Hip Hop Heat

by Tricia Tucker

  For the next 20 minutes, Lalana told the story from beginning to end. The women's food arrived as she wrapped up the story. There was silence as they ate. Then Tina looked up and asked, "So, he wanted to have a threesome with you and this chick you didn't even know?"

  "He sure did," Lalana confirmed sadly.

  "That's deep," Tina said.

  "Is he some kind of sex addict?" Lisa wanted to know.

  Lalana shrugged.

  "Okay, so you left, decided you wouldn't go that far, and Logan was sitting there in the lobby waiting for you?" Lisa seemed astonished by that part of the story.

  "Tell me again what's wrong with Logan," Tina said.

  Lalana shook her head. She never said there was anything wrong with him. She just knew he wasn't the one for her.

  "Can you believe he sat there waiting on me? I have never felt so embarrassed in my life."

  "So MC ROC must think you a freak for real, huh?" Lisa asked.

  "Lisa!" Tina balked.

  "Whaaat?" Lisa responded.

  "What is wrong with you? I mean, Lalana's our girl, did you forget? Sometimes I can't understand your hate. Cut it out!" Tina scolded, then asked Lalana, "So have you talked to either one of them since last night?"

  "Logan called later to make sure I was okay. He says he's not into judging or holding grudges. He just wanted to let me know he enjoys the time we spend together. But he called me too."

  "Who cares that he called?" Lisa asked. "He's scum."

  "I really think you're being way too hard on yourself," Tina told Lalana. "I mean, that man has some balls, asking you to screw him and his girlfriend."

  "She's not his girlfriend," Lalana said.

  "How do you know that?" Lisa asked.

  "How could he have spent a glorious weekend with me if he had a girlfriend? Besides, we never see him linked to the same chick in any of the rags."

  "Rags?" Tina questioned.

  Lalana shook her head and chuckled, "Oh, I'm sorry, that's Logan's nickname for tabloids. You know a while ago he tried to insinuate that MC ROC isn't new to the whole win-a-date contest."

  Lisa and Tina inched closer. "What's that supposed to mean?" they asked simultaneously. They glanced at each other, then looked back at Lalana.

  "I never asked. I didn't want to hear it. I figured he was just hating on ROC 'cause he knew I was sprung."

  "You mean to tell me you were never curious about what he meant?" Lisa asked?

  "Oh, I've been very curious. I've even tried to think of ways to bring up MC ROC, but it's hard to explain. When I'm with Logan, he's talking about everything other than ROC. He wants to know what my day was like, he asks about work, tells me about his, and stuff like that."

  "Umph," Lisa said. "Sounds to me like he's really into you. I can't believe that means nothing to you."

  "So what are you gonna do?" Tina asked.

  "About what?"

  "I mean, about MC ROC, about Logan, seems to me like you need to make a decision."

  "A decision? I just need to figure out a way to get next to MC ROC. I know once I'm alone with him and get a chance to talk to him, everything will be okay."

  "You have got to be kidding me!" Lisa yelled. "What's it gonna' take for you to realize this man is no good for you? I don't even know if he wants you! That is, unless he needs some good head. Then we know for sure he wants you. Damn, Lalana. Do you just purposely look for the biggest asshole around and then convince yourself you're addicted to him?"

  "Well, shit Lisa, why don't you tell us how you really feel!" Tina snapped.

  But the truth was, Lisa couldn't say anything Lalana hadn't already said to herself. Hers was a constant internal struggle. Sure, she could imagine what she looked like to the casual observer. One would probably think she was nothing more than a starry-eyed groupie, but Lalana felt that was far from true. She felt connected to MC ROC.

  "Tina, don't worry about it," Lalana said. She didn't care what Lisa thought about her relationship with MC ROC. But Tina was right about one thing: Lalana needed to figure out how to handle Logan. Regardless of how nice he was, the fact remained that Lalana wanted another man.

  "Enough about me," Lalana said. "what's going on with you and David, Tina?"

  "He's a trip. Sometimes he's available, other times he's not. I'm not trynta' play those games. It's like these men want to be chased

  "Glad I don't have to worry about that," Lisa commented.

