How did she know? “No. I’m good.”
“You’re not having money trouble are you?”
I rolled my eyes as I carried the serving dish from the table back to the stove. “No. Nothing like that,” I said as I dug in the cabinet for plastic storage containers. The jambalaya might not have been as good as what she used to make, but it was still pretty good, and I almost always took leftovers home from with me.
She was quiet for a moment, swishing a brush around the bowls. “Okay. But I can tell something is bothering you. You’re not mad at us, are you?”
I would have laughed at the question, except I could tell she was serious. “No! What reason could I possibly have to be mad at you and Grandpa?”
“I don’t know. That’s why I was asking.”
“Granny, it’s nothing you did, okay? It’s just… life.”
“What’s the matter, honey?” She turned to face me. “Is there something we can help you with?”
I finished scooping tomorrow’s dinner into the plastic container and sealed the lid. I concentrated on pouring the remainder of the dish into the larger of the two containers and didn’t answer.
“Alexandria? Tell me what’s wrong.”
I could feel the tears threatening, but I fought them off. She scraped the remains out of the serving bowl into the plastic container and then took the dish from my hands and placed it back on the stove.
“Alex?”
She hardly ever called me Alex and I could feel the tears threaten again. I pulled her into a hug and held her tight. “I’m in trouble,” I said with a sniff.
“What kind of trouble?” she murmured as she held me.
“I’m…” I began but stalled, unable to say it, afraid of her reaction.
“Alexandria…” she cooed as she slipped from my embrace. “You can tell me anything. Tell me what’s wrong, honey.”
“I’m afraid you will hate me.”
I watched as Granny’s face softened, almost as if she were going to cry. “Alex, honey, I could never hate you,” she said as she touched my face and pushed my hair back. “Just tell me what’s wrong.”
“I’m… pregnant…” I watched for her reaction. I could tell she was shocked, rocked back on her heels by my admission, but she didn’t look mad.
“Are you sure?” she asked after a moment.
“Yes.”
“Do you know who the father is?”
That question hurt my feelings, but I said nothing. “Yes. His name is Cain.”
“Does he know?”
“No. Not yet.”
“You need to tell him. He has a right to know he’s a father.”
“Yes. I know.” I left out the part that I didn’t know how to reach him. It was just supposed to have been a quick tumble to have an itch scratched. I know his first name and nothing else, except he was a biker from Dallas and was trouble.
“What does he do?”
I paused, wondering how to explain it. I finally go with what he told me. “He’s in sales.”
“What does he sell?”
“I don’t know! I just met him the one time, okay? I’m a whore, all right? I don’t know that much about him. I just know he is from Dallas and he was in town on business. He came into The Claw and I let him take me back to his room!” I wiped at my eyes as I stared at my shoes. “I’m sorry.” Granny took me into another hug and held me tight. I couldn’t hold my tears anymore. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I was careful. I don’t know how it happened,” I sobbed.
“Shhh… It’s okay. These things happen. You’re not the first girl to get pregnant without being married. And I don’t want to hear you say things like that again, okay?”
“What things?” I whimper.
She pulled out of my embrace and steered me to the table where we sat down. “About you being a whore. You’re not a whore, Alexandria. You’re a beautiful, bright, young woman that has made a mistake. It happens all the time. We’ll get through it.”
“But I didn’t make a mistake,” I said quietly. “It’s not fair. I was so careful. I have always been careful. It’s not fair that this happened to me.”
“I know honey. But it has happened and you’re going to have to deal with it. Do you know how to get in touch with…Cain, was it?”
“Yes. Cain. And no, I’m not sure. Maybe.”
“But he’s from Dallas? Do you know his last name?”
“He’s from Dallas. At least that is what he told me, but no, I don’t know his last name. I don’t think he told me.”
I saw Granny frown and I knew what she was thinking. Her granddaughter had gone to bed with a man that she didn’t even care enough about to get his last name. “You met him at the bar?”
“Yes. I guess I could ask around. See if anyone knows how to get in touch with him.”
“You need to do that. Not only does he need to know he’s going to be father, but you’re going to need some help.”
“Help?”
“Honey, you have no idea how much your life is about to change. If he is a good man he will do the right thing.”
I felt myself flash hot. “Marry me?” Nuh-uh. No way, no how, not on any day. I had enough problems already without getting involved with some outlaw biker club.
“If you love each other. But he should at least try to help you with expenses if nothing else. What are you going to do?”
“Do?”
“Yes. Are you going to keep it or…”
“Abortion?” I hissed. I couldn’t believe she would even suggest such a thing.
