by Gwen Cole
Maybe Avery will finally see the world of her mother’s pictures.
After a while, the sky turns dark and I drift in and out of sleep. Sometimes hot and sometimes cold, and then I finally sleep for a long time. When I wake, the tube giving me blood is gone and my body doesn’t feel like lead anymore. I lie for a moment, studying the ceiling with wooden beams, dresser in the corner, and then the window. The sky is bright today—brighter than I’ve seen in my whole life.
The window is big enough to hold the walls back and keeps the ceiling from coming down on top of me. For once, I’m actually okay with being inside.
The ocean sounds call me up and out of bed. My legs are steady enough to hold my weight, but I use the wall for support. My torso is bare and a white cloth has been wrapped tight around the middle. I resist touching where I was shot. Only a few feet are between me and the window, and before I get any weaker, I take the unassisted steps and grab the window frame.
Some of the city is laid out below me, narrow streets made of stone and houses pressed up against each other, and then a wall keeping it all together. It’s nothing like the towns I’ve passed through or the old cities people tried to rebuild—it’s something totally new. And just beyond the wall is the ocean. It’s calm today—not like the day I sat on the beach to wait for death—the ripples of waves wash up onto the sand and disappear, making just enough sound to reach my ears.
The sky above is blue and bright, with the sun high. White clouds are drifting by.
I wonder if it’s real at all or if my mind has finally broken.
It feels real, at least. I taste the salt from the ocean and feel the breeze on my face.
The door creaks open and I look over my shoulder. Avery stands there, pausing halfway through the door, her eyes taking me all in. “I wasn’t sure if you were awake yet.”
“I don’t want to sleep anymore.”
Avery shuts the door behind her, stopping next to me and only glancing once outside. “Marshall told them to give you a room with a big window facing the ocean.”
“Marshall did?”
“Okay, I may have hinted at it.”
I rest my hand over hers on the windowsill, curling my fingers around hers. “Thank you. It helps more than you know.”
We both look over the ocean and the sky above, and Avery says, “I didn’t think it would be this beautiful. Pictures never did it justice.”
“The sky or the ocean?”
“Both.”
Avery then looks at me with a mix of emotions, pulling her hand from mine and leaving me cold. A list of possibilities run through my mind—most of them having to do with Finn and Rami, and then Cade.
“What is it?”
She takes a slow breath and says, “You almost died.”
“Yeah, but I didn’t.” I take her hand again and pull her toward me. Her fingers carefully touch the cloth around my middle, making small bumps appear along my arms as my heart beats a bit faster. “And it’s because of you.”
She looks up. “I guess your trigger finger isn’t as fast as you thought it was.”
“It’s fast enough.” I try to hide my smile but she’s already seen it. A wave of dizziness comes over me and I lean on the sill for support. “Maybe not right now, but it will be again.”
Avery helps me back to the bed, where we sit on the edge with our legs touching.
“What do you think you’ll do once you’re well?”
I honestly haven’t thought about it yet. Now that I’ve seen the ocean and found the place my father may or may not have known about, I don’t feel the need to do anything. Not yet.
“I don’t know … maybe go look for pirates?”
Avery laughs. “Pirates?”
“Yeah, I’ll go fix that boat and we’ll sail away until we find something new.”
“We?”
I take a moment and nod. “We.”
Then I kiss her with the sound of the ocean and laughter coming from somewhere below, promising our future with something good.
Just after dusk, when the sky is a deep red turning into black, someone knocks once on my door and doesn’t wait for a response before entering. An older woman comes in, gray streaking her hair—something I’m always surprised to see. People are always lucky to live that long.
“I hope I’m not interrupting,” she says, shutting the door.
I shake my head and try to sit up in bed—try because I can only get halfway, so I settle against the headboard. She takes the seat facing me, the same one Marshall left not too long ago. Before he did, he moved my bed next to the window and it’s made everything so much better. The only thing I’m missing is Cade.
I’m fairly certain I’ve never met her before, but she’s not looking at me like I’m a stranger. She finally starts, “My name is Amira, and this might sound odd, but I think I knew your father.”
My breath hitches. “What?”
“When I heard a boy named Seph was brought in, there was nobody else I could think of. I knew a man once, his name was Joseph, and he had a son with your name. He always said he didn’t want you to have his name, so he chose the closest thing to it.”
“He didn’t want me to be a Junior.” Amira smiles like she knows the joke and I have no doubt she’s telling the truth. Nobody else would know that. “How did you know him?”
“There was a group of us that kept in contact back when the radios still worked. We all knew each other from before, when we were in the military.” She touches my wrist and asks, “Was this his?”
I nod. “He never told me what it meant. I just wore it because it was his and it was something to remember him by.”
“We started wearing them to recognize others like us, then it became something more. We wear them now to let people know there is still good in the world. That there are still safe and free places to live.”
“How many settlements do you have?”
Amira sits backs and thinks about it. “Oh, I think there are about a dozen these days. I’m surprised you haven’t come across one of them before now.”
