by Mike Faricy
“Well who?”
“It’s my sister, Candi.”
Chapter Thirty-Six
“Candi? Your sister who told me to never, ever, call her again just a couple of weeks ago? The same sister that filed a restraining order against me and threatened to castrate me when we all sort of went our respective ways?”
“Well, Dev, you were dating the two of us at the same time and neither Candi nor I was aware of it. At least until that night you called my name out at a rather intimate moment with her, you idiot,” she said and laughed.
“But Candi?”
“Dev, we had a talk, Candi and I. She was really hurt at the time, but she’s moved on, we all have. Anyway, I happen to know she’s coming to sort of apologize and well, look I’ll just let her tell you the rest, but I have a feeling you might like what she has to say.”
“Do I have to check her for weapons?”
“She just might enjoy a thorough search by your hands. I know I would,” she said then ran her hand along my forearm.
“All right, and the cosmopolitan?” A server asked, it wasn’t the woman who took our order and Lissa raised her hand. “And I guess the bourbon taste treat would be for you, sir.”
“That’s right.” I said as she placed a wooden tray in front of me with six large shots of bourbon resting in little holders. The shots all looked like they were doubles.
“I told you you’d like it,” Lissa said and stroked my arm again, then she raised her cosmopolitan and said, “Here’s to a very memorable night.” She sipped, flashed her eyes at me over the rim of her glass and then smiled.
Between the bourbon, the stories, the stroking of my arm and the kisses she kept giving me, I sort of lost track of time. It was dusk by the time Candi arrived. Lissa stood and hugged her then gave her a big kiss and whispered into her ear.
Candi sort of giggled then looked down at me and shrugged. She bent down and gave me a couple of very firm kisses on my cheek then ran her tongue over my ear.
Lissa just smiled then reached under the table and stroked my leg.
“Can I get you something from the bar, Ma’am?” our waitress asked.
“I’ll have exactly what she’s having,” Candi said and pointed at Lissa’s almost empty glass.
“I better have another, too,” Lissa said. The waitress looked at me with a bit of a question. I still had two shots to go and like I’d said, they were doubles. “Sir?”
“Sure why not, we can help out if it’s too much.” Lissa said
I was feeling no pain and by the time I was thinking it might not be the brightest idea a fresh tray with six more shots had been placed in front of me.
The two of them seemed to be toasting something about every thirty seconds. The weather, the river, old friends, new adventures, memorable nights. We’d all raise our glasses, the sisters would take a sip and seemed to smile at one another. By this point I was pretty much downing the entire double shot. I was vaguely aware I was having trouble pronouncing the occasional word. A while later I was aware I was having trouble thinking about which word to use. The next thing I knew the two of them had me linked arm in arm and they were pouring me into the back seat of Lissa’s convertible.
We were all laughing and Candi slapped me hard across my rear, then gave me a solid push into the back seat. I remember thinking if I could just close my eyes for a moment I would probably be okay.
“Come on, let’s go party,” one of them screamed, they both laughed as the car drove off and I more or less passed out.
I’d no idea how long I’d been asleep, it could have been five minutes or five hours. One of them was tickling me, pulling me up into a sitting position. I was vaguely aware of my shirt being unbuttoned, then I was pushed forward as someone pulled it off. I remember thinking, ‘isn’t this nice, they’re putting me to bed.’ But I was still sitting in the chair. Only it wasn’t a chair, it was the back seat of Lissa’s convertible and I was suddenly lying on my back with my feet up in the air as my jeans were yanked off my legs an inch at a time.
“Good enough?” a voice said.
“No, the deal was all or nothing,” came the reply then someone tugged my boxers off. I figured the least I could do was help but beyond that I was incapable.
“God, he’s actually laughing.”
“We’ll see how long that lasts.”
“Dev, Dev, come on honey, time to get out of the car. Come on baby, time for the memorable night we’ve all been waiting for.”
“Oh my God, I think we got him too drunk. He’s still out of it.”
I opened my eyes and attempted to say “I am not”, but I think it just sort of came out as a garbled mumble. Candi grabbed my hand, then pulled and motioned me forward with her free hand. “Come on, baby, come on, this is going to be so much fun, just think of it, sisters.”
Lissa was behind me, pushing me out of the car and grabbing my ass.
I was wearing a stupid smile and black socks.
I have a vague recollection of their taillights fading into the dark night as Candi knelt backwards in the passenger seat and lifted her top to expose herself. “See, this is what you’re missing, you big dumb jerk.”
Then I fell down, or maybe I just passed out.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
When I woke, the first thing I noticed was I had one hell of a headache. I had apparently gotten sick, oh, and I was naked. My clothes were nowhere to be found, I had no idea where I was and it was still dark out.
I was on a lawn, or at least some sort of field where the grass was cut. I walked up a small rise and there was the Mississippi river with the lights of downtown shimmering across from the far side. I recognized the Wabasha Bridge and instinctively knew I wasn’t that far from home, maybe three miles. The distance wasn’t a problem, but the no clothes had the potential to present some difficulty.
