I rub my hands over my face and groan, frustrated beyond belief. My head is beginning to ache, and I sway a bit on my feet. The liquor is getting to me big time, and I honestly don’t feel like being here anymore. I suspect if I don’t sit down or lay down soon, I will pass out from all of these questions and the liquor hitting my brain.
I’m just going to call Mason, and he’ll get Noah, and we’ll leave—
“Not feeling so well, Princess?” Grey’s voice booms out and hits me in a form of waves. Each syllable strikes a slash in my skin. Slowly, out of fear and anxiety, I raise my eyes from the wet ground and meet a pair of pitch black eyes I never thought I’d see again. But there they are: in all their black, piercing glory. And they shoot through me like tiny bullets that leave a magnitude of damage.
I try to speak, but nothing leaves my mouth. The people lingering in the shadows of huddled smokers fade into the background, as does the music that booms defiantly through the thick brick walls. Every square inch of my body desperately craves him holding it, and for my actions to remain in the past, but I know it’s not possible. I’ve lost him. Forever.
“What? Cat got your tongue?” He steps down onto the gravel, a splash of water surrounding his pair of black Converse instead of his usual black biker boots. I guess the change in season altered that aspect. He takes a sip of beer I didn’t realize he’s holding in his hand.
“What are—how…what are you doing here?” My voice completely shatters from gripping nerves.
He lets out a roar of laughter. “I should be the one asking you that,” he says with a seemingly charming smile before it grows cold. I gulp nervously as he narrows his eyes, and he takes a large swig. He throws the bottle to the ground, and I jump in actual fright. “Didn’t I tell you to stay the absolute fuck away from me?”
I scramble for words as my brain runs amuck. “I—I’m here with my family for vacation…Mason too.”
He laughs mockingly and nods. “That’s great.” He stops laughing and pins me with a serious expression. “You can leave now.” He spins on his heels, and I laugh a bit and raise my hands in the air.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I tell him, the wall of hesitation built from nerves crumbling down.
He swivels back around and walks back over to me; I reflexively take a step back. “Excuse me?” he says, like I have no room to object his ridiculous demand.
“I said I’m not going any—” He pushes me against the wall before I can finish my sentence.
“I must have heard you wrong, because I could swear you said…no.” He points a finger at me and pierces me with a glare. “You broke me—you broke me!” He raises his voice, and the mindless chatters from the smokers quiet. I swallow and try to look away, but he grips my chin and forces me to look into his eyes. “I trusted you, and you—you betrayed me. I said I didn’t want to see or hear from you ever again, and I fucking meant it.”
“But I—” I start to say, but he slices through my words.
“Just stay the fuck away from me, comprende?” I try to cup his face and calm him down, if it’s even possible. I know he hates me and doesn’t want to interact with me, but it doesn’t mean we didn’t love each other once upon a time. Even if he may think it was fake, I swear it wasn’t. I am telling the wholesome truth when I say I love this man and will never stop loving him.
He backs away and locks me to the wall with a look that will be the new face in my nightmares. I see a flash of indifference in his dark eyes, but it’s gone the second I see it. But when I did see it, I swear it looked like…relief? I don’t know; that doesn’t make sense since he despises me so much. I watch as he pivots and begins walking back inside. Finally, something snaps in me, and I find myself pushing off the wall and inhaling sharply.
“Wait…wait,” I say, my voice a bare whisper, lost in the thickness of my throat and the hum from the party. “Please, can we talk? I—I need to talk to you, Grey,” I beg and reach out for his hand, but he whirls around and laughs, making me freeze in my spot, chills running up and down my spine.
“What you need is to fuck off,” he says, and I gasp, shaking my head.
“If you just listened to what I have to say—” I begin with a pathetic smile.
“Grey? Come back inside,” a smooth feminine voice croons, stepping outside of the club. I look over his shoulder and literally feel my heart stop for a brief second. Her flaming red hair matches her tight red dress that clings to her curvy body. What the hell is she doing here? I thought she loathed him. The last time they saw each other, she ran away crying while he was fuming red. Now they’re at a club together?
