She hugged her body and leaned a hip against the window seat. Gods, she missed him. But he hated her. She’d killed his child, lied to him. If not for Brodie, Seth would have had her executed.
Brodie came up from behind and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. “How are you feeling?”
“Lost.” She eyed the bright lights of the city below. She couldn’t even manage her own life. How could she oversee this planet?
“You’ll be okay. You were born for this.”
She frowned and traced her finger along the sill. “I don’t know if I can do this.”
“You can do this. I’ll be here for you, whenever you need me.”
“I know.” She turned around and looked him in the eyes. “I’m sorry I hurt you, that all this happened. That I….”
“Ava.”
“I didn’t believe you.”
Brodie put his fingers to her lips. “I want to renew our marriage pact. I want you to be my wife.” Her heart fractured. She hadn’t wanted to hear those words from Brodie. She should settle for what she could get. Brodie would be good to her. He would protect her, love her, even if she couldn’t return it.
“I can’t give you….” My heart.
“We’ll adopt, street orphans.”
Tears filled her eyes. How could he understand? How could he still care for her after all the betrayal? She’d stuck a knife in him, and wounded him physically, and then twisted the blade by falling in love with his enemy. How could Brodie want her when her heart would always belong to another? She closed her eyes and looked away.
“Don’t cry, Duchess.” He captured her chin with his fingertips and turned her back to him.
That’s all she did anymore, and she’d grown weary of it. “Make me forget, Brodie,” she whispered, needing something, anything to take the numbness, the pain, away.
He lowered his mouth to hers and kissed her. Not like Seth. She didn’t feel a flutter in her stomach, and her heart didn’t skip a beat. Yes, she loved him, but not the way he wanted her to, and she may never be able to give that to him, but she could become his wife. She could only hope that in time he’d make her dizzy with lust like Seth had, and maybe she’d find the happiness she’d lost.
Maybe she’d love again.
Brodie swept her into his arms and carried her to bed. He peeled her nightgown over her head and dropped down beside her after losing his own clothes. “I love you, Duchess. I’ve always loved you, and I’ll be a good husband.”
She gave him a weak smile. “I know.”
He reached out and touched her bottom lip with his thumb. “Maybe you’ll love me again someday, the way you did when we were younger, before I left and made the biggest mistake of my life.”
“Don’t talk. Please.” No more hopes and dreams. They weren’t for people like her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him to her. Tonight she wouldn’t think about loss and foolish mistakes. Tonight she wanted to erase the memories of another.
***
Every night she cried in her sleep. Nothing could comfort her. He’d hold her while she sobbed, every second torture. Brodie believed he could fix the damage and had kept Seth’s parting words from her. No need to tell her what the Regulator said when he’d told him to get her out of the medical center. “I love her, but I don’t have a choice. I wish there was another way. Take care of her.”
And he told himself that’s why he did it. For all the internal lies he concocted, he knew deep down inside it was nothing more than petty jealousy that drove his actions. Nothing honorable about it. He’d wanted her for himself. And yes, now he had her, but he didn’t hold her heart. Every night he made love to her, she cried in her sleep after for a man who’d sent her away. He could do nothing to console her, nothing to make her laugh, or do anything more than stare out the window at the sky.
She’d stopped eating, had dropped weight. Dark circles sat under her eyes, and she never smiled. To stay would kill her. But she’d die if she went back. The poachers they’d run off from their world still had allies. Those sympathetic would ensure execution.
But what if the Regulator came to her? Brodie slipped out of bed and glanced back as he padded over to the window where she sat every day. Gods, he loved the woman.
Tomorrow, two years since she’d escaped, they were to take their vows. For once in his life Brodie wanted to do the right thing, even if it killed him.
Chapter Thirteen
Ava stared at her reflection. Her dress hung on her, two sizes too big, even though she’d been fitted a short forty days before. She supposed she looked pretty, but she couldn’t see past what she felt on the inside. A chill sat as ice on her bones, gnawing on her guts, encasing her heart. On her wedding day she should smile, but she couldn’t seem to force it.