  Lalana and Tina ignored her. Lisa's relationship with Shawn was just like TNT; and it exploded often.

  Tina reached for the bill when it arrived. "I'll get it this time," she said.

  "What are you guys gonna do for the rest of the day?" Lalana asked.

  "I have to go to the garment district," Tina said. "I need to get some fabric."

  "You going with her?" Lalana asked Lisa.

  "No, I hate going there. It's just too much - too many vendors haggling you, too many people searching for a bargain. I don't have the patience." Lisa frowned.

  Lalana suddenly had a thought. Maybe she should go talk to ROC herself, in person. That way, she could get everything out in the open once and for all.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  The sun beamed down unmercifully as Lalana walked from the gas station's storefront to her car. It hadn't dawned on her that this was a holiday weekend until she realized tons of people were in line for gas. God I'm out of it, she thought to herself.

  With a full tank of gas, Lalana headed down Pacific Coast Highway, vowing not to stop until she reached Malibu. As she drove, she tried thinking of explanations for her unannounced visit. Nothing Lalana thought of made any sense. She figured she'd just wing it.

  By the time she pulled up at MC ROC's beach house, all of Lalana's nerve had vanished. She drove past the house, made a U-turn, and drove by again slowly. She had come too far to not at least go knock on the door.

  "He's probably not even there," she said aloud, parking her car in ROC's driveway and hopping out. She didn't see the Bentley.

  Lalana marched up to the front door and knocked two times.

  "Hold up a sec," she heard ROC call. So much for him not being there.

  Realizing she only had a few seconds to come up with something, Lalana began to feel the full extent of her anxiety. But as she readied herself to run back to her car, the door swung open. The expression on ROC's face told Lalana that while he may have been expecting someone, it definitely wasn't her.

  ROC frowned. "Uh, hey, whassup?" Then, a pause. "Um, I ordered some food."

  Lalana couldn't remember ever seeing his face without a smile.

  "Um, hey yourself," she giggled nervously.

  ROC turned to look over his shoulder, then turned back to her.

  "Nah, I mean, why you here, man?" he asked, his face twisted and his voice irritated.

  "Is that finally the food?" a female voice asked.

  "Ah, nah, it's not the food, but um, I need to take care of this," he said.

  Lalana struggled to avoid bursting into tears. She swallowed dry and hard and felt like a fool for thinking she could just show up at this man's place unannounced.

  ROC stepped outside and pulled the door shut behind him. The look on his face made Lalana's heart race. What would he say? What would he do? He seemed nervous to her, but she didn't know why.

  "How'd you get out here?" he asked. Again the edge to his voice was not the least bit friendly.

  "Um, I thought... well, I needed to talk to you," she stammered. Lalana shifted her weight to one foot, then the other. She began to feel unworthy beneath his scrutiny.

  "You don't know me, man!" he shouted. ROC bit down on his lip and looked around nervously. "I mean, what could you have to say to me? Shit, we spent one damn weekend together!"

  Lalana's bottom lip wouldn't stop quivering. She felt so stupid, standing there being berated by him.

  "It was cool when you showed up at the signing, then I look up and you at my release party, acting like yo
u too good to get down and shit, now you pop up here at my crib?" He shook his head. "This shit ain't even cool, man."

  Lalana hesitated. "So you... um, are you trying to tell me you don't feel anything for me?" she asked. It was too late to pull the words back.

  "Man," he laughed, and rubbed his stomach, "I feel somethin' for you... yeah, when you down there licking my balls. Other than that," he shook his head, "you just another groupie trynta' get me to wife you, and I'm here to tell you, it ain't gonna' happen, Boo."

  Lalana's eyebrows bunched together as her eyes filled with tears. "So, the contest," she managed, shaking her head and shrugging.

  "Yeah, the contest, what about it, man? You signed a release!"

  Lalana had no idea why she even brought it up. But before she could find the words to respond to ROC, the women's voice from inside the house came again. "I'm the winner of the 'Party with a Rapstar' contest. Were you looking for me?"