“I was talking about adoption.”
“Oh.” I said, flushing. “No. I was planning on keeping it. I know it’s not going to be easy, but I can manage.”
Granny looked at me sadly. “Alexandria… you need to think about your life. You don’t know how hard it will be raising a baby alone. Esten and I will help as much as we can, but we’re too old to do it for you. I know what you are going through right now, but trust me, honey, if you keep your baby, you will need help from the father.”
“It’s not like it was when you and Grandpa were young. I can do it.”
“I know, honey, but it will be so much easier if you had help. Trust me.”
I began to get the feeling that there was something she wasn’t telling me. “I know. I’ll ask around at work and see what I can find out. I had never seen him before, but that doesn’t mean he hadn’t been in before.”
“I think that is wise. If nothing else, he has the right to know.”
“What are we going to tell Grandpa?”
Granny patted my hand softly. “I think we should keep this between us for the time being, don’t you?”
I almost sagged in relief, but I knew we were going to have to tell him eventually. “I’m afraid to tell him.”
“He will understand. Trust me, Alex. Nothing you do will ever change how we feel about you. We love you. Nothing will ever change that.”
I stare at my shoes again. “I’m sorry I have let you down.”
Granny patted my hand again. “You haven’t let us down. These things happen. I know you’re scared right now, but we’ll get through it, okay? It’ll be fine.”
“I hope you’re right.”
She didn’t say anything until I looked up and met her eyes. “I’ve lived long enough to know a few things, and I know you’ll be fine. At least you won’t be working at the bar anymore,” she added with a smile. “I assume you’re looking for another job?”
“Yeah. I have started sending out résumés.”
“Good. I always thought it was such a waste, you working in a bar. Especially someplace like The Cat’s Claw.”
“Yeah. I know.” I sniffed and wiped my nose and eyes.
She patted my hand again and stood. “Let’s finish up then you can go sit with your grandpa and watch football with him for a while. He will have his feelings hurt if you don’t.”
I smiled and wiped at my eyes again.
“I wouldn’t want to do that. I’ve caused enough trouble already.”
“Shhh… Don’t talk like that. I told you, these things happen. It will be okay.”
I looked at her and once again got the feeling that there was more to that comment than the words suggested.
Chapter 3
I was sitting at Bayou Hot Wings, yacking it up with my friends, Laura, Christy and Desi. Christy used to answer phones in the office Laura and Desi worked and had started joining us a few years back. I had known Laura and Desiree since college, and Desi was my best friend. We met for lunch every couple of days, but after I made excuses three times in a row, they were having no more of it.
“What’s eating you, Alex?” Desi asked as I picked at my food.
“Yeah! You avoid us for over a week, then you’re not eating. What’s up with that? You pregnant or something?” Laura teased as every laughed. Christy and Laura were married, Christy with a wee one, and of the three women, I probably got laid the least of all of them. Well, except maybe for Christy now.
When I didn’t answer right away, the table became quiet. “Are you really? How?” Desi asked leaning in.
“I don’t know.”
“Who is it?” Laura asked with an excited whisper. “Anyone we know?”
“No. It’s Cain.”
“Cain? Is that the hot biker dude you were telling us about?” Desi whispered.
“Yeah. That’s him.”
“I’m so excited for you! Eric and I have been trying. We’re getting a lot of practice, but nothing yet,” Laura said. “Here we are, trying our hearts out, and you get knocked up on a one night stand.”
“Laura! That’s an awful thing to say!” Christy hissed.
“I didn’t mean anything. I just meant, well, nothing. Just I’m a little jealous, that’s all.”
Desi placed her hand on my arm. “Are you doing okay?”
“Yeah. Still in shock, that’s all.”
“How did it happen?” Christy asked quietly.
“You have one. You should know!” Laura teased.
Christy ignored her as she continued to look at me. “I don’t know. We were protected, but…” I mumbled.
“Damn, that sucks. I’m really sorry for you,” Christy said softly as she looked at her basket of chicken.
Desi and Laura looked at her like she had just spit in my food.
“What? If she had wanted to get pregnant, she wouldn’t have had him wearing a condom.” Christy looked back at me with sympathy in her eyes. “If you need anything, or you just need to talk, you call me, okay?”
“Does he know?” Laura asked.
“No. I don’t know how to reach him.”
“What are you going to do? Do your grandparents know?” Desi asked quietly.
“Nothing I can do, and yeah, I told them last week – my grandmother anyway.”
“You can’t him track down? Surely someone knows how to reach him,” Christy asked.