Brodie didn’t deserve what she’d bring to their relationship. He’d been all he’d promised to be. He loved her, and went out of his way to give her everything she could want, anything to make her happy. After two years of trying to forget Seth, she’d decided to move on, and since that decision, she’d hadn’t been able to sleep or eat well.
Millions would kill for what she had, a good man who’d do anything for her, the love of her people, an empire with wealth beyond her dreams. Nexis sat in the palm of her hand, and yet she took no joy in her position, or what her people had gained. It didn’t matter. She’d started the process to turn the planet back over to the people, allowing them to elect regional representatives, much like the political system she’d grown up with on New Xiera.
Soon Nexis would belong to them, and she could drop the burden, focus on moving forward with her life and marriage. Gods knew she had to do something. Living like this would kill her.
She ached, wanted to curl into a ball, and forget how to live, but dying would not bring him back, nor would it return everything she’d lost. Every day she walked a dark path, each step pain, each breath, excruciating. But how did one live when they had nothing to live for?
Ava caught Brodie’s reflection in the mirror. He stood in the doorway, watching her, wearing a red thermal freighter’s shirt. The waffle weave stretched tight over his chest and abs, displaying his well-toned body. His tan cargo pants were bloused in his combat boots, as though he were headed out on a mission and not to their wedding. On the unruly side, his blond hair hadn’t been cut in a while, and curled and twisted in every direction, untamed, much like the man.
Ava furrowed her brow. The palace was full of guests, the city’s sidewalks, gridlocked with Nexian citizens who wanted to a get glimpse of the ceremony. It was too late to turn back, too late to cry off the bonding ceremony.
“You look beautiful.”
She didn’t say anything. Her throat had closed up. Lifting her hand, she reached up and touched the multi-strand necklace from her shopping trip with Seth. She didn’t feel beautiful. She felt—lost.
“We need to talk,” he said and reached up to rub the scruff on his jaw.
Ava turned around. “Talk?” The ceremony was to start in minutes. “You’re not ready.”
“No.” He stepped into the room and shut the door. “I’m not going through with it.”
Her guts clenched and pain shot through her. All her strength fled and her knees went soft. Brodie rushed to her side and caught her before she sank to the floor in a heap. Even Brodie didn’t want her. Betrayer. Liar. Could she blame him? He’d seen through the glamour and had decided to back out.
“But you are,” he said. “You’d take me as your husband, even though you don’t love me.”
She lifted her chin, looking him in the eyes. “Please—Brodie.”
“Gods, look at you. You act like you’re going to your funeral. I can’t live like that, Ava. I can’t hold you for the rest of my life while you shed tears for another man.” His thumb brushed the offending moisture from the corner of her eye. “You don’t love me the way I need you to, you never will again. I blew that, and I’ll hate myself for the rest of my life, but I ca
n’t do this to you, and I won’t. We’re going to go get him. If he won’t come willingly, we’ll bring him back by force.” He gave her a wicked grin.
“I don’t want you to kidnap a husband for me. He doesn’t want me.”
“He loves you, Ava. He told me so.”
Brodie had never mentioned it. She pulled out of his arms and stepped away. “What are you talking about?” Ava turned around, locking gazes. The look on his face, in his eyes, what had he done? “Brodie?”
“Gods help me, I couldn’t bear to let him have you, so I never told you what he’d said.” Brodie frowned. “I believed I could make you love me again, that you’d come to feel the way I felt. I was wrong and so are you, sitting here in your tower, dying a little every day, instead of going after what you want, a man who loves you more than you can possibly know. He gave up everything to keep you safe. He gave you to me.” As though he wasn’t sure what to do with his hands, Brodie crammed them into his pockets. “I can’t say I’d have done the same. I can’t take back what I did, but I can help you.” He gave her a soft smile. “If you’ll let me.”
