by J. Bengtsson
He glanced over. “You have to what?”
“Tinkle,” I repeated.
He stared back at me with a blank face.
“Piddle?” I tried.
Still nothing from him.
I sighed. “I’m about to piss myself.”
His brows raised. Finally! It took him long enough. “You’ve got to be kidding.”
“Do I look like I’m kidding?” I groped myself just a little bit to drive home my point.
“You can’t wait until we get to the hotel?”
“I mean, I guess if I knew which century we’d be arriving, sure, I might be able to hold out, but as it appears now, we’ll be stuck here a good long time. So, no, I can’t wait.”
Jake sighed as if I’d been planning this inconvenience all along. “All right, I’ll have Pete escort you in. Just ignore the paparazzi. Don’t answer any questions.”
“Uh, Pete?” I asked, scrunching my face to show my displeasure with his suggestion. “Yeah, I don’t think that will work.”
“Why not?”
“The dress. I need help lifting it.”
Jake studied me a moment before realization dawned on him. “Wait… are you… you want me to go into the women’s bathroom with you?”
“I mean, I guess I could ask Pete.”
Jake didn’t hesitate a second longer as he opened the limo door, stepped out, and offered up his hand to me. “Oh, and Casey, don’t forget to smile for the cameras.”
Luckily for us, two more of Jake’s security guys had been following behind our limousine and ran up as we exited the vehicle, and they held back the paparazzi as we crossed the grass. We almost made it to the restaurant when the heel of my expensive shoe caught in the crevice between the grass and the concrete, snapping clean off. Jake, who’d been holding my hand, jerked back and gaped at me in surprise.
“My heel broke.”
“No, it didn’t,” he said, grinning.
“I’m afraid so.”
“This is like a scene out of some warped Cinderella movie.”
I laughed and was about to remove the other shoe when Jake swooped me up in his arms and carried me across the threshold of the McDonald’s. Oh, the romance of it all!
“Excuse me. Coming through, people,” Jake called out, now clearly enjoying himself, as he weaved past diners. For this late at night, the restaurant was impressively busy. Good for them. Jake used his foot to push open the women’s restroom, and we came face to face with two women washing their hands at the sinks. They both jerked their heads in our direction and seemed ready to pounce on Jake for illegally crossing into their sanctuary when they took a closer look and their mouths dropped to the floor.
“Ladies, I’m really sorry about this, but my bride is about to…” Jake stopped mid-sentence to address me. “What did you call it in the limo?”
“Tinkle,” I answered.
“Yeah, she’s about to tinkle all over me if I don’t get her into a stall and help her with her dress. Please don’t call the cops on me.”
Jumping into action, the women pushed open the handicapped stall and directed him in. My dress barely cleared the entrance.
“What can we do for you, honey?” one woman asked. Not to me, mind you, but to Jake. I had become invisible in this scenario.
“Make sure you get all the tulle under the dress,” the other added helpfully.
“I will,” he said, setting me on my feet and closing the stall door.
“If you need anything, hon, we’ll be right out here.”
I rolled my eyes and Jake held back a laugh as he helped me lift my strapless, A-line sweetheart wedding dress up around my waist and held the layers of fabric out of the way. I barely made it over the seat before I was relieving myself.
Interestingly enough, I’d never noticed how loud urine could be until I was listening to mine cascade into the bowl below me while my brand-new husband was hovering above me, pretending not to hear. As my cheeks blushed in embarrassment, my mouth went into overdrive.
“I don’t know if I ever told you this,” I began in a conversational tone, “but my college boyfriend once recorded himself peeing for a full minute fifty-eight seconds.”
“No, I don’t think you’ve ever mentioned that before,” Jake said, his voice monotone, not seeming the least bit impressed.
“I mean, maybe it doesn’t sound amazing, but I’m telling you, that video went on and on. I was able to totally dry my hair in the time it took for him to empty his bladder. How do you guys hold so much pee?”
