by Jace, Alex
Half an hour in, the stairs creaked. “Max?” Arjen sounded on the edge of panic.
Max dropped his knife into the butter and went straight to Arjen in alarm. Arjen stood in the hall, wearing only Max’s shirt, looking as though somebody had hit him.
When he saw Max his expression cleared into intense relief. Max realised with a sudden stab that Arjen must have woken up thinking Max had left. Max’s heart turned over and he caught Arjen’s face in both hands, bringing Arjen’s forehead to his. “I’m here.”
“I thought…” Arjen’s voice cracked. He covered Max’s hands, fingers curling through his. He was leaning into Max hard, as though only Max could hold him up. Max could only imagine how he must have panicked, thinking that Max had left him after Arjen had only just dared to trust him again.
“No.” Max poured every ounce of conviction into the word. “No. Definitely not. I was just making you breakfast. See? Breakfast.” Max tugged him along and ushered him into the kitchen with a hand at his back.
He could only hope it was pleasing to Arjen, even though he had left the breakfast half made and the kitchen in a state. Eggs sizzled on the hob, toast toasted in the toaster. The air was warm and rich with delicious scents. The table had been laid and the kettle was just boiling for coffee.
“Oh.” Arjen broke into that bright smile Max had been dying to see.
“I’d never leave you. Never. Not again.” He wanted to make that clear.
It might take time to teach Arjen that Max wouldn’t leave him again, but Max could play the long game. Just keep showing up day after day. Show him that Max was devoted to him.
Assuming—an awful thought occurred to him—that Arjen still wanted that. “You didn’t…?” His throat closed and he couldn’t get out the words.
“Change my mind?” Arjen said in a gentle voice. “No.”
Thank God. Max was so relieved. “Arjen, I meant what I said last night. About being in love with you. I really—I just want you to be happy. And I’ve never been in love before and I don’t know how this works, so if there’s anything you want, anything I can do to make you happy, please just tell me. Because when you smile like that, I feel…” He trailed off helplessly. The words choked him and he didn’t know how to explain. That his whole world brightened and the sun came out just because Arjen was happy.
Arjen smiled up at him, twining their fingers together. “We could start with breakfast.”
Max laughed. “You have simple tastes.”
So he dished up and they ate together at the wooden table. The bacon came out crispy and the eggs perfect. Arjen told him that his cooking was good; Max wasn’t sure that frying bacon counted, but it certainly seemed to make Arjen happy.
They talked for a while over coffee while Max put his chin in his hand and just smiled at Arjen across the table. God, he was beautiful. They should do this every morning.
Afterward, because Arjen insisted and Max was very amenable, they went back to bed. Back in the warm sunlit covers, Arjen draped himself all over Max with the determined heaviness of one who had no intention of waking up to find Max gone again. Arjen smiled up at him. “Hi.”
Max melted. “Hi.”
“I wonder what to do today.” Arjen stroked Max’s bare chest with a mischievous smile, fingers sliding downward.
Max grinned. “We’ll think of something.”
“Oh, I think we will. Now that I have you just where I want you.”
Arjen proceeded to give him a spectacular blowjob. That man was pure sin; he knew exactly how to tease Max unbearably, until Max was gritting his teeth and taking deep breaths, trying not to beg. Arjen took Max slowly, torturously deeper into his mouth, and Max’s fists clenched as he fought for control. It just wasn’t fair that Arjen was this hot. Nobody could resist this. Arjen sucked hard and Max caught his hair with a gasp. “Arjen!” He loved that wicked gleam of a smile from Arjen.
He cupped Arjen’s face in both hands with a gentleness that surprised even himself. Arjen made a small sound, turning his cheek into Max’s palm. Max knew he liked it best when Max took control, so Max began sliding in and out of his mouth, his hands flexing and tightening in Arjen’s hair. Arjen’s eyes fluttered shut.
Max could quite happily have spent the rest of his life like this, just fucking his mouth lazily, but it felt too good, he wasn’t going to last. “Come here and let me fuck you.”
Arjen let his cock slip from his mouth with one last lick that made Max shiver all the way down to his toes. Arjen smiled up at him, warm and teasing. “You’re so impatient.”
