‘You too, Caroline.’
‘Watch this one, though,’ Caroline said as she stood up, tipping her chin at Dan. She smiled. ‘Good luck, Dan.’ Then they both walked from the restaurant.
Niall looked at Charity, frowning. Did he feel sorry for her?
She turned to Dan. ‘Why didn’t you tell me about your plans? I looked like a clueless bimbo just now.’
‘I hadn’t quite made my mind up until now.’
‘But it’s a massive decision. You can’t just make it over dinner.’
‘Darling,’ Dan said, placing his hand over hers. ‘It’s been in the pipeline for months. I just needed a few more details in order to make my decision, Miles provided them. Amazing what a bottle of champagne can do to a man like him.’
‘I thought it was rather cruel.’
Dan tensed. ‘Really? You do know how much this meal will cost, don’t you? The champagne alone was over a hundred pounds a bottle. I think I paid rather handsomely for his time.’
Charity shook her head.
‘Oh, Charity,’ Dan said. ‘This is the way business works. We’re all pieces on a chessboard.’
‘What does that make me then? The pawn, brought here to look pretty and lull him into a false sense of security?’
Dan’s face grew serious. ‘You’re more than just pretty, Charity, and you know it.’
‘We should get the bill,’ she said, feeling people’s eyes on them, including Niall’s.
‘But we said we’d stay on after, get a few more drinks. ’
‘No, Dan. I want to go home.’
Dan grabbed her arm, leaning towards her. ‘It’s because of Niall, isn’t it? You can’t handle being in the same room as him.’
Niall stood up and walked over to the table, his eyes on Dan’s hand. ‘Everything okay, Charity?’
Dan released his grip and stood up, shaking Niall’s hand. ‘Niall, how are you?’
Niall ignored him, still looking down at Charity. ‘Charity?’
‘I’m fine,’ Charity said. ‘We were about to leave. Shall we get the bill?’
‘You don’t look fine.’
Dan glared at Niall. ‘She said she’s fine.’
Niall’s blue eyes slid over to Dan. ‘I heard what just happened now with that cruise line owner. That’s the problem with people like you, you’ll do anything to anyone to get to the top.’
Dan laughed. ‘Says the man having dinner with the politician.’
‘He’s a good man, done more for this community than you ever will.’
‘Really? He’s paid towards the opening of a new community centre, has he? I think I’ve achieved more here in the past three months than that man has. Action, Niall, not talk talk talk.’
Charity stood up. ‘Oh God, you two, will you both just shut up?’ She walked out from behind the table. ‘Sort the bill out, Dan, I’ll get us a taxi.’
Dan reached for her. ‘Charity, don’t—’
‘Dan North?’ a man said, walking up to the table. ‘Gareth Jones, we met two months ago. I was meaning to talk to you actually, I might just be able to help you with that problem you were having with steel supplies.’
‘Ah, Gareth,’ Dan said, fixing a smile on to his face, half an eye on Charity as she walked out of the restaurant, Niall following.
‘Don’t follow me, Niall,’ Charity said as she shrugged her coat on and opened the door, stepping outside.
‘I don’t like the idea of you being with someone like him.’ He strode alongside her as she walked down the road towards the taxi rank. ‘Are you sure you trust him?’
‘What does that mean?’
‘Lana told me Dan manipulated her into making a pass at me in India.’
Charity raised an eyebrow. ‘And you believe her?’
He sighed, running his hand over his stubbled face as though exhausted. ‘I think I do, actually. After the exhibition in Norfolk, we talked. She thinks Dan wanted something to happen between me and her. On the way to India, he kept talking to her about how needy she was; how he wished she could appear more unavailable to him.’
Charity shook her head. ‘I can’t see Dan saying something like that to someone as vulnerable as Lana.’
‘She seemed sincere. She told me he actually said to her that if she showed him other men could find her attractive, he might find her appealing too. He mentioned me specifically. She said he pretty much bet her she couldn’t seduce me, that I probably found her too needy too. That’s a form of psychological manipulation, right?’