“Casey,” Jake interrupted. “I don’t mean to rush you along, but I’m in a girls’ bathroom with my hands up your dress. Can we talk about your ex-boyfriend some other time?”
“Oh, yeah, sure. I’m almost done, actually. I was just making small talk to ease the awkwardness.”
“Uh-huh, because it’s not at all awkward for you to be fondly remembering another guy on our wedding night.”
“I’m not remembering him, per se… just his nether regions.”
The ladies on the other side of the stall began to giggle something fierce. Shit. I’d forgotten they were there.
“I was just kidding,” I called out to them. “I never think about any other guy’s privates.” Oh, no. That came out all wrong, too.
“Casey.” Jake abruptly stopped me from any more unnecessary babbling. “You’re done. No more chatter.”
“Right. Sorry.” I finished the clean-up and flushed. Jake’s face came into view as the layers of my dress began to fall down around me. Thankfully, he appeared rather amused.
“You’re a piece of work, you know that?” he said, shaking his head.
“If that was meant as a compliment, then thank you.”
“Are we done here, or do you have any further interesting facts about past hookups you’d like to share with me?”
“No. None as interesting as the last.”
“Thank god. Hey, what happened to the other dress you were planning to wear for the reception?” he asked, pushing open the stall. “That would have come in handy tonight.”
The women had pressed themselves against the wall as they awaited Jake’s exit. He flashed them his megawatt rock star smile, and I thought both might slide to the floor in a puddle of glee.
I stared at him in the mirror as I washed my hands. “I changed my mind at the last minute. I figured, when will I ever wear a more beautiful gown, or look as pretty as I do tonight?”
“You don’t need a fancy dress. You always look beautiful to me.”
It was a lovely sentiment ruined by the sharp intake of air from one of the women, followed by a chorus of contented sighs. We exchanged a knowing glance in the mirror. They were going to need tending to before we could leave. Jake nodded at me before wedging himself into the middle of his restroom groupies and smiling for a selfie.
The security guys were waiting for us when we stepped out; and so, unfortunately, were the paparazzi. They were quick to snap shots of Jake and the three of us women with a clear view of the women’s bathroom sign in the background.
“That’s not what it looks like,” he said gamely to the photographers before addressing his own staff. “What’s the limo situation?”
“They’re removing a wooden post, and then we should be good to go. Probably five more minutes, I’d guess.”
“Well, then, we’ve got time to get my wife some food.”
Ignoring the clicks of the cameras, Jake took my hand and headed to the counter. Every person in the building was gawking at the scene we were making. A barefoot woman in a wedding gown at a fast food restaurant was unique enough, but when you paired her with a world-famous musician, the interest level more than quadrupled.
His bodyguards followed close behind, ready to take down any overzealous hamburglars, but we needn’t have worried, as everyone was on their best behavior. Again, I couldn’t get over the turn-out at such a late hour. I mean, who knew this many people got the munchies at one in the morning?
Our turn arrived, and Jake ordered for us.
“Small, medium, or large?” the cashier asked.
Jake glanced at me for guidance.
“The bigger the better,” I said, getting dangerously close to gnawing on the countertop if this ordering business got any slower.
The young male cashier actually looked between the two of us before settling his stare on Jake as if to confirm he was okay with his new bride taking on such a demanding challenge at this late hour.
I snorted in irritation.
Jake smiled in amusement at my reaction before wisely backing me up. “You heard the lady. It’s her wedding day. Supersize her.”
Our hotel was only a few blocks away. Our driver pulled into the valet section of the parking garage and let us be so Jake and I could remain in the back of the limo, eating our late night meal and enjoying being alone together for the first time as husband and wife.
“Okay, here’s another one,” I said, lazily running my finger over the veins on the back of his hand. “When I’m stressed or anxious, I do math in my head to calm myself down.”
“Why are all your confessions so damn nerdy?”
Nudging him playfully with my bare foot, I said, “Oh, I’m so sorry I don’t have a more socially relevant catalog of phobias.”