Max growled. “You’re going to get fucked hard before I let you out of this bed.”
“Promises, promises.” Arjen straddled him and slid slowly, inch by inch, down onto his slick cock. Max groaned aloud and Arjen gasped at the intensity of the sensation; Arjen clutched him, arms tightening around his neck. Max kissed his temple, his cheek, soothing him through that first burn of penetration. The feel of Arjen clenching around him, slippery and squeezing, was unbearable. Max set his jaw as he forced himself to hold still. “Feels good? Doesn’t hurt?”
“Oh, God.” Arjen rocked against him, sliding up and down on his cock, riding him. It felt fucking amazing. Arjen braced himself with both hands against Max’s bare chest, bottom lip caught between his teeth, brow slightly furrowed as he focused on the rise and fall of his body, the slip and slide of Max inside him. Max watched his face, learning the exact angle and depth to get him to make that stifled sound of pleasure, delicately adjusting his angle to hit that spot over and over.
“Oh, that’s good.” Arjen turned his face into Max’s shoulder with a whimper.
Max picked that moment to strike. He rolled Arjen beneath him in one smooth movement and captured his hands above his head. When he drove home, Arjen cried out, pinned beneath him. “You’re mine. Say it.” Max drove into him again.
“Oh.” Arjen arched into him, sweet and hot.
“Say it.”
“N-no.” Arjen was struggling to focus.
Max bit his earlobe and felt him shudder under him. Max loved the taut line of his body open beneath his, his quick uneven breathing, the racing of his pulse. When Max surged into him, then slid back, Arjen groaned. “I can keep this up all day,” Max teased. He shifted Arjen under him to hit a deeper angle.
Arjen threw back his head with a moan. He was irresistible like this, all spread open, face flushed, eyes hazy. “You are so beautiful,” Max told him between deep, slow kisses. “I’d like to keep you here forever. Tied to this bed. You’d like that, wouldn’t you. Being at my mercy.” He slid in, then out. In, then out. Arjen shuddered, his breathing ragged. “I’m going to fuck you until you beg me to let you come.”
Arjen bit his lip, sparking hot desire in Max. Max dipped his head and captured that lip in his teeth before kissing him again. Arjen tried to clutch at him but Max still had his hands in a death grip, so Arjen could only make these helpless little sounds, lifting his hips into Max’s thrusts, trying to take Max deeper.
Oh, he was bad. He was testing Max’s control to the limit. Max was going to teach him who was in charge.
Max proceeded to claim him thoroughly, ruthlessly, holding him down the whole time. The intensity of Max’s hunger made it even more vivid, more real. He loved hearing Arjen’s cries getting higher and higher until finally Arjen tightened around him as he came. It was the sound of complete surrender.
Thank God Max was allowed to come now. Max started to pound him in earnest. He shifted Arjen beneath him to get him at the exact right angle to hammer him. He came in a powerful surge with Arjen’s gasps in his ears.
It was such an intense relief to finally let go. He could not believe the rush of coming inside him. Spilling his seed deep inside. Max groaned as he shuddered out his pleasure and collapsed on top of Arjen in complete, sticky satisfaction.
He was so dazed with the force of his climax that for a while he just lay there, still sheathed deep inside Arjen, both of the
m catching their breath. Finally he eased out. Arjen made a sound of protest.
Max wrapped himself protectively around him. That tender urge welled up inside him again, the one that used to terrify him in the days before he’d accepted that he was irrevocably in love with Arjen. Now it was an impulse he planned to indulge often. He soothed Arjen with little touches, running his fingers through his hair, stroking his face, whispering to him how smart he was, how sexy, how fun, how much Max loved him. He could have gone on in that vein forever. Just full to bursting with tenderness and affection.
Arjen sneaked in under his arm until he was tucked back warmly into the curve of his body. He gave a contented sigh. “That was nice.”
Max smiled. There was absolutely nothing in the world as magical as making Arjen happy.
After a pause, Max said, “I don’t have to leave now, do I?” The thought gave him a stab of anxiety. When they’d been fighting Arjen had always made him leave after sex. It had nearly ripped his heart out to be forced to abandon Arjen just when they were most warmly entwined, when Max most wanted to praise him, to soothe him and keep him close.