“He’ll arrest me, execute me, and do the same to you.”
Brodie shook his head slowly. “I don’t believe he will. Any man who would let you go to another, could not stand by and watch you die. I’m willing to bet my life and yours on it.” Brodie reached his hand out, waiting for her to take it.
“The ceremony?” She laced her fingers into his and let him pull her to him.
“Let’s go get your man. I’ve been told his ship is nearby, just on the edge of League space, orbiting Nexis.” He grinned again. “I sent him an invitation. He couldn’t resist the draw of our wedding any more than the citizens on the street.” Brodie checked his laser and looked at her. “I’m up for a little adventure anyway.”
“That’s a dirty stunt, Brodie Mark. You know that’s going to start trouble.”
“Do I play any other way, Duchess?” Brodie gave her his innocent look, failing horribly, appearing more like a child who’d stolen sweets. “And I can only hope it starts trouble. I’ve been dying to deck that bastard for the last two years.”
“I thought this was about getting him back.”
“It is, but it doesn’t mean I don’t want to take a couple of shots at him. He has an ass-kicking coming to him, courtesy of my boot.” He winked. “I won’t damage him too severely. Don’t want to ruin your honeymoon.”
Her heart warmed. For the first time in two years, she knew what she needed to do. She had her friend back, and if fate was on her side, the man she loved would stand beside her, no matter what side of the law she’d been on. “I don’t know. What if he doesn’t want me?”
“No man flies three days to the edge of Nexian space without a reason.”
***
Seth wailed on the heavy bag in his ship’s gym. His knuckles were raw, but proved no distraction for the pain in his heart, or the rage that burned through him. The bastard had taken her to Nexian territory two years ago, a place he could never go. And just to rub it in and let him know what he’d lost, the asshole sent him a fucking wedding invitation. No way in hell did he want to go to his wedding—he wanted to tear that Rebel bastard’s head off.
He’d moved his ship out here, using the excuse he was waiting for Nexian smugglers to cross into League space, and that was as close as he could get. And why should he be surprised she’d moved on? He hadn’t bothered to say good bye face-to-face, or make an attempt to contact her these last two years. He’d handed her over to that bastard and didn’t look back, when he should have comforted her for the loss of their baby. His child.
Seth let Brodie be that shoulder to cry on. He’d chosen duty over love, and he deserved everything that came to him. Who’d have known she was the only remaining heir to a world torn apart by revolution, that flying that ship to Nexis was as much about duty to her people as serving in the Fleet was to him? That the metal she’d hauled hadn’t been used to make weapons.
“Sir,” his ensign said from behind him. “We have a Nexian ship approaching that’s registered as the Avira.”
Ava. Seth turned, his eyes narrowing on his subordinate. “Have they crossed into League space?”
“Not yet, sir.”
He frowned. Was it an envoy? What purpose would Ava have to send the Avira to his ship, unless it was Brodie and the man really believed he wanted to go down there to attend the wedding. Seth spun around and nailed the bag with a back-fist, knocking it off its tether. “I’ll be up on deck in a mila. Try to contact the ship and see what they want.”
“Yes, sir.” Seth glanced over his shoulder to see the ensign back away, his eyes wide open, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. No hiding his emotions anymore. Let them wonder. He was tired of pretending not to care.
***
“Permission to dock with your ship in sector A-47,” Ava said through the holo-com.
Seth couldn’t stop staring. As beautiful as he remembered, she looked so thin and tired. Why, on her wedding day, would she leave her planet and seek to turn herself in? Did she believe he could let her crimes go, ignore them as though they’d never happened?
“Legatus Reynolds?”