“Coming, babe,” he tells her, never removing his hard eyes from mine. Babe…? I feel my heart clutch and release. Clutch and release. Clutch…but there is no release. I reel back a step or two and look at him, then at her, then back at him in dismay. “Hope to never see you around, princesa.”
He rips his eyes from mine and takes her outstretched hand and leaves me with a scrambled mind and a shattered heart. I stumble back into the wall and chew on my lower lip as I try to think. But there is nothing to think about. I’ve completely lost him. He’s with Rose now, as shocking as that sounds, especially after what he did to her. There is no possibility of us resolving what we had. This hole in me will never be filled or fixed, and it is completely and utterly my doing. There’s nothing I can do to get him back.
“Fuck!” I scream, gripping my hair. I fall onto the ground and place my swaying head on my knees. Noah will come out soon enough since I’ve been out here for a long time. But for now, I need to sit and revel in the biggest mistake I have ever made.
Chapter Four
Stop.
I—he needs to stop.
“Grey.” His name gets tangled in my throat and comes out a whisper. A cry of pain tumbles out of my dry lips as I crawl toward him, blood covering shaky hands and scraped knees. The glass stabbing through my skin is no match to the heartache, though. It doesn’t stop me from chasing after him, even though I know that, as the elevator closes, he is gone forever. I’ve lost him. My first love, my only love—Grey Wyler.
I jolt awake with sweat dripping down my face and landing on the light sheet covering my bare legs. I press the heel of my palms against my eyes and break down into tears. That day, I could literally feel every single fragment of my heart peel off, leaving a pile of black shards. And no number of pills or trips to church, confessing my sins, can get rid of this gaping hole in my chest…
***
I lay awake on my bed, drumming my fingers on my bare stomach. I took off my tank top and pajama bottom a long time ago because of the growing heat. I tried blasting the AC, but it did nothing. I was forced awake to think about the night before, which nearly killed me. But I made it through…barely. I’ve tried to listen to music and even meditated, but those images and his words and seeing that girl just wouldn’t leave my mind. Questions filled every inch of my brain until I could barely move it.
What is Grey doing here? He did tell me about him fighting for the summer to build up ranks, but I didn’t know he meant here. How coincidental is it that we’re both here? And he wanted me to leave? Why not him? I’ve been in enough turmoil with him gone, and now that he’s here, he’s making it ten times worse. How am I supposed to “move on” when he’s here, looking down on me with hatred with that redhead by his side? Better question is: will I ever be able to move on…?
Groaning from the heat, I sit up and stand. Might as well shower since I’m up and am not able to sleep or do anything but think. And sometimes, I just don’t want to think anything at all. Sometimes I just want the thinking to stop…like right now. My head is weighing heavier and heavier with each second. A nice hot shower should help. Actually, I might make it a cold one with how brutally hot it is already.
I strip out of my clothes and waltz into the en suite bathroom. I twist the shower head on and, while I wait, I take my medication and brush my teeth. I step into the shower after a wh
ile. The pounding water caresses my skin and drives out the tension in my stiff neck and eases my mind into a more relaxed state. I stay in here until I feel I am clean and tranquil enough.
When I step back into my room after wrapping myself in a towel, I find Noah on my bed and nearly jump out of my skin.
“Hey—oh, you’re naked…I knew I was desirable and all, but damn, was that quick.” He winks at me and leans on his elbows. “How you doin’?”
I roll my eyes and throw a cushion from the chair at his head. He chuckles, that tiny dimple popping into his left cheek, and sits up. I raise my eyebrows as he grins at me and hums casually. I stare at him, and he stares right back. You have to be kidding me…
“Leave, Noah!” I pick up another cushion, and he laughs and zooms out the door. A laugh can’t help but tumble off my tongue. I stop and suck on my lower lip. Strange…I swear I haven’t heard myself laugh in so long…
I snap out of it and get ready for the day.