Arjen laughed. “What? No.” He reached up and linked his fingers at the nape of Max’s neck, smiling up at him. “I like it when you’re here. Stay tonight. At least.”
“I have work tomorrow morning.”
“We could have breakfast together.”
“I could come back after work.”
“Bring some things.”
Wow. Arjen wasn’t kidding about wanting Max to stay. Max grinned; he could think of nothing better.
Arjen turned shy, not quite meeting his eyes. “And maybe, you know, if you like it here, some day you might want to…”
Max took his chin in his fingers, dragging those dark eyes back to his. “Might want to what?”
“Move in?” Arjen ventured.
Max had to swallow hard. A sudden surge of emotion threatened to break over him. Because the first night they had ever spent together, when he had woken the next morning with Arjen in his arms, he had wanted that. He’d lain awake dreaming that one day Arjen might want to move in with him. A whole future of waking up to Arjen beside him. Warm nights and lazy mornings. Hot coffee and slow kissing.
“I’d—I’d like that.” Max cleared his throat.
“Some day.”
“My lease is up at the end of the month.”
“Okay,” Arjen said immediately.
They looked at each other and just laughed. Max smiled down at him, stupidly happy.
They must have spent the entire morning lazy in bed, passing hour after delightful hour together. Max indulged his every desire until he had very thoroughly reacquainted himself with the way Arjen clutched at him when he was desperate. He took Arjen again, slow and lazy, then a third time, dragging it out torturously while Arjen begged him for relief. Only when Arjen’s voice had worn hoarse and Max was so hard it hurt did Max finally allow them both to come. Arjen was so hot like that, wrapped around Max, taut and shuddering. Max buried his face in his shoulder and groaned as he took his pleasure.
Afterward even his normally insatiable Arjen was too exhausted to fuck again. Max decided to have mercy on him. He let Arjen catch his breath and recover from his daze; Arjen snuggled into him again, his cheek against Max’s chest. Max ran his fingers gently through his dark hair. “What would you like to do today?”
“Sleep.” Arjen’s eyes slid closed.
Max laughed. He must have really worn him out. Max gave him a gentle shake. “No more sleep.”
“Tired.”
So he should be. Max had fucked him often enough. “Some fresh air, that’s what you need.” Max ruffled his hair, still smiling. “Come on, get up. You can sleep later.” Max himself was bursting with energy. Such was the power of getting laid.
Arjen grumbled, but let himself be persuaded. Even sleepy and rumpled, sitting on the edge of a bed pulling his shoes on, Arjen was gorgeous. Max caught his face and kissed him soundly before letting him get back to tying his laces. Arjen fumbled the laces, which was gratifying. All confused from being kissed.
Outside the autumn was shading into reds and golds. It was a crisp day with a slight bite to the air. They went for a walk through the city, passing through the huge park with just a touch of mist still clinging on, through the shops with the first sparks of Christmas displays kindling in the brightly lit windows. Arjen slipped his warm hand into his and Max squeezed it. He loved the way Arjen smiled up at him.
They fetched up under the great tower of Bristol University, a warm gold in the pale sun. Max pressed Arjen gently into the stonework and kissed him lazily, one arm braced over his head so he could lean in. He kept kissing him until Arjen was holding onto Max’s t-shirt for balance, taking these shaky breaths, pressing tight into Max. Max couldn’t believe how lucky he was. “I love you,” Max whispered, and sneaked another kiss.
“You’re sure you want to move in?” Arjen looked up at him, his face full of hope.
“Are you kidding? Of course I want to.” For so long Max had hardly dared imagine moving in with Arjen; he’d feared that Arjen might never forgive him at all. Max couldn’t think of anything better than waking up to Arjen every morning.
“You might change your mind if you had to live with me every day.”
Max chuckled. “Oh, I see. You think I’ll get tired of you.”
“I’m very demanding.”
“You are?” Max grinned.
“Sometimes I demand coffee. Or icecream. Or coffee icecream. Sometimes in bed.”
Max began imagining licking it off him. His voice got deeper and rougher. “Do you demand sexual favours as well? Because I can do those.”