Charity tried to wrap her head around the notion. ‘That’s ridiculous. Lana might be vulnerable but she wouldn’t just sleep with someone at Dan’s command.’
‘Really? He’s clever, Charity, manipulative. He knew what he was doing.’ She thought of all she’d learnt about Dan the past couple of weeks: the underhand way he’d got the cottage; the lengths he’d gone to to discredit Niall. But what about the kind, caring Dan she knew? Could she really let a couple of incidences reported by people who clearly had a reason to be negative discredit everything she knew about him? And her own discussions with Lana had shown her just how manipulative she could be.
‘I think he did it to get me out of the picture too,’ Niall continued. ‘I think that’s been his game plan from the start, to get you.’ He laughed bitterly. ‘And well done to him as it looks like he has, hook, line and sinker.’
‘I’m not a fish that can just be caught, Niall,’ Charity said, feeling anger build inside. ‘I choose who to love. I don’t need your protection, Niall.’
‘Are you sure? Isn’t that what I’ve always done, protected you ever since the night Faith died? Now you need my protection more than ever. Seeing you here with Dan makes me—’
‘Makes you what?’ a voice said from behind them. They both turned to see Dan standing there. ‘What does seeing Charity here with me make you want to do? Does it makes you jealous because you can see how much she loves me, and I love her?’
Niall laughed. ‘Yeah, sure, lots of love there.’
Dan took a step towards Niall but Charity stood between them, her back to Dan. ‘I love Dan,’ she said, looking into Niall’s eyes. He flinched and she felt terrible. ‘I can look after myself. I’ll be okay. Now go back to your dinner, get on with your life.’
Niall held her gaze and she felt Dan’s breath on her ear. Then Niall sighed, his face softening. ‘If ever you’re not okay, I’m here for you.’ Then he walked away.
Charity closed her eyes for a few moments, composing herself. Then she turned to Dan.
‘What did he mean about protecting you since the night Faith died?’ Dan asked. ‘Is there something you’re not telling me? We said no more lies, remember.’
Tears filled her eyes. She took a breath. ‘I was in the car with Niall that night.’
Dan’s eyes widened. ‘When he knocked over your sister?’
‘Yes. We had no idea, I swear. There – there was a small bump, so we got out to look but there was no sign of her. The impact must have made her tumble down the slope.’
‘Why didn’t you tell me?’
‘But it has nothing to do with you, Dan,’ she said softly. ‘There was no need for you to know.’
‘It has everything to do with me because it’s a major part of your life! You’ve been lying to me, Charity, and yet you lambast me for lying to you. Do you realise what a hypocrite that makes you?’ He shook his head. ‘Unbelievable. Maybe Niall’s right. Maybe we’re not right for each other.’
‘Don’t say that.’
His face softened. ‘We’re so different, Charity. Seeing you and Niall together…it’s hard, really hard, because the truth is, I see it. I see why you love each other.’
‘Loved not love. He’s my past.’
Dan looked out towards the sea, his hands in his pockets.
‘Let’s just get home,’ Charity said, putting her hand on his arm. ‘It’s been a crazy night.’
Dan nodded and they walked to the taxi ra
nk in silence. This was exactly what she’d feared. Dan could hardly look at her.
They spent the car journey back in silence and when they got home Dan said he had a headache from all the champagne he’d drunk and needed to go to bed. Charity hardly slept, watching his rigid back. When she finally did sleep, she woke in the early hours to find him gone from his side of the bed. She quickly grabbed her dressing gown and jogged downstairs, finding him in the kitchen, drinking coffee and already dressed.
‘It’s only four,’ she said. ‘Why are you dressed?’
He looked up at her, eyes unreadable. ‘Maybe it was a mistake we moved in together so quickly.’
She looked at him in shock. ‘What?’
‘We didn’t spend enough time getting to know one another. Niall’s right, you don’t know me.’
She walked towards him, taking his hand and looking into his eyes. ‘Dan, what’s this really about?