When I’m dressed in a loose light blue dress and matching ribbon in my ponytail, Mother peeks her head in.
“We’re going out for brunch.”
“But Mason and I were planning on—” I begin.
She shuts the door before I can finish what I was going to say.
***
“I hear the scones here are delightful,” Mother says, her voice like sharp knives. Before I can find what I would like to eat, she snatches the menus out of my and everyone else’s hands and gives them to the young waiter at our table. “We’ll have that all around, Belgium waffles with turkey bacon, and a pitcher of freshly squeezed orange juice. Thank you.”
I bite my tongue and smile politely at the confused boy as he walks away. Noah shifts in the seat next to me, rubbing my bare thigh with his. I giggle before I can contain it, his hairy leg rubbing against my smooth skin. I try pushing him away, but he only pushes back and barely stifles his own laughter.
“So, Noah, have you thought of attending college next semester?” My mother interrupts our childish antics, and I freeze while he stretches his cupid lips into a dazzling smile.
“No, I don’t think it’s really my…thing,” he says. I expect Mother to go off into a speech about how important having an impressive alma mater is, but she doesn’t. She actually nods with a smile.
“That’s too bad,” she says and flicks her blue eyes at me. “Olivia is attending Penn State. I’m sure you would do marvelous there.”
I refrain from rolling my eyes and face Noah. “What have you been doing this whole time?” I ask curiously.
“Traveling, mostly,” he tells me. “Italy is especially festive during the summer…you should join me when I visit there again.” He looks at me and speaks with a different vibe, one that makes me squirm in my seat and glance at the blooming dandelions on my right. I catch Mason playfully waggling his eyebrows and kick his foot. He chuckles, and I roll my eyes in annoyance before finding Noah looking away from me with a knowing smirk that makes me want to wipe it right off his face.
“Italy sounds splendid!” Mother chirps, clapping her lace glove-covered hands. “We should go. I bet a nice trip down Venice Beach would be magnificent.” Has she always sounded like an old Victorian woman?
The waiter comes back and lays out our meals. I pick at the turkey bacon absentmindedly.
“I don’t think you guys would be able to keep up with me,” Noah says with the utmost arrogance. He glides his emerald-colored eyes to meet mine, and I raise a brow. “Things can get pretty…wild. Not so sure you would be able to handle it.” Is he seriously provoking me right now?
I open my mouth to reply, but my eyes land on Grey…and Rose. They’re walking down the sidewalk, coming toward us, shopping bags in their free hands. She is wearing a floral print dress while Grey sports a simple white t-shirt that accentuates his defined muscles and contrasts crisply with his dark tattoos. I watch with sore eyes as I notice their linked hands and over-joyous smiles. I feel as though my heart is doing a double-take. I look away. For six months, I’ve been trying to get myself to forget about him—to move on…but how can I when seeing him happy with someone else makes me want to vomit?
A touch and a deep voice send me reeling back into reality. “Hello?” When I turn and face Noah, he pins me with a charming smile. “Where’d you go just now?”
“Nowhere important,” I breathe and make the mistake of looking at the “happy” couple. My eyes connect with a pair of black eyes, and I mentally and physically shrink when they wink at me. The smile resting on his godly features is anything but charming. It’s nefarious and twisted…and supposed to make me suffer. I rip my eyes away and listen to her giggles as they pass. “I need to go,” I say quietly. It feels like they’re vengeful ghosts trying to torture me, flaunting their weird new relationship.
“What?” Mother squeaks.
“I said,” I stand and give her a slightly polite smile, “I need to go.” I don’t have an appetite, nor do I feel like watching the man I love parade around the shopping strip with his new—old—girlfriend. I still don’t understand why she’s with him after all he has done to her…
“And I’m coming with you,” Mason says before I can say no and stands. He nods at my mother, who looks mortified at my “loss of manners,” then at Noah. “Let’s go. Oh, and by the way, the scones aren’t all that delightful.” He winks at my mother, and I nearly burst into laughter, which would only add fire to the already bubbling volcano wearing pearls.