“No one at the club knew. But I’m not sure finding him is such a good idea anyway.”
“Why?” Laura asked. “If he is as good in bed as you said, and as good looking, why wouldn’t you want him?”
“He’s a 1%er.”
“A what?” Christy asked.
“A 1%er. It means he’s an outlaw and rides with an outlaw motorcycle club.”
“How do you know that?” Desi asked. I could tell by the way she leaned in she was intrigued. She always did like to walk on the wild side.
“He had a patch on his vest.”
“And you still went to bed with him?” Desi asked. “You go girl!”
“Well, at the time I wasn’t looking for good father material, you know? It was just supposed to be a night of fun.”
“So what does he do? I mean, how do you know the patch didn’t mean something else?” Christy asked.
“Wearing a patch like that and not being a 1%er is a good way to get dead. I don’t know what he does. All he said was he was in sales. I don’t think he knew that I knew what the patch meant. So I guess it’s drugs or something. Maybe prostitution. I don’t know.”
“But he was nice enough?” Desi asked.
“Yeah. Charming as hell, but that doesn’t make him a good father.”
“Well, I think it’s awesome!” Laura said as she began to gather up her trash. Laura and Desi were CPAs in an accounting firm, so they only had an hour for lunch.
“Me, too! I’m so excited for you, Alex,” Desi gushed as she, too, began to gather her trash. “You’re going to be such a great mom!”
I gathered my trash as well but then I noticed that Christy was making no move to get up. “Yeah. I hope so,” I said as I kept my seat.
“I’ll call you later and we can talk all about it!” Laura said.
I smiled weakly. It did feel good to tell someone, but I wasn’t nearly as excited about my change in status as Laura and Desi were.
“Are you okay?” Christy asked softly after they were gone.
“I guess. Why?”
“Because, Alex, those two have no idea. Don’t let them fill your head full of ideas about how great and wonderful and fun this is going to be. It’s not like playing with dolls when we were little. This is the hardest thing I have ever done. It’s why I have to get away for an hour or two every now and then. And I have Rand to help me.”
I felt my stomach sink. “Swell.”
“Don’t get me wrong. Gunner is the best thing that has ever happened to me, to Rand and me both, but it’s not easy. If you can get in touch with Cain, you should. I’m not kidding. You’re going to need the help.”
“You sound like my grandmother.”
“Because she has been there. Look, I don’t mean to scare you, okay? But you need to know what you are getting into. I can understand you not wanting to get involved with Cain if he is like you said, but—” she placed her hand on my arm and gave it a squeeze, “—you are about to start the hardest job you have ever loved.”
I don’t know why what she said touched me, but it did, and I could feel the tears well in my eyes. “I’m scared, Christy. I don’t know what to do.”
“I know, Alex. I’ve been there. Rand and I were married when I got pregnant, and I was still scared. I can’t imagine how scared you must be. And I won’t kid you; it’s hard. I quit my job; it’s been hard making ends meet on just Rand’s salary. He works all the overtime he can get at the shop, and it’s still hard. And he’s tired all the time. But, as I said, it has been the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to us, and I wouldn’t change a thing.”
“Does Rand feel the say way?”
“I think so,” Christy said with a smile that touched my heart. Rand and Christy had gotten married right out of high school, but they seemed so in love. I wondered what it would be like to love someone like that.
“He comes home and as soon as he gets his shower and eats, he takes Gunner and holds him for a while as they watch television. He’s really good with him and can get him to sleep when I can’t.”
“If I had someone like Rand, this wouldn’t be so scary,” I whispered. I had never been jealous of Christy before, but I was now. Christy leaned over and pulled me into a hug.
“It will be okay,” she whispered into my ear before pulling back. “I’m actually looking forward to having someone to talk to about babies for a change. If you need any help, or you have any questions and need to talk, you know who to call,” she said as she jerked a thumb at her chest.
I had to work hard to keep my tears of gratitude in check. “Thank you, Christy. That means a lot to me,” I said with a sniff and a laugh.
“Hey, we moms have to stick together. Come out to the house sometime. I’ll let you practice changing diapers on Gunner,” she grinned.
We talked a while longer then gathered our refuse and left. I felt better now than I had since I found out I was pregnant as Christy’s honest and straightforward support buoyed my spirits. We hugged again as I prepared to get into
my little Mazda MX5 and Christy into her towering Ford Explorer. I began to back out of my spot first and gave Christy a wiggle of my fingers in goodbye. She returned my wave with a smile, but I could see sadness in her eyes.
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