There were a couple of stationary garbage cans in the park area behind me. I made my way to one of them, getting sick again along the way. There wasn’t that much left to come up so it was more a case of the dry heaves, but still not fun.
The trash container had a locked door on it, but I could see the garbage can with the plastic trash bag inside holding lots of trash, food wrappers and a number of disposable diapers. I reached in and began to empty the trash bag, one handful at a time. I threw everything out onto the ground then reached back in the bag for the next choice item.
When I had emptied the better part of the trash bag I unhooked it from the outside of the can then gradually worked it out of the can and the locked container. I dumped the remaining contents onto the ground then tore a hole in the bottom of the bag and slipped it on over my head.
It was wet and cold against my skin with some distinctly unpleasant odors wafting up around my chin. The bag hung down below my knees. I began heading in the general direction of my house as the plastic trash bag rustled with each step. Three cars passed me on the Wabasha Bridge, each one sort of slowed down for half a moment, no doubt to get a better look, then sped up and raced across the bridge getting as far away from me, as fast as possible.
By the time I’d made my way to the far side of the bridge, there was a squad car waiting for me. It lights were flashing and two officers were leaning against the trunk of the car. They looked like they were having a casual conversation and my arrival was interrupting. A second squad car was following me, maybe twenty feet behind, moving forward slowly and just keeping pace with me.
“Hi, can we help you?” one of the officers leaning against the trunk asked. I could see his partner trying not to laugh.
“Yeah, I’ve been attacked and robbed. I’d just like to get home.”
That sort of wiped the smiles off their faces.
“Why don’t you get inside the squad car and we can talk?” said the guy who had been trying not to laugh then he opened the rear door for me.
I walked over and slid into the back seat, the plastic trash bag rustled all around me. As I went past him he sort
of grimaced at the smell. They both climbed into the front seat, seemed to sniff and immediately lowered their windows. The squad car that had been following behind me waited just a minute or two and then took off.
“Can you tell us what happened?”
“Sort of. I was with some friends tonight, we got separated and a couple of guys jumped me, took my wallet, my clothes and left me in that park across the river there. I had to get this stupid trash bag to cover me, it was the only thing I could find. Hey look, guys. I got some pals on the force, they could vouch for me if you want to check with them. But I don’t feel so great, it’s been kind of a long night and I’d just like to go home.”
“What’s you name.”
“Haskell, Devlin Haskell. I’m a private investigator. I know Lieutenant Aaron LaZelle in homicide, Detective Manning in there as well. I was working with Detective Dondavitch a couple days back on an ATM robbery. I office on Randolph Ave, across from The Spot bar and I live about a block past the Cathedral so it would only take you about three minutes to drive me home and I’d really like to get there. I’d be forever in your debt.”
“Have you been drinking, sir?”
“I think someone might have slipped one of those date rape drugs into my drink.”
They shot a glance at one another then the guy behind the wheel said, “Do you have any identification?”
“Identification? I’m wearing a trash bag for God’s sake. A used trash bag.”
The guy in the passenger seat sort of smiled and looked out the window. The guy behind the wheel said, “Call it in, ask them to send a DMV image.”
They got on the radio and talked to someone. Then asked for my name and address, I guess in case there were two guys with my name. An image of me popped up on their dashboard computer a few minutes later. It was my driver’s license photo and based on the way I looked on their computer I figured I would probably be arrested for war crimes.
As I sat there in the back seat I could feel something either dripping or crawling down my chest. I wasn’t sure which it was and so I just sat there and waited. They crackled back and forth with someone on the radio, most of which I couldn’t understand, but I think someone had called Aaron LaZelle on the phone. It was well before sunrise so I’m sure he was pleased.
“Would you like us to take you to Regions Hospital to get checked out?”
“Thanks, but if you guys could just take me home that would be great.”
“Okay, Selby Avenue you said?”
“Yeah,” I gave him my address and we took off.
We were parked at the curb in front of my place in a matter of minutes. “Thanks again, fellas, I really appreciate it.”
“You sure you’re okay?”
“Nothing that a hot shower and some sack time won’t cure, maybe ditch this trash bag.”
“Might be a good idea.” Something came across their radio and the guy in the passenger seat jumped out and opened the door for me.
“Stay safe,” I said as he climbed back into the car, they were off with the lights flashing a moment later. I was just remembering that I’d had the locks changed the other day and hadn’t replaced the spare key I had hidden when I saw a pile of clothes on my front porch. It was my jeans, Saints shirt and boxers. For a moment I almost felt like forgiving the Flaherty sisters. Almost.
I pulled the trash bag off over my head, gathered up my clothes, took the keys out of a pocket in my jeans and unlocked the front door. I held my clothes out in front of me so they didn’t come in contact with whatever was dripping and crawling on my skin then I made a beeline for the bathroom upstairs.
My reflection in the mirror looked dreadful and I didn’t want to contemplate what some of the stains and debris clinging to my flesh were. I took a very long, very hot shower and used up the better part of a bottle of shower jell.