He sighed. ‘Seeing you and Niall together, it made me realise how unsuited we are. I told you I had to do certain things to get to where I am. But you clearly didn’t take it on board and now you’re panicking because you’ve started to see me for what I am: a businessman, someone who will go to certain lengths to get what he wants. You’re clearly not comfortable with that. You’re more comfortable with a bleeding heart liberal like Niall.’
‘That’s ridiculous, Dan.’ She tried to put her arms around him but he coolly stepped away.
‘Look,’ he said, ‘I know when an investment has no chance of success, I have a gut instinct for these things.’
Anger overtook the panic. ‘Investment? You see our relationship as an investment?’
‘Isn’t everything in life?’ he said coldly. ‘We invest our feelings, our time, our bodies and minds. You need to weigh up whether it’s worth it in the end.’
‘My God, listen to yourself.’
‘I am! This is me, Charity. This is the point I’m trying to make. Now you know the real me, it horrifies you. So what’s the point?’ His eyes were lifeless, dispassionate.
She felt tears well up in her own eyes. ‘Why are you talking like this? Why are you trying to push me away?’
He shook his head and strode towards the door.
‘Where are you going?’ she asked.
‘A drive.’
‘The alcohol might not be out of your system, you should wait a bit before driving.’
‘Why, are you worried I’ll run a young girl over and leave her for dead?’ he shouted over his shoulder.
Charity felt like she’d been punched in the stomach. She watched him let himself out, flinching when he slammed the door.
Charity spent the rest of the day waiting for Dan to return, unable to eat or focus on anything but him. She paced the house, peering out of the windows and waiting for any sign he was there.
But nothing.
When midnight struck, she was beside herself with worry. What if he’d hurt himself? She called some local hospitals but there had been no men of his description admitted. When two more hours passed, she got into her own car and drove around the quiet dark roads for any sign of him, thinking of Faith and the way her life had been taken.
She returned home in the early hours, exhausted, still no sign of Dan. When the clock struck eight am, she called his office.
‘Hello, Charity,’ his new PA Maxine said.
‘Is Dan in?’
‘No, didn’t he tell you?’
‘Tell me what?’
‘He decided to fly out to Germany to meet with his naval architect.’
‘He flew out yesterday?’
‘Yes, in the morning.’
She sank into the sofa. ‘Did he say how long he’d be there?’
‘A couple of weeks.’
‘Right. Thank you.’
She put the phone down, struggling to contain her anger. How could he just fly out like that without telling her? And for two weeks. Was that a signal to Charity, it really was over between them? How could he just finish things like that?
Maybe Niall was right. Maybe Dan was right. She didn’t really know him. If he could leave at the drop of a hat, turn off a relationship like a tap, deceive business associates, force an elderly couple out of their home…did she really know him? Did she want to know him?
When early evening came, she couldn’t face staying in the empty cottage, so she walked down to the beach as the sun started to set. Ripples of sand spread out before her, pools of water turned to pink satin under the setting sun.
She looked out to the sea and imagined a submerged forest beneath it. Hope would be flying out to Kazakhstan soon to dive the forest there. She smiled to herself. At least things were going well for her sister.
That’s when it struck her. She’d go to see Hope in Kazakhstan.
Chapter Seventeen
Willow
Kazakhstan
October 2016
Ajay throws my bag into the backseat of the four-by-four we’ve hired. Cars sweep past, some tooting. He’s grown a short beard and moustache in the month or so since we last saw each other. He looks slightly ridiculous but somehow I like it. Behind us the curved white roof of Almaty International Airport gleams in the sun. My first glimpses of Kazakhstan have completely surprised me. No goats and dusty roads here, instead there are new buildings and smart-looking people in the country’s biggest city. It’ll probably change once we get on the road. I hope so anyway. I’ve never felt comfortable in places like this, all sparkly new and open. Probably because I spent my childhood in a small seaside village.
I guess that’s why I asked Ajay if he wanted to come with me. The first thing I did after putting the phone down on Aunt Hope was call Ajay to ask him if he fancied a trip to Lake Kaindy in Kazakhstan. He jumped at the chance.
