me to Mill’s presence. He sat, drinking steadily from a glass, as he studied Willow playing hostess near the front door.
He must have had a stressful day working the coaches since he was drinking. After their marriage, he usually waited for his new wife to get off work in the evenings. I imagine he wanted to personally escort her home through the dangerous streets of Chinatown, but I’d never seen him imbibe before.
During a break, Willow walked over to Mill. “Feeling down?” she asked. Instead of giving him a polite peck on the cheek (as expected by Chinese protocol), she gave him a deep kiss. He didn’t reprimand her, but smiled and gave her a squeeze on the shoulder before she returned to her post by the front entrance.
Dragonfly Dreams Page 8