“All the time.” Arjen gave him a mischievous smile. “Especially in the mornings.”
Mmm. Mornings in bed. Max dipped his head, finding that cute earlobe that was perfect for nibbling on. Also for whispering sweet words against. “Arjen, if you think I will ever get tired of you, you’re so wrong.” He stroked back Arjen’s dark hair, trying to find the words to explain what was so clear to him. “I’ve never moved in with anybody before. Never wanted to. Because I’ve never been in love with anybody like I am with you. You think I’ll tire of you, but I won’t. You think I’ll get bored with you when we’re fighting over who does the washing up, but I won’t. You think I’ll leave you. But I won’t.” He pressed a kiss against Arjen’s temple, and felt Arjen shiver against him. “You make even the everyday stuff magic. You’re all I want. And moving in together will only make me want you more.”
Arjen said nothing. He was staring up at Max as if nothing else mattered in the world. As if nothing else even existed.
“Is that okay?” Max had never wanted anyone so much, and it occurred to him alarmingly that maybe you were supposed to play it cool when you were in love, like you didn’t care.
“That’s…” Arjen cleared his throat. “That’s okay.” He kept looking up at Max in that strange and wonderful way. Max couldn’t remember ever seeing that look on someone’s face before. “I just—I really like you. I always have. I just want you to be happy living with me. And never want to leave.”
Max’s heart cracked a little more. Poor Arjen was so afraid of him leaving again. “I’m so glad you gave me another chance.”
Arjen leaned into him, warm and his. “Me too.” He wound his fingers in Max’s coat, anchoring Max against him. He hesitated, hesitated some more, then finally got out the words. “I’m—I’m sorry about before. About being so mean to you the last few weeks. I shouldn’t have done that.”
“It’s all right.” Max had deserved it.
“No, I mean it. I should have known that you were as scared as I was. I was just hurt.” Arjen’s voice tightened and he swallowed. “I’d never… never been with a man before, and when we slept together… I really trusted you. I thought you liked me. And when you kicked me out, I was crushed. I thought I’d done something wrong, I wasn’t good enough, like you said.
”
Max remembered all too well what he’d said. I’ve fucked you. We’re done. Out.
Never again. “I’m so sorry, Arjen.”
“I just didn’t want to trust you again. Didn’t want to like you. Didn’t want to miss you. I wanted you to know what it felt like to be unwanted. It felt bad.” Arjen wrapped his arms around Max’s neck. “I was always sad after you’d gone. I don’t want you to leave again.”
“I’m not going anywhere. I swear.” Max leaned his forehead against his. He was going to stay for as long as Arjen wanted him.
“Okay.” Arjen let go a long breath.
They ended up sitting on a bench high in Brandon Park watching the sunny city, fingers intertwined. The sky overhead gleamed the colour of pale glass. Gulls wheeled and shrieked overhead. A leaf drifted down from trees painted in fiery colours that whispered and sighed around them. Away on the horizon the stark Victorian outline of the Clifton Suspension Bridge crossed the deep Avon Gorge with its darkly forested banks. The whole of Bristol glittered beneath them, laid out shining in the autumn sun.
Listening to the sweep and cry of the gulls, the wind beginning to pick up and chill him, Arjen warm at his side, Max felt a deep sense of contentment sweep over him. For the first time in his life, he was utterly calm.
Finally at peace.
DEPTH OF FEELING
“Max?” Arjen sounded a little breathless.
“Mmm?”
“If we went on holiday…” Arjen’s breath caught as Max rubbed that sweet spot inside him with his finger, making him squirm, spread open under Max’s hands on the soft double bed. Max teased him slowly, ruthlessly, enjoying the shudder that ran through him. Arjen had to clear his throat before he could speak again. “What would you like to do?”
Max nipped the inside of his thigh and made him jump. Arjen tasted good there, hot and salty, all lean muscle. “Anything at all?” Max took a moment to think, which was challenging with Arjen shifting impatiently under him, clearly wanting that finger again. Rain drummed against the window. “I’d like to spend it like this. Relaxing. Together.” He liked that thought. Spending days, even weeks with Arjen, with no job to worry about, no bills, nothing except making Arjen happy.