Chapter Five
“Am I a terrible person, Mase?” I ask as we stroll down the beach. The sounds of summer wrap around me like a cocoon: the soft waves pushing up the sand, children screaming and their mothers yelling after them, and tropical music somewhere in the distance. I tuck my unruly hair behind my ears and cross my arms over my chest, eyeing the ice cream stand we’re passing. It’s strikingly hot; maybe a cold ice cream will help? I can practically taste the creaminess mixed with the natural salt from the warm air on my tongue.
My pocket buzzes, and I hold in a groan and switch it off. I don’t want my mother telling me exactly why I’m terrible.
“What? No, of course not.” He tugs me over to the stand, probably noticing my hungry gaze. As we join the semi-long line, he looks at me with a confused expression. “Why would you ask something like that?”
We move up a bit.
I stare long and hard at the sand. I don’t know if I should tell him about Grey and Rose, because I’m partially embarrassed and partially scared, because then it’d mean that it’s real. That the man I loved is with his ex-girlfriend and is flaunting it every chance he gets. Maybe I can just deal with it by myself. Maybe I won’t see them around anymore; I could hang around the parts I know for a fact he wouldn’t even go near. Like the country club…scratch that, not that place. I despise it. Everyone who stays there are snotty rich people who torment the workers. I shouldn’t even be talking, though; I am forced to go there when my mother feels she hasn’t shown off her glamorous pearls and radiant, back-on-her-leash daughter.
“Liv?” He bumps his shoulder into mine, drawing me back into reality. “Tell me what’s wrong.” He sounds sincerely concerned, and it’s enough to settle whatever silly idea that I could possibly hide something this big from my best friend.
So I suck in a deep breath and say, “Grey’s here…with your sister—with Rose.” I look at him, and a tinge of me wonders if he knows already.
But the look on his face tells me he doesn’t. Of course, he doesn’t know. If he did, he would have told me before I could get blindsided.
“Seriously?” he gasps, brown eyes bulging out of their sockets.
I nod, holding back the need to have a breakdown in public. I’d probably end up on the internet as the girl who lost her shit due to her ex-boyfriend’s sudden pop-up, such a sensitive snake. Instead of being laughed at, I hold it in and give him a small smile that doesn’t even try to reach my eyes. But it’s not like he expects me to be grinning from ear to ea
r like I won every lottery across the country; that’d just be weird.
We move up in the line and order our ice cream cones, mine French vanilla with sprinkles, his plain fudge. After thanking the sweet girl with freckles, we continue leisurely walking down the beach. I lick the rainbow-covered cream and fall back into my thoughts. This is the last thing I want to do because it’s pitch-dark and guilt and regret and overall pain in there. I try not to delve in there too much. But I fall back in the rabbit-sized hole anyway.
The realization of what I’ve done hits me harder, and I almost stop walking and burrow under the sand. I had everything I could have ever hoped for: acceptance in a prestigious psychology program, a loving but too-hot-for-his-own-good boyfriend, and I was living with him. We were in a blossoming-serious relationship. I was slowly, but surely, getting to the future I had meticulously planned and craved. Why did I have to be so stupid and screw it up?
“When did you first see him?” Mason asks.
“Last night, and then again twenty minutes ago,” I tell him.
“That’s why you had to get out of brunch?”
I take a breath. “Yes, they were passing by, holding hands.” But then I think about why I’m upset and add, “But I shouldn’t even be mad or jealous…I ruined things between us. I betrayed him. He should be able to do whatever he wants, with whoever he wants. Even if it’s Rose…no offense.”
He laughs and shrugs. “No offense taken,” he says, and I can breathe. “But just because you two didn’t work out doesn’t mean you shouldn’t feel absolutely nothing for him. You two loved each other. Any person could see it. Losing affection for someone is as hard as forgetting someone you’ve never met.”
“When did you become so wise?” I laugh, and he blooms bright red.
Grey: The Retribution (Spectrum Series Book 3) Page 3