  A woman in a skimpy bronze bikini had opened the front door and stood looking at Lalana, smiling. "I'm so excited to be spending the weekend with him," she smiled at MC ROC. "He's my favorite rapper."

  When neither Lalana nor MC ROC acknowledged she had spoken, Lalana flicked a surprised glance at him.

  "Um, is she here to interview me?" the girl asked, her long hair glistening in the sunlight. She was very pretty, with a near perfect body. Lalana looked her up and down and despite the fact that this situation was more than awkward, she mentally compared herself to the woman. Lalana stood, enraged with envy.

  "No, I was last month's winner," Lalana said, looking directly at MC ROC with contempt.

  He didn't seem to notice.

  "Oooh, oops, my bad," the girl said, then began to back walk toward the front door. "I had no idea," she said apologetically.

  "No, don't worry about it, it's my fault, I didn't even realize there had been another contest," Lalana said.

  MC ROC seemed unfazed by what was going on. Lalana didn't realize the woman was gone until she heard the door closing quietly behind her.

  "Man, you trippin'," MC ROC said. He looked bored out of his mind.

  "I don't know what I was thinking," Lalana said as she turned to leave.

  "Yo, look, you gon' need to stop stalking me, or I'ma have to call the law and get one of them restraining orders and shit," he spat.

  Lalana was disgusted.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  For Lalana, the next three weeks passed in a flash. Her life consisted of work, home, and dodging Logan's phone calls. She felt like such a fool. She couldn't imagine facing him again, knowing MC ROC had probably told him what she had done. Lalana wondered if Logan was just calling to say I told you so.

  Messages from Tina and Lisa went similarly unanswered. Lalana simply didn't feel like being bothered, and had no idea how to explain all that had happened. She could see how naïve she had been to fantasize a meaningful connection with MC ROC that so obviously didn't exist. His cheap confessions of missing her; his sporadic phone calls: all lies.

  One evening after work, Lalana sat surfing the channels when a promo for a new show on BET caught her eye.

  MC ROC's picture filled the screen. "He's the rapper haters love to hate... He's gone platinum, gold, then gold again. Now he's inviting you to take a peek inside his incredible world!"

  "What the hell?" Lalana turned up the volume on the TV.

  "That's right,' the voiceover continue, "now you get to ride shotgun as MC ROC takes us on an unforgettable trip through his life. 'Ride with ROC' is the new show based on the ups and downs of being an international, best-selling rap artist."

  Lalana couldn't believe ROC was about to star in his own reality TV show. His face would be everywhere.

  Lalana's phone rang.

  "Oh, I see you watching BET too," Tina said.

  "Yeah," Lalana said absentimindedly.

  "So, why you been avoiding our calls?"

  "I've just been in a mood."

  "The kind of mood that makes you not want to talk to your friends?"

  "I don't know how I allowed myself to get caught up. I mean, the shopping, hanging out at his beach house. I just felt important. I felt like, oh, I don't know."

  "Lalana, you're not the first person to get all caught up, so get over it, move on."

  "It's not that easy," Lalana lamented.

  "Why not? Your life was fine before you won that stupid contest. Then, you got this man who genuinely cares about you and instead of giving him a shot, you running behind this clown. He's a jerk, you knew that before you agreed to go on that date, and he didn't do anything to prove anything different," Tina said.

  Lalana knew her friend was right. MC ROC had a reputation for taking trouble whereever he went. He had spent so much time in the news: facing accusations of carrying unregistered weapons, roughing up a rival rapper and a DJ he claimed owed him money. MC ROC never had a choir boy image - not by a long shot - but something about him did it for Lalana.

  "I just feel so stupid," Lalana whined.

  "You shouldn't. Seriously, I think any one of us could get caught up like that," Tina insisted. "I mean, think about it. What do you think I would do if I won a date with Terrance Howard?" Before Lalana could answer, Tina continued. "Girl, you know exactly what I would do with his fine ass!"

  "Tina?"

  "I mean, he is so damn fine," Tina sang longingly.

  "Uh, Tina?" Lalana called out to her again.

  "Yeah, girl?"

  "Let's not lose focus here."