It was almost five in the morning and I was ready to climb into bed when I remembered one more thing I had to do.
After the sixth or seventh ring Lissa answered, even though she cleared her throat a couple of times she still sounded raspy and groggy.
“Hi, Lissa, mistake, very big mistake.” I said and hung up. I placed a call to Candi, but she didn’t answer so I left a message saying the same thing. Then I climbed into bed, pulled the sheets up and drifted into a very sound sleep.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
I was up just before noon and phoned Aaron while I sipped my first cup of coffee, I ended up leaving a message apologizing for the predawn police phone call. I phoned Louie next and did the same thing, left a message, this one saying I needed a lift to the office if he was available. I waited for two more cups of coffee then called a cab to take me down to the office. When I got there Louie was sitting at his picnic table reading a file.
“How long have you been here?”
“All morning, I’ve got a one-thirty court appearance,” he said.
“You didn’t get my call? I was hoping I could be able to scam a ride from you this morning.”
“A ride? I thought that was your car out front. I just figured you were over at The Spot for a liquid breakfast. What’s up?”
“You don’t want to know,” I said then proceeded to tell him all the gory details.
“Sounds like the two of them had the whole thing planned right from the get-go.”
“Gee, do you think? If two guys did this to some chick they’d be sentenced to a couple of years.”
“I suppose, on the other hand, it seems pretty obvious what they intended to do. If you tired to press charges they might be able to make the case you were thinking with the wrong head, or just ran off into the dark and they couldn’t find you.”
“If only I’d been able to do that last night.”
“What do you intend to do?”
“Do? Probably nothing. I don’t want to waste much time trying to get even. I phoned both of them once I got out of the shower and shouted something like ‘Big mistake’ into the phone. They’ll hopefully stress out wondering what I have planned and that’s good enough for me. The last thing I need is to get into some sort of a pissing contest with either one of them.”
“Wow, that almost sounds wise, go figure.”
My phone rang just as I was reaching for my binoculars.
“Haskell Investigations.”
“Devlin Haskell, please.”
“Speaking.”
“Mr. Haskell this is Gemma Baker, Royal’s wife. I hope I’m not interrupting.”
“No, no, not at all. What can I do for you?” I said and set the binoculars back down.
“I’m wondering if we might meet. I think I’d like to hire you.”
“Is everything okay?”
“Actually, that’s what I’d like you to find out.”
“Is someone threatening you and Royal?”
“Actually, this is just for me, in fact I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t mention this call to Royal.”
“All right, I could probably stop over this afternoon if that would work?”
“No, I would prefer not to meet here.”
“Do you know Nina’s, it’s a coffee shop up on Selby and Western?”
“I do know it and that would be just fine, would say, three-ish work for you?”
“I’ll see you at three, Gemma, thank you for calling.”
“And not a word to Royal about this, please.”
“I won’t mention it. I’ll see you this afternoon.”
“Thank you,” she said and hung up.
“One of your dates from last night, calling to see if you’re available this evening?” Louie asked. He was in the process of putting his laptop into his computer bag and getting ready to leave.
“No, amazingly, it was actually someone who wants to hire me.”
“Maybe don’t sound so surprised when you’re talking with her,” Louie said and then headed out the door.
I scanned the building across the street with my binoculars. I monitored some college girls wait
ing for the bus on the corner then drifted my gaze back to the apartment building. Nothing was shaking in either direction. I made my way up to Nina’s a half hour before my appointment. Gemma was already there waiting.
“Gee, and I thought I was early,” I said sitting down.
“May I get you a coffee, Mr. Haskell?”
“No thanks, please call me Dev. What’s this all about? Are you all right?”
“Me? Oh yes, in fact I’ve haven’t felt this positive in quite some time.”
I waited a few moments letting that statement just hang out there, hoping she might come across with some follow up, maybe elaborate. She didn’t.
“So, you mentioned you had something you would like me to investigate and, you don’t want me to mention it to your husband.”
“Exactly,” she smiled and nodded.
“Would you care to let me know what I should be investigating?”
“What? Oh why yes, how very silly of me. I’d like you to investigate Royal of course.”
“Royal?”
“Yes.”
“What do you think he’s done?”
“Not only what he’s done, Dev. What he is continuing to do. His ‘relationship’ if I can use that word, with this Ashley person.”
“She’s a piece of work, alright. I’ve only interacted with her a few times, none of it was very pleasant. I can tell you this, my dealing with Royal and Ashley was strictly on a business level and that is certainly the way Royal seemed to conduct himself the few times I was involved.” I hoped that put her at ease.
She smiled and gave a sort of quick glance around the room. “Dev, do you know anything about me?”
“Anything about you? Well no, not really. I know you’re married to Royal, obviously. I think you met through work and I may have heard that you have a strong religious faith.”
“I majored in chemistry and computer programming at the university. I was one of Royal’s early programmers. I’m very aware of his subtle charm, in fact no one is probably more aware than me. As to a strong religious faith, that’s a line Royal likes to spread around. I think the term he usually uses is ‘religious fanatic.’”