“I tend to avoid people if I can.”
She shows me a small smile. “That’s the other thing I wanted to talk to you about. I know your lifestyle is different than ours, but if you want a place here, it’s yours. Your father was a good man and I can see that you are, too, and we could always use someone with your skills.”
I don’t know how I feel about that, and she notices the discomfort on my face—I don’t even try to hide it. I’ve done things she wouldn’t even want to know about, but haven’t we all? Would these people really welcome me here? Have I ever had the option?
“You can think about it.” She stands to leave but pauses at the door. “Your father would’ve been proud of who you’ve become.”
After she’s gone, I watch the sky for the longest time, trying to decide if she’s right.
35.
Avery
I double-check my room, making sure I haven’t left anything I’m going to need—it’s not like I had much to begin with. Finn sits on his bed and watches me empty one half of our room, wanting to say something for the last hour.
“I think I’ve got everything,” I say, mostly to myself because I know Finn won’t respond. He hasn’t said much over the last week—not since he found out Seph and I were planning to leave again. We’ve been together our whole lives, but he must’ve known we would part ways at some point. Or maybe not, because I didn’t even think about it until the opportunity arose.
I set my bag next to the door and finally face him. His hands are tight on the edge of the mattress and he studies the dresser between our beds, where our wooden horse sits on top. After another minute of total silence, I walk over and grab it and then sit down next to him.
“You know it’s not permanent,” I say.
“It feels like it is. You don’t know when you’ll be back and anything could happen while you’re out there.”
“Seph says he wants to be
back by spring.”
“Is this what you want?” Finn turns and focuses on me, his eyes begging me to stay. “Really? You don’t have to go just because he asked you to.”
I rub my thumb down the horse’s neck, place it in Finn’s hand, and fold his fingers over it. “We’ve been together our whole lives. I wouldn’t leave if I didn’t really want to. You know that.”
“I do … it doesn’t mean I like it.”
“I can’t lie and say it’s safe. Even with the sky clearing and more green showing every day, it’s still the world we’re from. But I’m not that same girl and I’m not going to be alone.”
“It’s not that I’m worried you’ll get hurt. Even though there’s a good chance you will.”
“Hey.” I shove him in the shoulder.
Finn smiles. “It’s mostly because I’ll miss you. More than ever before.”
“Finn …” I wrap my arms around him and he leans his head on mine. “I’ll miss you, too. But I promise I’ll be back.”
Finn straightens again and places the horse back in my hands and says, “You need this more than I do.”
I smile, trying to hold something back. “I was hoping you would say that.”
He nods. “I know. Come on. I’ll walk you down.”
He leads the way down the main staircase and winding halls until we’re out on the streets. The cobblestones are uneven in some parts and the buildings are pressed tightly together, making the city a giant maze if you didn’t already know the way. People recognize our faces—waving with silent hellos and smiling as we pass. To them, we were the ones who came right after the sun and remind them of something good.
Even though we haven’t been here very long, this place already feels like home. They expand the settlement farther inland every year, making more space for any newcomers that happen to arrive here. There are people who have died of old age here and they have medicine for when someone gets sick.
When we get to the gates, they’re already open. Seph and Marshall are talking near Cade, Amira stands between them, silently waiting, and Rami has Jack, all saddled and ready to go for me. He smiles his lazy, crooked smile when I come over, strapping my pack to my saddlebags.
“Has Marshall found you a job yet?” I ask.
His shakes his head, still rubbing Jack’s head. “Not yet. Don’t know if it’s ever gonna happen.”
And he might be right. Rami is a former gang member and murderer, trying to do good again but occasionally forgetting how.
“You’ll figure out something—I’m sure.”
He hands me the reins. “I think you’re right. Good luck out there.”
“You both ready to go then?” Amira asks, looking at both of us in turn.
I finally meet Seph’s gaze, remembering to nod. “I’m ready.”
“Me too.”
Amira turns to me. “Then there’s one last thing I need to give you.” She holds out her hand, showing me a piece of red cloth. Over her shoulder, Seph nods and Finn gives the slightest smile, still not ready for me to go but accepting it all the same.
I step forward and hold out my wrist to let Amira tie it around. “We trust you to help those in need, to point them in the right direction, and to never take it upon yourself to become the law. Do you promise this in return?”
“I promise.”
“Then don’t let us down.” Then she turns, raising her voice so the others can hear. “I wish you both the best of luck. This is the first time we’ve sent out people to bring others in, and hopefully this is the start of something good. I can’t think of two people more suited for the job.”
I look at Seph, thinking of a conversation we had a few weeks prior. When I couldn’t find him indoors or anywhere in the city, I always knew he would be at the beach. He was alone that day—usually he was with Cade and sometimes Rami—and I sat next to him, close to touching.
“I want to ask you about something,” he said. “It might sound crazy, but there’s reason behind it.”
“Okay.”