“The Infamous Ava Frost,” he said softly. “It’s League Admiral Reynolds now.” He lifted his gaze to hers, holding it, beseeching her to turn around. “Permission granted, but you must be aware I won’t be able to release you from my custody once you board this ship.” Why did she do this? He couldn’t release her. He had a duty to uphold, and she knew it. The urge to grab her and shake sense into her was almost overwhelming. She should turn her ass around and go back to her planet. Gods, the woman made him crazy. He did not want to be the one responsible for bringing her in for execution. “You’ll be escorted to trial to face charges of hauling illegal and dangerous materials across League space. If found guilty, you could face execution.”
“I understand.” She paused and a smile crept onto her face. “But I have to ask, do you have evidence of this crime?”
“You know the answer.” He frowned. No, they didn’t. Yet he’d been ordered to bring her in at all cost. She’d embarrassed the League and they wouldn’t let it go, regardless that the evidence had disappeared with her. They’d fabricate evidence if they had to. Once in custody, she’d be as good as dead.
“I see.”
Did she? She’d risk death on the assumption she was safe. He blew out a breath and lifted his chin, fixing her with a pleading look. Leave. Turn around. Don’t do this. Gods, she looked so pretty, fragile. His instincts screamed for him to protect her, save her, and he’d tried to get her to back off. Ava, like the stubborn woman he knew, ignored the warning his words carried. He frowned. No, he couldn’t stop her, and he couldn’t help her once she boarded the ship. If they saw him question this, they’d know he’d been involved with her, a criminal, and leader of one of the most powerful worlds in the galaxy. His position with the League would be at risk, and all he’d lived for would be gone.
They could never know how deep his involvement really went. That he loved her as much now as the day he’d let her go. She lifted her palm and pressed it to the screen, like a prisoner during visiting hours. His guts knotted.
If not for love, then what for?
To hell with what they thought, he wouldn’t lose her this way. He had to warn her, get her to listen. “Ava.” He raised his palm to the screen, pressing it against the surface and flat to hers. He looked into her eyes. “Don’t do….” The screen went black. “Gods damn it.” Seth punched the console, and everyone on the deck jumped. He let his gaze sweep their faces. “Get a security team down to the dock. As soon as that hatch opens, I want everyone on that ship detained.”
“We can’t board their ship until we have permission, sir.”
He turned toward the nav officer. “Care to explain?”
“Sector A-47, sir. Technically, and I don’t know who the pilot is, but they’ve managed to dock and lock with an
umbilical gate, and still remain in Nexian space. We step through the hatch and we’re in their jurisdiction, under their laws and subject to breaching League treaties.”
Smugglers and pirates had used this method for hundreds of years to negotiate terms of surrender and the exchange of prisoners. But he’d never seen it done. Nobody had the guts to belly up to a League destroyer to parley. Nobody but his girl. Seth tipped his head back and laughed, knowing without a doubt he’d be the first.
She’d always taken things to the extreme. Why should he be surprised she’d do it? It would make sense to keep her crew out of reach. He couldn’t touch them and wouldn’t dare breach treaties, and she knew it. That was the Ava Frost he knew and loved.
Seth sucked in a breath. Gods, he still loved her, always would. Nothing had changed. He let his gaze slide over his crew. And it never would. He’d been a fool to think he could let her go, to put duty before a woman he loved more than anything in the universe.
He rose from his seat. If the mountain wouldn’t go to Seth, he’d go to the mountain. He motioned his executive officer over. Captain Levore stepped forward. Seth pulled his rank off his collar and handed it to Levore. “Whatever happens, you’re in charge now.”
“Sir, you’re not thinking about boarding that ship?” she asked.
“No, not thinking about it at all. I am boarding that ship.”
“Not without a security force. It could be a trap.”
He shook his head. “It’s not a trap. It’s a wakeup call.”
“I don’t understand, sir.”
Give up everything for duty, and you will. Seth clapped her on the shoulder. “We don’t have any evidence, no reason to detain her.”
“I still don’t understand, sir. Why are you boarding their ship?”
Rebel Souls Page 13