“Do not,” Jake warned, forcibly pushing my toes off his tuxedo pants, “touch me with those! You know I can’t stomach your feet without protection.”
That only prompted more foot worship, in the form of me rubbing mine all over him. Jake screamed his displeasure before relocating to the other side of the limo and defending himself with a pair of appetizer forks he’d found on the bar.
“Really, Jake? Do you honestly think those tiny forks will protect you? Perhaps you forget I come from a hearty stock of women with podiatry issues. Bunions are the least of our problems.”
“Ooh, yeah, I’m so scared. It’s not like there’s a multitude of foot conditions in the world.”
“You’re joking, right?” I employed the use of my fingers to aid in the countdown of the painful conditions I’d probably inherit one day. “There’s corns, calluses, plantar fasciitis, ingrown toenails, plantar warts, and let’s not forget my personal favorite, hammertoe.”
“Stop!” He grimaced, covering his ears. “Please make it stop.”
I felt no sympathy for the plight he now found himself in. “Hey, buddy, you had two full years to ask the pertinent questions. Now we’re married, and there are no give-backs.”
“See, I feel like you were hiding this particular issue from me.”
“It would seem that way, wouldn’t it? Anyway, enough about me. It’s your turn. Hit me with another confession.”
He sighed, straining hard to come up with another entry into our ‘Who’s weirder?’ game. “Okay, I never drink the last gulp of anything.”
I pondered what he’d said a moment before scrunching up my nose and asking, “Really? Why?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. It grosses me out.”
“So you just leave a little bit in every cup?”
He nodded.
“Wow, Jake, that’s just so incredibly weird.”
“Oh, and your habit of arranging food into happy little family units isn’t?”
“Says the guy who won’t adopt a male dog because he doesn’t want the canine’s genitalia on his car seats.”
“Nobody wants that!”
Jake’s voice peaked in amusement, and we both laughed with the comfortable camaraderie of two people who truly understood each other. It was difficult to fully describe the wonders of loving your best friend… of having someone you trusted with your life to walk you through the good times and bad. Jake was that person for me, and despite the conversation we’d had before the wedding, I was certain that he and I still shared all the same aspirations, even if his might need a little fine-tuning. I had no doubt children would be part of our future, and that there would come a time when Jake would hold our baby in his loving arms and not even remember the doubts he’d once harbored.
My eyes caught on his sculpted face, and a knot formed in my throat. Damn! What man looked that good in a tux? It really was criminal. Suddenly, I had an overwhelming desire to consummate our marriage in the most primitive of ways. Okay, making love inside a luxury limo was probably not considered primeval, but it was hot and dangerous, and that was how I wanted us to remember our first time together as husband and wife.
I must have been staring at him for too long because he cocked his brow and asked, “What?”
I ran my tongue seductively over my lips, giving Jake his first indication of things to come. Gesturing with my finger, I made it known I wanted him by my side. He didn’t need to be told twice. Setting down the forks on the way, he slid into the spot next to me, looking every bit as randy as I felt.
“You are about to be a very happy husband,” I whispered seductively, flicking my tongue over his lips. Jake ran his fingers down my throat, tracing a line to the dip between my breasts. His hand slid under the silk and into the white lacey brassiere, which had miraculously provided my breasts with the oomph they so deserved. With a single-minded focus, his warm hand circled my nipple, and I groaned on contact. Jake lifted his lust-filled eyes to mine; then, catching my jaw, he tilted my head and we stared at one another with a hunger neither of us could deny. I dipped in closer as his lips pushed into mine, rough and wanting. Our mouths drew open, sealed by the bond of our lips, and my tongue pushed against his.
Jake’s hands gripped the sides of my face, his fingers resting in the tangles of my hair, the sheer force of the kiss bruising my lips. My body pulsed with desire, aching for something more. Wrapping my arms tightly around his neck, I kept our lips moving as I lifted my leg up and over, straddling his lap as I pushed against him. A hollow groan released from his throat but was stifled by the barrier our lips had made.