I knew what he was going to say. For the last couple weeks, after he was fully healed, Seph had been restless. He had never stayed in one place for so long and still had trouble sleeping indoors. Out of all of us, Seph was having the most trouble adjusting.
Finn quickly took to the farms they had outside the city walls. Dozens of greenhouses had been half-buried in the earth, growing things we’d never seen before. Even as a kid, Finn was most happy when he had a job to do, and he finally found one that would never go away. I hadn’t found anything yet, but I helped with horses when they needed it and whatever else they asked of me. But I knew Seph would never find anything here.
“I’m leaving again,” he said.
“You mean … back out in the Wild?”
Seph nodded, confirming my thoughts.
“Why?”
“Amira has a job for me, and I know I’m the right person for it. There’re a lot of people out there who don’t have a home—like you and Finn after the Lawmen came to your town—and most of them don’t know where they’re going, making them easy prey to gangs still roaming out there. And I can be the one to point them in the right direction. To here, where it’s safe.”
I couldn’t argue with him. For Seph, there couldn’t be a better job—or a better person for it. Even Cade wanted to get back out there. But for everything telling me the good of it, I didn’t want him to leave. Even though Finn was here, it wouldn’t be the same.
“You said you wanted to ask me something,” I said, ready for whatever he had to say but hoping for something specific.
“I wanted to ask if you would come with me.”
And there it was. I’d started out dreading the Wild, but truth be told, I missed it now. “Of course I’ll come with you.”
“Really?” He genuinely seemed surprised.
“I want to be wherever you are.”
So here we were—two weeks later and about to leave to go to unknown places to meet unknown people. My stomach twists with anticipation and fear all at once, but maybe not as much fear as I expected.
Marshall and Rami say their quick good-byes, and then it’s just me and Finn, a foot between us that we have a hard time breaking.
“If you don’t come back by spring, I’m coming to look for you,” he says, hands deep in his pockets and his jacket collar high on his neck. Winter is coming fast even with the sun. I wonder if they get any snow here on the coast and what spring will be like when we get back.
“You won’t have to come looking for me,” I tell him. “I’ll see you in a couple months.”
Finn pulls me into a hug, lasting longer than ever. I memorize his scent and the feel of his arms around me. This time we’re parting on our own terms, but it doesn’t make it any easier.
In no time at all, I’m on Jack and riding with the city to my back, my heart torn between Seph and Finn and the Wild and safety. After a little ways, I stop Jack and turn around. Finn lifts his hand in good-bye and I do the same, missing him but eager to be doing something new and on my own without him.
Seph asks beside me, “Are you okay?”
I turn away from my brother and toward the Wild, which waits with the unknown. With Seph beside me, I feel like we can do anything.
“I’m more than okay.”
Seph really smiles then and leans over to kiss me, the wind brushing his bandana against my neck. I never want to let him go. Even though I’m leaving my brother and a city that offers safety, and going into the Wild where there no rules, I can’t be happier.
Seph breaks away and says, “Let’s get out of here. I know the perfect place to spend the night.”
Cade shoots forward and Jack is eager for a chase. We ride after them, knowing we’re going to find new places but never knowing what to expect.
I’ll always be a townie at heart, but I can’t live in the city knowing the Wild is still out here—some parts of sky showing and some not—calling me the way it calls to Seph. Something
I never thought would happen. A piece of him is always out here and because of that, so is a piece of me.
The Wild may not have always been in me, but now it’s a part I can never live without.
36.
Seph
Tonight we sleep under the stars on the deck of the sailboat, Avery pressed close to me and staring up. The moment I was out of those gates today, it was like I could breathe again. Not only that, but now I have an actual purpose—more fueled than ever before.
I break the silence. “I think I want our first stop to be your old town.”
Avery lifts her head and looks at me. “Really?” Her tone tells me that’s exactly what she was hoping to hear. “I wasn’t sure if you wanted to get that close to Kev.”
“We can’t ignore it forever, and we know for a fact a lot of people are there needing somewhere to go.”
“And this time we know to avoid Houston.”
“You don’t want to run into Craig and Gerard again?”
Avery laughs. “I can’t believe his name was actually Craig.” She puts her head down on my arm and sighs. “I hope there are still people there.”
“There will be.”
“Can I ask you something?” She hesitates. “But you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”
“What is it?” She fidgets more, making me curious. “Avery, just ask me.”
“What would you have done if I said no to coming with you?”
I smile up at the sky, already knowing the answer to that. “I would’ve left anyway.” Avery sits up and I laugh. “Just let me finish. I would’ve left, but only for a day … maybe two. I probably would’ve gone as far as this boat before I realized I can’t go back to the life I had before.”
“Why is that?”
I sit up so I can really look at her. “Because I don’t want to be alone anymore. Because you showed me something better. You’re the first person I’ve ever met who I actually want to be around, and I can’t let that go … I can’t let you go.”
“I think that’s the second best thing I’ve heard today,” she says.
The side of my mouth goes up. “What’s the first?”
“Your laugh—I’ll never get sick of it.”