  "Oh, of course not. But you know how I get when it comes to Terrance, that's all I'm saying. And like I said before, yeah, you behaved like some star-struck hoochie, giving it up on the first night and all, but nobody's perfect and I can't say I wouldn't have done the same given the chance," Tina admitted. "But what I am saying now, is, your mistakes don't make you. So what, you did what you did, that's in the past. If you have any common sense in that head of yours, you'll get with Logan before he finds someone willing."

  "Logan? Girl, please," Lalana replied.

  "What's wrong with Logan?"

  "Nothing, he's fine and all, but..."

  "But what?"

  "He's just not my type," Lalana defended.

  "Oh, let's see, he's good looking, he's got manners, he knows how to treat you and he wears his jeans all the way up on his ass, and you trynta' tell me he's not your type?" Tina chuckled.

  "I know it sounds strange, stupid even, but there's just something about him. I can't quite call it. I just know he doesn't get the job done for me."

  "So you gave him some too?"? "Nah girl! You acting like it's just a free-for-all going on over here," Lalana said.

  "That's what I'm saying, who knows, just 'cause he ain't the bad boy type you think you want, you need to look at where you've been. I mean, all the guys you kick it with are shady. Kenneth, Gary, Jessie, Chuck, should I continue?" Tina teased.

  "No, I got you," Lalana laughed.

  Tina had a point. All of Lalana's boyfriends had major issues. And the issues always caused problems. But despite their issues, she still found a reason to hang on. Kenneth could hardly hold on to a job, but he loved women. Gary had too much baby-mama drama; David was constantly breaking the law by driving on a suspended license; Chuck had problems with Lalana's success.

  "You make a good point," Lalana admitted.

  "I'm not telling you to be with Logan if there are no sparks there, but what I am telling you to do is expect more from these guys. True, you don't have any guarantees that he is who you say he is. Have some standards, let them live up to those, then go from there," Tina said.

  Lalana was surprised to find she actually felt better talking to Tina.

  "So, you good?" Tina asked.

  "I'm good," Lalana confirmed.

  "Okay, cool, I need to run, but I'm glad we were able to talk. You've been on my mind for weeks and not talking to you gave me a bad feeling. I'm just glad to know everything is all right."

  "I
don't know if I'd say everything is all right," Lalana told her.

  "Girl, please! That mess with that rapper, that's a blessing in disguise," Tina continued. "Watch, you can mark my words."

  Lalana hoped her friend was right.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Tina's words stayed with Lalana into the wee hours of the morning. MC ROC had been a jerk; she knew he was one from the very beginning. But something in her thought she could change that. Now, she felt like she was back at square one, alone, lonely, and of course, horny. Again.

  She told Tina she'd reach out to Logan, but she needed some time. She decided to at least allow him to come after her. She just wanted to make sure she wasn't again reading someone wrong. This time, she'd handle the situation in the right way. Lalana also vowed to forget about the stupid curse she always believed haunted the women in her family.

  When Lalana announced years earlier her decision to move to California for college, her mother was indifferent; her sister behaved as if Lalana had just confessed to being abducted by Martians. She knew then what she still knew years later: the move had been the best thing for her.

  The decision was made. Lalana would thank Logan for his kindness, and honestly tell him he just didn't do it for her. She didn't know quite how she would do it, but knew she would.

  Still, Lalana had to admit that she wanted a man. A little voice in her head told her she wouldn't be able to go on without a partner. And once she started thinking about not having someone special in her life, Lalana began really thinking about what she wanted. She wanted to feel like a woman. She wanted someone who would caress her clit so she could find relief before falling asleep each night.

  Lalana went to the bathroom and reached underneath the sink. She pulled out her seven-inch vibrator and ran her fingers over the soft studs covering it. The toy was designed for ultimate pleasure; but at this moment, Lalana would gladly take any kind of pleasure. She flipped the switch and watched the plastic muscle vibrate in her hand. The sensation felt a bit weak, so Lalana quickly changed the batteries to ensure she wouldn't be disappointed.

  This time, instead of jumping on the bed, Lalana pulled the mirror in front of the closed closet door. She took off her silk gown and tossed it to the side.