Jake broke roughly from the kiss, panting. “Jesus, Casey. You’re making me crazy.” With no reprieve for him in sight, I continued rotating my hips, no more able to control my lust than he. “If we are doing this” – he gasped out the words as my tongue slithered into his ear, my hot breath sending shivers through him – “Then I…um… I… oh fuck… um… I need to text… um Pete. Keep him… others… away.”
As my nails raked jaggedly over the back of his neck, Jake arched his back, wedging me in tighter onto his package. He was slowly losing his cool, and even though texting was probably not the sexiest thing he could be doing at the moment, I agreed with the principle behind it.
“Send the text,” I murmured in a low and heated tone. Jake, flushed with desire, pulled out his phone, typed something out, and tossed it on the seat beside us. As I leaned in closer, my tongue traced lightly along the edge of his ear, giving the lobe a tantalizing little flick. Jake’s body trembled in a muted, restrained quiver. Our eyes locked and his softened with the unmistakable look of love. Leaning in, I dangled my lips over his until he lifted his up and our lips slowly came together. I melted slowly, deliciously into his arms, our mouths locked on one another, and I savored this moment with him as if it were our first.
The confines of the limo and the steamy heat inside only served to heighten the senses. Pulling apart from him, I flicked his lip with my tongue playfully then pushed him back against the seat. I removed Jake’s expensive Armani coat and flung it to the other side of the limo before tackling the shirt and tie. My fingers deftly went to work unbuttoning, but after the eighth one, I got impatient with the tedious process and just pulled the dress shirt out of his tuxedo pants and up over his head. With the buttons on his sleeves still attached, the shirt hung in front of him, binding his wrists like handcuffs. Whatever Houdini moves he’d have to make to free himself was none of my concern, as I’d already moved on to his well-muscled stomach, delighting in the feel of his sculpted abs. An animalistic little growl accompanied my mouth as I dipped my tongue into the deep ridges. Jake’s body shook as he laid his
head against the cool leather interior of the limo.
Pulling me off his lap, Jake made quick work of his pants. He’d only managed to free the dress shirt from his left wrist so it was dangling off the right. After wriggling out of my panties, I was trying to figure out how I was going to get out of my wedding gown when a thought occurred to me.
“Babe, would you mind if I kept my dress on?”
A deep, sensual chuckle vibrated through the vehicle before he nodded his approval and said, “I’d expect nothing less.”
I straddled his lap, dress billowing out on all sides. White fabric was everywhere, but we’d have to make it work; I was determined to get one more spectacular use out of my beautiful gown before it went into storage forever. Suddenly I was aware of Jake's mouth tugging gently at my ear as he waded his way through the fabric of my wedding gown to get to the good parts beneath. Once his long, agile fingers found their way under my dress, he immediately used them to stroke the inside of my thigh. Dampness formed between my legs, sending a blistering shiver rattling my body that spread out evenly to all my extremities.
With only the dull glow of the overhead car light to illuminate our faces now, I felt a staggering sense of reckless desire and unrestrained anticipation. I arched in pleasure as his fingers traveled along the dips and curves of my body before wandering up between my legs and teasing me in that most desired of places. Everything pulsed as my body adjusted to its yearnings and intensified hunger. I pressed against his hand, taking what my body desired while balancing myself by pushing down on his thighs for support. The windows had sealed in our steam, protecting us from gawkers while cloaking us in a sheet of sticky, humid spice. We moved together in unison as waves of sensation threatened to overtake me before I even had my husband inside me.
Jake gripped my waist and rubbed himself against my entrance before positioning me over him. I moaned as he slowly lowered me down. My hair, once styled so beautifully, was now cascading over my shoulders in a tangled mess. I stared intently into his eyes as we moved together in perfect rhythm. His open mouth hovered below mine as he took shallow breaths and I could do nothing but attack them lustfully. My tongue pushed into his mouth only to find his ready and waiting.