As Ajay drives us away from the airport, I look down at the map I’ve printed out. It’s quite a trek to Lake Kaindy, six hours. All this to try to track down Niall Lane and get some answers when there’s a chance he won’t be there. According to the woman I met at the gallery in Austria and some dates on his website, he is in Kazakhstan this week and will be photographing the lake. But I have no idea exactly when. My emails to him remained unanswered.
After a while the modern roads give away to dirt tracks, barren hills and green shrubs. Dust poufs up from our wheels in the rear-view mirror, car jiggling about over the uneven ground.
‘Have you thought about what you’ll say to Niall Lane if we find him?’ Ajay asks.
‘Yeah, who’s my real dad and what the hell happened to my dead aunt?’
He laughs. ‘Straight to the point, I guess. What did your aunt tell you about the accident?’
‘The bare facts. She doesn’t know why she was walking on that road all alone that night. Maybe Niall has some ideas?’
‘Maybe.’ Ajay grows serious. ‘How will you feel if he is your father?’
I shrug. ‘I don’t know. It would mean I have a brother and a father who’s alive, I guess.’
‘A semblance of a family.’
‘Yep. But then maybe it would make me feel even less like I was ever part of a family, all my childhood memories would be fake.’
We’re both quiet as we contemplate that possibility. I’ve thought about it a lot the past couple of weeks. I stayed on in Austria with Luki, taking part in the daily routine at the commune. For the first time, I felt like I was part of something.
‘So what’s next for you after this, any jobs on the horizon?’ Ajay asks.
‘Nothing yet.’ I play with the zipper on my grey hoodie. ‘But Luki and Judy asked me to consider staying with them in Austria.’
He raises an eyebrow. ‘I can’t see you living in a commune, Willow.’
‘Maybe I’ll surprise you.’
‘You’re seriously considering it?’
‘I guess.’
‘Because of Luki? What if it turns out Niall isn’t your father?’
‘It’s not just that. I really like being there.’
/> ‘You don’t need to move to a commune to feel part of something. You’re only young. Don’t feel in a rush to figure everything out right away.’
‘Alright, Granddad.’
Ajay laughs.
‘We keep talking about me,’ I say. ‘What about you?’
‘Want the truth?’ he says. I nod. ‘I’m thinking about opening a dive centre somewhere in the UK.’
I look at him in surprise. ‘Really?’
‘Why? You know I love training divers. I feel I’ve left that behind lately.’ He shrugs. ‘It’s just an idea.’
I smile. ‘It sounds cool. I can imagine you sitting on a deck chair, legs up while you watch the sea outside your centre.’
He smiles with me. ‘I can imagine it too.’
I switch on the radio, finding a station that plays dodgy Kazakhstani pop music. Over the next couple of hours Ajay and I occupy ourselves making up new lyrics to the songs we hear as we take in the scenery and talk about our childhoods.
After a while, even taller mountains appear and we go properly off-road, bouncing over the ground as we head towards the peaks. In the distance, we see a group of people gathered around the skeletons of two round structures. Nearby, a herd of sheep, yaks and goats graze happily.
‘We need a break,’ Ajay says as he slows down. ‘Fancy chatting to some locals?’
‘Sure.’
As we approach, they all stop what they’re doing and peer at us. There are about thirty people, a mix of men, women and children. They’re dressed in colourful clothes with hints of bright pinks and sparkling turquoises, their faces dusty and curious. Ajay steers the car to a stop a few metres away from them, and we jump out. An older man approaches, saying something in Kazakh.
‘Just stopping for a drink,’ Ajay says, holding up a can of Coke. ‘Thought we’d say hello.’
I laugh. ‘He doesn’t speak English, dufus.’
Ajay shrugs. ‘Coca-Cola’s an international language.’
‘English?’ a young woman says. She’s in her early twenties and has an interesting-looking green and red hat on her head, a bright pink cardigan and green skirt.
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